Daring to Fall

by Shannon Stults

  “I’m about to have my nameless baby in the middle of nowhere! How the hell is that supposed to be okay?”

  “Because you’re not having the baby here. At least not as long as you stay calm.” Harper waited for Logan’s breaths to slow before turning to Cowboy. “We need to get her to a hospital.”

  The man who’d been silently standing as witness pulled out his phone. “Should I call an ambulance?”

  Harper looked at Logan. “How far apart are the contractions?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Try to ballpark it. Ten minutes? More? Less?”

  She took a deep breath, her tight lips relaxing some. “Maybe like fifteen to twenty?”

  “Okay, that’s good. That means we should have some time. We can get you to the hospital in the truck.” She looked at Cowboy over her shoulder. He’d been oddly quiet through all of this, and his face had gone pale.

  “Cowboy, I need you to help me get her in the back seat.”

  It was as if the sound of his name woke him from a dream. He squared his shoulders, nodding to her unasked question. “Sure, yeah. I can do that.” He stepped forward, lifting Lo gently in his arms and carrying her to the Chevy’s back door. With Harper’s help, he was able to get Logan situated inside.

  Cowboy turned to Harper. “Now what?”

  “Now you drive us to the hospital.” She handed him Logan’s purse with her keys in it before crawling into the back beside Logan. Seconds later, Cowboy was in the driver’s seat and the truck was running.

  “What’s the nearest hospital?”

  Logan sat up, wincing only slightly. “Dublin. I’m having my baby at Fairview Park Hospital.”

  “That’s two hours away.”

  “I don’t care. My doctor is there. Cole is there.” Her eyes widened. “Oh my God, someone has to call Cole. And my mom. And—”

  Harper placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Okay, calm down and take another deep breath.” Harper sucked in a slow breath with her, taking her own advice. They both let it out. “Good. Now if you really want to go to Dublin, I’m going to have to check how dilated you are.”

  “You can do that?”

  “Sure,” she said to convince herself as much as Logan. Her fingers went involuntarily to her glasses. “It’s not that hard really. You just have to know what you’re looking for.”

  She looked around the cab. It felt much smaller now than on the drive over. “Any chance you have some hand sanitizer in here somewhere?”

  Lo perked up. “Actually, I do.” She pointed to the bag Cowboy had set in the seat next to him. “There’s some wet wipes in there, too. Momma made me start carrying both around as soon as we found out I was pregnant.”

  Cowboy dug through the bag and handed Harper the bottle of hand sanitizer.

  “Perfect.”

  Logan took a minute to remove her ankle boots and strip off her wet leggings. She tossed them to the floor then cringed slightly. Her hands moved to her lower back.

  “Contraction?” Harper asked. Lo nodded. “How does it feel?”

  “Not too bad,” she said, and Harper was pretty sure it was a good sign that she could still talk through it. “Nothing I can’t handle.” She sighed.

  Harper drenched her hands in sanitizer and rubbed them together. “I need you to lay on your back.”

  “Right.” Lo glanced at the front seat. “Eyes forward, Cowboy.”

  He laughed, though it sounded strained. “Trust me. I have zero interest in seeing what is happening down there right now.”

  Logan did as Harper said, and the three of them sat in awkward silence as Harper tried to recall everything she’d learned about labor and dilation in med school.

  Less than a minute later, Harper was done and wiping her hands clean with a wet wipe. “Okay, the good news is that you’re only about two centimeters dilated, so we have enough time to get you to Fairview.”

  “What’s the bad news?” Logan asked.

  “What?”

  “You said that like there was good news and bad news. So what’s the bad news?”

  The bad news is that you’re only two centimeters dilated. Which means you’ve still got a long way to go. “No bad news. You’re doing great. And we have time to get to the hospital in Dublin.”

  Cowboy seemed to take that as his cue and put the truck into drive.

  Logan sat up in her seat next to Harper. Once Cowboy pulled out onto the road, he grabbed his phone and announced that he was calling Cole. Within seconds, he was speaking into the phone with a forced calm.

  Lo shook her head. “I don’t understand. My water broke, and all the books said I should be farther along than this when it does.”

  “It just means you had a premature rupture. Happens all the time.”

  “How do you know all of this stuff?”

  “I did a research paper on the stages of labor while I was in med school. Good thing, too, or else I would be as clueless as Cowboy.”

  Lo laughed. “You would have made a great doctor.”

  “Maybe,” she said with a shrug, “minus the whole almost failing out of school part.”

  “You failed out of med school?”

  “I said almost.”

  Cowboy leaned back in his seat, eyes on the road, and held up his cell phone. “He wants to talk to you.”

  Logan took the phone in her hands and put it on speaker. “Cole?”

  His sigh filled the cab. “Hey, baby. How you holdin’ up?”

  “Not too bad, aside from the leaking and the cramping and the tiny human getting ready to shove its way out of me.” He chuckled on the other end, and the tight set of her shoulders eased some. “I’d be better if you were here.”

  “I know. I’m leaving the station now. I’m going to grab your stuff at the house, and then I’m heading straight for the hospital. I’ll be there when you pull up.”

  “Okay…wait, what about Denver? Someone’s got to take care of him while we’re gone.”

  “Don’t worry about that. I’ve got it covered. Everything is going to be fine, just like we planned. Remember what the doctor said about saving your energy.”

  She nodded even though he couldn’t see her. “I know. You’re right.” Lo grunted, squeezing the phone in her hand. She breathed through it easily enough, but the way her face scrunched told Harper the pain had gotten worse since the light cramping earlier that morning.

  She could tell the second the pain was gone as Lo’s grimace fell away, replaced by a barely there smile. “She’s too early. We were supposed to have at least another two weeks. And we still don’t have a name for her.”

  “Did you really think that any kid of yours was going to wait until you were ready?”

  “Asshole,” she muttered, but her smile was instantly brighter. “Don’t forget that all of this is half your doing, too.”

  “Best move I ever made.”

  “Yeah, well, jury’s still out on that one.”

  Cole laughed on the other end of the line before letting out a sigh. “I’ve gotta go. Your momma and the chief are gonna kill me if they think I didn’t call them right away. Plus, there’s my family, Carly and Darren—”

  “I get it. Make your calls. I’ll be fine.”

  “Let me know when you’re getting close. And tell Cowboy I’ll kick his ass if anything happens to you.”

  Cowboy chuckled in the front seat. “Noted.”

  “Bye, baby,” Cole went on. “I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too. I’ll see you at the hospital. Bye.” Logan hung up the phone. Despite the pain she was in, her body was visibly more relaxed after talking to Cole. Harper knew that feeling, the impossible way the mere sound of someone’s voice could ease any worry. Cowboy had had that power over her once. Heck, he still did, even after everything he’d done to her. After he’d cheated on her.

  Only he hadn’t cheated on her, she corrected herself. He’d done nothing to betray her trust.

  “You okay
?” Logan asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

  “Yeah. It’s just…you guys have come so far in the last few years,” she said quietly.

  “And to think it would never have happened if we hadn’t finally gotten our shit together.” Lo glanced at Cowboy before giving Harper a knowing look. She leaned in and lowered her voice so that only she could hear. “You guys’ll figure it out. Carly swears you two are soul mates ever since she saw you together at her wedding.”

  “Really?”

  “Yep. And don’t tell her I admitted this, but she really does have a gift for it.”

  Harper didn’t know what to say. To think Carly had seen something between them even back then, before she or Cowboy had any clue what they would be to each other.

  The image of a small, cardboard box flashed across her mind. He had known. Somehow, he’d known, even from day one, holding on to tiny mementos from their days spent together.

  That box was proof of the connection Cowboy had felt with her before he even knew what was happening. Much like herself, he’d started falling for her from day one and, before he knew it, that connection had morphed into something neither of them had experienced before.

  He loved her. It was what she’d wanted to believe that night in her bedroom, but then she’d seen that woman and convinced herself she’d made it up. She knew better now. Now she knew the truth.

  And it changed everything.

  DAY 107

  Cowboy pulled up alongside the curb in front of the large white colonial. He ran a hand over the messy hair and wrinkled shirt he hadn’t thought to brush or change since yesterday. He’d had a hell of a night, and by the time he was finally available to try to explain things to Harper, it had been the middle of the night. So instead of sneaking into her window again and possibly making things worse, he’d decided to wait until morning.

  He smoothed his shirt one more time before knocking lightly on the front door. Not so much as a whisper or shuffle or hint of life inside. He knocked again, but still no one came. There was a good chance no one was home. That or Harper was more upset than he’d realized and, therefore, ignoring him. Understandable. A quick check to see that her Jeep was not parked in the driveway confirmed it was the first. He could leave, try again in a few hours. Or…

  Cowboy tried the doorknob and silently cheered when it turned. He entered and shut the door behind him so as not to draw the neighbors’ attention to the man breaking into a house occupied only by women.

  “Midge?” he called out just in case, looking around the foyer he’d seen a dozen times. “Grams? Sadie? Is anybody home?”

  He followed the hall toward Harper’s room. “Midge?” He knocked lightly on the door. Nothing. Lucky for him, he had no problem waiting for her.

  He opened the door, already running back through the apology speech he’d been working on all morning.

  He stepped inside and froze. A rush of panic crushed his lungs and everything he’d been wanting to say was forgotten in an instant.

  Dresser drawers sat half open and empty. The desk that was usually covered with books and notebooks and Harper’s laptop was bare. Her rows of DVDs were gone, and the bed they’d shared only two nights ago had been stripped.

  His first instinct was that the house had been robbed. But then why had they only touched this one room? It didn’t make sense.

  It had been only a day since he was last here. Thirty-two hours to be exact. Now, it was as if every trace of Harper had been erased. Like all of a sudden, she was just…gone.

  That made even less sense than the robbery.

  Cowboy yanked his phone from his pocket, pulled up her number, and dialed. He waited. It rang once and went straight to her voice mail.

  He hung up and called it again, his throat getting tighter. Ring. “This is Harper. Leave a message.”

  “What’s going on, Midge? I’m at your place, but all your stuff is gone and I don’t”—he stopped, took a breath—“I just need to talk to you. Call me back when you get this.”

  He didn’t understand. Where was she? Where was her stuff? Why wasn’t she answering her phone?

  Her room was empty. No clothes, no books, no movies. It was as if she’d packed up everything and vanished. But she wouldn’t do that, not with her first semester in Boston right around the corner. She only had a couple weeks—

  Cowboy stared down at his phone as realization finally hit him. His stomach recoiled. “No. No, no, no, no.” His voice cracked on the last word, and he desperately tried her number again. “Come on, come on. Answer it.”

  Ring. “This is Harper. Leave a message.”

  He just needed to get hold of her. If he could just talk to her, he could explain everything. Why he’d left. Why he’d taken so long to get back to her. Everything would be fine.

  Ring. “This is Harper. Leave a message.”

  He should have called her yesterday to explain. No, he never should have left her to wake up alone in the first place. This was all his fault.

  Ring. “This is Harper. Leave a message.”

  He knew she was pissed, but she wouldn’t do this. Not his Midge. She wouldn’t just up and leave like this.

  He bounced on his feet, his eyes flitting around the empty room. “Please, baby. Please just answer the phone.”

  “This is Harper. Leave a message.”

  She couldn’t be gone. She would have told him or left a note. Something. She wouldn’t do this to him. She wouldn’t. “Dammit, Harper, pick up the goddamn phone!”

  “This is Harper—”

  “Fuck!” Cowboy let the phone fly and it shattered against the bedroom wall, taking a chunk of paint with it. He fell to his knees and crumpled to the ground. His fingers dug into the carpet, grasping for something, anything but the reality that was shredding through him.

  It was all gone. Everything he’d gained over the last few months, everything he’d realized he couldn’t live without, was slipping through his fingers. He had to do something. Anything that could set things right.

  He could chase after her. He’d done the math already. Boston was only seventeen hours away, less if he ignored the speed limit. He could follow her, track her down, give her no choice but to hear him out.

  But he had no idea where she was going. Boston was a big city, and he had no way of finding her once he was there.

  He could ask Grams for help. If she would just give him an address, he’d race to her like his life depended on it—because, in a way, it did—and beg on his knees for her to forgive him, to give him one more chance.

  She’ll say no, a cruel voice whispered. She’d turn him away just as quickly as she set eyes on him. And he couldn’t even blame her. It was what everyone did. Just like his mom had done to the man she loved. Like his own father did to him.

  She’d promised him. She’d promised not to break his heart, and then she’d abandoned him, just like the others.

  Harper was gone. The truth of it felt heavy on his chest, and he couldn’t breathe. He felt every last ounce of hope inside him fizzle away. He didn’t know what to do.

  It was too late. The only person he’d ever cared about, hell, ever loved, was gone. “It’s over,” he told himself, waiting for the words to sink in. “It’s over. It’s over.”

  Cowboy forced himself to his feet, drained and lifeless and about to be sick. What was he supposed to do now? How was he supposed to get through this?

  Maybe that’s all love is. Maybe it just means inevitably getting hurt by the people you care about most.

  He’d blown it just like he knew he would. And just like he said she would, Harper had left him, realizing she could do so much better. How the hell had he let this happen? He’d lost her. Lost the only chance he’d ever have to know what it felt like to be truly happy. To be loved. He knew it just as surely as he knew that he would never be the same again.

  He wasn’t enough.

  He grabbed his destroyed phone from the floor, took one last look around the room, and left
, his heavy footsteps and the harsh slam of the door echoing behind him.

  Chapter Thirty

  “I can’t believe you delivered a baby!”

  Harper giggled into the phone. “I did not deliver her. I just helped get Logan to the hospital. She didn’t have the baby for another sixteen hours.”

  “Still,” Aiden said, “that’s really cool. More medical experience than most of us have. So how did it feel? Good enough to convince you to come back to school?”

  “The opposite actually.”

  Despite having no experience with birth beyond her research paper, she’d taken the responsibility for keeping Logan calm on her shoulders. The second they’d pulled up to the hospital, Logan was swarmed by her husband and father, who helped usher her into the building, and Harper had felt a huge weight lift off her.

  A weight she didn’t ever want to feel again.

  “If anything, it showed me that I don’t want that kind of responsibility, people looking to me for the answers that will mean either life or death.”

  Aiden sighed. “Well, I guess it’s good you know now. And how’s our favorite male suitor doing? Any chance he’s decided to switch teams yet?”

  “Cowboy’s…fine.”

  “Oh boy. What did he do now?”

  “Nothing. That’s sort of the issue.”

  “Ooh, I sense juicy details, but I’m afraid they’re going to have to wait.” He groaned. “I’m late for class. But I’ll call you tonight. You better tell me all about it. Every single sexy detail.”

  “Sure. I’ll talk to you later, Aiden. Bye.”

  She hung up and was about to stow her cell phone away when she hesitated. Instead, she pulled up the text message she’d found the second she woke that morning. It was a picture of Cowboy holding a small bundle in his arms. He was beaming down at the tiny human life that had just come into the world. Lo and baby are healthy, it read. Can’t wait for you to meet her.

  Yesterday, as Cole and the chief led Logan into the hospital, Cindy Kase already arguing with a nurse at the hospital entrance, Cowboy had started to follow the small group, stopping when he noticed Harper hanging back by the truck.