Born In Sin

by Kinley MacGregor

  "More's the pity, then."

  "How so?"

  "We all need to play from time to time. Is that not right, Simon?"

  Sin glanced over to see Simon eavesdropping. The man nodded. "Indeed it is, milady. But I can attest, Sin has never known a moment's worth of it. Not even as a child."

  A deep frown crossed her brow as she regarded Sin. "Is that true?"

  "Not entirely. I did have a few years of fun with my brothers and a moment or two with Simon in our youth."

  Her frown lightened, putting a sudden glow into her light green eyes. "You have brothers?"

  "Aye. I had four of them."

  "Had?"

  "One died a few years back."

  The joy left her face, and to his amazement, she gently patted his arm in sympathy. "I'm very sorry for the loss. You must miss him much."

  In truth, he did. Though he hadn't seen Kieran since Kieran was Jamie's age, Sin still held fond memories of his younger brother. The knowledge that his brothers had all been home and were being cared for was the only thing that had made his hell bearable growing up. As he had suffered at the hands of Harold and the others, he had reminded himself that if not for him, one of his brothers would have been tortured in his place.

  Better he should be beaten and humiliated than any of them. They were good and decent, and they deserved only the best that life could provide for them.

  "We have a brother, too," Jamie said. "Dermot the doormat."

  "Jamie!" Caledonia snapped. "He would have your head for that."

  "It's better than what he calls me."

  "Your older brother?" Sin asked her.

  "Nay. I am the eldest."

  He nodded. "That explains much."

  "Much of what?"

  "The way you treat Jamie. The way you're so determined to get home even when you know you stand no chance."

  Callie frowned at him. "You are the eldest?"

  He gave a subtle nod.

  They reined to a stop just before the stable. Simon slid down with Jamie while Sin helped her down.

  "Simon, can you see her back to her room without—"

  Simon cleared his throat loudly. "Remember, there will be no mention of that."

  Sin smiled wryly. "Fine. Can you get her back without any more of that-which-will-remain unmentioned happening again? Or do I need to hire a bodyguard for you as well?"

  Callie bit her lip impishly. "We will play nicely with Simon, won't we, Jamie?"

  "If you say so, Callie."

  She watched as Sin left them. Then she reached for Jamie's hand and walked back to the castle, with Simon by her side. "Simon, how long have you known Lord Sin?"

  "He was nine when King Stephen sent him to foster with my stepfather."

  So, he had known him for quite some time. That was good. Mayhap this knight could help her better understand the man who would be her husband.

  As they entered the castle, Jamie pulled away from her and bounded up the stairs ahead of them.

  "Know you why he is so sad?" she asked.

  Simon gave her a suspicious stare. "How did you—"

  "His eyes. He hides it well, but every now and again I see it."

  Simon took a deep breath as they climbed the dark stairs. A muscle worked in his jaw, as if he were warring within himself over whether or not he should tell her anything about his friend. Finally he spoke. "He has many reasons, milady."

  "Such as?"

  "I was just a boy when Sin was brought to us, but I remember that night vividly. King Stephen's men had been unkind to him on his long journey to our home, and when he entered the great hall, his eyes were blackened from punches. His nose was still bleeding and his lips and jaw swollen. It looked as if they had dragged him the whole way to Ravenswood over the roughest roads they could find.

  "They had shackled him in irons about his neck and hands. Still, he stood erect and faced Harold of Ravenswood with a strength and dignity few men possessed. The old earl was renowned only for his cruelty and love of all things brutal, and as such even the stoutest of heart was known to grow a bit pale when they looked upon him. And yet here was a boy who stood without flinching. One who met the earl with his lips curled and his eyes narrowed in hatred. Harold asked him how it came to be that he held such courage before him."

  Simon dropped his voice and whispered in her ear so that Jamie wouldn't overhear his words. "Sin said he was hell-spawned from the loins of a whore and sired by a heartless bastard."

  She sucked in her breath at such horrendous words. She could barely imagine a child saying such.

  "He told Harold that he had no soul and there was nothing Harold could ever do to hurt him." His eyes bleak, Simon sighed. "All I can say to that is that Harold took up that challenge and did everything he could to make Sin bow down to him in fear."

  Her chest drew tight at the words. She slid her gaze to Jamie as the lad swept into their room, and tried to imagine him in such a state. All little Jamie had ever known was loving arms and a doting family. She didn't even want to think what it would take to make a child like the one Simon described. Just how much had Sin suffered? And why? Why would anyone do such a thing to a mere lad?

  Everyone deserved love. It was what her mother, God rest her soul, had always taught her.

  "Why was he in chains?" she asked as they joined Jamie in the room.

  Talking loudly to himself, her brother knelt before their trunk and started digging out the toys Aelfa had brought for him. He lined the knights up and catapulted them with his shoes while she and Simon went to stand by the window.

  "Sin was a political hostage. Sent as a guarantee that his father would no longer oppose King Stephen."

  Callie grew quiet as she remembered the story one of the courtiers had told her of William the Marshal after she had met William her first day at King Henry's court. Like Sin, William had once been handed over to King Stephen in guarantee of his father's good behavior. When William's father returned to warring against the king, Stephen had almost killed the lad.

  What she remembered most were the cruel words John Fitz Gilbert had shouted down to Stephen when the king reminded him of his son William, who would bear the punishment of his father's actions: Go ahead and kill him. I have hammer and anvil with which to forge even stronger sons.

  It was obvious Sin's father had been of like mind. How horrible for Sin. Her own father would have killed any man who even looked askance at one of his children.

  Simon caught one of the toy knights as it flew through the air and handed it back to Jamie, who whooped and howled at his game.

  "Tell me, Simon, is there a lady Lord Sin fancies?"

  Simon shook his head as he returned to her side. "He keeps his own company. He learned long ago to trust no one. Not even a woman."

  "Meaning?"

  "He has many enemies at court. Including some who would gladly kill him if the opportunity ever presented itself. Women as well as men."

  Callie couldn't imagine living a life in which no one could be trusted. "And he has no friends?"

  "He has me and King Henry."

  "Nay, Simon. He just has you."

  Simon frowned. "I don't understand."

  "If Henry were really his friend, he wouldn't ask Sin to venture into an unfriendly country where he would be even less welcome than he is here."

  Simon gave her an appreciative look. "True enough, milady."

  Simon excused himself and took Jamie out to play before the lad destroyed the room.

  Seating herself at her dressing table, Callie tried to think what she should do. Part of her knew it was the worst sort of foolishness to bring an Englishman into her clan, and yet another part of her was fascinated by Lord Sin and the possibility that he could be the bridge between her clan and the English.

  She was well past the age of marriage. Years ago, she'd been promised to a man who had died of illness mere months before their wedding. She'd spent two years mourning him. Just as she reached the end of that per
iod, her father had died. Since then, she had been too occupied with the problems of her clan and the unknown rebels to think about a husband.

  How she wished Morna was here. Jamie's mother was good at thinking through matters such as these. She would help her decide what was best.

  But then, Callie knew the answer in her heart. She had to get home before the rebels or her uncle attacked the English to get her back. Her Uncle Aster wouldn't rest until she and Jamie were home, and there was no telling how many of her clan would perish in that foolishness.

  If Sin kept his word and left his men behind, then perhaps there could be peace. Perhaps the men of her clan could see the English weren't so terribly bad. Of course, from what she'd seen, some of them were demons incarnate; but then, even some of her precious Scots could be a bit bloodthirsty as well.

  Oh, what was she to do?

  Her head ached as thoughts and doubts chased each other around.

  The door to her room opened. Callie looked up to find Aelfa standing pale in the doorway, wringing her hands. Though they hadn't known each other long, the lass had come to mean a great deal to Callie. Aelfa had been her only friend and confidante these weeks past, and had aided her in ways that would have the tiny woman beaten if anyone ever learned of it.

  Now the dear soul looked as if she'd seen the devil himself on her heels. "Aelfa, what is it?"

  She moved forward, biting her lip and twisting her wide sleeve in her hands. "Oh, milady, I just be hearing something awful, I have, and I know not who to tell or what to do about it. Maybe I should just forget what I heard. Aye, forget it." She looked around a bit wildly as she nodded in silent agreement with whatever words were in her head.

  Aelfa froze and her large brown eyes widened even more. "But if I do and he dies, then I would be responsible. God might not forgive that. Would it make me an accomplice? Aye, I think it would. The king himself might want me dead for that one. Oh, Lord, I'm too young to die. I haven't even a husband yet, nor children. I don't want to die yet. Nay!"

  Callie pressed her fingers to her temple in an effort to follow the woman's prattle. She took Aelfa's arm in a gentle grasp and tried to get the lass to calm a bit and explain what had her so distraught. "Aelfa, what exactly did you hear?"

  "Men talking in a room down the stairs."

  Now, that, unlike her previous monologue, made sense. "What were they saying?"

  The lass crossed herself, her eyes turning wild again. "They said they were going to kill Lord Sin tonight so that one of them could marry you for your lands. He said he'd be teaching them—beg your pardon, milady—them Highland dogs how to mind their betters, and that he would train the—beg pardon again—Scots bitch to heel."

  Callie's heart froze at the words as disbelief tore through her. It was quickly followed by rage and indignation. Just who would dare say such?

  "Have you told his lordship?" she asked the young maid.

  "Nay. He scares me too much."

  Callie patted her on the arm in gratitude. "Thank you, Aelfa. I'll tell him myself."

  When she reached the door, Aelfa's voice stopped her. "Milady, you realize that should they kill him, you won't have to marry him?"

  The thought had never entered her mind. And even now that it had, her choice was clear.

  She couldn't stand by and see a man slaughtered. Especially one to whom she owed so much. Regardless of what others thought, she knew the heart of the black knight, and it wasn't so dark or forbidding.

  Without another word, she left the room in search of Lord Sin.

  * * *

  Chapter 5

  « ^ »

  Sin stood in the center of Henry's throne room, waiting for the king's return. Why he bothered, he couldn't imagine.

  Henry had made his decision clear. Sin was to find the Scots rebel leader and kill him.

  There was nothing unusual about the order. He'd murdered more than once at Henry's command. It was what made him anathema to the court. An abomination to the pope.

  It was also what had saved his life as a boy.

  He'd only been ten-and-four when he'd taken his first life. He'd never forget that moment. Scared and shaking, he had followed his orders and gone into the man's room at a local inn. The man had been nothing more than a poor pilgrim who had come to Outremer to pray. The Old Man of the Mountain, the leader of the Saracens who had bought and trained him, had ordered the pilgrim slain and Sin knew that had he failed, they would have taken him out and…

  He shook his head to banish the memory.

  He didn't like to remember the past. There were no happy memories of childhood or of anything else.

  All he remembered was the wanting.

  Yearning for a mother's kindness. A father's gentle hand. What he had gotten was innumerable insults and beatings. Torture at times so cruel and severe that he wondered how he had managed to survive it with his mind and body intact. Then again, maybe his mind wasn't so sound after all. Surely no one could survive what he had and be left normal.

  Day by day, sometimes even hour by hour, he had suffered through and emerged so strong that no one could touch him now.

  He was granite. And he fully intended to stay that way.

  Sin cocked his head as he heard a sound. It was the soft whispering of leather against stone. So slight, most men would not have heard it at all, but for a man whose lack of vigilance had cost him dearly in his youth, it was mammoth.

  From the shadows he saw a man emerge with a dagger. In an instant, he knew the man who attacked him. Though why it surprised him, he had no idea. Roger's enmity toward him was nothing new.

  Sin rolled his eyes as the fool rushed him with the dagger raised. "Roger, this is a mistake."

  Before the knight could comment, two more attacked.

  Sin sighed disgustedly. They knew he was unarmed. No one was allowed through the main entrance of the throne room bearing arms. Not that it mattered.

  He caught Roger with his foot and kicked him back. The knight went sprawling.

  The next man he knew not at all. It didn't matter. Sin hit the ground in a roll and knocked him off balance, then twisted the sword from his grasp.

  Sin heard the rasping swoosh of Roger tossing a dagger toward his back and the door opening. Instinctively, he dropped to the floor. The dagger whizzed past and embedded itself into the chest of the man he had been about to fight. The man gasped as he sank to his knees.

  The man he'd disarmed ran out the open door while Sin turned to see Callie standing there in shock.

  Roger started for him, but Callie jerked at the rug beneath Roger's feet and sent the man sprawling.

  Hiding his amusement at her aid, Sin angled his stolen sword at Roger as the knight slowly regained his feet while Callie stepped back to observe them.

  The knight's eyes glared his hatred and Sin was amazed Roger didn't run and hide. It was what the knight did best.

  Sin lowered his confiscated sword. "Care to explain?"

  "Explain what? That someone needs to kill you? Everyone knows you need to die. How many sleeping throats have you cut in the name of Henry?"

  Sin heard a soft gasp at the words. He glanced behind Roger to see Caledonia covering her mouth with one hand, her eyes wide. Now she knew the truth of him.

  So be it. He'd never hidden from what he was.

  Perhaps it was for the best. Now she would hate him as everyone else did. It would make avoiding her all the easier.

  And yet something inside him shriveled at the thought of her hating him. It made no sense to him at all. But then, few things in life did.

  Roger looked to the woman and his eyes narrowed. "Does she know you were a hashishin?"

  Sin took a deep breath as he recalled the way his masters had thoroughly trained him in ways to take a man's life. He saw the confusion on Caledonia's face as she regarded the two of them.

  "She doesn't know the Saracen term assassin, Roger."

  "She knows the term murderer. That's what you are. You are a
filthy murdering dog with no conscience or morals."

  Sin lifted the tip of the sword to Roger's throat. "You've said enough. Any more words, and I will show you firsthand what my Saracen trainers taught me."

  Roger paled.

  The gilded oak doors opened to admit Henry and his guard. The king drew up sharply as he caught sight of Sin in the middle of the room with his sword at Roger's throat. "What is this?"

  Henry's guards came around to protect their king.

  Sin stepped back and handed the sword hilt first to one of the guards. "Nothing of any great import, Sire. 'Tis only another attempt on my life."

  Callie stood in shock at Sin's bored tone. It was as if he thought little of the fact that the man had just sought his death.

  Rage suffused Henry's face as he confronted the handsome knight who was almost a head shorter than him. "Any good reason why you felt the need to kill our advisor?"

  Roger glared his hatred at Sin. "He killed my father in cold blood and yet you reward him like some treasured hound. 'Tis obscene the way no one dares make him pay for what he's done."

  Henry's eyes narrowed dangerously. "We understand you are upset, but we stringently advise you to counsel that tongue, lest you find our wrath falling full force onto your head."

  Roger stepped back and turned his chastised gaze to the floor.

  Henry glanced to Sin. "Is it true? Did you kill his father?"

  Callie saw pain flare in Sin's eyes a moment before he shielded it.

  Sin shrugged. "How would I know? I never knew my victims' names."

  By Sin's expression, she could tell he did remember their faces. There was such a haunted look to him that she had no doubt it troubled him still.

  "See?" Roger snarled. "He doesn't deny it. I want justice for my family."

  "Justice, sir, or were you after a more selfish end?" The words left her mouth before she realized she'd spoken.

  Suddenly all the men turned to look at her.

  Callie shifted nervously. "I was told you came to kill him so that one of you could marry me and put down my people."

  "You lie!"

  Henry cocked a brow at her words. "How do you know this?"