by Sabrina York
A few minutes later, Jessica became fussy. Caris got off the floor and lifted her into her arms, hoping Lisa was gone. When they got downstairs to the kitchen, she settled the baby in a highchair and set about looking for her formula. She was exploring the third cabinet when she heard a noise behind her. She turned with a gasp to find Dom behind her. She clutched her chest. “You scared the heck out of me.”
“Sorry. What are you looking for?”
“Her formula and bottles.”
He glanced at his watch. “For dinner, she usually has half a bottle, a bowl of cereal, and a jar of veggies.”
Caris frowned. “You’re feeding her solids?”
“Baby food, of course.”
“But—”
He had turned away from her to remove a box of cereal from the cupboard nearest him. “The pediatrician said she was ready. It helps her sleep through the night.”
“She sleeps through the night?” Caris’s chest felt achy and hollow as she realized she had forever missed another milestone in her baby’s development—two, in fact: sleeping through the night, and the introduction of solid foods.
He nodded, turning back to her, while balancing a box of cereal, a can of powdered formula, and a small jar of carrots. “She has since the third or fourth night. Right after we started feeding her cereal. The doctor said she was probably hungry before, which caused her to wake up.”
Caris flinched at the criticism, while rationally knowing it wasn’t directed at her. A foster mother had cared for Jessica for the month before Brendan got custody. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder if she had let Jessica go hungry simply because she couldn’t afford regular checkups. Once again, doubts assailed her.
“About Lisa,” he said abruptly. “I’m sorry she was like that.” He laid the baby items on the counter. “She’s a little intimidated by the changes Jessica brought with her. She’s probably jealous that you have bonded with the baby so quickly when she hasn’t been able to.”
Caris barely held back a snort. Would he always find justification for Lisa’s ill-treatment of Jessica? How could she leave her baby here in that woman’s clutches? Maybe she was overreacting, but how could she risk Jessica’s future on the chance that she had met Lisa on an off night? “She doesn’t seem like the maternal type.”
His brow creased. “I wouldn’t say that. She’s just focused on her career right now.”
“Have you talked about having children?” Caris frowned at the odd pain the thought caused.
“You put one-and-a-half scoops to four ounces of water.” He passed over the formula can. “Not that we have sat down and discussed it, per se, but I can’t imagine she wouldn’t want them.”
“Hm.” Caris put a bag in the bottle, and then added the formula and turned on the tap.
“No. Use the bottled water sitting over there by the coffee machine.”
Caris lifted her eyebrows, but didn’t comment on the extravagance as she uncapped the gallon jug and poured water into the bottle and screwed on the nipple. She shook it and turned back to face Dom, who was mixing cereal in the bowl. “You should probably find out before you get married.”
“What?” He looked up from the yellow plastic bowl.
“If Lisa wants children.” She looked over at Jessica, drooping in her highchair, and sighed. “She doesn’t seem too fond of your niece.”
“I never said we were getting married.” His posture seemed defensive as he walked over to Jessica. “She’ll come around.”
“If she doesn’t?”
He sighed. “Look, I appreciate your concern—”
“—but it’s none of my business.” Caris turned her head, blinking back tears. At what point had her life spiraled so far out of control that Jessica’s welfare was no longer her business?
His tone softened. “Jessica is my top priority these days, Caris. You can believe that.”
She turned back to face him and nodded. She walked to the table, taking a seat near Dom. She watched him feed Jessica the cereal and carrots. His hands were large enough to hurt Jessica easily, but every movement was carefully monitored and executed. Each lift of the spoon was coordinated to enter a half-closed mouth. His fingers holding the cloth were deft when he wiped carrots and cereal from her chin. He was so careful with Jessica and always mindful of her fragility.
How would it feel to have those hands run through her hair, across her cheeks, to touch her lips? Caris forced the disturbing thought from her mind almost as soon as it cropped up. Her cheeks were hot, and she hoped he wouldn’t notice her sudden breathlessness.
He stood up, lifting Jessica. “Jessie usually has her bottle in bed.”
“Okay.” Caris accepted the baby and took the bottle from the table. She absolutely had not felt a tingle when their hands touched during transferring Jessica.
“Where did you learn so much about babies?”
She almost blurted, I learned as I went, but bit back the reply. “The usual. Babysitting.”
“So, you don’t have any children?”
Once more, her throat grew thick, blocking any words. She shook her head, even as she hugged Jessica tighter.
“I didn’t think so. You’re much too young.” He frowned. “How old are you?”
“Twenty.”
He nodded. “Well, good night.”
She breathed a sigh of relief as she carried Jessica upstairs, realizing he had forgotten about the employment screen and background check—for tonight, anyway. By tomorrow, it wouldn’t matter since she and Jessica would be gone. Once in the nursery, she settled in the rocker and held the bottle for her daughter, while she moved the rocker slowly with her left foot.
Jessica had just finished the bottle when there was a knock at the door. “Come in.” She rose from the rocker and laid the baby on the changing table. She looked up at Dom, holding her breath.
“I forgot about the screening. Could you come downstairs after you get her settled?”
Caris forced a yawn. “Could we do it in the morning instead? I spent most of the day traveling, and then with my new duties…” She trailed off, yawning again.
He shrugged. “I’ll be leaving early in the morning, but I’ll show Mom where the paperwork is. Just remind her, okay?”
“Sure.”
He stayed in the doorway, assessing her with his unnerving blue eyes. Caris felt exposed. Had he figured out who she was? Her eyes remained locked with his until Jessica broke the silence with a protesting squeal. She immediately returned her attention to changing the baby’s diaper and replacing the blanket sleeper stained with carrots and cereal. When she looked up from fastening the snaps on the fresh sleeper, he had gone.
She steered her thoughts from Dom and concentrated on settling Jessica in her crib. It would be a few hours before they could leave, so it was better to let the baby get all the rest she could.
Caris went to the phone on the wall and lifted the receiver. She dialed 4-1-1 to obtain the number for Valley Taxi. She committed the number to memory as she dialed.
The male voice on the other end sounded bored and sleepy. “Valley Taxi.”
“I need a cab.”
“Where?”
“At the end of the M & M drive.” She crossed her fingers, hoping he wouldn’t ask for an address she didn’t know.
“When?”
“Midnight.”
“That’s awful late.”
“I-I’m catching a f-flight,” she said, stuttering.
“Alright. You sure you don’t want the driver to come up to the house?”
“The gate will be closed.” She heard his sigh, followed by the click of keyboard keys.
“You’re all set, ma’am. Have a nice trip.”
“Thanks.” As Caris hung up, she heard a clicking sound right before disconnecting. Her stomach clenched, and a trail of acid worked its way up her throat. She forced herself to take deep breaths and relax. Once she and Jessica were away from the M & M, her nerves wouldn’t be stretched so t
aut. She wouldn’t be jumping at every shadow.
She walked back to the rocking chair, sinking into it. She leaned her head against the hard wood, trying not to dwell on the challenges facing her once she had taken her daughter back. Kidnapped was the word the police would use if they caught her. They wouldn’t care that Brendan had dumped their child on his brother. It would be black and white to them—she had taken her daughter without permission.
Caris squeezed the arms of the rocker, trying to harness her anger. They had no right to keep her from Jessica. The judge hadn’t been the one who brought her into the world in a rush of blood and pain. CPS hadn’t struggled through agonizing months of dread and mixed feelings directed at a baby that hadn’t been planned or wanted. None of the officials had endured twenty-two hours of labor to deliver Jessica, or the financial and emotional struggles preceding and following the baby’s birth. Brendan hadn’t been there either, so what right did he have to her child?
She wiped at a tear streaking down her cheek, impatient with shedding them. Despite what they faced, things would be better now. They would be together again, and this time no one would separate them.
With a sigh, Caris left the rocker and went into the nanny room, where she sprawled across the bed after slipping off the skirt and blouse. Her jeans and sweater were draped across the footboard, ready to slip on after a short nap. She closed her eyes, certain she wouldn’t be able to doze for even an hour or two because of the anxiety over the coming events. To her surprise, Caris’s eyes closed within a few minutes, and she fell into a deeper sleep than she had planned.
“You don’t tell me no.”
“Please, Brendan, don’t. I’m not feeling well.” Caris struggled against the weight of him, trapped between his body and the soft Berber under her. She screamed and pleaded, but he wouldn’t stop.
She awoke with a gasp, hearing her heart racing in her ears. Caris sat up and leaned forward, trying to catch her breath. Tonight was the first time she’d had the nightmare in months, but it had been particularly vivid. She could still smell his cologne and feel his rough grip on her arms.
She shook her head, trying to dispel the images lingering from the dream and slow her breathing. Her eyes fell on the green numerals of the clock on the dresser, and she groaned. It read 11:46. How could she have slept so long?
Caris pushed herself off the bed and threw on her clothes. Her hands still shook, and nausea churned in her stomach, but she didn’t have time to deal with the dream’s aftermath right now. She knelt on the floor and pulled out her case. She laid it on the bed and opened it, tossing the skirt and blouse inside before securing the latches again. Then she went into Jessica’s room and left the case by the door, while she loaded diapers and a few clothes into a diaper bag until it was stuffed. She cursed softly when she realized she hadn’t left room for formula or a bottle. She removed a handful of clothes before she put the bag by her case.
Jessica whimpered when Caris lifted her from the crib, but didn’t break into full-out screams, much to her relief. She took a tiny snowsuit from the closet and slipped it over the blanket sleeper, not taking the time to change her into different clothes. The sleeper would give more protection against the cold night air anyway.
They were at the door before Caris realized she had left her jacket in the nanny room. She hurried back, laying Jessica on the bed as she slid it on. Then she lifted the baby and hurried from the bedroom. She froze in her tracks when she realized the light was on, and Elena stood in front of the closed door.
“I know who you are.”
Caris ignored the burning in her stomach. “Get out of my way.” Her voice was more forceful than she had intended, but Elena didn’t flinch. “I’m taking my daughter.”
“You can’t do that.” Elena looked frail and leaned heavily on her cane, but she wore an expression of resolve. “I won’t let you ruin her life. Haven’t you done enough?”
“You may be her grandmother, but you don’t know anything about what happened.”
Elena shook her head. “She’s not my grandchild, but I won’t see her harmed.”
Caris’s mouth dropped open. “Brendan—”
She grimaced. “He isn’t my son, thankfully.”
A tiny flutter of hope speared her. “You don’t like him?”
Elena’s brow lifted. “He’s irresponsible, spoiled, and manipulative, just like his mother. Of course I don’t like him.”
“Then just listen to me, please.” Caris held out a hand. “I’m not a bad mother. I was worried about her and trusted the wrong person. There was an accident, and the hospital found a key ring in my purse. They notified Brendan.” Her voice cracked. “I had left him long before Jess was born, and he didn’t like that. When I wouldn’t come back, he took her to hurt me. He never wanted my baby.”
“I don’t doubt he never wanted her,” Elena conceded. “That doesn’t explain how he was able to get custody.”
“He’s rich and I’m not. My friends aren’t…upstanding, and he lied.” Caris’s fleeting hope faded as Elena’s expression remained suspicious. “He called me three weeks ago to let me know I wouldn’t see Jess again.” Tears filled her eyes. “I didn’t know what had happened. He’s crazy enough…well, I didn’t know if she was dead or alive.”
“She’s been with us since then.”
“I know. You’ve taken good care of her, but she belongs with me.”
Elena sighed, and her stooped shoulders slumped even more. “I can see that. You wouldn’t have gone to all this trouble if you didn’t love her.”
“You have my word I’ll take good care of her.”
“While you’re always looking over your shoulder, running from the authorities?” Elena shook her head. “Dom’s crazy about her. He won’t rest until he tracks you down.”
She tried to project a note of confidence into her voice. “He won’t find me.”
“Even if he doesn’t, how will you enroll her in school when she’s old enough? You can’t apply for government assistance without revealing your identity. You probably can’t even rent a place without a credit report. There’s no way you can stay hidden.”
“I’ll figure it out as I go.”
“How will you take care of her? Are you educated? Do you have friends or family with money?”
Caris shook her head, tightening her hold on Jessica. “I’ll manage.”
“How? By selling your body?”
She flinched, having refused to acknowledge that aspect of raising her baby. “I’ll do what I have to.”
“And she’ll be so proud of you in a few years,” Elena said sadly. “What will you do when she decides to become just like you?”
“I would never let her do that!”
“How will you stop her?”
Caris found herself out of retorts. She could feel her nose running and eyes filling with tears. “What else can I do?”
“Stay here.”
She shook her head. “I couldn’t do that. He’ll find out who I am and kick me out. He obviously believes everything Brendan told him.” She paled. “When Brendan comes home, he’ll tell him who I am if he hasn’t found out before then.”
Elena waved a misshapen hand. “Brendan hadn’t been to visit Dom in four years before bringing Jessie here. He won’t be a problem.”
“I can’t stay here.”
“You can’t take her out of here. You can get past me easily, but your own conscience won’t allow you to take her into the only kind of life you can provide for her right now.”
“I can’t leave her behind.” Caris tried to quiet her strident tone. “I can’t survive being separated from her.”
“You don’t have to be. Stay on as her nanny. Eventually, Dom will be ready to hear the truth.”
“No.”
Elena walked forward, moving slowly. When she reached them, she took the baby from Caris. “She deserves a better life than you can give her alone.” She leaned the cane against her leg and patted Caris’
s hand. “You deserve more too. I suspect Brendan has caused you a lot of pain.”
Caris nodded, feeling no need to protect Elena from the truth. “Living with him was hell.”
“Don’t let him force you into a half-life spent running and hiding. Do what’s best for your child.” She gripped the cane again and shuffled to the crib, where she eased Jessica down. “Stay with us.”
Caris felt herself falling, but couldn’t seem to stop the descent. She felt the carpet under her, but didn’t feel any pain from landing on it. Her heart pounded, and she heard a distant hum in her ears, but mostly she felt numb. Elena made it all sound so simple, but it wasn’t really. How could she stay here, pretending to be only her baby’s nanny? “He’ll find out who I am as soon as he runs the background check.” She was surprised to hear the words escape her.
“I’ll deal with that. Dom will have to know at some point, but not until he sees how you are with your child. He has to believe you love her before he can hear the truth.”
Caris looked up at Elena with confusion. “Why are you doing this?”
She shrugged. “For the baby.”
“Calling the police would solve all your problems.” Her eyes darted to the phone. “Why haven’t you?”
“I had my doubts about Brendan’s story from the start. When you showed up, I recognized you and remembered what he had told Dom. I was frightened of your intentions, but it was plain to see you loved your child. I decided to wait and see.” She shook her head. “This is a family matter.”
“I’m not family.”
Elena’s face softened. “You are now.”
Caris couldn’t find any words to reply to Elena’s sanguine statement. Her mouth gaped open, but nothing would emerge. Surely, she wasn’t serious?
“Good night.”
“I could still leave.” Her voice lacked any conviction, and Caris knew it.
“Yes, but you’ll need to call for another taxi. I overheard your earlier conversation and canceled the first one.”
Caris gave in with a sigh. “Good night.” She could call another taxi and wait for it. She was sure Elena wouldn’t attempt to stop her or inform Dom. Aside from any objections from him, she and Jessica could walk out the front door—if only her own conscience would allow that. Damn Elena for saying all the right things. She had vocalized all of Caris’s doubts. How could she take Jessica away from this place and claim it was for the best? Her love for the baby wouldn’t allow her to take her, but it wouldn’t let Caris leave her either. For the time being, she was stuck playing undercover mother. She shuddered, imagining Dom’s reaction when he found out.
