Shiki: Volume 2

by Fuyumi Ono

  With some half hearted response to Sachiko's fault finding she returned to her room.

  "....But, I won't forget."

  Kaori murmured to herself as she sat on the window.

  Megumi was her childhood friend. Her best friend. Kaori loved Megumi, so no matter what the adults around her might have tried to say, she wouldn't clear Megumi away. As she'd always remember her, she'd always be sad. She was grieving Megumi's death.

  Though she thought that, lately Kaori became aware of a part of herself that seemed as if it were forgetting Megumi's death when not thinking about it. Directly after Megumi's death, everything she looked at made her remember Megumi, she always thought 'if Megumi were here.' Even though just remembering Megumi left her unable to stop her tears from flowing, now unless she remembered Megumi with all her might, the tears wouldn't come.

  (....I don't want to.)

  She didn't want to clear away and forget Megumi. She didn't want to become like that. Thinking that, she decided to try to cry for Megumi's sake to confirm that part of herself just a little, but that was becoming more difficult.

  Kaori bit her lip and pulled Megumi's post card out from her drawer. The carefully written Late Summer Greeting Card, the characters written by the Megumi of her memories.

  (....So carefully written.)

  Putting her heart into it, and yet she couldn't send it. How much must she regret it?

  Hearing that Megumi had died, she rushed to the house but nothing clicked. Kaori who had been in a daze hadn't cried at last until the moment she'd found this post card. When she thought that she had writetn it so carefully, that alone made her tears flow without stopping them. The thirty fifth day was the same. Now she was sad. It was pitiful she thought. Yet why wouldn't the tears come?

  Whole heartedly, once again, she turned it about in her heart. If she didn't bite into herself and instruct herself to force it the tears wouldn't come. ---She couldn't feel sad enough for tears to come forth.

  (I don't want this.)

  To think her sadness had been worn down in only 42 days. That shouldn't have been all right, she earnestly told herself, but the sentiment that rose so high as to once overwhelm her before were no longer coming.

  Far from it, looking at the post card like this, a different type of guilt arose. She spastically took it out of Megumi's room on a whim but was this the right thing to do? At the time she'd thought she had to but as time lapsed she didn't understand why she did such a thing. She remembered being flustered that they were going to clear away Megumi's room, weren't they? Traces of Megumi would be wiped away. Before that, even just one thing would be fine, she had to save some vestige of her but if she thought about it it wasn't necessarily true that Megumi's room would be sorted away.

  Her doubts about what she had done may have been because of the conversation with her teacher right after that.

  Coincidentally, Kaori was on class duty. Asked to help the English teacher with printouts, she went to the copy room with another student.

  "Tanaka-san, you seem less cheerful lately," said that professor---Hirosawa. "Like there's something bothering you."

  The one who had said that her friend had died was the other one on duty, Koike Touko. This was the first she'd heard of it but Hirosawa and Megumi's father appared to be friends. She thought she had seen Hirosawa's face at the funeral but she didn't think they had such a connection. It was from that Hirosawa that she'd heard that Megumi's father was incredibly shut down inhis depression. Megumi had the feeling she was saved in some small way by that. She had thought then that not everybody had cleared Megumi away, had wanted to clear her away, and as she stood there at last she realized that Megumi's parents were suffering more than herself without a doubt, she had realized such a natural thing. She had been feeling as if there were nobody in the world more sad over Megumi's death than herself and yet she had come to realize that that had been incredibly arrogant of her.

  Even so, so Kaori thought. In that case, they could have at least let Megumi be in the home until the 49th, without pushing up the end of mourning. Since Hirosawa only tilted his head, Kaori told him that she'd thought of the Memorial services as similar to an exorcism.

  "Aa... I see." Hirosawa's smile had a complicated feeling. "So, Tanaka-san felt like Megumi-chan was being driven out of the house."

  But, said Hirosawa said to the nodding Kaori. "That's a bit of a misunderstanding."

  "....Misunderstanding?"

  "Mm. When a person dies, for 49 days, they're trapped in the border between this world and that one. Well, we say it's the border but since we don't well know where it is, we speak as if they're in the family altar at the time. Even while you could say that's in the home, indeed it is something that is situated in the home, they've died and are no longer in this world anymore, but they can't yet go to that world. In other words, their destination hasn't been decided yet."

  "Destination?"

  "Right. You've not heard of the circle of transmigration, have you? People transmigrate through six worlds, you see. They die and are reborn, cycling round and round. The dead person's next life is decided based on how they lived their former one. Every seven days a trial is held about that, you see." Hirosawa said with a gentle smile. "The point is, they're drawn out before Enma-sama so it's said. Every seven days they're called out and an investigation occurs. If they were bad in their previous lives, they'll fall into a so-called hell but if their prior life's doings were good, they go to the Pure Land. In cases where they're not quite good enough to go to the Pure Land, they are reborn as a human once again to redo their learnings."

  "As a human....?"

  "Right. Since it's reincarnation through the six realms, it's called the endless transmigration of the six realms. There are six worlds: Hell, Preta, Beast, Asura, Human and Heaven. So a memorial service, you see? It's undertaken to plead that they can get even just a little better judgement, to quickly put an end to it and to please let them go on to the Pure land."

  Kaori gave a dazed nod. When she looked to Koike Touko, Touko's face looked as if she'd known about it well.

  "Touko-chan, you knew?"

  "Mm. My grandpa's a mourning crew mediator after all! I've been hearing all about that stuff since I was little."

  Hirosawa smiled. "If a conclusion isn't reached in 49 days, it seems it's carried out after 100 days, on the first anniversary of their death, and the third anniversary of their death. Staying in the boundary for too long---in bardo, chuuin or chiin, isn't by any means a good thing. Of course, for the deceased it's good to quickly get a good verdict. So, that's why the family holds the memorial services, praying that the deceased receives divine protection for a quick and good verdict, offering up readings of Buddhist scriptures in the dead's place, offering alms to add to the dead's favor and good will."

  Is that how it was, Kaori thought, feeling as if a demon had been exorcised from her. Nobody--least of all Megumi's parents--were trying to drive Megumi out. They weren't trying to forget her or to clear her away.

  When she understood that, her own actions were stupid, rash, she thought. Why did she feel so much even now like Megumi's room was going to be lost. She had thought that everything Megumi treasured was going to be perfunctorily thrown out, but, was that really something Megumi's family would have done?

  When she thought of that, she was ashamed of what she had done. Even so, Megumi wouldn't have wanted her parents to see this post card. That alone saved her. That said, Megumi probably didn't want Kaori to have ownership of it like this either. Thinking as if it were herself---she'd want it either sent to the given address, or if not that, then she had a feeling she'd want it disposed of where nobody would see it.

  (What should I do...)

  Since that day Kaori had thought about what she should do countless times while looking at the postcard. Of course she couldn't return it to Megumi's parents now, and she had the feeling that wasn't what she should do. Should she try to return it to where it was? But, w
hat could she say to be let into Megumi's room? Would it be better if she disposed of it in Megumi's place? Or---.

  Kaori gazed at the recipient's name.

  The late summer greeting card she wrote for him. She only wrote it, Megumi died without being able to send it. Even though she wrote it so carefully.

  (Megumi... you wanted to send this, didn't you?)

  She tried murmuring that more firmly in her heart but indeed the tears wouldn't come anymore.

  But it was probably certain she had wanted to send it. That was why Megumi wrote it.That was the very reason that she had thought to try to give it to the recipient at the funeral. But the person himself said he didn't want it.

  (You loved that terrible of a person?)

  He wasn't even the slightest bit sad about Megumi's death. Even though Megumi put so much thought into it, so that she wanted to give it to him, far from being happy about it, Natsuno seemed incredibly burdened.

  ( I'm not exactly close with Shimizu, he said... Even though Megumi liked him that much.)

  It was unforgivable of Natsuno to treat Megumi's feelings, of Megumi's death so lightly.

  Kaori continued to gaze, fixated on the post card.

  ---Send it. He has an obligation to accept this.

  That's good, Kaori though as she stood. It was better than her having it, better than disposing of it. Megumi herself probably wanted to send it and all, and even Natsuno might have realized Megumi's feelings if he saw it. He might understand how terrible a thing he said.

  Kaori went downstairs. Her mother was trying to voice more complaints to her but without paying it any mind she went outside. Jogging down the path she had gone down and gotten used to so many times she came beside Megumi's house. The post office was right next to Megumi's house.

  (Even though it's only this far.)

  Megumi was sick enough that she couldn't walk this distance. Suddenly, she had gotten worse, and then finally....

  Kaori took one last look at the face of the post card. She hesitated a bit on putting that in the post box. She had thought that she wanted things to be easier on her by doing this.

  It wasn't as if she couldn't handle it. Megumi wanted this, so she would do it in her place. She had some difficulty convincing herself of this. What made the postcard drop from her fingertips was a voice calling out from behind her.

  "---Kaori?"

  It was Akira's voice. Surprised, Kaori released the postcard and it fell into the bottom of the post box. Making as if to follow after it, Akira poked his face in from Kaori's side.

  "Aaaah. Why're you sending out a late summer greeting card now? You do know it's September now?"

  Startled, Kaori gazed at Akira's face. "No. ... You saw?"

  "I could see it. You were staaaanding in front of the post box, so when I was looking and wondering what you were doing..." Akira said giving a forced sigh. "I didn't know Kaori had this little common sense."

  "Isn't it fine? It's still hot," Kaori struggled to make an excuse as she turned back. "And a midsummer greeting is only good until Obon but there's no cut off for a late summer greeting card."

  "I think I'm gonna cry, having an older sister who doesn't even know something as basic as this."

  Kaori turned back towards her little brother Akira who was following her.

  "What's that?"

  "Even late summer greeting cards have a seasonal cut off. September's about over, you're really pushing it. And a midsummer greeting's not until Bon. It's the first day of Autumn. Man, it's just embarrassing."

  Kaori blinked. "You're kidding aren't you?"

  "I'm not kidding. It's until the first day of Autumn."

  "...When's the first day of Autumn?"

  "I don't know. But it's towards the beginning of August. It's before Bon, I know."

  "But," Kaori murmured. "Megumi said so. That it's until Obon...."

  Akira looked at her blankly. "Megumiii?"

  "Right. I don't know when, but Megumi said so. So I always thought that was..."

  Akira sighed. "Megumi didn't know what she was talking about, but she was brimming with confidence about that, wasn't she?"

  Is that how it was, Kaori thought. If it was past the first of Autmn then a late summer greeting card was fine. If Megumi knew that, she could have probably sent it out herself.

  Thinking that, Kaori's feet stopped. She turned back around towards the post box. The post that right now held an out og season post card. The four cornered red post box. Right around the corner from that was Megumi's house.

  Megumi couldn't send it. Even though the post box was that close. As for why, that was because Megumi thought that a late summer greeting was after Bon. And yet over Obon she had gotten sick and been bedridden.

  (But, if she was that sick that she couldn't even walk that little bit of a distance....)

  "Megumi... When did she write that..."

  Hearing her talk to herself, Akira tilted his head. "What? Megumi wrote that?"

  Oh no, she thought too late. Kaori gave an unwilling nod. "It's a secret. ...Megumi left it behind. So, even if it's out of season, I thought I'd send it for her."

  "Heh."

  "Megumi thought that a late summer greeting was from the thirteenth I think. But, on the thirteenth she was sick. No, she was already bad by the eleventh. Since she collapsed in the mountains."

  "Then, she must've written it before that."

  "If it was before that, it would be a midsummer greeting wouldn't it? That's what Megumi thought!"

  "That right? Then, she pushed herself to write it even when she was sick."

  "That's... what it would have to be, wouldn't it?" Megumi wrote the post card after getting sick. She could only think as much. But something was pulling at her. Something was weird.

  Kaori stopped, her head tilting, when she realized that she had come up beside the Ohtsuka Sawmill. Looking at the piled heaps of lumber, she suddenly thought.

  "Megumi... when did she meet the Kirishiki's wife?"

  "Haa?"

  "I saw the wife. On the thirteenth."

  "You said something like that, yeah."

  "Mm. It was when I was going to pay Megumi a get well visit. I told Megumi too. That she was pretty. And then Megumi said that she knew."

  "Knew? Then, Megumi met her before too."

  "Right? But, when I saw her at the bottom of the hill on the tenth, she didn't seem like she had. I mean, Megumi didn't know what kind of people were in the family. When I said there wer rumors there was a wife and a daughter, she looked like it was the first she'd heard of it."

  Akira tilted his head. "Uhhh, then? It'd have to be on the eleventh, huh? Ain't that the day Megumi went missing?"

  "Right. We parted at the bottom of the hill. Megumi went up the hill."

  "And then, like, she was found in the middle of the night, wasn't she? She was sick and collapsed in the mountains. Since then she'd been bedridden."

  "That's right! If she had been out walking around on the twelfth or the thirteenth, Megumi would have sent the post card. If she'd sent it on the twelfth, it'd arrive on the thirteenth or later."

  "In other words, she didn't leave the house on the twelfth or the thirteenth is what it comes down to then, huh? Then she couldn't have met the Kanemasa's wife, it had to be the eleventh. That's the only thing I can think of. She went up the hill and met the wife there."

  "But," Kaori murmured. "It became such a big deal? They combed the mountains, and the young man from Kanemasa came out to help. Nobody knew where Megumi had gone, I was the last one to see her, at the bottom of the hill. If the Kanemasa people had seen her, wouldn't they say so?"

  Akira tilted his head. "Even though they saw her, they didn't say anything...."

  "But, why?"

  ---Maybe something happened.

  Kaori's mother had said this.

  ----A girl out until that hour! When she came back, she was acting strange, didn't they say? Something happened, I'm sure of it. You be careful, too,
Kaori. There are all kinds of weirdos out in the summer.

  (Something really might have happened...)

  Kaori lifted her face and looked towards the western mountain. From where Kaori was standing now, she could only see a mountain of firs.

  (At the top of that hill, something)

  Something happened to make Megumi sick. Something that would be a problem to them if others knew about it.

  "Hey.... Kaori," Akira said with an unusually serious voice. "Lately, don't you think there are a whole lot of dead people?"