Daring to Fall

by Shannon Stults

  But that was why Harper was different. With her, it was the first time he thought he could actually see himself happy with one person. She was sweet and kind and innocent, and she deserved so much more than anything he could give her. He wasn’t good enough for her. He knew it, and she had to know, too.

  He’d wondered several times when the day would come that she finally realized how much better she could do and decided to move on. He tried to imagine it now, his Midge in the arms of some rich, spoiled douchebag she met at med school, her bright eyes and white smile as she laughed at one of his pretentious jokes. He felt the fear of that inevitable day like a white-hot poker in his chest, and something clicked inside that he’d been suppressing or ignoring, but now it barreled toward him like an oncoming Mack truck.

  She was it for him. There would be no moving on, no other women he’d ever want and need as much as he did her. In just a few months, Harper had branded herself onto his heart, and she would be there until his last breath. He didn’t know if it was love or some sort of inherent understanding that he’d found his match. Maybe it was both. But he knew she was the one he wanted to hold onto forever. The realization should have scared him, but instead he was excited. He needed to tell her everything. To let her know that whatever she’d been feeling last night, he felt it, too.

  He still didn’t deserve her, but dammit, she made him want to try to. To be the kind of guy who did. He just had to hope that would be enough for her.

  Cowboy sucked down the last of his drink, laid a ten on the bar by his empty bottle, and stood, checking his watch. It was still early in the evening. If he left now, he could explain his disappearing act that morning, tell her how he felt, and still have the rest of the night to bring her back to his place and make it up to her. And God, would he make it up to her.

  “Excuse me.”

  Cowboy turned, nearly slamming into a tall woman with long, brown hair, wearing a pink and white flowery dress. She looked vaguely familiar, possibly one of the many women from his past, though he was usually pretty good at remembering their faces. Maybe she was new to Willow Creek, some stranger he’d seen around town.

  “Sorry about that.” Cowboy stepped aside and out of her way, but the woman stepped in front of him again.

  She brushed a thick curtain of wavy hair behind her ear, examining him with round eyes. She bit her lip. “It’s Cowboy, right?”

  Well, there went his theory about her being a stranger. “That’s right.”

  She let out a short sigh and smiled. “I tried to find you at your place, but you weren’t home. And then your neighbor told me I might find you here.”

  Cowboy would have to have a talk with said neighbor. Wasn’t it common sense not to share other people’s whereabouts with random women? Especially ones he may have already had sex with?

  The woman whose name he couldn’t for the life of him come up with pointed at the bar. “Can I buy you another drink?”

  “Look, I’m really flattered. And if you’d asked me a few months ago, I’m sure I would have said yes. But I’ve got this girl—”

  “Oh, I’m not trying to ask you out, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “You’re not?” he asked, genuinely surprised. He couldn’t remember the last time a girl started up a conversation with him just for the hell of it. But if she wasn’t interested in him that way, why had she come here searching for him? “What exactly can I do for you…?”

  “It’s Anna.” She sighed, then said the words that filled his stomach with cement. “I think we need to talk.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  It was all wrong.

  Harper stared at the white cabinets that had been installed yesterday, shaking her head. She’d come to the B&B hoping to lift her sunken spirits only to find that the cabinets that had seemed so beautiful and perfect yesterday now looked completely wrong.

  And it wasn’t just the cabinets. Everything about this place, from the wood flooring that had yet to be stained to the too-light paint on the walls, was a mistake. She was sure now that the quartz countertops she’d chosen to go throughout the house wouldn’t work. The white brick backsplash would be all wrong for the space.

  Acid rose in her throat. Why did she think she could do this? She knew nothing about remodeling a house, nothing about interior design, and less than nothing about running a B&B. She couldn’t do this, and she felt like an idiot for trying. She was a failure before she’d even really started. She closed her eyes, sucked in a long breath, and tried to ignore the sick, twisting feeling in her stomach for the second time that day.

  She’d felt bad for missing Logan’s baby shower, but there was no way she could go and pretend everything was okay. Like her entire world hadn’t just shattered around her. Again.

  She remembered that night so vividly. She’d known Cowboy would need time to think and process after what happened between them. She’d told him she loved him and then offered her virginity to him. She’d tried not to panic when she hadn’t heard from him all day, but when she found herself still wide awake at one in the morning, she realized she couldn’t sit around waiting anymore. She’d jumped in her Jeep and raced straight to Cowboy’s house.

  She’d just cut off the engine when she noticed the gray sedan parked by his truck in the driveway. Less than a minute later, two figures emerged from the front door. Cowboy in a rumpled T-shirt and a woman with light brown, wavy hair, and a pink and white floral sundress. She’d had no idea who this girl was, no idea why she was leaving Cowboy’s place at one o’clock in the morning. They smiled at each other awkwardly, Cowboy running a hand through his wild, messy hair, and then they hugged each other.

  There was only one reason Cowboy would have a woman over at his place that late at night. Only one reason he would come out looking so disheveled. She’d witnessed their awkward goodbye…was that how it was with all the women he slept with?

  No, clearly not all of them, since their night together hadn’t even been worth a goodbye.

  She’d been devastated. Couldn’t imagine looking him in the eye again, let alone seeing him around town every day. Harper had known what she had to do. She had to leave.

  She’d spent three years trying to come to terms with what he’d done to her, and just as she was finally about to, here it was slapping her in the face again.

  It was her. The woman she overheard on the phone at Byrdie’s was undoubtedly the same one she’d witnessed stepping out of Cowboy’s house at one in the morning after a night of God only knew what. It shouldn’t have made a difference, and yet knowing she was still around, that they met regularly, that she wasn’t just some random one-time thing…that hurt almost as bad as that dreadful night.

  A dim buzzing filled the room, and Harper ignored the notification coming from the phone in her pocket again. It had gone off like that a couple times in the last hour, each from Cowboy letting her know he was back, asking when he could see her.

  Harper didn’t know what to do. He wanted a second chance. He wanted to be with her. And up until a few hours ago, Harper thought that was what she wanted, too. Now she just felt angry and hurt all over again.

  She jumped at the unmistakable sound of the front door opening. Heavy bootsteps echoed off the bare walls and down the long hallway to the kitchen where she stood, and she knew who it was before he even spoke. The memory of that woman on her phone at Byrdie’s resurfaced, and the pain in her stomach was replaced by a white-hot wave of anger.

  “Wow,” she heard him say. “This place looks incredible. It hardly even looks the same.” She listened as his footsteps grew closer. When he turned the corner into the kitchen and saw her, the edge of his mouth curved upward.

  “Hey.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  His smile slipped. “Me and the guys just got back. I stopped by your house, and Sadie told me you were here.”

  “Oh.”

  He shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and rocked back onto th
e heels of his work boots. “You feeling okay? Lo said you didn’t make it to the shower today.”

  “I’m fine.”

  He nodded. “You up for that dinner you promised me? There’s some stuff I wanted to talk to you about.”

  She crossed her arms in front of her. “Actually, I think we should just say whatever we want to say now. Just get it over with.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Okay…”

  “We need to talk about what happened the night you stayed over.”

  “I agree.” He stood straighter and started moving toward her.

  Every nerve in her body felt electric as he approached, and she had to close her eyes to force her next words out. “I think we should forget it ever happened.”

  His footsteps ceased. “What?”

  Her hand fell to her side as she opened her eyes. “We—we agreed to be friends, and we crossed the line that night. I crossed the line. But I think it’s better if we go back to that.”

  His blue eyes were hard on hers. “I see.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Well, unfortunately, I’ve got a slight problem with that. Because I can’t be your friend anymore.”

  “Why not?”

  He shrugged. “It’s not enough. I thought it could be, that I’d rather be your friend than nothing at all. I kept telling myself as long as you were in my life somehow, and you were happy, I could be happy with that, too. Even after you kissed me, I spent the rest of that night convincing myself that you were just drunk and it didn’t mean the same thing to you as it did to me.”

  His breath shook, and she felt her heart race even faster as he took another step toward her, nearly closing the space between them. “But then I woke up next to you, holding you in my arms, and it was the happiest I’ve ever felt in my life. I saw your face, and it was like nothing else in the world could touch me. And for a second, I swear you felt it, too.”

  “Cowboy—”

  “Do you know how empty I’ve felt without you this week? Every morning when I woke up, all I could feel was your absence. I spent days thinking only of when I’d get to see you again. And I realized I couldn’t go another day just being your friend, knowing the kind of happiness I’d be missing out on.”

  Harper shook her head. “Don’t do this.”

  “I love you, Harper,” he said, the words rushing out of him like they’d burn if he held them in any longer. “I love you, and I need to know that there’s still an us. Or that there can be again, that there’s still a chance. That’s all I’ve wanted since the day you packed your bag and left for Boston.”

  Harper’s vision blurred until tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks. Her eyes closed as Cowboy’s hands found her face, and his thumbs brushed away the wet streaks. He leaned his forehead against hers. “Please, Midge. Say something.”

  She could barely breathe. It was everything she’d ever wanted to hear him say. Everything she thought she saw in his eyes the night she’d shared her heart, her soul, and her body with him. He loved her.

  But sometimes that wasn’t enough. Sometimes it came too late.

  She sniffled, remembering the scene on Cowboy’s porch that night that cut through her like a dagger.

  “No.”

  “What?” He pulled back sharply, looking as if she’d just slapped him.

  She shook her head and another round of tears fell. “I can’t be with you, Cowboy.”

  “But you said you loved me. That night you said it, and it was real. I know it was. And if that love was anything like what I felt these last three years, that didn’t just go away.”

  “I did love you. I still do, and I’m certain I’ll love you the rest of my life. And I wish that we could somehow go back to the way it was before it all fell down around us.”

  He took her hand in his, his eyes pleading. “Why can’t we?”

  “Because I can’t forgive you. Not after what you did.”

  “I’m sorry. You know how sorry I am. I know I shouldn’t have left you that morning—”

  “You think this is all because you left?” she asked, pulling her hand from his.

  He stared back at her. “Isn’t it?”

  “Of course not. You were scared. We’d just taken this huge step, and I told you I loved you. For someone who’d never even had a real girlfriend before, that was a lot to take in. You needed time to process everything. I understood that.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes. I mean, sure, it would have been nice if you’d left me a note or called or something to let me know you were okay. But I was scared, too. I needed time to think about it all, too.”

  “Then why were you so angry? Why did you leave?”

  Harper stared at him with cold eyes. “Because I saw her.”

  “Who?”

  “The woman, Cowboy! I went looking for you that night, only I didn’t just find you. I saw you and that woman coming out of your house in the middle of the night.”

  Cowboy watched her for several seconds, looking lost, until some memory finally seemed to register. His shoulders fell and he closed his eyes, his right hand rising to pinch the bridge of his nose.

  “Anna,” he muttered to himself.

  Harper laughed humorlessly. “Sure, Anna. The woman you not only invited back to your place the day after I lost my virginity to you but who you also apparently still see regularly.” She sucked in air, her voice rising. “Tell me, are you two actually together, or is it more of a friends-with-benefits situation?”

  “I can explain,” he said, taking a hasty step toward her.

  She moved backward just as quickly. “I know what you’re going to say. That it meant nothing to you. But I don’t want to hear it. Because it meant something to me. I told you I loved you. I gave you everything, and you threw it all right back in my face.”

  “Harper—”

  “You broke my heart, Cowboy! And I will never be able to forgive you for that!”

  Harper darted past him and out the door, slamming it closed behind her. She raced to her Jeep, ignoring the sound of his voice shouting her name, and drove off.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  The shrill ring of Harper’s cell phone yanked her out of a dead sleep. She blinked her eyes a few times before groggily putting on her glasses and taking in the room around her. The dim light coming through the window and filling her bedroom told her it was either really early or really dismal outside. One look at her bedside clock confirmed it was the former.

  Harper groaned, reaching over to her nightstand and grabbing the offending object. She took one look at the name on the screen before answering.

  “Hello?” she croaked.

  “Oh shit,” Lo cursed from the other end. “Did I just wake you up?”

  “No, not really,” she lied. She took another look at the bedside clock. She wasn’t sure when she’d finally fallen asleep last night, but she knew it had been late. After running out on Cowboy at the B&B the night before, she’d raced straight home and into her bed. She’d ignored dozens of calls and texts from him, and once Sadie had finally worked the truth out of her about everything that had happened, her little sister had been the one to turn Cowboy away when he showed up at their door late that night begging to talk to her. Despite their sibling-like bond, she’d stood her ground and sent him away without giving him any kind of chance to defend himself.

  The two had lain in Harper’s bed together after, watching Jailhouse Rock and talking about anything other than Cowboy. She’d sent Sadie to bed around midnight, but Harper lay awake for hours replaying everything that had happened, until she finally fell asleep.

  Lo sighed on the other end. It was like she knew Harper was fibbing. “Listen, I just wanted to—”

  “Don’t,” Harper said, cutting her off. “I’m sure Cowboy told you all about what happened and now you want to tell me to give him another chance or hear him out. But I don’t want to hear him out. Not now, maybe not ever. I know he’s one of your best friends, but if you’re rea
lly my friend, you’ll respect that this is between me and Cowboy. You can’t fix this for him.” She didn’t mean to sound so curt and forceful, but she was too tired and strung out to fake any sort of emotional control. Besides, if anyone could handle blunt honestly, it was Logan Tucker.

  “Actually, I was just going ask if you wanted to go on a little trip with me today.”

  “Oh…really?”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  Now Harper really felt like a jerk. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I totally get it.”

  Harper sat up in bed. “Where are you going?”

  “I’m driving to an antique market up near Atlanta to pick up a sculpture from a guy who sells his stuff there. I thought you might want to take a look around and see if there’s anything you want for the B&B. Plus, I could use the company.”

  “Oh,” she said again. Harper considered what it would be like riding in the car with Logan for two hours while trying not to talk or think about Cowboy. It wasn’t ideal, but it beat sitting in bed all morning wallowing while Sadie hovered over her with that look of pity in her eyes.

  “So, are you in? I’ll throw in a free breakfast if that helps.”

  Harper sighed. “Yeah, sure. Just give me some time to get ready.”

  “Great! I’ll come pick you up in an hour. You want anything specific?”

  “Sweet tea. Lots and lots of sweet tea.”

  Lo laughed. “You got it,” she said before hanging up.

  Harper swore internally as she threw the covers off and made her way to the shower. She was still swearing an hour later when Logan pulled up in her red Chevy.

  Harper climbed into the passenger seat and shut the door.

  “Good morning!” Lo cheered with an unusually bright smile. She handed her an extra-large cup. “Here’s your tea, as promised. I also got you breakfast. Did you know Pearl does biscuits now?”