by Frankie Love
“Seems to have worked; you became friends with an A-list crew right off the bat,” Judy points out.
“True, but I’ve always felt one step away from looking like an idiot.”
“Tess, don’t sell yourself short. You’re a very adaptable person. That is a great quality to have.”
“But it doesn’t feel like I’m adapting here. It feels like I fit. Does that sound weird?”
Judy shakes her head quickly, and then pats my arm. “No, dear, it doesn’t sound weird at all.”
Feeling comfortable in the sunny kitchen, I open up. “I only have one memory of feeling this safe.”
“Tell me about it,” she says warmly.
“I was a little girl, maybe four years old. And I wasn’t where I grew up; it was somewhere else I can only barely remember. It wasn’t so dirty as my parents’ house. It felt warm, like this place. And I remember being really sick, with a cough or a cold or something, and these hands on my chest, rubbing this ointment on me, and it smelled like eucalyptus. I know that sounds weird, but I remember the smell, and the hands that were soft, and I swear they looked just like mine look now. And someone was singing me a lullaby, and there were other kids in the room—two boys.”
“How did it go?”
“It was like, Lullaby, and goodnight, go to sleep little angel. Mama loves you, daddy loves you, now it’s time to go to sleep.”
“That’s a lovely memory.” Judy watches me, smiling.
“It is.” I shrug, feeling a bit self-conscious for going so far down memory lane. “Sometimes I think the lullaby had the word Rachel instead of Angel, that’s why maybe it wasn’t a memory at all, maybe it was a dream.”
“At least it wasn’t a nightmare.”
“No, this memory wasn’t a nightmare, that’s for sure. I had enough of those later.”
“Maybe one good memory is enough,” Judy says, adding diced onions to the salad. “Maybe it’s enough to see you through the bad times.”
“It’s seen me through the worst.”
“It’s not over yet, Tess,” Judy says softly.
“What’s not over?”
“Your story.”
***
A few days later, after dinner, Jack and I are sitting down by the water on a Pendleton blanket. We brought out a bottle of wine to drink while we watch the sun set.
It’s romantic, he and I out here, in this island oasis, tucked away from the rest of the world. But there’s a sense of time running out, even as the sun falls away and the sky turns to night. I know that this can’t last forever.
“Are you ever going to let me hear what you’ve been working on in the studio all week?” I ask him. I hold my glass steady as he pours red wine into it.
“Depends.”
“On what?”
“On what happens next.”
“With what, specifically? Come on Jack, what do you mean?”
“I know we’ve avoided this topic pretty well for the past week,” Jack says, “but I have a show this weekend, and my parents are coming, as they’ve mentioned repeatedly. And I just wanted to hear how you’re holding up, knowing that this week won’t last forever.”
“I’m okay,” I tell him honestly. “I appreciate that you haven’t pushed me, or anything. And I know it’s inevitable, going back to Vegas. I can’t stay here forever, can I?”
“Would you really want to, Tess? I mean, hypothetically, if you could stay and live here, would you?”
“Loaded question, right?” I take a sip of the pinot noir, not wanting to gush everything out at once. Because the truth is, I love it here. I never want to leave. This home is a cocoon that has completely protected me from everything I fear.
“I know you’ve been having a great week. I see the way you are with my parents, your naturally quiet demeanor and how it flourishes in the outdoors. I see how you move here, on this property, with such ease. But wouldn’t you miss your life?”
“Jack, do you really want to do this, tonight? I mean, we’re having such a good time.”
“Yeah, but at some point we need to talk about us. Our future. What things are going to look like for you and I.”
“So we’re a couple?” I ask him. “Because I think we missed a few key conversations.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, we never even talked about it beyond me being your gal.”
“What is there to talk about?” He sets down his wine glass, and puts his hand on my chin, turning my face to his. “I love you, Tess.”
I put my hand over his, my eyes blinking slowly. “Jack, don’t.”
“Don’t what?” he asks, cupping both his hands on my face, not letting me retreat. “Don’t say I love you? Tess, you know I do. I love you in ways I never knew were real.”
“Jack,” I whisper. “You don’t even know me.”
“I know enough.”
“You don’t. I haven’t let you in enough for you to know if you love me.”
“Then show me the places you’re hiding. Show me your secrets. Show me your past.”
“You’ll hate me.”
“It’s not possible.” His eyes are on mine, and he sees inside of me.
And that’s what’s so scary.
“You’ll leave me,” I tell him.
“I swear to you I won’t.”
“You’ll regret these promises.”
“Never.” He holds my face so close to his, it’s close enough for me to let go. Close enough that I think he might catch me. Close enough that he’ll never let me fall.
“Jack.” I stop. I bite my lip and open my heart and take a leap of faith. “I killed my mother. That’s why I’m running. That’s why I can’t be caught. I’m a murderer.”
Chapter Eighteen
JACK
Out of all the horrible scenarios I’ve played out in my head, this was not one of them. This is nothing I could have imagined.
This is....
Fuck.
I have to say something. I’m literally holding Tess in my hands. And she has trusted me with everything.
I know the color has drained from my face because, damn, there’s no rulebook for this sort of confession.
“I don’t want to pull away right now, and make you feel alone,” I tell her, as steadily as possible. “But, Tess, what are talking about?”
She takes my hands from her face. “No, I’m sorry. I never should have told you. I knew it was a bad idea to let myself fall for you and your family. I should never have come. I should never have let you bring me here. I should have run when I had the chance.”
“Stop it,” I tell her, holding her by the shoulders. “Stop. You’re here because my ex-girlfriend took revenge on us in a way she didn’t realize would endanger you. You’re here because I love you and I swore I’d protect you. Now tell me the story and start from the top. Because, girl, I imagined a million horrible scenarios with you and that biker gang, but I never imagined the one you just shared.”
She wipes her eyes with trembling hands. “It’s probably just like you imagined, only worse.”
“Did they hurt you?”
“Jack, that’s the understatement of the century.”
“If it was self-defense, tell me that. Just tell me what happened.”
She laughs, shaking her head. “Jack, you’ll never look at me the same way.”
“Is that so bad? Is it so bad for me to see you the way you really are? Give me the chance to prove you wrong. Give me the chance to love the real you.”
“Damn it, Jack, stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop being perfect,” she says, pulling away from me, standing to get her distance. “Stop being everything I ever dreamed a man could be. Stop saying the right thing and being in the right place and not once looking down at me or judging me or wishing me away. Stop loving me.”
“Why?” I stand, refusing to let her run. Refusing to let her walk away in fear when I want nothing more than to love her and fuck
her and hold her tight. “You don’t want my love because you don’t think you deserve it. Well, fuck that. We’re here, on the shore, under the goddamned stars, a thousand miles from your problems. We’re in it together already—so, damn it, you don’t get to walk away now.”
I pull her to me, and I kiss her hard.
I kiss her so she knows I mean it. So she knows I’m not a fucking pussy who runs when things are hard. I’m a goddamned man. Her man. And she needs to believe me when I say it.
“Tell me what happened, Tess.”
“Jack, I killed her,” she cries. “I took a gun and pointed it at my father and she blocked the shot. She did. She let herself take the fall for him. For a monster.”
“Oh, girl.” I pull her into my arms. “Tess, shhh, it’s okay.”
“It’s not,” she sobs into my chest. “I never meant to kill her. I meant to kill him. And he knows that. He knows who I meant that shot for. And he wants revenge.”
“We can tell the police; you did nothing wrong.”
“Yes, I did,” she says emphatically. “I lied about weapons to the FBI. There was an investigation the summer I turned nineteen. I covered my Dad’s tracks; I falsely testified. I could go to prison for that, Jack.”
“Why did you lie?”
“Because I was a fool. Because I was afraid. Because I was weak. My father told me what I needed to do, and I did it. Without thinking. Without considering the repercussions.”
“You were fucking brainwashed, Tess. No one will hold you liable.”
“Sure, they won’t,” she says, looking up at me. “That’s easy to believe until someone asks how your mother died. Until you have to admit you took a gun that wasn’t yours and you pulled the trigger. And you shot your mother in the head.”
“Why did you want to kill him? What did he do to push you over the edge?”
“After the investigation, the guys got so intense, so firm with everyone. I begged Mom to help me leave. I really thought she would. I was her only child and she loved me fiercely, always said she’d do anything to keep me. But I don’t think she was well—in her head, I mean. I think she should have been hospitalized. But I don’t know what came first. Her being crazy or her being a hostage to my dad, too.”
“None of this is your fault, Tess. There’s no reason to run.”
“You don’t understand. Even if I go to the cops, and say all this, and they decide I used self-defense—which, honestly, it wasn’t. No one was trying to kill me. They just wanted me to be their prostitute. Even if they call that self-defense, it still doesn’t mean I’m safe. Do you know how many bikers are in Anarchy?”
“No clue,” I admit.
“Thousands. And sure, some are in Arkansas, but they’re all over the country. The world, even. My dad was the head guy in the Brotherhood, and that makes it all the more dangerous for me.”
“If he got locked up, there are more men who would come after you? That’s what you’re saying?”
“Exactly. Going to the cops will only make it worse.”
I hold her until she stops crying. When she speaks again, the words take the wind out of me.
“Jack, how am I supposed to live with being a murderer?”
“I don’t know, Tess, but we’ll figure it out, together,” I say, pulling her up into my arms.
TESS
He takes me to his bed, and slowly undresses me, slipping the ridiculous men’s boxers from my legs, lifting the tacky tee shirt over my head.
He smiles, the dim moonlight peeking through the loft’s window, as he runs his fingers over my granny panties.
“You are so sexy in these,” he tells me, pulling them down, kissing the skin below my belly button.
“Tell me more,” I whisper. I’ve told Jack the worst, the things I’m most ashamed of, the secrets that have been lodged in my chest since forever.
And he doesn’t push me away.
He just pulls down my granny panties and kisses my skin and breathes words of I love you across my heart.
Jack says all the right things, but he does them, too.
“I should have protected you better,” he tells me, as he cups my breasts with his hands and kisses my nipples, twirling his tongue around until they are firm and my body is ready.
He lowers himself above me and presses his massive cock in me. His chest is so firm and strong, his biceps resting on other side of my body. Everything about the moment is secure, and this is exactly what I dreamed of when I imagined having sex with a man who loved me.
I want to be taken by him because I know he won’t leave me anywhere but by his side.
I moan in pleasure as he fills me up so completely. My pussy aches as it’s stretched around him. He thrusts deep inside of me, and I feel the pleasure as his tip presses against my core.
“Oh, Jack,” I whimper. “Yes, yes, take me.”
“All night, girl. Forever.” He pounds his cock into me just the way I like it, my pussy wet as he presses in and out until I grab his shoulders. I hold him tight as he rocks me until my pussy walls are beating, humming in release.
“Jack,” I scream. “Fuck me, baby.”
Thrusting into me, he rocks an orgasm through my legs, reaching all the way to my toes. My breath catches and my heart stirs. He comes in me and the warmth fills me, the heart radiates between us.
I don’t know what will come next. But for today, we have one another.
“The bikers are gone. No trace of them anywhere, Tess,” Jack tells me a few days later. He’s packing his bag for the flight back to Vegas later today.
I’m trying to convince him to let me stay.
“Doesn’t mean they aren’t there,” I reason.
“We’ve been here two weeks,” Jack says. “I’m sure Anarchy gave up looking for you by now. Besides, every building that either of us have access to in Vegas has been guarded non-stop. Kirby hired professional bodyguards for the both of us, and we have a secure vehicle. I swear you’ll be safe with me.”
“If I stay I can feed the chickens. Someone needs to do that.”
“The neighbor can feed the fucking chickens. If you stay here alone, we’ll all be worried sick the entire time. If you come with us, you’ll be the safest you could possibly be.”I throw myself dramatically on the couch in his studio.
“Can’t I stay here and live in a fantasy land?”
“No. I need my girl. I need you.”
He pouts exaggeratedly, and the truth is, there’s no way in hell I could say no to those puppy dog eyes.
“What are you going to do about the contract?” I ask him.
“Kirby told me they raised the offer to one hundred and twenty-five million. Apparently the sex tape was good for the brand.”
“Really?” I sit up. “Jack, that’s a lot of cash money.”
“It is.”
“You don’t seem excited.”
“I don’t think I can really relax until I can take care of Anarchy once and for all. Getting back to Vegas, I’ll be able to sit down with intel and make a plan for your safety.”
“I don’t want to tell the police,” I explain for the hundredth time. His parents know about my mom now, and they tried to talk me into going the cops as well—but the truth is, the Harrises don’t understand the Brotherhood. How dangerous they are. How going against them will put all of us in jeopardy.
The Harrises live their lives by right and wrong, but that isn’t how the Brotherhood operates. They take revenge and take what they want. Rules don’t work; no one abides by the law. It’s their rodeo when they ride.
And I sure as hell don’t want to be anywhere near the dust when it settles.
“Let’s not think about what comes next then, Tess. Right now, let’s focus on getting to Vegas, getting you something gorgeous to wear, and the awkward dinner party with our friends and all their parents.”
Chapter Nineteen
JACK
My big show isn’t until tomorrow, but this dinner party planned by our p
arents is apparently the real reason they’re all coming to Vegas this weekend.
It’s weirding us all out, for sure.
We’ve all gathered at the restaurant that has been reserved for us. As we wait to be seated, we stand around the foyer catching up.
Ace and Emmy don’t have extended family, but Claire’s mom and Landon’s parents are here, as well as McQueen’s parents. Surprisingly, JoJo’s dad is here as well, along with my parents. Sixteen of us in all.
We’ve all met, though briefly, in one way or another. A wedding, or JoJo’s fight. My parents have flown down before. But our parents have only met via the internet.
“So they all became friends on Facebook or some shit? Whose fault is this?” McQueen asks as he adjusts his tie. I never see this fucker in a suit, but this dinner is apparently evening attire. No ball caps allowed.
“I think it’s Landon’s fault. He’s the only fucker who actually goes on Facebook.”
“Why do you go on Facebook?” Ace asks him, glaring out of the corner of his eye. “You a fucking girl?”
“Fuck you,” Landon says, laughing. “I like posting pictures of Sophia for her grandparents to see, because I’m into that family shit. So step off. Ace’s woman is trying to get knocked up too, so start giving him a hard time, not me.”
We all look over at Emmy, who does seem to be glowing and is, suspiciously, holding a glass of sparkling water instead of rosé like the other women.
Before we can start ribbing Ace about it, the doors to the restaurant open and we file in. I take Tess’s arm and walk beside her.
“Everything okay?” I ask, leaning in.
“I don’t know. Something feels off.”
“With our friends, or do you feel unsafe?”
“Not our friends. Just, I’m having weird memories for some reason that I can’t shake.”
I pull my arm tighter around her, drawing her close. Damn the fuckers she called family, who screwed her up and fucked her over. I want to make them pay.
