by Susan Meier
“I told you. I learned all about good money management while attending university. Just because I’d gotten a great job, I wasn’t about to throw my money lessons out the window. I lived conservatively and was never poor again.”
“So how’d you meet? Did you sit beside each other?”
He smiled. “Actually, I’d noticed her on the train for weeks before we spoke. It wasn’t until I gave a pregnant woman my seat and ended up standing beside her that I talked to her.”
His smile grew. “She was beautiful. Every guy in the train had talked to her, but she’d blown them off.” He turned and met Claire’s gaze briefly. “Until we suddenly found ourselves holding the same pole. Then I said something goofy and she laughed. After that, we sat beside each other every day. Saved each other seats.” He paused, his head tilted. “We talked. A lot. Before I could screw up the courage to ask her out.”
He peeked over his shoulder at her again. “You could make coffee.”
“Good idea.” She rose from the chair and walked to the counter. But considering everything he’d just told her—how he and Ginny had met, how they’d stayed friends even after their divorce and how Ginny had given Bella to Matt to raise, she spun around again.
Ginny hadn’t given him a second look until he relinquished his seat to a pregnant woman. Then she’d talked to him. And it wasn’t until they’d talked several times—on their train rides—that she’d gone out with him. She hadn’t just believed Matt to be a nice guy. She’d tested him. She’d seen him do a good deed, then quizzed him. That’s why she’d believed him to be honorable and good, and strong enough to raise her child. She’d gotten to know the real Matt before she even agreed to go out with him.
And that was why Claire kept falling for him. Just like Ginny, she’d been given a space of time to see the real Matt Patterson. Had they met any other way she’d have met the Iceman. Cool. Calculating. Watching him with Bella, she was getting to know his good side.
No. That wasn’t true, either. It was more like being stuck together for days, twenty-four hours each day, they were getting to know the real people they were underneath.
And underneath all his bluster, Matt Patterson was a genuinely nice guy.
After the coffee brewed, she poured two cups and walked back to the table.
Claire set his coffee in front of him. “Our first nanny interview isn’t until nine. We can take a few minutes, drink our coffee and chat with her.”
Matt took a sip from his coffee, then glanced at Bella. “So what do you want to talk about today?”
Bella giggled.
But strange thoughts went through Claire’s brain. He was getting so good with Bella. Not merely competent. But loving. Treating her as his own child. Making the two of them a family without even realizing it.
She didn’t know why she was surprised. She’d seen hints, even before Monday was over, that he had what it took to be a great dad.
The question was...
Did he have what it took to be a great husband?
And did she have what it took to hang around long enough for him to realize they belonged together?
The thought made her freeze in place. When had she decided they belonged together?
She thought about the night before, having fun, talking normally, just genuinely liking each other, and she realized she and Happy Matt were incredibly compatible. That was the guy she liked. The guy she might even be falling in love with. The guy she could easily see herself spending the rest of her life with.
Iceman Matt was another story. And Iceman Matt seemed to be around more often than not.
Still... What she wouldn’t give for a chance, a real chance, to be with Happy Matt.
Maybe if she just continued to make him laugh, to treat him normally, as if life was supposed to be fun, he’d come out and stay out.
* * *
The first nanny arrived at nine and Matt led her to the den. She took a seat in front of his desk and Claire sat on the chair beside her.
“So...” He glanced at her résumé, then quickly looked up at her. “Peaches?”
“Yes. My mother apparently had terrible cravings when she was pregnant with me.” She pointed at her head. “The red hair was just a happy accident.”
He laughed. Then caught himself. He could count on one hand the times he generally laughed in one week, but lately everything seemed to strike him as funny.
He knew why. Claire was bringing emotions out in him that he’d repressed for years. But he’d repressed them for good reason. He didn’t get along with his family. He didn’t make a good husband. So, it hurt him to miss his sisters. It hurt to see himself as a family man—when he knew he wasn’t a family man. He was a strong, determined businessman who would literally have to squeeze a baby into his life. He had to get himself back to normal. And the best way to get himself back to normal would be to hire a nanny and get Claire out of his house.
Though the thought of her leaving hurt, too, that was actually the point. She made him want things he couldn’t have. And he would feel these odd things until she left. But once she was gone, he’d be fine.
He looked at Peaches’s résumé again. He asked her a few questions about her employment, but no matter how hard he tried to poke holes in her experience he couldn’t. Peaches—however odd her name—was a candidate for Bella’s nanny.
He ushered her to the front door, and when he returned to the den, Claire grinned at him. A responding grin rose up in him but he squelched it.
“I liked her.”
He walked to his desk. “I did, too. But I have to admit, I was hoping for someone more conservative.”
She laughed. “Conservative? After our water battle?”
His gaze dipped to the desk. “That water battle was stupid.”
“That water battle was fun.”
He knew it was. But the crazy urges it brought out in him were wrong. He’d spent the past twelve years on his own, even when he was married to Ginny, becoming successful by keeping his nose to the grindstone. That’s who he was. He needed to remember that.
“Oh, surely you’re not regretting our water battle?”
Thoughts of sloshing water on her made him want to laugh again and brought his longings to life. He shouldn’t want to be playful and silly. But more important, he didn’t have the right to risk Claire’s heart by dragging her into fantasies that had no place for him. Fantasies that would dissolve like dust as soon as he got back to work. If he didn’t settle this right now, she’d get her hopes up and they’d have a real mess on their hands.
“Actually, I am.”
“But—”
“No buts. I’m a single man with a conglomerate that takes most, if not all, of my time, trying to fit a baby into my life. I should be taking this more seriously.”
“I think you’re doing exactly—”
“Stop! I know you think I need to change and I know you’re leading me in that direction. But I am who I am. I promise you I will raise Bella well. You can stop worrying and stop trying to change me.”
She pressed her lips together as if he’d mortally embarrassed her and Matt’s heart compressed into a tiny ball. Or maybe it went back to the shape it always had been—a tiny, tiny ball.
A tiny ball that would barely be able to handle loving a baby let alone adding a sweet, wonderful woman to the list.
The doorbell rang. She bounced out of her seat. “I’ll bring this nanny back.”
Pretending great interest in the résumé for the next nanny, he let her go.
* * *
The remainder of the interviews went smoothly. They chose three great candidates, any one of whom would make a great nanny, and Matt was suddenly extremely happy.
But Claire knew why. Once he got a nanny, she would leave. No wonder his mood had lifted. No more being pushed about Bella or how he should behave or what he should do.
Well, okay. She got the message. He did not want to be pushed into being the guy she got along with,
the guy she liked.
She swallowed down the sadness that filled her. Not just for herself but for him. She wasn’t a stranger to loneliness and she recognized all the signs in Matt. But he didn’t want her help. And she—
Well, she was tired of being rejected. After their water battle she’d thought something had changed between them, but Matt regretted it. He regretted laughing with her. He regretted having fun with her.
And she was really tired of being someone’s regret. First her dad’s. Then Ben’s. Now Matt’s?
She didn’t think so.
It was time to distance herself. Really distance herself. Tomorrow he would conduct second interviews. By tomorrow night he could have a nanny and she could go home. Protect her heart. Never be somebody’s regret again.
But as she turned to leave the room, regret rose up in her. Regret that she hadn’t been able to reach him, to make him want her enough to forget all the things that tied him down. All the reasons he wanted to stay lonely.
* * *
When Bella woke from her nap, Claire lifted her from her crib and immediately handed her to Matt. When the baby wouldn’t settle, Claire drifted away, hoping that being out of sight would put her out of the baby’s mind.
No such luck.
Matt might not be a total stranger to her, but fresh from a nap when Bella was disoriented and in need of the familiar, Matt wasn’t the person she wanted to hug.
Finally, she walked over, took Bella from Matt and said, “She needs her things.”
“Whatever she wants we can buy.”
“No. I didn’t say that she wanted her things. I said she needs her things. Her things.” If her voice was a little snippy, she didn’t care. This baby needed some comfort. And it seemed they were always catering to Matt. What he wanted. How he wanted things done. That stopped here. That stopped now. “She needs the things that make her relax. Things that make her happy. We need to go to her house, get her special stuffed animal, see if she had a particular blanket she slept with, find her favorite snuggly pajamas.”
“She’ll get accustomed to—”
“Hey!” Her temper boiled over. She was coming to like a guy who obviously didn’t want to like her, while caring for a baby she was going to miss. She needed to get this job done and get away before she got any more emotionally involved. The time for diplomacy had passed. “In almost four days she hasn’t grown accustomed to you. Why the hell should she suddenly fall in love with a strange bear?”
Matt’s eyebrows rose.
Claire stiffened. That had been stupid. She never, ever vented like that. But he had her so frustrated. The whole situation did. Why was she upset over losing a man she barely knew? Especially one who was now sorry they’d had a water battle that had made her laugh like nothing in her entire life had ever made her laugh. They’d had so much fun and now he regretted it.
Why did he want to be a grouchy man when he had such a wonderful man inside him?
She headed for the nursery door. “Come with me or stay behind. But Bella and I are going to her former house to get the things that will make her comfortable.”
As she left the room, she heard Matt’s annoyed breath, but by the time she got Bella into a little jacket and found her own coat, he was behind her, walking toward the limo with her.
Realizing she hadn’t called Jimmy, she stopped.
He nudged her to keep going. “I called him.”
It didn’t amaze her that it seemed he’d read her mind. He hadn’t. He’d thought of Jimmy because when he needed to go somewhere he always called Jimmy. She refused to make a big deal out of him knowing what she was thinking. This whole situation was a mess. A setup for disaster. Them playing house. Her already in love with Bella and falling for the nice guy Matt showed her when he let his guard down. Him being sweet one minute, grouchy the next.
What woman wouldn’t be confused?
They drove to a beautiful estate not far from Matt’s and also not as big or elaborate. About half the size of Matt’s, the two-story brick house sat on a green lawn.
He unbuckled Bella, told Jimmy they’d only be about ten minutes and led her up the walk.
She glanced around with a gasp. “I never thought about security. How are we going to get in?”
He pulled a key from his pocket. “We’re covered.”
Of course, if Ginny trusted him enough to give him her baby, she’d certainly trust him with a key to her house.
After punching numbers into a pad by the door, he used the key and let them inside.
Silent and eerie, the front hall greeted them. Walking into the home of people she didn’t know—especially considering those two people were dead—filled her with trepidation. But when Bella squealed with delight, sadness quickly replaced Claire’s fears. Sorrow seeped into her soul. This was Bella’s home. The last time she’d been here she’d been with her mommy and daddy.
Matt, however, didn’t pause. He walked up the curving stairway, led Claire to a room in the back and opened the door on a nursery.
Claire whispered. “How did you know where it was?”
“I am her godfather. It was mandatory that I peek in on her occasionally.”
“You make it sound like you’d only looked at her as a favor to her parents.”
He cocked his head. “I guess that was all I did it for.”
Disappointed in him, she said, “Oh,” and followed him into the nursery. A well-worn pink blanket lay in the crib. As soon as she saw it, Bella screeched.
Claire scooped it up and Bella grabbed it. Pressing her face into the soft material, she cooed with delight.
“I think we’ve found her blanket.”
Matt stood off to the side, stiff, erect. “What else does she need?”
Claire looked around. “Let’s let her decide.” She smiled at Bella. “What else, sweetie?”
Blanket over her arm, Bella stretched toward the crib again. Claire walked over and saw the big-eared stuffed dog. She pulled it out.
Bella squawked, hugging the dog like a lifeline.
“Two things down. I don’t know how many more to go.”
“How many does she need? Seriously. We’ve got her dog and her blanket. Isn’t that enough?”
Hearing the annoyance in his voice, Claire nearly turned on him again. If this was the Iceman, she was glad he hadn’t put in too many appearances. “I don’t know. We should probably get some of her clothes. Especially pajamas. Then we can go.”
“Great.” He walked to her. “I’ll hold Bella. You pack a bag for her.”
Claire found a big diaper bag and as quickly as she could she filled it with baby clothes. Not the beautiful, obviously expensive things she found in the closet, though she chose a few of those. What she was most interested in were the worn jeans, scruffy pajamas, soft T-shirts. The things she suspected Bella probably wore all the time. The things that would make Bella comfortable.
Without her.
She was being replaced by worn pajamas, a soft blanket and a big-eared scruffy dog.
Her eyes filled with tears, but anger soon dried them. All Matt would have to do would be to say one word and she would visit Bella. Regularly. But no. He didn’t want to play. He didn’t want to be soft. He wouldn’t trust. And she wouldn’t put herself out there only to be rejected again.
When the diaper bag was full, she walked to the door. Matt followed silently behind her.
But at the bottom of the stairs, he stopped. He sucked in a breath and squeezed his eyes shut.
“What?”
He swallowed. “This was the house Ginny and I had lived in. I gave it to her in the divorce. She liked it enough that she kept it.”
Damn.
Remorse for all her nasty thoughts about his mood filled her. Not sure what to say, she stayed silent.
He shook his head. “We really did have a happy beginning to our marriage.”
“Most beginnings are happy.”
“And then work got in the way.”
At the sadness in his voice, pain pierced her heart. He and Ginny might have divorced but they’d obviously loved each other.
She glanced around, suddenly understanding something else about Matt Patterson. He wasn’t just struggling with the idea of his life changing drastically because of getting Bella after Ginny’s death. He’d lost a woman he’d once loved and he was grieving. “You really loved her.”
He peeked over at her, as if reluctant to admit any more personal things to her. But finally he said, “Yes. But the deals always took me away.”
“You were trying to prove yourself to your stepfather.”
He barked a laugh. “If nothing else, I know you pay attention when I talk.”
Had that been an insult or a compliment? “Am I wrong?”
He shifted Bella on his arm. “No. You’re not wrong. My need to prove myself was stronger than my need to keep her.” He paused, swallowed. “The thing is, I always believed she’d stay. I believed if she loved me she’d want what I wanted.”
“But she didn’t.”
“No.”
An odd sensation enveloped her. As if she understood the sadness Ginny had felt when she’d divorced him. The disappointment that she’d lost the man she’d married, the man she’d loved.
Still, she said nothing. She felt for Matt, but she also understood Ginny. She’d barely come up on her father’s radar because of his work. It would be a hundred times sadder to lose the man you adored, the man you knew still lived somewhere deep down inside your husband.
She hoisted the diaper bag to her shoulder. “Let’s go.”
“Okay.” He followed her to the front door. But before stepping out, he took one final survey of the front foyer.
Her heart broke for him, but she couldn’t say anything comforting or soothing. He didn’t want her to, but she also knew this was something he’d have to come to terms with himself.
There were no words of comfort for someone who was guilty as charged.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CLAIRE tossed the diaper bag into the car and slid in. Matt climbed in and strapped Bella into the car seat. As Jimmy started the limo, Matt leaned back. Seeing Ginny’s house, seeing how Bella had reacted to her blanket and well-worn dog, he’d figured out some things. Ginny had turned the house they’d lived in into a home. A real home. Even without people, it hadn’t seemed empty.
