I Know I've Been Changed

by ReShonda Tate Billingsley

  Then that wench straight cut me off. “Excuse me,” she said, before walking off to talk with someone else.

  I stood there, dumbfounded. A couple of photographers had witnessed the exchange and were standing off to the side, snickering.

  I had to save face and at least act as if I weren’t the least bit fazed. I plastered a smile on my face and sauntered over to the other three company officials. They smiled and greeted me warmly. At least they knew how to treat their moneymaker. That Dina, she was gonna have to learn.

  I watched Dina out of the corner of my eye. She was talking to a group of production people. She was all smiles as she shook each of their hands. I was definitely upset now. They were just production people, and here I was, her top talent, and she treated me like crap.

  I watched Simone move in with ease, and Dina talked to her as if they were old friends. I could no longer stomach the sight of that witch all chummy with everyone else, so I excused myself from the meaningless conversation the three corporate suits were having and headed back to my office.

  I contemplated calling Stan, but I figured I would give Dina a chance to redeem herself. I needed to get busy cleaning out my voice-mail box. I entered the phone number to check my voice mail, then punched in my code.

  “You have seventeen new messages.”

  Everybody felt they had a story to tell, and I had seventeen new messages to prove it. My show was a mixture of light news, celebrity interviews, and any other entertainment I deemed newsworthy. But I was amazed at the number of people that would call about the craziest things. One man even called me last month wanting to come on the show and talk about how wrong it was that he had to pay child support because he didn’t even, and I quote, “want the damn kids.”

  I sighed heavily, then pressed the button to play my messages. There were the usual ten people who had the “best, most pressing story” that demanded my immediate attention. I promptly forwarded all of those to my producer, Ian, without even completely listening to them. On the last message, however, I heard a faint “Hi,” then the caller didn’t say anything. It was a woman’s voice. After she paused, she hung up. I was so sick of people playing on my phone.

  I picked up the phone to call Myles, and to my surprise he answered his cell phone. “Hey, I didn’t expect to get you.”

  “I saw your number on the caller ID and wanted to make sure I answered. I wanted to tell you how much I love you,” Myles said.

  I sank back into my seat, a huge smile plastered across my face.

  “I love you, too. I needed to hear that. It’s been a crazy day. Richard is out.”

  “Richard? Is that your news director?”

  “Yep. He was arrested for DUI. He quit and corporate brought in someone new. A sister.”

  “What? They gave the job to a black woman?”

  “Yep. But she was real nasty to me. Somebody better tell her,” I scoffed.

  Myles laughed. “They sure better, because nobody treats my baby, my soon-to-be-wife, like that. Anyway, does she not recognize that you’re the station’s bread and butter?”

  I nodded my head like Myles could really see me. That was my man. He knew just what to say to make me feel better.

  “Forget her, baby. She’ll figure it out soon enough. Somebody will put her in her place. Besides, you have more important things to think about, like becoming Mrs. Myles Jacobs.”

  I smiled dreamily as I thought about our life together. Me and Myles, little Myles Jr. and Mari, living together in our million-dollar home. We would be the perfect little family.

  “Stupid jerk!”

  Myles’s yelling broke my little fantasy. “What did you say?”

  “I’m sorry, baby. This fool just cut me off.” I heard Myles pressing down on his horn. “Some people don’t need to be on the road!” he screamed.

  “Sweetheart, would you calm down? It’s not that serious.” I swung my chair around, almost knocking over my favorite picture of me and Myles in Bermuda. I caught the picture, smiled at it, and set it back on my desk. “Ummmm, so what time will you be home tonight?”

  “I don’t know, why?”

  “Well, it’s been three weeks now, and I was kinda hoping we could go look at rings.”

  Myles let out deep sigh. “Just chill; there’s no rush.”

  Now it was my turn to let out a huff. “Myles, when you proposed, I thought you wanted to get married right away. I didn’t know this was something you wanted to draw out. I don’t even feel like I’m engaged. I sure can’t tell anyone because I don’t even have a ring.”

  “Is that what you’re worried about, telling someone? Having a ring so you can show off?” Myles snapped.

  He was getting defensive and I was getting upset. “Look, did you even mean it when you proposed, or was that just your way of getting out of the Delana situation?”

  “Awww, here we go with that mess.”

  “I’m just saying—”

  Myles cut me off. “Be ready at seven.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I said, be ready at seven. I’ll be by the station to pick you up so we can go get your big rock so you can show it off to your one friend.”

  I ignored his sarcasm and squealed with delight. “You mean it?”

  Myles’s voice softened. If it was one thing he loved, it was seeing me act like a giddy child under his control. “Yeah, baby. I mean it. I’ll see you at seven.”

  “I’ll be ready and waiting!” I exclaimed. I was so excited, I wondered how I was ever going to make it through taping the newscast.

  Chapter 13

  I stared at the glistening platinum-set rock on my finger. Three carats of pure precious stone. I hadn’t stopped smiling since Myles and I had returned from picking out the ring. I’d wanted something custom-made, but I was too impatient to wait. When I saw this one, I knew I wouldn’t have to. Myles scoffed at the $7,000 price tag at first, but when he saw how much I really wanted it, he gave in.

  I made love to him that night, all night, wearing nothing but that diamond. I tried to make the night one he’d never forget. And by the way he had fallen into a deep slumber, my mission had been accomplished.

  Now, I was at work trying hard to focus on reading over my scripts for the nightly newscast. But every time I’d read a line, my eyes would make their way back down to the ring on my finger. I hated that I didn’t have anyone to share in my joy. Shereen was still out sick and wasn’t answering her phone. I thought about going by her house, but knowing Shereen, she probably wasn’t even sick and was chilling in Jamaica or something.

  “Knock, knock.”

  I looked up.

  Keria stuck her head in my office door. “Hey, Rae. Just letting you know I made some changes on the lead story. Can you please take a look at it and give your final approval?”

  I had never talked to Keria other than about work-related stuff and the occasional office gossip, but she was better than no one. “I’ll take a look at it in a moment. But take a look at this.” I thrust my hand out.

  Keria’s eyes widened as she stepped into my office and walked over to examine my hand. “Wow! Are you engaged?”

  “Yes.”

  “To the city councilman?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, congratulations. I’m happy for you.”

  “Thank you.” She threw a genuine smile at me before heading back to her desk.

  I had just pulled up the lead story to review when my phone rang. I grabbed it up. “This is Rae Rollins.”

  “Well, don’t we sound all chipper.”

  “Mama Tee?”

  “Last time I checked that was still my name.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at the sound of her voice. I pictured her robust frame standing in her hallway—the only place she had a phone in the whole house—rocking back and forth on her feet, her soft gray hair parted down the middle and plaited into two long braids that hung to her shoulders.

  It didn’t matter how much I tried to a
void Mama Tee, she still called me regularly with family updates, talking as if nothing were wrong. After all she’d done for me, I could never bring myself to be rude, so I always took her calls.

  “Since you don’t know how to call me, I thought I’d call you. Still don’t understand why I don’t have your home phone number and always gots to call you on your job. And I’m not even gon’ mention the fact that you didn’t return my last phone call.” Mama Tee sighed.

  “Well, umm…”

  “Don’t even fix your lips to lie to me, gal. You doing okay?”

  “I’m doing well.” It was strange that Mama Tee would call me at a time when I had happy news I wanted to share. But somehow I couldn’t bring myself to tell her about the engagement. She would want to come to the wedding and would tell everyone in Sweet Poke, and they would all want to come, too. And Lord knows, I didn’t want my wedding day ruined by my relatives.

  “Okay, fine. I figure you’ll tell me when you feel like it. Just calling to tell you Justin is doing much better. The doctors let him come home and they say as long as he takes it easy, he should be fine.”

  “That’s wonderful news. Give him my love.”

  “I will,” Mama Tee said. “By the way, yo’ cousin Nikki almost got stabbed last night. Messing round with some other woman’s husband. Ola ’bout had a heart attack when she saw Kevin on the news. It was all on CNN. She ain’t stopped crying yet. I told her she was spoiling them badass boys and they wasn’t gon’ amount to a pillar of salt, but she ain’t never want to listen to me. Shondella still fooling round with that no-good Baxter boy. Long as she don’t come up pregnant, I guess I can’t complain.”

  Why Mama Tee felt compelled to call me and give the rundown on my family was beyond me. I never asked about anyone other than Justin and Shondella’s children. I hadn’t seen the rest of my family in four years and didn’t care to know what they were doing. But that never seemed to bother Mama Tee.

  “Is that so?” I nonchalantly responded. “Well, look, Mama Tee, I’m kinda busy. I guess you need some money or something.”

  Mama Tee took a deep breath, then let out into me. “Raedella Dionne Rollins. Have I ever asked you for one thin dime? I don’t need your money, don’t want your money, and if I wasn’t saved, I’d tell your ass what to do with your money. I been making it just fine all these years and I’m gon’ keep on making it.”

  I felt her fury through the phone. “I’m sorry, Mama Tee. I wasn’t thinking. It’s just that I recently sent Shondella some money.”

  “That’s between you and your sister. I don’t want your damn money.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Umm-hmmm. I just wanted you to know Justin is doing much better. And, oh, yeah, I wanted to tell you we’re having the family reunion down there next month.”

  “Here? In Houston? Why would you all have it six hours away from Sweet Poke?” I nearly dropped the phone.

  “Had you been coming around, you’d a known that we decided to move it to a different city each year. You know your uncle Clyde is down there. So we gon’ have it there.”

  I dropped my head and closed my eyes as I inhaled deeply. I had forgotten that Uncle Clyde lived here. He had called me when I’d first moved here, but I’d never got around to calling him back.

  “So, we gon’ see you there, right?”

  “I don’t know—”

  “Good. ’Cause I’m telling you now, you don’t show up, each and every last one of us is gonna come up to that fancy station and show out till you come out. And you know we’ll do it.”

  I was silent. They would do it. And take great pride in doing it.

  “Okay, Mama Tee. I’ll think about it.”

  “Ain’t nothing to think about. We’ll see you in three weeks. I’m a send you the flyer on where the family picnic is. Least I do have your address.” She paused. “I’m sho’ looking forward to seeing you. And bring that handsome young man you seeing.”

  I was glad she couldn’t see the flustered look on my face. “How do you know about Myles?”

  “Chile, I know a whole lot more than you think I know.” Mama Tee laughed. “A whole lot more. We’ll see you in three weeks.” With that she hung up the phone.

  Chapter 14

  I rolled my eyes at Simone’s report on the noon news. She was at some petroleum fire doing a live report. She was the lead story. What happened to training? How did she go from being a reporter trainee to being the top story in the newscast? It probably had something to do with how chummy she was with Dina. Every time I turned around, they were giggling like schoolgirls.

  I know people might think I’m jealous or something. Really, I’m not. Simone was no threat to me. I just couldn’t appreciate her being given a handout when I had had to work so hard to get where I am.

  I started going through my mail. I had the usual assortment of fan mail, press releases, and so forth. There was also an oversize envelope from Shondella. I recognized her crooked handwriting immediately. Could it possibly be her paying me back some of the money she owed me?

  “I seriously doubt that,” I muttered as I grabbed my letter opener and pried the envelope open. I reached in and pulled out the contents. It was the front page of the Sweet Poke Times. Why would Shondella send me the newspaper? Then I thought about it. My sister has always had an obsession with newspapers. It’s crazy. In addition to the Sweet Poke Times, she reads at least three other newspapers a day. She had been doing it since she was a teenager. Personally, I think that allowed her to escape her bland existence, but that was just my two cents.

  As soon as I unfolded the paper, I saw why she’d sent it to me. Reno was on the front of the paper with the headline “Local Coach Saves Drowning Toddler.” He was holding a beautiful little girl. A homely-looking woman stood next to him, cheesing like a Cheshire cat. I immediately read the cut-line under the picture. “Sweet Poke High School football coach Reno McBride poses with his wife, Edith Louise McBride, and Imani, a three-year-old he rescued from the Arkansas River. McBride was fishing along the banks when the little girl, who was with her family nearby, fell into the river.”

  A nostalgic smile spread across my face. Reno, a hero? I couldn’t believe how well his life had turned out. Well, I guess good by Sweet Poke standards. I’d always thought he would end up with a dead-end job, a bunch of babies, and a boring existence. I looked closely at the picture of his wife. She looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t place her face. She had one of those faces that you definitely wouldn’t remember. She was as bland as dry toast. And what in the world was that she had on? Why would she take a picture in that frumpy dress? It was a yellow paisley number with a huge, matronly lace collar. Her honey-colored hair was pinned up in a bun on top of her head. Huge bifocal-looking glasses sat on the bridge of her nose. Unbelievable. “Good grief, Reno. You couldn’t do any better than that?” I muttered.

  I was surprised at the tinge of jealousy I felt. Maybe it was because both of them looked genuinely happy. Maybe it was because I’d half-expected Reno to wither up and die when I’d left.

  It’s been seven years, get over it. I shook off thoughts of Reno. I guessed he would never truly be out of my system. After all, he was my first real love. The first man I’d ever made love to. The man who’d gotten me pregnant. I closed my eyes as the memories came rushing back.

  “You’re what?”

  “I didn’t stutter. I said, I’m having a baby.” I was standing outside Reno’s house, tears rushing down my face. Not only was I devastated that I was pregnant, I was also furious that I had let myself become a Sweet Poke statistic.

  Reno scratched his head in what I thought was stunned disbelief. Until he broke out in a big smile. “So you’re really pregnant?”

  I couldn’t believe this fool was standing there smiling at me like I’d told him we had just won the lottery or something. “Yes, and what are you smiling about?”

  “I’m going to be a daddy!” Reno slapped his knee and started dancin
g around. I looked at him like he had lost his mind.

  “I said, I’m pregnant. I ain’t said nothing about nobody being a daddy,” I snapped as I wiped away my tears.

  Reno stopped dancing and glared at me. “What are you talking about?”

  “Boy, I ain’t finna have no damn baby. Be stuck here forever. Living on welfare. Are you crazy?” My heart was racing. I started to envision diapers and food stamps and everything I ever dreamed of going up in smoke.

  Reno’s expression turned serious. “No, Raedella, I think you’re the crazy one if you’re saying what I think you’re saying.”

  He wasn’t fazing me. No, I didn’t ever want to be in this position, but I was here now. I knew what I had to do. I was shaking as I raised my head high. I swallowed the lump in my throat and said, “I’m saying, I need three hundred dollars and for you to drive me to Little Rock to take care of this. We don’t have a choice and it’s not open for discussion.” I crossed my arms and glared back at him to let him know I was serious.

  He continued to stare at me, dumbfounded. “So you would just kill our child?”

  I felt myself shudder. I couldn’t believe he went there. This wasn’t easy for me but I saw the big picture.

  “God wouldn’t approve of this.”

  “Oh, don’t go getting all holy on me. You wasn’t thinking about that when you was having sex with me!” I huffed and fought back tears again. “Besides, God will understand. God knows this”—I flung my arms out—“He knows this is not my destiny! I’m about to finish high school. I’m going to college so I can get a degree and get out of Sweet Poke.”

  Reno reached out and took my hand. “Why are you always talking about leaving Sweet Poke? This is your home.”

  I jerked my hand away. “News flash! I’m bigger than this. And a baby will mess up my plans.”

  “Don’t say that. This is a blessing.”

  I rolled my eyes and threw up my hands. My head was pounding and Reno was about to get on my last nerve.