Unbroken

by Donna K. Ford

  The elevator dinged and Kayla walked to her room. She had left the bedside lamp on and the faint glow bathed the room in muted light. She dropped onto the bed pulling one of the pillows to her chest. It was time she stopped trying to answer the questions about Jackie’s life. Jackie had to make her own decisions.

  Was it over between them? She just didn’t know.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Kayla walked into the bar with a confidence she didn’t feel. She wasn’t sure why she was going out, but she knew she couldn’t sit alone in her hotel room another night. Jen had been gone for two days, and the walls were beginning to close in on her. The conference was over, and this was supposed to be her big vacation. She laughed at the memory of her plan to meet a woman and live on the wild side for a few days. It turned out her walk on the wild side had been much different than she’d planned. At least the emptiness she felt now was better than the half-life she’d been living, playing it safe.

  She settled in at the bar, noting the small groups of women and the sound of laughter that scratched away at her melancholy. She smiled, warmed by the cheerful banter of strangers.

  “Hi. What can I get you?”

  Kayla looked up at the bartender, a tall thirtysomething woman with sun-bleached unruly hair and a golden tan. Her eyes were the calming blue of the ocean. Faint lines were creased into the corners of her eyes from squinting into the sun, and her smile was playful, if not slightly seductive. Charming didn’t begin to describe her.

  Kayla sat up a little straighter and took in a deep breath. “What do you recommend?”

  “Hmm, that depends on what you like. Are you up for something sweet and fruity, bold and creamy, or something with a little hop?”

  Kayla suppressed a laugh but couldn’t help the smile that curled at the corner of her mouth. “Nothing fruity. How about something with coconut?”

  “You’ve got it.”

  The piña colada was pure sin. Kayla savored the rich taste of the coconut as the rum seeped into her like a warm breeze. Some of the tension she’d been carrying eased from her shoulders and she exhaled a long breath, hoping to expel the hurt and disappointment that were her constant companions.

  She should be thankful to have this time to clear her head. Going home to her empty house would have been unbearable.

  “How’s the drink treating you?” the bartender asked, drawing Kayla out of her reverie.

  Kayla smiled as the bartender leaned over the bar top, her elbows resting on the smooth wooden surface. She roamed her eyes across Kayla’s face, lingering on her lips.

  “It’s perfect, just what I needed.”

  The bartender shot Kayla a dazzling smile that exposed faint dimples in her already perfect cheeks. “Glad to hear it.” She held out her hand. “I’m Brace.”

  Kayla enjoyed the flirtation. She shook Brace’s hand, enjoying the feel of the warm fingers grasping her own. The touch was friendly and Kayla felt a little less alone.

  “I’m Kayla,” she responded warmly.

  Brace smiled. “How long are you in town?”

  Kayla frowned and cocked her head to the side questioningly. “Am I that out of place? How did you know I’m from out of town?”

  Brace shrugged. “I’ve worked here for three years. I know all the locals and I’m certain I would remember if I’d seen you before.”

  Kayla looked away this time, a little uncomfortable with the compliment. “Thanks. I’ll be here for a few more days.”

  “That’s good. I hope to see you around more this week.”

  Kayla didn’t answer, choosing instead to study her drink.

  Brace didn’t go away though. Instead she studied Kayla with a crooked grin. “So, what’s so heavy that you need Ms. Piña’s company tonight?”

  Kayla looked up. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “When most people come to the beach, it’s all about fun and sun. Why the gloomy face?”

  Kayla sipped her drink. “That obvious, huh?”

  “Well, I am a professional.”

  Kayla chuckled at the irony in the joke. “It’s complicated.”

  “Ah, that means it’s a woman.”

  Kayla sighed. Her throat tightened and she was surprised by the sudden rush of pain that twisted in her heart.

  “It’s a slow night and I have the extra time. Want to talk about it?”

  Kayla shook her head. “Thanks, but no.” She appreciated Brace’s attempts to cheer her up, but the last thing she wanted was to openly analyze and expose her feelings to a stranger.

  “Well, if you do want to talk, this is the place.” Brace straightened and opened her hands palms up in a show of supplication. “Like I said, I’m a professional.”

  Kayla smiled weakly, quickly losing interest in the banter.

  “Hey,” Brace said softly, “if you decide you want or need anything, let me know.”

  Kayla looked into Brace’s eyes, preparing her brush-off, but was surprised by the genuine look of compassion she saw in her gaze. Kayla faltered, again feeling some of her defensiveness deflate.

  “Thank you, Brace. I will.”

  “Good enough,” Brace said, snapping her towel and moving down the bar to check on a group of women playing darts.

  Kayla didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there. She’d had more to drink than usual and it was time to head back to the hotel. When she turned to ask for the check, she was surprised to find a different woman behind the bar. She felt a sliver of disappointment that Brace was not there with her disarming smile.

  “Excuse me. Can I get my check, please?”

  The new bartender was an imposing woman with a shaved head, broad shoulders, and biceps Kayla doubted she could wrap her hands around.

  “You’re good. Your tab’s already been cleared. Brace took care of it when she checked out.”

  Kayla was surprised. “But she shouldn’t have done that—she doesn’t even know me.”

  The bartender shrugged. “Take that up with her, she’s in the back kicking it with her girls.” She nodded toward a group of women around a large table in the back of the bar.

  Kayla frowned and peered through the bar to see what the group was doing. Cheers erupted and she saw Brace and several of the women toss their heads back as they downed shots of liquor.

  “What are they doing?” she asked.

  The bartender glanced at the group and smirked. “Just a stupid drinking game.”

  Kayla felt her resolve settle. She was tired of playing it safe, and this was the perfect opportunity to do something outside her comfort zone. What did she have to lose?

  “I’d like to buy a round for the table and one for me too,” she said with more fortitude than she felt.

  The bartender looked at her for a long moment, as if giving her a chance to change her mind. She shrugged. “Okay, coming up.”

  Kayla followed the bartender to the table where Brace sat. Brace looked up and grinned as the tray of shots was placed on the table in front of her.

  “You’re a lucky ass, Brace,” the bartender said as she leaned forward.

  Brace leaned back in her chair and smiled when she saw Kayla. “Yes. Yes, I am.”

  Brace pushed back her chair and stood as she held out her hand to Kayla. “Would you like to join us?”

  Kayla considered each woman at the table, aware that the game being played now had nothing to do with drinking. What am I doing? I should turn around and walk away right now before I do something stupid. Kayla considered her options. She was tired of always playing it safe. What had safe gotten her? Nothing. Nothing but endless nights sleeping alone nursing her bruised ego and battered heart. Doing the right thing had cost her everything. She was tired of always doing the right thing. What had Jackie said? If you don’t take any risks, how do you know you’re alive? Well, it was something like that.

  Kayla picked up a shot glass and handed it to Brace before taking one for herself. She touched her glass gently against the one Brace
held, the faint clink punctuating her point. Kayla threw back her shot in one swift motion.

  The women at the table erupted in cheers as Brace studied Kayla quizzically before tossing back her shot in one practiced swallow.

  Kayla felt the burn of the alcohol travel all the way to her heart, where it died, impotent against the pain and emptiness there. She knew alcohol wouldn’t take away her pain, but for one night she didn’t want to think about the mess her life was in or what was or wasn’t happening with her and Jackie. Wasn’t that what Jackie would do?

  Brace pulled out a chair and motioned for Kayla to sit.

  Kayla took the offered seat and picked up another shot. She might be able to trick her mind and perhaps even her body, but she would never convince her heart. But tonight her heart was the one she wanted to forget the most.

  *

  Jackie was hit by a wall of sound the moment she pushed through the door at Kristtopher’s. Music pounded against her eardrums with a consuming ferocity that left little room for the chaotic sounds of voices as people fought to be heard over the driving beat. She didn’t know why she had promised Peter she would come out, but after the week she’d had, the last thing she wanted was to be alone in her apartment surrounded by memories.

  She hadn’t slept more than a few hours in days. She couldn’t even bring herself to lie down in her bed. Instead she chose to stare at the television most of the night, only to wake, exhausted, from the restless cramped night on her sofa.

  Jackie spotted Peter and the rest of the group already in full party mode at a table by the dance floor. She stopped at the bar and ordered a beer and a double shot of Fireball. She would need the double if she planned on being human tonight.

  A firm hand landed on her shoulder just as the empty shot glass hit the bar top. She fought down the ice-cold whiskey that instantly transformed into liquid fire burning its way to her gut. The heat was still creeping through her cheeks when she turned to see Peter grinning at her. She took a cooling drink of her beer and motioned to the bartender for two more.

  “Ready to rumble, champ?” Peter joked.

  Jackie shrugged. “Just catching up with you.” She grinned and handed him a glass.

  “I like the way you think. Let’s see what other good ideas you can come up with tonight.”

  Jackie glanced around the room. Women crowded the bar. There would be no shortage of opportunities to fill the empty hours of the night. Her stomach churned. Maybe that was just the Fireball hitting bottom. She pushed aside her unease and followed Peter across the room to a crowded table.

  Heather turned her head, laughter bursting from her lips as she put her arm around the petite blonde beside her. She fixed her gaze on Jackie like a predator that had spotted its next meal.

  Jackie downed the shot in her hand hoping the spicy liquid would burn away the disquiet that sat at the back of her throat like a broken scream.

  “Come on, tiger,” Peter said taking Jackie’s hand. She didn’t hesitate to follow. She was thankful for the distraction and hoped dancing would burn off some of her restlessness.

  She was surrounded by writhing bodies but felt like a ghost walking among the living. It was like being invisible, unable to touch or feel what was real. The heat and the booze were taking effect, causing a numbness to seep through her body. She closed her eyes, letting the rhythm of the music and the frenzy of movement carry her away.

  She didn’t open her eyes when a hand snaked around her waist to caress her stomach. A lean firm body pressed seductively against her back, matching her movements. Jackie slid her hand over the fingers that were dangerously close to sliding beneath the waistband of her jeans, stopping them from delving any farther. When she didn’t pull away, hot lips played along her throat and toyed with the lobe of her ear.

  She wanted to believe the lips against her skin belonged to someone else. Kayla was the only one she wanted to touch her. She held Kayla’s image in her mind as the room began to spin, and she swayed clumsily into the body pressed against her. Before she could regain her balance the woman slid around her and licked her tongue up the length of Jackie’s neck.

  Jackie wanted it to be enough. She wanted to lose herself in a woman the way she always had. But no matter how much she drank, and no matter how hard she tried, she could feel the ache bleeding into her consciousness. She pulled away, but firm lips claimed hers and an insistent tongue plundered her mouth with confidence and unfettered passion. With each stroke of tongues, Jackie was falling deeper into the swarm of drink and loss and misplaced desire.

  “Come with me,” Heather’s raspy voice crooned, barely registering in Jackie’s thoughts. Not Kayla. Through the haze, Jackie began to fight her way back out of the lies she had been telling herself that allowed her to let another woman touch her. This was wrong.

  Jackie pulled away.

  “What is it?” Heather stepped closer and slid her hand into the collar of Jackie’s shirt and traced her fingers along the edge of her breast. Jackie was drowning in a war of emotions that threatened to destroy the barriers created by her heart. Just as she was about to let go and fall back into the black abyss of meaningless sex, a voice penetrated the darkness, enveloping her as clearly as if it had been real.

  Jackie.

  Jackie jerked, certain she had heard Kayla call out her name. She looked around the room expecting to see Kayla standing beside her. She clasped Heather’s hands and pushed her away.

  “No.” She held Heather at arm’s length and looked into her eyes for the first time that night. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”

  “Hmm. That’s not what I remember. You were very capable the last time.”

  Jackie moved away when Heather tried to kiss her again. She wouldn’t hide her feelings behind alcohol anymore. It was Kayla’s voice she wanted to hear. Kayla’s voice she had heard call her name. It was Kayla she wanted.

  “I’m not that person anymore,” Jackie said before walking out of the bar.

  She didn’t know what she was going to do about her feelings for Kayla. But if she was ever going to have a chance to find out, she had to stop lying to herself. She had to stop running.

  *

  “Where are you staying?” Brace whispered.

  Kayla shivered at the brush of warm breath across her cheek. She hesitated, still not certain what she was doing.

  “You really shouldn’t walk alone. You’ve had a lot to drink and I’d feel better if I could see you home.”

  “I’m just across the street at the Hilton. I think I can make it.”

  Brace slipped a hand around Kayla’s waist. “Great. Let’s walk.”

  Standing proved more difficult than expected and Kayla was suddenly thankful for the firm hand that steadied her. She let Brace lead her to the hotel and didn’t pull away when Brace’s hand tightened around her waist as the elevator climbed. Kayla’s heart raced, and it was difficult to think through her alcohol-induced haze.

  “What number?” Brace asked, when the elevator door opened.

  Kayla stepped off the elevator and stopped in the middle of the hall unable to take another step. Could she really allow this woman into her room, into her bed?

  “Hey, what is it?” Brace asked.

  “Thank you for making sure I got in okay. I enjoyed the company tonight, but I can’t ask you in.”

  Kayla held her breath as Brace studied her. Her tender gaze was inquisitive, not challenging or seductive. She raised Kayla’s hand to her lips. “Okay, if that’s what you want, but I thought you might want to talk.”

  Kayla was confused. Did she want to talk? It really didn’t matter. She knew what would happen if she let this go any further. And as much as she wanted to pretend she could push away her hurt and move on, she just wasn’t wired that way.

  “Thank you, Brace, really. You’ve been very sweet, but…”

  “But there’s someone else.” Brace brushed the backs of her fingers along Kayla’s jaw. “I get that. You know where to find m
e.” Brace grinned mischievously. “You know, just in case you change your mind.”

  Kayla stepped back, breaking the contact. “I’ll keep that in mind. Good night.”

  She was certain she could feel Brace’s eyes on her as she turned the corner. She locked the door to her room and let out a long breath as disappointment seeped into her bones. She was so tired. She made it to the bed and collapsed onto her back. She wanted to lose herself in the plush bedcovers and mounds of pillows, desperate for the smallest comfort. Images of Jackie flooded her mind and longing crept through her veins like a river of ice, leaving her lost and barren.

  Kayla shivered as she imagined Jackie’s hands on her. She grasped for the image, wanting it to be real. Where was Jackie? What was she doing? Who was she with? The last thought proved too much and it pushed her loneliness into misery, and the days of pent-up emotions erupted, unleashing a flood of pain, anger, and disappointment. “Jackie,” Kayla cried out in anguish burying her face in the pillow.

  Kayla woke in the morning, surprised she’d been asleep. She opened her eyes and groaned as the light hit her like a knife stabbing through her forehead, igniting a persistent pounding headache. She pressed her palms against her temples, pushing against the pressure threatening to make her head explode. How much did she drink last night? Good grief, she didn’t get hangovers. Kayla sighed. She must have had more than she thought. She had the sudden memory of doing shots with Brace, and Brace walking her to her hotel.

  Squinting, Kayla looked around the room to make sure she was alone. She let out a relieved sigh when she didn’t find any sign that anyone else had been there. She was further relieved when she realized she was still wearing her clothes from the night before. Maybe getting drunk was the worst thing she’d done. At least she hadn’t slept with Brace.

  Kayla pushed out of the covers and made her way to the small coffeemaker. One pitiful cup of coffee, a hot shower, and three Advil later, she stepped onto the beach hoping the ocean waves would wash away the dull ache in her head and the emptiness in her heart.