Journey to Honor (Knights of Honor Book 4)

by Alexa Aston

  She went to the woman who was more her girl than the babe she’d given birth to so many years ago.

  “Do not weep, my lady,” she comforted, stroking the silky, blond hair. “He has two sons. He may very well leave you alone now.”

  She watched as Juliana understood her words. Relief washed over the noblewoman. “Do you really think so, Guss?”

  “I do, indeed, my lady, and ’twould be a huge blessing. But we have something important to discuss. He did not name the other babe. What would you like to call him?”

  Juliana thought a moment. “Roland. After my father. I only wish he’d lived to know this child.”

  Gussalen put an arm around her charge. “I am sure your father looks down from Heaven above and approves. So Roland the Fair is the elder and heir, and Kenric, the younger brother, will serve him.” She stroked Juliana’s hair. “You did a fine thing today, my lady, giving birth to two boys.”

  And the Earl of Shadowfaire had believed what he had been told.

  Chapter 1

  Longshire Castle—June, 1363

  Kenric Fairfax stood at the foot of the stairs that led up to the keep, awaiting the arrival of his family. He had mixed feelings about seeing them again. The last time they had spent time together occurred five years earlier when they put his father into the ground.

  He had not returned to Shadowfaire since.

  Walter Fairfax had been a difficult man, swift to anger and hard to please—yet he had been a good teacher to his son. Kenric left his home to foster with Lord Forwin at Longshire well prepared. He sat a horse and rode better than any boy his age and understood various nuances of swordplay. Since he was large for his age, he had a strength that enabled him to be skilled at archery from a young age. Kenric had met with nothing but success under Lord Forwin these last ten and four years.

  His twin had not fared nearly as well.

  Roland Fairfax did not favor his brother in any way. Where Kenric stood tall and sturdy, Roland proved weak in body and was more than a head shorter. He was timid around horses and couldn’t seem to understand the strategy to use in order to best an opponent with a sword. Roland sneezed constantly and fell ill often. He nearly died thrice—and that was before they left at age seven to foster together.

  His brother had only spent a few years training as a page. He was so slow at completing tasks that Kenric stepped in many times and speedily polished the last pieces of armor so that his twin would not suffer the consequences. Yet Roland never once thanked him. The older Fairfax boy was arrogant and condescending—when he wasn’t lying. More times than Kenric could count, Roland had done some mischief and blamed the outcome on his brother.

  As Kenric matured, he realized Roland must be jealous of him for being smarter, stronger, faster, and better at anything the two attempted. Since his twin was now the earl, he hoped that would be enough to satisfy Roland.

  Kenric had his own life to lead—and his own destiny to fulfill.

  The sound of hooves beating against the earth drew his attention. The Fairfax colors danced in the breeze as the expected party arrived from Shadowfaire. For once, events focused on him. Kenric would participate in the Order of Knighthood Ceremony on the day he turned one and twenty. By this time tomorrow, he would have become a full-fledged knight of the realm.

  Tossing his shoulders back and standing a little taller as the riders drew near, he noticed his uncle riding next to his mother. Kenric closely resembled Uncle Doran, who physically was cut from the same cloth his brother, Walter, came from. The three Fairfax men all possessed thick, dark hair and hazel eyes. The trio also hovered above six feet, though Kenric had turned out to be the tallest of them all.

  Doran Fairfax had never married. He’d returned to his childhood home to guide the new earl as Roland assumed the title at the tender age of ten and six. Kenric had never trusted his uncle. He believed the man was a second son who longed for the mantle of power to be placed upon his shoulders—and Doran had gotten his wish with his older brother’s death. Though Kenric had not visited Shadowfaire in several years, he believed Roland was a puppet and Uncle Doran the string master and true authority behind the title.

  As his uncle moved to help his sister-in-law from her horse, her eyes locked with Kenric’s. The wintry blue eyes had never warmed to him. While Roland cuddled in their mother’s lap, Juliana Fairfax would push Kenric away if he tried to join them. She told Roland stories and gave him treats but never did so with her younger son. Kenric often wondered what he had done wrong to be kept at such a distance both physically and emotionally.

  He stepped over to greet her and kissed her offered cheek.

  “Thank you for coming, Mother. Uncle.” He shook hands with Doran.

  Then he turned and noticed Gussalen, the nurse who had tended to his mother’s every whim since childhood. The old woman glared at him with hate before she spat on the ground.

  “Brother,” Kenric acknowledged.

  Roland climbed from his horse, looking pale and frail in the summer sun. Kenric noticed his twin had not grown in height since their father’s funeral mass. Roland barely came to his shoulder. His brother’s frame had not filled out and his fair hair, so much like the blond of their mother’s, had already begun to thin and recede.

  “Who is that?” Roland asked.

  He glanced over his shoulder as the baron and his daughter descended the steps to meet their guests. Lord Forwin had given Kenric time to greet his family privately but now came forward to welcome the new arrivals.

  “Surely, you remember Lord Forwin,” he said. “Lady Jannet, his daughter, accompanies him.”

  “She was merely a babe when I was here as a page,” noted Roland. He smiled. “She has grown into quite a beauty.”

  Kenric shrugged. He had little contact with the girl, though she’d hung around the training yard in recent months, mooning over bare-chested soldiers as they partnered in various exercises. She’d proven a distraction to the men. They showed off for her, trying to impress her and win a smile. He wished the captain of the guard would ask her to leave, but even Kenric realized Jannet was an only child and notably spoiled.

  “I extend a warm welcome to you all,” Lord Forwin said. “We are delighted that Kenric’s family could attend his Order of the Knighthood Ceremony.”

  “My lord, may I introduce to you my mother, Lady Juliana, and my uncle, Sir Doran Fairfax? And also my brother, Roland, Earl of Shadowfaire.” Kenric left unspoken how Forwin knew exactly who Roland was and that he had abandoned his training at Longshire many years ago to run home to his mother’s skirts.

  “’Tis a pleasure to meet you,” the nobleman said. “Of course, I met the previous earl on several occasions when he brought the twins to Longshire.” He paused and turned, drawing Jannet closer. “And here is my lovely flower. My daughter, Lady Jannet.”

  She made her curtsey and Kenric watched Roland’s eyes gaze at her in approval. It occurred to him that Roland also turned one and twenty tomorrow. As the earl, he would need to find a wife in order to have children and pass along his title and the estate. He bit back the smile that threatened to escape.

  So, Roland found Jannet interesting.

  Little did his twin know that the young noblewoman had a vile temper and was used to ruling the roost since her mother had passed along a good half a score ago. Kenric observed his mother pick up on Roland’s interest. He waited for her to make a move for her favorite son.

  “We are so pleased to have you visit Longshire Castle,” Jannet told them. “Please, come inside. We have bedchambers prepared and refreshments awaiting you.”

  His mother linked arms with Jannet. “And we are delighted to be here, my dear.” She turned. “Come, Roland. Help Lady Jannet and me up these stairs.”

  Roland sprang into action, attaching himself to Jannet’s other side, and they ascended the stone stairs. Lord Forwin and his uncle fell in behind them, with Kenric bringing up the rear.

  When they arrived inside the keep
, Forwin asked Kenric, “Do you know where your assigned chamber is? We cannot have your ritual of cleansing take place in the noisy barracks.”

  “I have been instructed as to which bedchamber I should use. Thank you, my lord.” He looked to his uncle. “I will see you tomorrow, Uncle Doran.”

  Kenric moved toward his mother and brother. “Thank you again for journeying to Longshire. I am sure you are in good hands with Lady Jannet. I must excuse myself now to prepare for the ceremony.”

  He mounted the stairs and counted the number of doors along the corridor until he arrived at the appointed room. Once inside, he stopped and stared at the clothing awaiting him on the bed.

  A white vesture, symbolizing purity, was spread next to a red robe, which stood for nobility. Both the hose and shoes, black in color, represented death. Once he had completed his ritual bathing, he would don this set of new clothes. His shining sword and shield rested beside the clothing. Kenric had polished the pair himself, not trusting the task to a page.

  A knock at the door drew his attention. He opened it and admitted a row of servants, each carrying two buckets of steaming water which they dumped into the wooden tub at the far end of the room. Lady Jannet brought up the rear. In her hands, she carried a large bath sheet, scrubbing brush, and a cake of soap. She dismissed the servants and closed the door.

  Facing him, she said, “I am here to help you in your bath.”

  Kenric did not like the gleam in her eye.

  “I thank you for the offer, my lady, but I believe I can manage.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “But as lady of the house, I am expected to help visitors bathe.”

  He laughed. “I am no visitor, Lady Jannet. I have resided at Longshire since I was seven. In fact, I remember you as a babe. You began to walk about the time I arrived.”

  “I am a grown woman now, Kenric Fairfax, or have you not noticed?” She thrust her bottom lip out, a seductive look in her eye.

  Kenric remembered his friend, Hudd, warning him about Jannet. “She’s trouble, that one,” Hudd had said only days ago.

  He decided to focus on the religious aspect of the experience and hoped that would discourage her.

  “I do appreciate your thoughtful offer, my lady. But I need to concentrate on the ritual of bathing. I must thoroughly cleanse my body as a symbol of purification, as well as prepare my mind for the long prayer vigil which follows. I can’t have distractions from my task while I ready myself for God.”

  “Is that what I am—a distraction?” She licked her lips slowly.

  “A pretty girl is always a distraction,” he teased, hoping to lighten the tension filling the room.

  Jannet closed the gap between them. Before he realized what the girl meant to do, she locked her hands behind his neck and pulled him down to her. His lips briefly brushed against hers before he jerked away.

  “No, my lady. This isn’t proper. We are not betrothed. You mustn’t—”

  “I love you, Kenric,” she declared. “My love is deep and rich. You are the man for me. No other will do.”

  Her declaration came from nowhere and startled him to his core.

  “Father has not given me to another. He has waited for the most advantageous match.” Her eyes danced as she studied him. “But you are soon to be a knight and come from a respected noble family. You are the best of all his soldiers and I know he thinks highly of you.”

  Kenric knew he must discourage her and be gentle about it. Jannet was not only physically frail but he thought, mayhap, mentally fragile, as well.

  “I am flattered, my lady,” he began, pausing when words failed him.

  “I do not wish for flattery,” she snapped, then took a deep breath and looked at him imploringly. “Why do you think I have come to the training yard so frequently, Kenric? It was because I wanted to watch you fight. See how quickly you dispatched your training partners.”

  Jannet reached a hand out and ran it seductively along his arm. “Do you know what it does to me when I look at you? See your sleek muscles ripple as you engaged in combat?” she purred. “View the sweat glistening on your torso? Ah, Kenric, my love began for you many years ago. And now that I am a woman, ’tis time we came together as one.”

  Her fingers glided up his arm slowly, causing him to stiffen. “I want to feel you inside of me. Call out your name. Do whatever it takes to possess you. To make you mine.”

  The gleam in her eyes frightened him even more than her words.

  Kenric thought quickly. “But I could provide no home for you, Lady Jannet. You are a most beautiful woman who deserves the best of what life has to offer. Wealth. Jewels. A titled, handsome husband.” He let his words sink in before he continued. “My brother, Roland, is a man who could give you these things. As my elder brother, he holds the title in our family, as well as a fortune and vast estate. Roland confided in me how smitten he was with you. You might wish to consider his suit, my lady. I know him well and I saw how taken he was with you upon his arrival. Roland would treat you better than the king treats Queen Philippa. You would do well to be open to the possibility of a union with Roland.”

  Kenric only hoped his words might have an impact on Jannet. Marriage to her—or any woman—was the last thing on his mind as he stood on the cusp of realizing his dream of becoming a knight. To be tied down to one woman, especially one as delicate and demanding as Jannet, would be a living nightmare.

  She began to pout, reminding him of a small child who had been denied her way. He wished her to be gone from his sight before she turned even more reckless in her behavior.

  “At least promise me that we may dance together at the celebration after the ceremony.”

  He could see little harm in promising the girl a dance. But he hoped she would consider attaching herself to Roland. Kenric would make sure he told his brother that Jannet might be interested in him.

  “I would be honored to partner in a dance with you, my lady.”

  She bit her lip. “You now know what I think of you, Kenric Fairfax. I wish to know you better.”

  “Know that I will serve and protect you and your household. I will make my pledge to do so tomorrow. For now, though, I must prepare myself for the upcoming ceremony.”

  Jannet took the hint and bid him good evening. He saw her to the door and relief washed over him when she passed through it. Kenric closed and bolted the door and leaned against it.

  Mayhap, Roland would draw her interest. Kenric had done his best to plant that seed in her mind. His brother was handsome in a soft way. Roland favored their mother while he resembled their father.

  The thought brought him to a halt. Kenric remembered the coldness between his parents. He’d never witnessed a single sign of affection between them before he left for Longshire or on his brief visits home. His father had flagrantly bedded other women in the castle and on the estate. Kenric wondered if that was why his mother had never shown him any fondness or warmth. Did he remind her so much of her unfaithful husband?

  Kenric also blamed Gussalen, the old woman who always lurked in the shadows. She had lied about him to his mother on many occasions and blamed him for things Roland did. He had always taken the punishment in silence, knowing he was the stronger of the two boys.

  It caused him to believe he’d stumbled upon the reason for his mother’s dislike. She had transferred her feelings toward her husband upon the child who was his mirror image.

  He stripped off his clothes and climbed into the hot bath, pushing the past aside. It was more important to reflect on what the new day would bring and not be caught up in things he could never change.

  As he scrubbed his limbs, Kenric focused on his future. More than anything, he had dreamed of becoming a great knight and adhering to the code of chivalry. He longed to prove his prowess on the battlefield. He decided, in that moment, to commit fully to knighthood and never let love or marriage become distractions. He, Sir Kenric Fairfax, would serve king and country till his dying breath.

  He ri
nsed the last of the soap from his skin, raw and red from the vigorous scrubbing. Reaching for the bath sheet, he stood and dried himself before dressing in the clothes on the bed.

  Now it was time to head to the chapel for the Night Vigil.

  Placing his sword in one hand and his shield in the other, Kenric made his way down the stairs and outside of the keep. Within minutes, he reached the empty chapel. Silence hung heavily in the air, while lit candles rested upon the steps leading up to the altar.

  He made his way to the altar and placed his sword and shield upon it. Lord Forwin had told Kenric he had a choice of kneeling in submission or standing for the ten hours of prayer that now came.

  Kenric decided to stand tall and proud.

  He offered many prayers to the Virgin Mother. He asked that he stay humble but, over time, hoped he might become the best knight in all the realm.

  More importantly, he begged for the coldness that surrounded his heart to thaw where his mother and twin brother were concerned. Kenric wanted to be free of sin—and that meant being free of anger and resentment toward his blood kin. They had made the effort to attend his knighthood ceremony, so it was up to him to forgive them for all past transgressions against him. He asked the Blessed Christ to lift away his burden of sin.

  Kenric slowed his breathing as he meditated. A calm surrounded him as if the dove of peace descended upon him and he put aside all petty feelings lingering from his childhood. What mattered was that he would be his own man, a knight sworn in service to both his king and Lord Forwin, his liege lord.

  Tomorrow would be the first day his life truly began.

  Chapter 2

  Kenric sensed someone’s presence and slowly opened his eyes to find the Longshire priest had arrived in the chapel. It surprised him that the time spent in prayer consecrating himself to his knight’s life mission had passed so quickly.

  “Good morning,” Father Peter said. “I hope your vigil went as you wished. You have an air of tranquility about you, my son.”