by DJ Jamison
Helen dashed away the tears and nodded. “I’ve got coffee on in the kitchen.”
The day passed in a flurry of phone calls, social media posts and varied trips to the bookstore, library, mall — anywhere they could possibly find him. Trent harassed the police, but they were stubbornly unhelpful, even after he explained the circumstances. Wade was a runaway in their eyes, and he hadn’t yet been gone 24 hours, so they wouldn’t take a report.
Finally, around 2 p.m., they caught a break. On a whim, Trent posted on his own social media accounts. He’d friended both the kids when he left town.
Rather than focus on Wade’s missing status, he focused on his own return to the city.
“Back in KC and visiting my favorite family in the world. Not sure how long I can stay.”
Two minutes after he posted, he saw a like from Wade.
He showed it to Helen. “Look, he’s online.”
She grabbed his phone from his hands and stared at that little Facebook like as it was a life preserver. Maybe for a mother worried about her son’s safety, it was.
“He’s really okay,” she said with a trembling voice.
“Yeah.”
“I was so afraid …”
Trent didn’t have to ask what she feared. Once you lost your husband to suicide, it would be difficult for your mind not to go there. What if Wade was so grief-stricken over his father he took the same way out? The whole family needed counseling, and Trent put that high on his mental list of things to do before returning to Ashe. But first, he needed to get Wade home.
He pulled up his messenger app.
Trent: You going to come see me while I’m here?
He and Helen waited a gut-wrenching 15 minutes for the little chat box to fill with words. A little notation indicated the message had been seen. Now, they had to hang tough and see if Wade would take the bait. Trent didn’t want to get too pushy and scare him off.
“He’s not answering,” Helen fretted.
“Give him time,” Trent said. “Play it cool. We know he’s okay.”
“We think he’s okay,” she countered. “Anyone could be on that account.”
He rubbed her back, soothing her worries. It was true, but unlikely, that someone could be using his account. Wade left here in a fury. There was no reason to believe he’d come to any harm.
Finally, just as Trent was about to agree with Helen that Wade wasn’t going to bite, a message chimed.
Wade: You’re at our house?
Trent: Yep
Wade: So you know what I did
Trent: You mean hitting your mom or taking off and scaring her to death?
Wade: She’s scared?
Trent: Of course. You’ve been gone all night, kiddo
Wade: Thought she’d be glad. All we do is fight
Trent: She’s not glad. She loves you. Come home, and we’ll figure it out
There was a long pause. Trent was worried he’d lost him, but finally the message he’d hoped for arrived.
Wade: Ok. Be there soon
***
Xavier answered a video call on his phone around 8 p.m. the day after Trent left for Kansas City. He answered it eagerly, even though he had studying to do. He’d been too distracted to focus on much of anything between the lack of sleep and the worry about Trent and the state of the family that meant so much to him.
“Hey, babe,” he said. “You look rough.”
Trent smiled wanly, his eyes drooping with exhaustion. His skin was a shade too pale, unless it was just the crappy lighting in the video. Xavier couldn’t see much except Trent’s face in the screen.
“Long day,” Trent said, “but I wanted to see your face.”
“Still a sap,” Xavier teased, even as his heart fluttered at the sentiment. He’d needed a connection to Trent, too. But Trent’s low energy worried him. “Everything okay? Did you guys find Wade?”
Trent nodded. “Yeah, he took off out of shame. He came home and we all had a chat. It wasn’t pretty. Wade’s got a lot of bottled up anger and grief. The whole family needs counseling.”
“I can imagine,” Xavier said. He was at a loss of what to say. He wanted to ask when Trent was coming home, but he didn’t want to seem like a self-centered asshole. He tried to frame the question in a less self-serving way.
“So, you have some ideas about how to help them get to a better place?”
Trent nodded. “I have some ideas, yeah. I need to sit down with Helen and have a long talk about how to get them the help they need. I’m probably going to need a few days at least, Xav. Maybe longer. I just don’t think I can leave them like this. Wade’s angry, and Helen’s sad, and her daughter is a walking zombie.”
Xavier swallowed his protests. He’d pushed Trent away for so long, and then just when he’d gotten used to having him close, he was far away. It seemed like the world was conspiring against them, but he needed to stay positive for Trent’s sake. The man had enough guilt without Xavier adding to it with his own petulant needs.
“I understand.”
“I’m sorry. I get that this isn’t the best time. We were just figuring out how to be together again.”
Xavier waved it off, and smiled for Trent. He was under too much stress to worry about their relationship right now.
“Are you kidding? I’m busy as hell with school. This is a good time. I can focus on getting through my final year and graduating, and you can focus on what you need to do there. As long as you come back to me eventually …”
“Definitely, sexy. I can’t live without a regular fix of Xavier James.”
Xavier rolled his eyes, but he felt marginally better. “Okay, cornball. Go talk to Helen, and then get some sleep. Keep me updated, okay? Even if you can only spare a quick text. I want to know what’s going on as much as possible.”
“I will.”
“I love you,” Xavier added.
“Love you too,” Trent said. “Talk soon.”
***
As much as Xavier missed Trent, he was telling the truth about being crazy busy. He didn’t have much time to dwell on his boyfriend’s absence. He was heading into finals, doing a rather stressful rotation in the ER— trauma was so not his thing — and helping Twyla run her kids to an assortment of spring sports. All the while, he was fitting in landscaping jobs here and there because he still needed to pay bills before graduation.
But God was he ever looking forward to being done with school and actually making money as a nurse, instead of running himself ragged. Between studying late in the night for finals and picking up early morning hours with the landscaping company, Xavier pretty much gave up sleep and existed on a stream of cigarettes and coffee.
He was deep in a study guide at the back of a chapter when Trent called. Even though he was in the zone, he made time to pick up. Their calls had been intermittent, but they’d both made an effort when they could. Especially since a few days away had turned into an indefinite amount of time, with Trent dodging Xavier’s every attempt to get an ETA on his return.
“Hey, babe,” he said as he picked up the call.
“Damn, you sound sexy,” Trent said. A second later his voice sounded critical. “Have you been smoking?”
Xavier laughed. One benefit to smoking that not even Trent could deny was that it put a gravel in his voice that was appealing.
“I’ve been studying like crazy. It keeps me awake.”
Trent sighed. “Xavier …”
“It’s my one vice. Give me a break. I’ve been working my ass off.”
“I know,” Trent said. “You work too hard. When you’re done with school, no more smokes. Okay?”
“Yeah, okay. When you come back, no more smoking.”
Xavier had to put that out there, because despite Trent saying he’d be back, he’d already been in Kansas City for two weeks. Wade had been found safe and sound, but the family was falling apart in their grief and Helen needed help with the kids.
Xavier was beginning to believe th
at Trent might move back there. He wasn’t even sure he could get angry about that. Not in these circumstances. But it was all too easy to feel heartbroken.
“It’s a deal,” Trent said. “Things are getting better here. But um …”
“Yeah?”
“They can’t keep going like this. Helen can’t do this alone.”
“Ah,” Xavier said, his heart sinking. “So, you’re not coming back.”
“No, I am! It’s just complicated.”
“Right. Well, I’d be a huge hypocrite if I asked you to put me ahead of family, even a surrogate family. So, I can’t ask for that.”
“But you want me to?”
Xavier sighed. He didn’t have the energy for this. “No, not really. Take care of them, okay? I have to go. I’m studying.”
“Xav …”
“No, I … it’s fine. I have a test, so I really need to focus, and this isn’t helping.”
“Baby, I’m sorry. I love you. I’m doing my best here, okay?”
“Yeah, Trent. I know.”
Xavier couldn’t bring himself to tell Trent he loved him too. If he did, the hopelessness would rise. Better to avoid thoughts of Trent at all.
“I’ll talk to you later,” he said. “I really do have to hit the books.”
Chapter Twenty
May
Trent had never felt so stressed in his life.
He wanted nothing more than to return to Xavier before the relationship he worked so hard to rekindle went cold and dark. Xavier had been more withdrawn with every phone call or text exchange— and that was when he bothered to take Trent’s calls. He knew Xavier was trying to protect himself, but he didn’t want Xav to ever have to protect his heart from Trent. He wanted Xavier to have faith in him.
Every time he attempted to untangle himself from Helen and the kids there was some new crisis that kept him from leaving. First, they had to deal with Wade’s anger and acting out. He spent two days talking the family into scheduling grief counseling. Then he discovered the mess of paperwork and bills that Helen was still struggling to sort out since Byron’s death. Then there was the flat-out depression that kept her from interacting with her kids as she should, and soon he found himself going to school concerts and basketball games, anything to give the kids some sense of normalcy.
He’d come to the conclusion that he couldn’t just walk away from the family. Not at any point. And he couldn’t give up Xavier, either. So, he started a whole new campaign to figure out how to bring his two lives together. After a few long talks with Helen, he had a workable plan. But it was something he wanted to explain to Xavier in person.
After four weeks away, three ignored phone calls and twice as many texts unanswered, he knew he had to make contact before Xavier wrote him off for good. He might not be able to return to Ashe for good yet, but he could make a quick trip to reassure his boyfriend.
If he still had one.
***
Xavier let himself into Trent’s apartment, dumping his heavy backpack onto the sofa and moving toward the kitchen to get a drink.
“So, you are alive.”
Xavier shouted and jumped, his heart hammering in his chest hard enough to hurt. “Jesus, fuck. You almost gave me a heart attack,” he told Trent.
His boyfriend stood in the entrance to the hallway leading to the bedroom and bathroom. He leaned one shoulder against the door frame, hands tucked in his jeans pockets, casual as could be. As if it wasn’t a startling sight to see him in his own apartment these days.
“Sorry.”
“So, you’re back?” Xavier asked, crossing the room toward him.
The last time they’d spoken, Trent had been so clueless about how he’d ever leave Kansas City that Xavier truly expected their next call to be a goodbye. Hence avoiding Trent’s calls.
Trent didn’t smile as expected, and Xavier faltered. Shit. Maybe he had it right the first time. Trent might be here to pack up the rest of his belongings for a permanent return to Kansas City.
“I’m here to talk,” Trent said, only strengthening Xavier’s fears.
“Are you here to tell me goodbye?” Xavier whispered.
“No, baby. Is that what you think?” Trent closed the few feet between them, sliding a hand around the nape of Xavier’s neck and tugging him into the hug he’d wanted so badly. “It’s not simple, but it isn’t goodbye.”
Trent gripped Xavier’s hair, tugging his head up to look in his eyes. Xavier felt uncomfortable under Trent’s intense gaze, as if his boyfriend could see all his insecurities glowing in neon letters on his face.
He closed his eyes, needing an escape. And when Trent kissed him, he didn’t fight it. He desperately needed that feeling of connection to Trent.
He opened his mouth under the press of Trent’s lips and tongue, clutching at Trent’s waist to anchor himself. Forget his knees going weak; his entire body felt weak. All the emotion he’d suppressed during the weeks Trent was away threatened to burst out, and he honestly didn’t know if he was going to explode in anger or ecstasy.
Trent grabbed his shirt, tugging it up, and they broke the kiss long enough to get it over Xavier’s head. Then they crashed together again, kissing fiercely and pulling at each other’s clothes. Xavier was aware on some level that they were moving down the hall toward the bedroom, but most of his focus was on the heat of Trent’s body against his; the feel of Trent’s hard cock jabbing almost painfully into Xavier’s belly, proof of how much he still wanted him; and the teeth, lips and tongue devouring his mouth until he was light-headed.
He landed on the bed with a thump, grunting as Trent bounced on top of him.
They should be talking things out, maybe, but the feel of Trent against him was so much better. Xavier was in no hurry to sever himself from this man.
“Oops,” Trent said with a laugh. “This isn’t going how I planned.”
“You had a plan?” Xavier asked breathlessly.
They were speaking, but they hadn’t stopped touching each other. Xavier’s palms skated over Trent’s back, caressing his warm skin and soaking in the feel of Trent’s weight pressing him down into the mattress. Trent was solid, real, there.
Trent straddled him, pressing his hips down to grind their jeans-covered cocks together. “Yeah, but you’re so distracting,” he murmured, dropping a kiss to the hollow of Xavier’s throat.
Xavier’s hands slipped lower, squeezing and kneading Trent’s sexy ass and encouraging him to rock harder against him.
“Sorry,” Xavier said, not meaning it at all.
Trent laughed. “Yeah, you’re not. But it’s not too late.”
He grabbed Xavier’s right hand and pulled it from his ass, guiding it up and over his head. Xavier let himself be manhandled, but snapped his head back to look up at his wrist in surprise when he felt fabric tighten around it.
Trent grabbed his other hand, lifting it to his lips to kiss, and then guided it above Xavier’s head to be fastened to the headboard with another tie. Xavier didn’t wear ties, but Trent had a closetful.
“Are you fucking with me?”
Xavier wasn’t so sure about being tied up today, when he was feeling so vulnerable. For all he knew, this was going to be their last fuck before Trent went back to KC and never returned. He said it wasn’t goodbye, but he also didn’t say he was staying in Ashe.
“I hope to be real soon.”
Xavier rolled his eyes, and Trent grinned as he tugged on the tie to make sure Xavier was secure without being uncomfortable.
“There. Now, let me know if anything goes numb. I’d hate to have to amputate.” At Xavier’s flat expression, he added, “Just a little bad surgeon humor.”
“Funny,” Xavier said flatly. “So, I guess you’re no longer opposed to going back to your old life as a surgeon, huh?”
Trent looked down, frowning. “I might go back to the OR, but that’s not the same as going back to my old life. That life was empty and without you.”
“But yo
u keep avoiding my questions about when you’ll be back. I figured maybe—”
Trent pressed a finger to his lips. “I’m going to explain it all. But you need to learn to trust me, Xav. That’s what this is all about,” he said, gesturing to Xavier’s wrists bound to the headboard.
Xavier eyed his wrists. He wasn’t entirely comfortable with it, but he trusted Trent with his body. He wouldn’t hurt him.
“I’m not sure how this proves my trust, but okay.”
Trent dropped a kiss on his lips, before moving to his throat. “Thank you,” he whispered against Xavier’s skin, before he trailed kisses down his chest, pausing to nibble at Xav’s nipples. Xavier squirmed, tugging his wrists a bit, and the feeling of being restrained was a definite turn-on, even if he wasn’t convinced it would make him trust in Trent’s declarations to return to Ashe eventually. He wanted assurances, not vague avoidance.
Trent gradually worked his way to Xavier’s jeans, popping the button and working them down over his hips.
“Think of it like a trust-building exercise. In business, they make you fall backward and rely on the person behind you to catch you. We’re just doing the X-rated version,” he said with a wink.
“Does that mean you’re going to catch me?”
Trent caught his double entendre, raising his eyes to meet Xavier’s gaze. “I guess you’ll have to wait and see.”
Xavier’s heart fluttered, though he didn’t think Trent was serious. He’d never fucked him. His dick was larger than average, and Trent had never been inclined to try bottoming when they were together in high school. They hadn’t had much chance to discuss the possibility since they got back together. Xavier was versatile, but he could live with it if Trent wasn’t.
Trent didn’t offer up any more clues. He finished tugging off Xavier’s jeans and boxer briefs— shaking his head mournfully at the utilitarian underwear.
“No pretty panties for me today,” he said.
“They’re not exactly comfortable for everyday wear.”
