Red Red Rose

by Stephanie Hoffman McManus

  Then they jerked open and I sucked in a deep breath. The hand was no longer wrapped around my throat. The only shadows left were the ones cast by the bit of moonlight streaming in my bedroom window. I lay there, staring up the ceiling waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dark and my rapid breathing to slow.

  Just a nightmare, I told myself, but my heart thudded fiercely as if I was still in the dream. Or maybe it was because I’d awoken from one nightmare right into another.

  Emily.

  If Shaw hurt her . . .

  I swallowed and fought back angry tears. I was swamped by overwhelming feelings of helplessness and uselessness. It was impossible to get back to sleep after that.

  I thought back over the last month and every conversation I had with Shaw. Every look, every shared smile, and touch. Every kiss. Where did I miss it? I couldn’t be that blind, but I couldn’t find a single sign or clue anywhere that said he was anything but the guy he showed me. Hell, he passed the dad test. The only one who hadn’t been fooled was maybe James. He’d been wary of him all along, and I’d ignored it, passing it off as jealousy. I wished I could talk to him now, ask him what he’d seen that I hadn’t.

  It was two in the morning and I had no clue what part of the country James was in, or if he was even in this country, but on the small chance that he might answer and be able to provide some insight that would help me, I sat up and reached for my phone on the nightstand and dialed his number. It rang until his voicemail picked up. At the cue, I left my message.

  “Hey, it’s Nora. I don’t know what time it is where you’re at, or if you’ll get this anytime soon, but if you do, could you call me back as soon as you can.” I hoped he wouldn’t be able to hear the tremors in my voice on the recording. “I just– Spencer’s being held for questioning right now. I don’t know if Monroe has kept you updated since you left, but they’re pretty sure they’ve got the guy and I . . . I just want to know how I could have missed it.” My voice broke at the end and I drew in a shaky breath.

  “So, uh, if you could call me back . . . I hope you’re safe,” I added and then ended the call and tossed my phone down on the mattress, falling back onto my pillow.

  Every time I closed my eyes after that, I saw the same thing; Shaw hovering over me as he tried to kill me. There were no fluffy sheep around to count, and sleep evaded me. After a while I gave up chasing it, and climbed out of bed. It was nearly four. I slid my feet into my fuzzy slippers and went straight to the coffee pot, under no illusion that I would be able to make it through this day with anything less than a constant caffeine drip.

  While the coffee brewed, I went through the house flipping on all the lights. This morning, I found the dark unbearable. There was also a chill in the air that I couldn’t shake, even though the thermostat remained on seventy-two. The heat of the cup felt good in my hands as I sipped my coffee, letting the hot, rich brew warm its way down into my belly. What I really needed was a hot shower.

  I took the coffee with me into the bathroom. Glancing at the large bath opposite the shower I thought about how long it had been since I’d enjoyed a bubble bath. I had plenty of time this morning and couldn’t resist filling the old tub with hot water and vanilla bubbles.

  My entire body sighed with relief, even as I winced slightly at the near-scalding heat, when I slowly lowered myself into the tub. Once my body had adjusted, I tipped my head back and let my eyes close for just a minute.

  I reached for my coffee on the counter, unable to avoid dripping water and bubbles on the floor as I drank from the cup. More water splashed over the side when I leaned further over the edge and started up the music player on my phone. Then I sank back into the bubbles and once again allowed my eyes to shut while Colbie Callait’s soft voice filled the bathroom.

  The next time my eyes opened, it was because someone was pounding on my front door. I didn’t know how long I’d been out, but the water had cooled significantly. I rose quickly from the tub, dripping even more on the floor, but not taking the time to clean it up before I hurriedly threw on my robe and went to see who was at my door this early.

  I looked through the windows onto the porch and there was one second where I wanted to pretend I wasn’t home, before I disarmed the alarm and pulled the front door open. “Good morning, Officer Nielson.”

  “Nora, you know you can call me Ben.”

  “Do you have news?” I was anxious and fearful all in one breath.

  “I’m afraid I do.” His face took on a grim appearance and I held my breath, waiting for him to break it to me, fearing the worst. “We had to cut Spencer Shaw loose this morning.”

  “Oh,” I let out my breath, and the tiniest bit of hope sparked to life inside my chest. “He’s not the guy?” As much as I wanted him caught, I didn’t want it to be Shaw. Before the relief that he was innocent could really settle in, Ben dashed all that hope.

  “I wish I could say that’s why we let him go, but I’m certain it’s him.” I could see he was having a hard time holding back his frustration. “He had pictures of them in his hotel room, Nora. He had pictures of Emily.”

  My heart plummeted. “Then why was he released?”

  Ben grunted, “Hell if I know. It was enough we could have held onto him another twenty-four hours. It would have given us time to collect more evidence, but Monroe doesn’t let us lowly boys in blue in on his investigation.” I detected more than just a little bitterness. “All he would say is that there wasn’t enough to keep him. Everything is circumstantial, and then he actually had the gall to say if we were doing our jobs better, maybe they’d have enough evidence to bring up charges. I’m telling you, since the FBI waltzed in and took over the case, they haven’t done a damn thing besides spew psychology mumbo-jumbo, and make excuses for why they haven’t caught this guy yet. But we’re the incompetent ones,” he snorted, and then seemed to realize he was letting himself get worked up.

  He looked away, pulling it together, but I could still see the tightness in his jaw and the way his hands clenched. He brought his gaze back to mine, letting out a heavy breath. “If Shaw walks it will be because these clowns in suits have their heads so far up their own asses they can’t build the damn case we need. I’m telling you Nora, everything is pointing to this guy, which is why I had to come over and give you the heads up. I wasn’t sure if Parker would call you or not, and I don’t know if Shaw will try to make contact with you or get the hell out of town because he knows we’re onto him, but just be careful. It’s bad enough that I couldn’t protect Emily from this guy, but she’d never forgive me if I let something happen to you too.”

  I promised Ben I would stay alert and cautious and call him right away if Shaw made an appearance. He said he’d try to see to it that a patrol car swung by here and the shop regularly, but wasn’t sure that he could make it happen. I thanked him for everything he’d done and was trying to do to and then watched him climb into his patrol car before heading into the kitchen to start my breakfast.

  The sun had yet to make its appearance for the day when I had to leave for work. I secured the house with the alarm and then forced myself to brave the day ahead. Clint was walking Shep past my house when I pulled out of the drive. I stopped and rolled down my window when they approached the driver’s side.

  “Morning, Nora.”

  “Morning, guys.” Shep put his paws on my door and tried to stick his head in my window. I rubbed behind his ears and he nuzzled me enthusiastically. I let out a soft chuckle and then Clint pulled him back, with a “down boy.”

  “I heard on the news this morning that the FBI guys have a solid suspect.”

  “Oh,” I hadn’t turned on the news this morning, but it only confirmed everything Ben had said. “I didn’t know they were sharing that with the public, but yeah, it seems as if they might finally be catching a break.” I couldn’t bring myself to sound positive about it, even though for months I’d been praying for this case to get solved.

  “Do you know who the suspect
is?”

  “Sorry, I’m not sure if I’m supposed to say or not,” I apologized, but really I just wasn’t ready to condemn Spencer in everyone else’s eyes yet. If he was guilty, then his damnation would come soon enough.

  “Right,” he nodded. “Well, I hope they’ve got the right guy.” He rested his hand against the roof of my car. “I think everyone will breathe a little easier once he’s off the streets.” He turned his head to look out at the neighborhood. When his gaze returned to me again, his expression was solemn. “And then maybe they can finally bring Emily home,” he said softly.

  “I hope so,” I muttered, almost afraid to voice the hope, because I was terrified that if they brought her home, it would only be so that we could bury her. I blinked back a few tears, and then tried to steady myself with my breathing.

  “I better let you get on with your morning.” Clint stepped back from the car. “Have a good day, Nora.”

  “You too, guys.” I gave a wave as I pulled away and then rolled up my window.

  Reggie had picked up our order from Sweet Indulgence this morning and was already prepping opening when I got to Urban Grind. I walked in and he halted what he was doing, and by the time I had the door re-locked he was standing in front of me, examining me closely.

  “You look like shit, girl. Come here.” He didn’t even give me a choice, he pulled me into a hug and didn’t let go. I relaxed and let my head rest against his chest.

  “Ben stopped by to see me this morning,” I tried to tell him, but my words came out muffled because my face was pressed to his chest. He pulled back and peered down at me.

  “What was that?”

  “I said, Ben stopped by to see me this morning. He’s convinced Shaw is guilty, but they had to let him go because they don’t have enough for an arrest yet.”

  His face scrunched up. “First of all, Ben Nielson isn’t exactly the brightest cop in the shop, but dude thinks he’s John McClane. I heard from Mitch who did a ride along with Nielson that the idiot wanted to arrest James when he came to town, even though it wasn’t possible for him to have been involved in the crimes, because you know, he was off being Rambo. But I guess Ben just kept going on about how James could have used his super soldier ninja skills to pull it off.”

  “That’s insane,” I spit out incredulously.

  “That’s what I’m trying to say. A guilty verdict from ol’ Benji doesn’t exactly hold much weight.”

  I stepped back and stared out the window, thinking over our conversation this morning. I sighed wearily and turned back to Reggie. “I don’t know, he was so sure, and everything Monroe and Parker said on Sunday made me think they were too, but Ben also went on about how useless the FBI has been since they took over the case. He doesn’t think they’ve done anything to help.”

  Reggie cocked his brow and dropped his chin. “Like I said, idiot thinks he’s John McClane. Look, I’ve watched enough TV to know that if Monroe and Parker turned Shaw loose, it’s for one of two reasons; they’re hoping he’ll lead them right to his serial killer lair where they can take his ass down and have all the evidence they need, or they had the wrong guy. Really it could just as easily be the last one. The FBI isn’t immune to being wrong.”

  I frowned at him. “I don’t find either of those options very reassuring right now, Reg.”

  “Hey, the case could be over soon, or lover boy might be innocent. I don’t see how either one of those would be a bad thing.”

  “Because, either the guy I’ve fallen for is a sick serial killer who had me fooled, or the cops are trying to crucify the wrong guy while the real killer gets away with it.”

  “Oh,” his face fell slightly. “Yeah, I could see how those are both not good things, but at least it could all be over soon.”

  “Yeah, but I want this story to have a happy ending, and I just don’t see one.” I shook my head in defeat, at a loss to see how this could play out as anything but a tragedy.

  He set his hand on my shoulder, and held my gaze. “The happy ending comes when this guy isn’t allowed to hurt anymore girls. When he doesn’t win. When you keep seeing the good in the world and believing in it, despite all the bad.”

  I dropped my chin. “I just don’t know if I can do that.”

  He tilted my chin back up. “Yes you can. So, chin up, buttercup, and we’ll do this one day at a time, okay?”

  I pulled in a deep breath and let it out, jerking my head in a nod. Together, we worked swiftly through opening tasks and had everything ready by the time the first poor, caffeine deprived soul pulled up out front, and that’s how the rest of the day went. Customers came in and out, and we did what we do best, which was bring them back from the living dead. I did my best to ignore the chatter about the case, and I brushed off those who thought they could subtly pry me for information regarding the suspect everyone was so curious about. I half suspected some of them might even be reporters.

  On my first break of the day, a quick search of my purse revealed that I didn’t have my cell phone. I’d likely left it sitting in the bathroom at home. A check of my car confirmed that I’d forgotten it. I was hoping James would return my call. Reggie was amazing, but I knew James would be able to do more to put my mind at ease.

  I should have picked him.

  Two months ago I would have in a heartbeat. I would have done anything, including wait a year, for the chance to see if we could make something out of five years of flirtation and sexual tension. But everything before Shaw was eclipsed by his appearance in my life. The first words he ever said to me when he saw my tears, spoke right to my heart.

  I didn’t even realize it had been sleeping until he woke it up, and when it woke up, it made sure I knew it. It started doing crazy, erratic things it’d never done before. Maybe it was Nathan’s betrayal and Emily’s disappearance that left me vulnerable and my heart susceptible, but nothing I did now would erase the mark he’d left on me. I just wanted to cry that something so beautiful could be a lie, that every memory would be tainted by that lie.

  And now, how would I even be able to look James in the face, knowing he’d tried to warn me, and instead of listening, I chose Shaw over him. I chose the guy who probably hurt his sister, my best friend. I let him into my life, into my house. I made it easy for him.

  Reggie’s concerned face filled my vision and I realized I’d gotten lost inside my own head and had been checked out long enough that he noticed. “Maybe you should take another break,” he suggested.

  “I just had a break,” I pointed out.

  “What’s the point of being the boss if you can’t take a break whenever you feel like it? Seriously though, we can handle it out here if you just want to take a time out in the back.”

  I took him up on it and went to hide out in the office, walking in on Mitch’s fist raised, mid air, just before he slammed it into his small locker. I jumped back, startled, and I must have made some noise because Mitch jerked his gaze to me and his face blanched.

  “Oh, shit, Nora. I’m sorry.”

  “What’s going on?” Mitch’s position here was already tenuous after the past couple weeks, and his failure to show up on time for shifts or at all. He was well aware that he was running out of strikes. The only reason I hadn’t already let him go was that he’d explained the reason he missed his last shift was because he’d just been informed he was being passed over for a position with the Bellingham PD and didn’t take the let down so well. I felt for the guy, so I was giving him another chance to keep his job here, but I could only overlook so much.

  “I’m sorry, I just lost it for a second.” I couldn’t tell if the red hue on his face was from anger or embarrassment. “I got a call from the detective in Everett, and they turned me down too.” His eyes dropped to the floor.

  “Oh. I’m sorry. That sucks.” I didn’t know what else to say, but thankfully he didn’t wait for me to say anything more.

  He lifted his head up and tried to shrug it off. “Yeah, but oh well. Nothing I c
an do, but keep applying with other departments. I guess I better get back to the job I have, though.” He squeezed by me and slipped from the office. I partially closed the door and walked over to my desk.

  It was there that Reggie found me a while later crying into the final pages of A Farewell to Arms. He stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do, while I ugly cried and then slammed the book closed and threw it across the room.

  “Oh shit, are you having a full mental breakdown?”

  “No,” I clipped out harshly and wiped at the tears with the sleeve of my shirt. “Maybe,” I admitted a second later. “If I am it’s because Hemingway just ripped my heart out and stomped on it.”

  “Bastard,” Reggie muttered and I couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped my lips. He smiled.

  “Ugh,” I wiped at my eyes some more. “I’m such a nut case.” I sniffed and tried to breathe normally without blubbering. “Do you guys need me out there?”

  “The delivery guy is here with the flowers for tomorrow.”

  “Oh,” I stood up quickly and grabbed a tissue from the box on my desk, doing a better job of wiping under my eyes to make sure no make-up was smeared, and then I followed Reggie back out to the front, where the delivery guy was waiting. We were going all out tomorrow for the big day, promoting a date night for couples. We’d ordered several desserts from Sweet Indulgence to serve, and we were going to be playing romantic comedies on the TVs all day, and putting out board games and adult coloring books. I’d also ordered several dozen pink and white roses to divide up as centerpieces for all of the tables, which would be covered in these awesome, red sparkly tablecloths I picked up on sale after Christmas.

  The delivery guy was standing off to the side of the counter with two flower buckets filled with roses. I frowned and then shifted my frown to the delivery guy who was holding out the delivery receipt to me.