A Fruitful Intimacy

by Donna Gallagher

  Phone calls. Miserably, she imagined him talking to some other woman. Who could blame him? I’m not the same woman he married. Depressing thoughts continued to run through her mind as she sat in the cooling bath water—alone.

  As Ben shut the bathroom door behind him and walked away from his wife, he couldn’t stop the now familiar feeling of disappointment flowing through him. Fuck! For a moment, he’d believed Beth was going to reach out to him. He thought he’d seen a flicker of desire in her eyes, her cheeks holding a hint of color. Had he imagined it was in response to him entering the bathroom? Probably just the hot water causing a flush, you fool. He’d even mulled over the idea of slipping his hand into the water between Beth’s thighs to find her pussy lips to entice her into some kind of intimacy but had talked himself out of it. You selfish prick, she is exhausted. She’s finally finding a moment of peace and all you can think about is sex. No wonder your wife’s gone off you.

  Ben kept up the mental reproach of his actions all the way to the twin’s room. The personal reprimand helping to ease the erection he’d been sporting since seeing Beth’s sexy form lying so temptingly before him. Nothing helped quell the frustration he felt over the state of his marriage, though.

  Beth was his life. He couldn’t contemplate how he would survive without her. He’d probably loved her from the moment their eyes had met, the connection so immediate and intense. Maybe it had been lust at first—she’d looked so fucking hot dressed in a miniskirt and shoes, with heels that screamed “fuck me”, making her legs go on forever. But it was her eyes that had really blown his mind. Blue like the sky on a summer’s day. When he’d worked up the courage to walk over and say hello to her, her welcoming smile had lit up the whole room. It had been the moment that had changed his life—for the better. Even as young as he’d been—only nineteen at the time—Ben had known Beth to be the woman he would be with for the rest of his life.

  Beth’s love had poured into Ben’s scarred soul, the sunshine she had delivered into his life a treasure to behold. Something he’d missed very much, these past few years. She had understood him, got him.

  They’d been able to talk about anything. Many a night Ben had held Beth in his arms for hours as they’d spoken of their future hopes and plans, of the dream life they wanted to build together, with the perfect home for their future family.

  He needed that back, needed the closeness that he and Beth had once so easily shared to return. Ben wanted the chance to shower her with love, hopefully bring the sunshine back into her eyes. Her love had given him more than she could ever know—had made him whole.

  She alone had healed the wounds his mother had left by deserting him.

  Ben had contemplated changing jobs so he could spend more time at home. He had risen through the ranks of the property management firm he worked for. It was a good job, with potential to make them very comfortable. It gave the family real security, but with that kind of benefit came responsibility—the expectation of spending long hours at the office. Certainly not the sort of job where he could clock in at a specific time and out again eight hours later.

  Maybe that was what he had to do, though. If it came down to a choice between the job he enjoyed or Beth, Beth would win hands down. If he couldn’t reclaim Beth’s love over their intimate break, Ben had made the decision that he would find another way to make ends meet. He would find the kind of employment that would guarantee him more time at home, more time to spend with his family, so he could take some of the pressure off the woman he wasn’t prepared to let leave him.

  But first he had some naughty children to discipline. Then he needed to do some research into booking the day spa for Beth.

  Chapter Four

  Three weeks later…

  “Can I help with anything, honey?”

  For what seemed the hundredth time in the last hour, Ben had asked Beth the same question. She understood he was only trying to help, but having to stop and answer him was distraction enough. Beth couldn’t understand why Ben was so on edge—it wasn’t like Luke and Lucy hadn’t been to their home before. Having Ben’s brother and his wife over for dinner had become a regular occurrence. Okay, not usually on a Friday night, but still the couple was always dropping by for a family barbeque or even just a beer or coffee. For some reason, though, Ben was chomping at the bit over tonight’s visit. He’d even had half the day off work, arriving home quite unexpectedly, in the afternoon, early enough to do the school pick–up run. The whole thing was starting to feel a bit strange.

  “Like I said a minute ago when you asked me the exact same question, everything is under control. The salad is made, the fresh bread rolls are buttered, the lamb chops are marinating, ready to be cooked. There’s an apple pie in the oven, and even the beers are chilled, ready for you to drink. What’s your problem, Ben?”

  “No problem, Beth. Just trying to help… I’ll get out of your way—maybe I’ll go play some ball with the boys. Give us a yell when they get here.”

  Beth grimaced from the trace of regret—or was it sadness—she thought she’d heard in Ben’s voice, but really he had been under her feet all day. She hadn’t meant to snap at him, but he’d set her nerves on edge with his weird behavior, making her think the dinner might hold some deeper significance than the usual get-together.

  Maybe he intended to break the news to her he was leaving? Tell her about his affair. Perhaps he even believed that having his brother around would give him some support or hoped she wouldn’t make a scene in front of the in-laws.

  Beth quickly knocked that train of thought on its head. There was no way Ben would do that to her. If he were going to leave her, he would be big enough to tell her so in private. There had to be some other reason for his strange mood. Ben was no coward. He wouldn’t need his brother to hold his hand for support over this.

  Resolved not jump to any unfounded conclusions, Beth went back to work setting aside the plates, cutlery and everything else needed for the night’s meal. Cooking outside would be okay, but it was a bit cool for the boys to eat outdoors, so she set the dining room table in readiness. The front doorbell rang. Before Beth could get to the door, Luke and Lucy had let themselves in.

  “Hey, Beth, how’s it going?” Luke’s greeting echoed through the house as he stepped up to her. As usual, he grabbed her in a bear hug that ended with him lifting her up so her feet no longer touched the floor.

  “Put me down, you big oaf.” Beth chuckled in response. This had been the same greeting the pair had shared for years. Her brother-in-law was a bit of a rascal when he wanted to be.

  Way back in the early days of her relationship with Ben, Beth had worried about Luke. He had always appeared withdrawn when she’d been around. Beth had not been able to help but think the younger brother had feared she was stealing Ben away. She’d won him over quickly, though, after Ben had made her privy to his mother’s abandonment. Beth understood Luke’s fears and always made a point of including him in as many outings with them as she could. As Luke lowered Beth back to where her feet could once again touch the floor, he spoke. “C’mon, Beth, you know you look forward to me giving you some special Russell kind of loving, especially since you’re not getting any from my big brother, I hear.”

  Beth’s heart nearly stopped at Luke’s comment. Full of embarrassment, she was at a complete loss for words. Adding to her misery, Luke’s wife Lucy had also heard the very personal remark.

  “Honestly, Luke,” Lucy groaned as she elbowed Luke hard in the ribs, “sometimes I wonder why God put a tongue in that tactless mouth of yours.”

  “Ouch! That hurt,” Luke yelped. “But, babe, you love it when I use my tongue—”

  Before he could finish his comment, Lucy clamped her hand over Luke’s mouth. Much to Beth’s relief. She did not want the mental picture sure to accompany where Luke’s conversation was headed, especially given her annoyance and shock over Luke and Lucy’s apparent awareness of her current sex life—or lack thereof, in this case.
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br />   Before she could further question either of them, Beth heard the sounds of feet thumping up behind her and the ear-splitting sound of her boys all squealing with delight that Uncle Luke had arrived. All too quickly, the three boys were clamoring for his attention.

  Lucy, quite used to riots given her profession as a police officer in PORS—Public Order and Riot Squad—took charge of the situation.

  “Okay, you three hooligans, let’s paper-rock-scissors to see who gets the first five minutes pummeling Uncle Luke.”

  Beth, thankful for her sister-in-law’s help and still struggling with the humiliation caused by Luke’s comments, retreated to the kitchen to try to sort out her emotions, listening to the sounds of laughter and the robust play that was now moving through the hallway toward the back door, where it could continue in earnest in the more spacious backyard.

  No wonder Ben had been acting so agitated—he probably realized Luke would inadvertently spill the beans, letting her know he had been complaining. Serves him right—everyone knows Luke can’t keep his mouth shut. She pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down. What on earth was she going to do now? How could she face Luke and Lucy, with them knowing about her marriage problems? Well this is a fine mess. One that has gone on for far too long. I have to try and win him back. Make more time for him. What was I thinking, letting some woman nearly steal my husband from me? I have to make more of an effort. Win back Ben’s love, before it’s too late.

  As Beth was forming a battle plan in her mind, a way to entice Ben away from his lover, she looked up to find the main reason for her much needed strategy standing before her. Ben was giving her that face, the one Beth recognized as concern. The wrinkles around his eyes, the ones Beth loved, were more noticeable, as were the ones on his forehead above his nose, and Ben’s eyebrows scrunched together almost forming a V shape on his forehead. The fact she could read her husband’s facial features so clearly also gave Beth another issue to question. If she knew her husband so well, why then had she not realize he was having an affair?

  “Lucy told me what my boofhead brother said. I’m so sorry, Beth. It’s not what you think.”

  Not what I think, huh! You haven’t the slightest notion of what I’ve been thinking lately, so how the hell could you possibly know, what I think of your brother’s statement?

  “Really, Ben, is that right? Well what do you think I thought? I’ll let you know if you’re even close to the mark.”

  She’d done it again. A second before, she’d been planning on how to seduce Ben back into her bed, now she was being a bitch to him again. “Forget that, Ben. What I just said… I didn’t mean to put it that way. I’m being a bitch. It was just a shock realizing Luke knew we’re having… problems.” Her hesitation over the last word was profound, if not a bit awkward, as the truth finally aired between them came out into the open.

  For what felt like minutes, Ben just stared at her, not saying a word—not moving. Beth wondered if she had just damaged their relationship beyond repair. She clenched her hands in her lap as she took in the sight of her unhappy husband.

  The man, so devastatingly handsome, his blue eyes, now filled with an emotion that Beth couldn’t read, was still amazingly breathtaking. His broad shoulders and muscled chest filled out the black T-shirt he wore as his biceps bulged beneath the short sleeves. Blue jeans hugged the long length of his legs. Beth was only too aware of the way his bottom would look if she could see it. Scrumptious!

  Why the hell was she turning down his sexual advances? What was wrong with her? She should have been crawling up his body, begging for him to make love to her or falling to her knees, taking his length into her mouth, worshiping the man who had given her so much love and happiness not so long ago.

  When had this new Beth arrived?

  Once she had been so outgoing, full of confidence with an abundance of energy. Had this new, poorer version of Beth appeared quickly or had it been a slow degeneration of her former self?

  Beth knew the answer to her own question. The decline had been over time. Little by little her confidence had waned. She’d had such high hopes for motherhood, believing she would fall into the role naturally, with a minimum of fuss. Beth hadn’t known how hard such ordinary acts like trying to breastfeed or getting a baby to sleep, could chip away at her self-assurance. Even the simple task of putting dinner on the table at an appropriate hour had become a mountainous endeavor.

  Her own stubborn resolve to be some sort of superwoman, to breastfeed the twins, despite cracked nipples or a bout of mastitis, for instance, had led to her belief that if she did not succeed at every task she set for herself then she would fail at motherhood as a whole. Having to tick all the boxes, complete all the tasks, no matter what the cost to her emotionally and physically, had started the fissures in her relationship with Ben—with herself. The harder she tried, the more she believed she was failing. All too soon those small cracks had become a huge chasm between them.

  Beth’s intentions had been laudable. She had wanted their life to be the opposite of Ben’s childhood—wanted to prove to Ben she was nothing like his mother. However, her grand plans of Ben going off to work while she remained home, the picture of a perfect housewife and mother, had never really came to fruition. She was supposed to fill her children’s lives with only positive affirmations and love, so by the time Ben returned from work, the house would rival any home in an interior decorator’s magazine. The children would be playing board games together happily, no fighting or bickering going on, and she would be dressed in a nice frock, face made up, hair in place, ready to show her hard-working husband the love he deserved.

  How wrong she’d been, trying to create this fairytale world. Real life resembled little of what she’d read in books or watched on television. It delighted in throwing wicked curve balls her way. Just when she thought she was on top of her game, had a grip on her surroundings, one of the kids got sick or the washing machine broke down, flooding the laundry. From the time she lifted her head from her pillow every morning to when she slumped back on it at night, Beth tried to create a life that did not exist, could not exist. Her mistake in trying to be the best mother and wife she could had resulted in her losing what was most important. She had lost Beth herself—the woman Ben had loved, married. In her place this new, unhappy shrew of a woman had been born.

  The most important question, Beth asked herself, was how was she going to fix the mess she had created?

  Beth was so angry and upset. And she was right, lately he’d had no idea of what was going on in her head. Over the last few weeks, Beth’s mood had only gotten worse. She hardly even spoke to him at all now. He hated seeing her sitting in the chair like that, looking so sad—her body so rigid, full of tension, as if one more word from him could splinter her into pieces. The idea of spending any time with him, alone, was more than likely the last thing she’d want to do. All of which didn’t bode well for his grand plan.

  His stupid brother, opening his big loose mouth like that. Ben could’ve killed him. He’d wanted tonight to go smoothly, considering he was going to tell Beth about the break he had planned out for them. He believed if he told her with Luke and Lucy right there in person to ease any anxiety about their ability to look after the kids, she would happily go along with the holiday. Nobody could have anticipated Luke throwing a spanner in the works from the get go. Well, that wasn’t true. His brother had a brilliant gift for the unexpected.

  He wanted to drag her from the chair into his embrace, tuck the errant blonde strand that hung from her constantly tied back hair behind her ear and kiss her. God, he wanted to feel Beth’s lips on his own. For the life of him, Ben couldn’t remember the last time he had explored her mouth with his tongue or heard her soft whimper in response to his touch. How could they have let this happen to them? Let their relationship get so broken that he was too scared to even try to touch his own wife for fear of yet another rejection.

  Had Beth fallen out of love with him? Had he failed t
o see it? Was this trip even worth it? Had the divide between them become too great to bridge?

  Ben didn’t have those answers, didn’t really want to deal with the possible outcome. He wanted his wife back. Now was not the right time to repair the damage, not with his house echoing the sounds of laughter of his boys as they rumbled with his brother and Lucy’s voice egging them on. But later, he would convince Beth to give them another try. First, he had to follow through with the more trivial aspects of his life, cooking the meat and feeding his family.

  Ignoring his need to touch Beth, Ben turned away from her and grabbed the tray of meat from the bench. “I need to get this cooked. The barbeque plate is getting too hot.” He walked from the kitchen, did not look back to see if Beth remained at the table, if she was looking his way or not. The quicker he got this done, the quicker he could reveal his idea to her.

  Ben just prayed that it wasn’t too little, too late.

  Chapter Five

  This dinner was turning into a disaster. Beth was more withdrawn than he’d ever seen her. It was obvious Luke and Lucy had also picked up on it. Luke kept giving him that wide eyed ‘what’s going on?’ look and Ben had no answer for him. He had tried to get everyone talking but it wasn’t working. It was so eerily quiet Ben could hear the scraping of cutlery on china, as everyone ate their meals.

  “This salad is tasty, Beth. Did you use a different dressing?” Lucy asked, and Ben could have kissed his sister-in-law for attempting to get some sort of conversation going. Usually Beth loved talking new recipes with Lucy.

  “No, same as last time.” The weariness in Beth’s tone was not hard to miss as her reply shut down any hope of expanding the conversation, so Ben decided to try another avenue.

  “Had any good riots lately, Lucy?”