What to Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection (WTRAFSOG Book 8)

by Sabrina York

  There’s hardly any time to ponder if Theo’s ever thinking about me, or if he’s moved on to someone else, though I do run through Central Park the same hours he normally goes in hopes of crossing paths. I’m plagued with disappointment each time I visit Jewels at her place and he’s not there.

  No matter how much time has passed since the night Theo kissed me, it’s still so fresh that memories of the way his lips felt and the taste of his tongue come rushing back at the most unexpected of times. I sometimes catch myself running my fingers across my lips whenever I think of him—which turns out to be quite often. I didn’t realize how ruthlessly hard I had fallen for him until he walked out of my life.

  I run into Erik one time as he’s leaving a coffee shop. It’s awkward as hell, resulting in stiff smiles and very few words. My heart pounds whenever his steely gaze meets with mine. Though he looks considerably well, I’m relieved to say I don’t feel the aching need to pull him into the nearest building and break the progress I’ve made with Jean. It seems there’s something else he wants to say to me, but he final mumbles something about having to go and lifts his hand to his side in a final goodbye.

  Oddly enough, without Theo and Erik in my life, my sexual urges are close to null. I took the new vibrator from Erik’s apartment when I left without bothering to replace it. Jean encouraged me to masturbate on a regular basis, or whenever I felt the need for a release. She went into detail when explaining how orgasms are beneficial to a woman’s health, and that I shouldn’t feel any displaced feelings when doing it, other than simple pleasure. I was quick to let her know I got the gist of her lecture. It was like listening to my mom all over again when she explained safe sex to me as a teen. The feel of something electric bringing me to orgasm is far from the satisfaction I get from a man. Still, I don’t spend as much time thinking about sex as I had in the past.

  Jean also encourages me to set boundaries with the other men in my life who could be a potential sexual partner. I was quick to let Mick know after he seemed to be flirting the first couple of days that I won’t let anything come between us as it may jeopardize my job. Although he claimed to be heartbroken, he proceeded to give me what he called a “nuggie” on top of my head, and said I’d be more fun as a younger sister he could pick on. From that point on, it became easier to be around him without worrying that our flirting has gone too far.

  Early November, Chloe finally gets her own station at the tattoo shop. It’s only the second time I’ve asked for a night off—the other in October to stay with Jewels when Adam was hospitalized overnight with an infection from his new insulin pump. Tess doesn’t even bat an eye when I ask off. Instead she compliments me on how hard I’ve been working, and says she thinks the bar has gained a following of new male customers since I started.

  Our now tight group of friends gathers at a brand new club in SoHo to celebrate Chloe’s accomplishment, proceeding to blow what little “fun money” I’ve stashed away for the month. I’ve come to terms with just how expensive living in this exciting city can be, and I’m improving on my budgeting skills. Still, it’s sometimes difficult when I’m constantly trying to keep up with Jewels’s rich boyfriend, and Chloe, who works enough jobs to make decent money.

  Until tonight it’s been relatively easy not to let my sexual inhibitions dissolve with liquor, as Jean suggested. I’ve been working nearly every single night straight, and Tess is strict about no drinking on the job, even if the customers buy me one—which happens all the freaking time. It’s been a fine line between keeping my sexuality in check, and dressing the part to get outstanding tips.

  Far too many drinks and shots of tequila later, I search the club until I find Chloe chatting it up with a heavily tattooed bunch, two of whom are her bandmates, and another I recognize from the tattoo shop. I come at Chloe with my arms extended, my purse tucked under my armpit. “Give me a hug, baby girl. I gotta head out. I’ve spent my limit in booze and money.”

  Chloe holds her hands up like a traffic cop, stopping me. Her button-sized eyes swarm, trying to focus. “Nuh-uh. Your fabulous ass isn’t leaving this party yet, miss thing. Lexie wants to take us to see strippers! You can’t miss it when you’re dressed like that! I know you’re struggling to stay away from the guys, but sweetheart, have you seen yourself tonight?”

  I roll my eyes. The snug halter dress was a bargain Jewels and I found at a second-hand shop on a trip to Jersey. It’s cut very low in the front, and barely covers my ass. Jewels insisted I buy it, saying the pale color make me look tan. It’s the first time I’ve dressed like my old self in months. “No strippers for me. I traded an earlier shift with Stella tomorrow so I could come hang with you tonight.” I push her arms down so I can crush her to me. “I can’t wait for you to pop my tattoo cherry!”

  A few of the guys beside us snicker. Chloe’s hands trail down my butt, stopping to tug my hemline down as far as it will go before releasing me. “You know I love ya, chica, but you gotta keep that juicy ass covered up if you don’t want to attract the men. You got money for a cab? I sure hope you’re not planning to take the subway alone.”

  “Yeah, I’ve got it,” I insist, bending down to kiss her cheek. I slip a $20 bill between her exposed breasts. “Get yourself a lap dance.”

  Beckett, the hot bassist from her band who’s pretty full of himself, loops his arm around Chloe’s shoulders. “I’ll give you one for free, baby. Those guys ain’t got nuthin’ on me.”

  Chloe looks highly amused by the gesture, so I wave goodbye, leaving her to flirt. Since Jewels and Adam left over an hour ago, I make my way solo to the exit through the never-ending sea of sweaty bodies jumping in lazy synchronicity to a techno remake of Justin Timberlake’s latest tune. Getting tussled around doesn’t bother me the way it once would, when I was afraid I’d lose myself if a guy were to touch me in a suggestive way. I barely flinch when someone’s fingers graze across the back of my arm.

  “Cavenaugh?”

  I become completely unglued with the sound of the his voice. Holding a hand out at my side to steady myself, I take my time turning around, knowing damn well what the sight of his dark eyebrows and sexy green eyes will do to my well-being.

  I wish I could say he looks distraught or lovesick when our eyes meet, but in fact, I don’t think Theo’s ever looked better. He’s almost unrecognizable with hair longer than usual, grown out just enough that I could slip my fingers through it and hold him to me. There’s a healthy glow to his face, and I can’t stop staring at his damn lips now that I know what they’re capable of. The dark gray t-shirt he wears beneath a thin leather jacket showcases the ridges of his muscular chest and stomach. When I steal a glance down, I’m thrown off by the delectable way his tight jeans show off his toned legs. In all the time we spent together, he was always wearing shorts.

  Autumn dressed Theo is even hotter than the guy I spent half the summer lusting over. But my feelings for him have evolved light years beyond lust—he’s also a valued friend. Until seeing him in the flesh, I wasn’t aware of just how much I’ve missed him, or how ruthlessly deep the ache went. My chest twinges painfully.

  “Theo! You look…great.” I try to hide the longing in my voice as I feign a smile. “I love your hair.”

  His eyes lock on my cleavage, and he presses his lips together. “Wow.” It seems to take him forever to finally meet my gaze. “You look amazing in that dress.”

  “Thanks. I was here celebrating with Adam and Jewels. Chloe finally got her own booth at the shop.”

  He nods. “So I heard. I sent her a gift.”

  It didn’t occur to me how it may hurt him to stop hanging out with Jewels and Adam times like this, though there have been plenty of nights when I was working that he could still get together with them.

  For a moment we stare at each other, unsure what to say. The fact that he hasn’t smiled yet makes me uneasy. If it weren’t for the glimpse of longing I catch in his eyes, I’d think he was annoyed to see me.

  I finally tu
rn to the side, ready to bolt. “So it was good seeing you again. I gotta head out. I work an early shift tomorrow.”

  He grabs my arm. “Wait! Who are you leaving with?”

  A white-hot surge flares through me from his touch, jumpstarting my already precarious heart. I set my hands on my chest, trying to breathe normally. “It’s just me. Adam and Jewels already left, and the others are staying.”

  Frowning, he leans in to the guy closest to him and says something before tipping his head towards the exit. “Let’s go. I’m taking you home.”

  “Theo. It’s fine. Seriously. I’m taking a cab.”

  “Cavenaugh, I’m going with whether you walk on your own will, or I have to take you over my shoulder and haul your stubborn ass out of here.” I see a brief flash of the fun guy I fell for when he finally smiles. “Your choice.”

  “Fine,” I grumble. “Let’s go.”

  His hand rests on the small of my back as we weave our way out to the street, making my heart skip like crazy. When we reach the curb, he taps out something on his iPhone. “My driver will be here in a few minutes.”

  “For the record, I would’ve been perfectly safe in a cab.” I cross my arms, suddenly wishing my dress wasn’t quite so low. His partially hooded eyes keep flickering back to my breasts, stirring the passion I’ve worked so hard to keep at bay. “I’ve managed to survive the last couple months without you taking care of me.”

  “You should’ve put more thought into what you were going to wear tonight…unless you weren’t planning to go home alone.”

  I flex my jaw, stopping myself before I blow up. “You mean if I was going to hook up with some random guy?”

  “What?” His eyes flash wide. “No! I meant if you weren’t going to catch a ride with Jewels and Adam! I don’t like the idea of strangers ogling you when you’re all alone.”

  As my face grows hot, I wish there was something I could hide behind. Once again, I jumped to the kind of conclusion Jean is attempting to help me shatter. It’s as if I can feel months of progress slipping out from between my fingers from only spending a few minutes with Theo. “They don’t exactly live in my neighborhood. It wouldn’t make sense for us to share a ride.”

  We both pause to peer out into the busy street. Cars whiz by, honking and changing lanes, while pedestrians wait in hordes at the crosswalks. I can always count on New York to be animated, encouraging me to move forward rather than dwelling on the past. I don’t imagine the sight of everything all lit up at night will grow old, and can’t wait to see the transformation once the Christmas celebrations begin. Chloe warned us the city can have brutal winters once the wind comes whipping off the water, however. I shiver with the thought.

  “You cold?” Theo asks. He removes his jacket before I can tell him otherwise, so I accept it gracefully. When he places it on my shoulders, the scent of leather and Theo envelop me like a warm burrito of pheromones, dampening my underwear. The sight of his toned forearms out in the open don’t help any, either.

  I have Jean on speed dial, and seriously consider finding an excuse to break away and call her. Then I hear Mick’s voice telling me only I can control my own destiny and decide against it. I can handle this on my own.

  I study Theo’s stunning side profile, anxiously wondering if I’ll ever see him again after tonight. Now’s my chance to make things right. Who knows if I’ll ever have this kind of opportunity again?

  “I got that bartending job I mentioned. I’m living in the apartment above the bar.”

  “Adam told me. Congratulations.” The lopsided grin he gives me does nothing to cool me down. “I’m glad to hear things are going well for you.” He looks down to check his watch.

  Although I’m suddenly worried he’s eager for his driver to come pick us up and end the torture, my body’s alive, still buzzing from his grin. “Did he tell you I started seeing a psychologist too? She’s been really helpful.” I swallow several times, my throat suddenly bone dry. “And I haven’t been with anyone since you kissed me.”

  His head snaps in my direction. “Really?”

  Is that disbelief I hear? Or is it my self-doubt creeping in?

  “Yeah, really. I’ve resolved to make a lot of changes in my life since that night you left me. I never got a chance to tell you what happened, the whole reason I moved to New York.”

  Eyes sparkling with interest, he opens his mouth, then shuts it. Then his beautiful, magical lips part again. “I know you said you need to get home, but would you at least have time to grab a cup of coffee? We can stay out however long you want.”

  “Coffee sounds good,” I say, nodding. Despite my promise to myself to stay hard and not give in to him, my lips curl with a wide smile.

  We engage in small-talk in the back of his private car until we stop at a quaint coffee shop open 24 hours that’s closer to my apartment. My stomach surges excitedly with the dense aroma of specialty flavors. There aren’t too many customers yet as the clubs are still in full swing, so we’re given a peacefully quiet place to talk. Theo chooses the small table closest to the windows, balancing the cups in one hand, and pulling my chair out with the other.

  I begin by telling him more about my new job and my roommates, and he launches into stories of his work and his family life. I knew his dad was in the entertainment business, but I wasn’t aware that he stays in shape because his mom died of a heart attack at a fairly young age when he was a teen, and that his younger sister I’ve heard him speak of many times before lives with his aunt in the Bronx. My heart warms the way he openly shares his personal life with me, like I’m an old friend even after he declared he was through with me.

  Our coffees are gone when Theo’s smile fades, and he reaches for my hand. “Damn it, I’ve missed you, Cavenaugh.”

  “I’ve missed you too.” Not wanting him to take his hand away, I lace my fingers with his. An unmistakable look of hope seizes his features with my gesture. “I suppose it’s time for me to explain some things.”

  “Only if you’re comfortable doing it.” He flashes me a flat smile that stops at his lips. His eyes are dull in trepidation.

  Here goes everything.

  I suck in a deep breath of courage before telling him of my sexual history, even spilling nearly every detail of my tumultuous relationship with Erik. I give him the long version of my “affair” with Brad, wrapping it up by telling him about my sessions with Jean, and how her advice has helped me stay on track.

  Theo occasionally rubs his thumb across the back of my hand as I ramble on, but otherwise he remains stoic. He doesn’t even flinch when I tell him that the same night we first bonded in Jewels and Adam’s backyard was immediately after I slept with Erik. Honestly, I don’t take it as a good sign.

  Clubs must be closing by the time I’m finished, because the coffee shop begins to fill with boisterous patrons dressed to the nines. Theo seems lost in his thoughts, processing my confession.

  “I hope now you understand a little better why I freaked when you suggested I try out for that acting part. My therapist helped me understand that you were just trying to help me. I was too focused on how everyone back home would see it—getting a part when I was dating the producer of the show. It would’ve just fueled the rumors, and that was the kind of image I was trying to undo.”

  Theo watches me with an unusual, eerie calm. Either he’s in shock, or he’s disgusted by the truth.

  Sighing, I look down. “I don’t expect you to understand everything I’ve done. But I really like you, Theo. I mean, I love how I feel when I’m around you. You know, genuinely happy. I meant it when I told you that I wanted to try dating. I know I’m seriously messed up, and maybe you don’t want that kind of drama in your life. I’ll totally understand if that’s the case. If you don’t want to start over and give this exclusive thing a try, I hope we can at least continue to hang out together with Jewels and Adam. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t be with your friends because of me. And I definitely don’t want to lose
you as my friend, either. You mean a lot to me.”

  The band of muscles in Theo’s jaw jump to life. His hazel eyes turn to stare at the surge of traffic outside, shuttling the die-hards home from the clubs.

  Knowing it’s over between us, I start to pull my hand away from his. “I’m really sorry.”

  He squeezes my hand. “Stop,” he commands, drawing his eyes back on me. His thumb goes into overdrive stroking the back side of my hand. “I’m sitting here trying to rationalize why I shouldn’t hunt this Brad asshole down like the animal he is.”

  Tears spring to my eyes. I was sure he’d be done with me after he knew all the dirty details, the ugliest parts of my life. I never dreamed he’d have this kind of reaction.

  “I’m sure his life was ruined when everyone discovered the truth,” I say quietly.

  “I don’t know why you were so afraid to tell me what happened with that jerk. It doesn’t sound like what happened was your fault. What kind of man cheats on his dying wife?”

  “Everyone automatically assumed I knew he was married. I was afraid you’d think I did, too.” I shrug. “It’s one of the things I’m working through with my psychologist. Did I mention I’m messed up?”

  Theo tilts his head down to his side. “Come over here.”

  With my heart pounding, I drag my chair around to his side of the table. Once I’m close enough, he wraps me in his bear-like grip, and buries his face in my hair. “Even though the Erik thing really pissed me off, I don’t think you’re messed up. Someone should’ve listened to you back home. I’m sorry I didn’t give you more of a chance.”

  I let him hold me for a long time, soaking his shirt with my silent tears.