It hits me that the sweet as shit moment between us wasn’t a connection, it was a fucking goodbye. She’s already made up her mind that this thing between us is over.
I let out a breath and try not to show her just how much that stung. “It’s alright,” I say as I put my arm around her and pull her into my side.
“I feel awful,” she murmurs. “Rylee was so mad.”
“I can only imagine.”
She turns to me with sadness in her eyes. “I’m sorry it has to end,” she tells me. “I was really enjoying this.”
“I know,” I tell her. “Me too.”
She lets out a heavy sigh before going quiet. I look down at her and notice her brows furrowed as she looks across the room. I follow her gaze but I have no idea what her problem is.
“Why is my avocado face mask on the floor with a box of crackers?”
“Facemask?” I question as I look at the green shit that’s supposed to be an avocado dip. “That’s dip.”
“No, it’s not,” she says as she bursts into laughter. “Did you eat it?”
“Who the fuck puts a face mask in the fridge?” I screech. No wonder it tasted funny.
“You’re supposed to put… don’t worry,” she says as she attempts to squish her lips together in a tight line to stop the laughter.
I let out a heavy breath and hang my head in shame. The longer I sit here, the more I feel like I shouldn’t be. With the whole face mask thing in the past, I look up at Imogen. “I’m going to go.”
Her eyes cast down and she nods her head ever so slightly. “Ok,” she murmurs.
I place my hand under her chin and lift so she looks me in the eyes. I lean in and give her the gentlest kiss I can possibly manage before grabbing my shirt off the couch and walking out the door.
My gut aches as I walk down the hallway and out the front to my truck. I get in and slam the driver’s door closed before peeling away from the curb.
I always knew what we had was supposed to be temporary, but having it actually come to an end feels so fucking wrong. I feel as though I’ve lost a part of myself and it fucking sucks.
Is this what it feels like to have a broken heart? If so, I have a shit load of women to start apologizing to. Shit, why does it feel like a fucking knife is cutting right into my chest?
I get home not long after and find myself sitting on my couch in front of the TV. I don’t know how long I sit there, but eventually, I look out the window and darkness has fallen. My phone vibrates on the coffee table and I reach forward to grab it.
I find a text message from Jace and I open it up.
Jace – Heading out tonight. You in?
I think it over for a minute. Jace is going to be on the hunt for a woman to help him forget about Cami. It’s going to be messy and wild. I should probably be doing the same thing. Finding someone to help ease the craving I have for her. To help take my mind off the way she smells and off the way she would smile this dazzling smile that nearly tore me in half.
I should be drinking my sorrows away, but I would prefer to do it on my own.
I hit reply.
Caden – Sorry man. Not tonight.
With that, I crack open my liquor cabinet and grab the rum. At least this way, if I’ve been drinking, I can’t get back in my truck and go to her.
Tonight is about getting myself fucked up, tomorrow can be about working out how I’m going to come clean to my best friend about betraying his trust and saving our friendship.
Chapter 13
Imogen
I sit in my office, tapping my pen against the table in the most annoying repetitive pattern that I just can’t seem to stop. My mind is an absolute mess at the moment. Since the second I told Caden that it was over, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him and that fact alone is really pissing me off.
It was just sex.
Why the hell am I so invested in it? It shouldn’t be bothering me like this.
It’s been two days and I’m assuming from the way Cole is still happily sending me texts and calling me names, Caden hasn’t said anything yet.
I feel as though I’m the one who should be telling him. I’m his sister. His flesh and blood. After the way I’ve betrayed him, he’s owed an explanation. Caden would say differently, though. He’d want to do it. He’d want to be the one to break it to him. Face him like a man. After all, he’s been Cole’s best friend for fifteen years.
We’re both fucked.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
I throw the goddamn pen across the room and sigh. What’s going on? Do I like him more than I should? I try my best to concentrate on my work and I look down at the reports I was trying to write. Annoyed with myself, I realize I actually need the stupid pen and I get up to find it.
I take my seat once again and practically force my eyes to focus on the paper before me. I get writing and let out a relieved sigh when Brandon shows up for his session.
I welcome him in and take a seat on my couch. He knows the routine by now and comes and sits before me in the opposite one. “What’s up?” I ask as I relax back into the couch and grab my jar of candy. I pull one out and pop it into my mouth before offering the jar to Brandon.
He goes nuts with it and grabs a handful before handing the jar back. “Not much,” he tells me. “How are you?”
“I’m alright,” I lie. “It’s good to see you again since your last session at Rebels. How did you feel after that?”
“Good,” he says with a beaming smile. “Do I still get to go back tomorrow?”
“Only if you want to,” I tell him.
He nods his head enthusiastically “I do,” he says.
I can’t help but smile. I mean, I don’t blame him, I really want to go back there too. Though, I think it’s safe to say we want to go for very different reasons.
“No problem,” I smile before giving him an ‘it’s time to get serious’ look. “So, how did you feel after your training session with Caden?” I ask.
He lets out a huff as he sits up straighter in his seat. “Do I really have to talk about my feelings?”
I can’t help but smile. I love that his attitude and personality are finally coming out and he’s starting to show me the real Brandon. “Well, I know you’re a male and it’s extremely uncool to talk about your feelings, but it’s part of the deal of coming to see me.”
A grin comes to his face as a sparkle lights up his eyes. He leans forward and slides his hand out to the armrest of my chair. When he removes it, there’s a one dollar bill staring me in the face. I try to smother my grin as I look down at the bill. “What about now?” he questions.
I look back up at him and try my hardest to look like some kind of authority figure, but the laughter in my eyes makes it impossible. “You wouldn’t be trying to bribe me, would you?”
“Depends… is it going to work?” he questions with a cheeky grin that brings out the sweetest little dimple in his left cheek.
“No chance in hell, Brandon.”
He grunts to himself before leaning forward and snatching the bill right off the armrest. “Then I want this back,” he says before jamming it deep into the pocket of his jeans.
I shake my head in amusement and try my best not to laugh, but I just can’t help it. This kid is pretty damn awesome. “So, let’s try that again. How’d you feel after training last week?”
He rolls his eyes as though he’s far too cool to be sitting here with me, but nonetheless, he gives me the information I’m looking for. “Good,” he tells me.
Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes, only I manage to resist. “Care to expand on that?”
“Well, I felt strong. Like I can defend myself now.”
“That’s excellent,” I say, though, I have no doubt he’ll need a little more training and muscle to be able to fully defend himself against a violent adult, but that will come with age and experience in MMA. “I’m sure that feeling would have gone a long way in making you feel really good about yourself.”<
br />
He nods his head. “It did,” he says as though he’s slightly embarrassed about the admission.
“The first bit of your session was a bit intense,” I state.
“Yeah,” he scoffs in agreement.
“Caden explained that he wanted you to think about the people who had hurt you.”
“He said that?” he groans as though it was their little secret.
“Yeah,” I chuckle. “Sorry, I kind of forced it out of him,” I say, not wanting Branon to lose any trust in Caden. “What was going through your mind at that moment?”
“Well, at the start I felt a little bit awkward, but then I could imagine my dad’s face on the punching bag and I just kind of lost it. I couldn’t stop thinking about the time he had used me as a punching bag and I just kept hitting it until I couldn’t hit it any longer.”
“And when you were finished with the punching bag?”
“I didn’t think about it again.”
“That’s incredible,” I smile. “How’s your week been since that?”
“You mean did I keep thinking about my dad after that?” he asks like the little smartass I’m realizing he is.
I smile as I study him. “Is that the question you’d like to answer?”
He tilts his head to the side and furrows his eyebrows. “I’m confused.”
“Why don’t you answer both questions,” I suggest.
“Ok, well, my week was really good. Katia bought me a pair of boxing gloves so I can practice the things that Caden teaches me and then she made this lasagne that tasted really bad, so she took me out for burgers instead.”
“Oh yeah, and what about the other question?”
He’s silent for a moment before looking up at me with a sober expression. “I haven’t thought about him as much anymore,” he admits. “Caden told me the point of the exercise was to let go of some of the anger and I think it worked. I don’t feel as scared anymore.”
“That’s really great, Brandon,” I tell him.
“I miss my mom even though she used to hurt me too. She wasn’t as bad as my dad. Hers didn’t hurt so much.”
“It’s only natural to miss her. She’s your mom. It must be confusing. The world is telling you that you that you should be angry with her, but in your heart, you love her.”
He nods his head as though no other words have ever been so true and I take a moment to think about how he’s coming out of his shell. His first session with me, he was jumpy and frightened by the wind knocking down my photo frame, but fast forward a few weeks, he’s in a home where he is safe and cared for, has people around him he can trust, hell, he’s even made friends out of me and Caden.
An hour later, he has me in stitches as he attempts to exchange all his therapy sessions for sessions at the gym. As devastating as it is to him that I refused his generous offer, I made him a promise that I’ll still attend to watch his session at Rebels Advocate, even though sitting there in the same room as Caden Mitchell and not running to him is going to be one of the hardest things I’ll ever do.
----------
Shit. I’m anxious.
I stand in the parking lot of Rebel’s Advocate staring at the door and trying to remember why the hell I agreed to come here today. What was I thinking? I look across at the eleven-year-old boy who stands beside me with a shit-eating grin plastered from ear to ear.
Oh yeah, that’s why.
“Come on,” he complains while pulling on my shirt. “What are you waiting for?”
A chuckle comes from behind Brandon and I look up at Katia who grins like a love-sick mother who can’t help but adore her child. Though, she isn’t the one who’s dealing with him right now.
My eyes come back to Brandon’s and I let out a heavy sigh. “Fine, let’s go.”
He practically drags me inside and the second I walk through the door I can’t help but search him out. I find him instantly, as though he’s the magnet I’m drawn to.
Caden stands in the middle of the ring sparring with one of Rebels’ fighters and it’s absolutely clear that Caden has a shit load of talent when it comes to fighting. He could have gone professional had he wanted to, but that was Cole’s thing and I don’t think he was that interested in the spotlight. He prefers to brood without the attention of the world on him.
As if sensing our presence, he straightens himself out and his eyes stop right on mine. I have to step back as the weight of his gaze hits me like a freight train.
I give him a ridiculously awkward smile and feel like an absolute dip shit as he nods his head and turns his attention back to his fighter. Shit. That could have gone better.
Before making myself too obvious, I look around the rest of the room and find Cole as he walks from the lunch room into the studio room where I’m sure he’s probably about to start a class.
We find seats in the foyer and wait patiently for Caden to finish up with his fighter. I can’t help but watch Caden as he moves, and to be honest, I’m a little turned on. Watching a man fight and be good at it, is extremely sexy, except when it’s Cole, of course, that’s just weird.
Brandon’s voice beside pulls me away from staring at the man who has been driving me wild. I’m pleased for the distraction and listen in. “You have a crush on Caden,” he teases.
Shit. I was wrong. It is not a good distraction.
I look around, frantic, hoping that no one heard. “Shhh,” I say with urgency.
His eyes widen like he’s just won the lottery. “It’s true,” he laughs.
“Is not,” I snap back like some teenage girl.
“Why don’t you just kiss him?” he giggles.
I look around once again and slide down in my chair so he can hear my whispers. “I can’t kiss him,” I admit.
“Why?”
I search out Cole and point towards him. “See that guy?” I question before looking over at Brandon to see his nod. “That’s my brother. He’s also Caden’s best friend.”
“Ahhhh,” Brandon says a little too loudly which draws the attention of Katia and Susan. “But you want to kiss him, don’t you?”
I roll my eyes before pushing myself back up in my chair. I let out a sigh. “I don’t know,” I say before looking back at Caden to see his curious eyes on us.
The conversation comes to an end and we sit patiently as we wait. Brandon taps his foot on the ground as the excitement is almost too much for him to handle. I laugh to myself thinking how the second he faces Caden, he’ll pretend like he’s too cool to be here, but secretly pissing himself with happiness.
“Why don’t you go and warm up,” I say as I point over to the floor area where he can do some stretches.
His eyes follow the movement before turning back to me. “Really?” he questions.
“Yeah, of course,” I laugh.
With that, he flies out of his spot and makes his way over to the floor area and instantly drops down to the ground. He puts himself through a few stretches, though, to be honest, I’m not really sure what he’s doing as he’s completely making it all up. I consider going over there and showing him a few things when Caden finishes up and makes his way over to Brandon.
Caden watches him as he approaches and smirks to himself as he takes him in. I study the look on his face and it’s like there’s an odd affection for him and I wonder if Caden has a soft spot for the kid, just like I do.
As Caden reaches him, Brandon jumps to his feet, and to be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if he saluted him. I mean, the kid is stoked to see him.
Caden ushers Brandon away and gets started on their session. I watch as Caden goes through all the ups and downs of creating a perfect kick. He explains which part of the body that should be connecting with your target and what part of your body you want to draw your power from.
Brandon nods along and sucks up every ounce of information Caden is giving him, and there’s no doubt in my mind that if Brandon keeps up this level of enthusiasm, he’ll make it far in the MMA world.
/> I spend the next hour chatting with Susan. She tells me about her work and then goes on to ask my advice about a few particular children she’s been struggling with, and to tell the truth, the fact that someone is asking for my professional advice and completely eating it up, hell, even making notes, makes me feel extremely valued as a therapist.
Before I know it, the hour is up and Caden is bringing Brandon back to us. He’s hardly even hit the foyer before he’s already spewing out every detail of his session with Caden. It’s hard not to smile at his enthusiasm, but I absolutely adore it, so I ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ at all the right times.
Having Brandon around with his great big smile has me forgetting that Caden is standing right beside me and I cherish these few moments of peace as I know the second he leaves, I’m back to the real world where my hearts been aching.
Katia eventually leads Brandon out the door with Susan right behind them, but Brandon pulls back and practically barrels right into me. He brings up his hands and cups them around his mouth before leaning in to whisper in my ear.
My eyebrows furrow as I strain to hear him. “I told Caden you want to kiss him,” he says.
Crap. My eyes flick across to Caden who watches us with an amused grin and it’s clear he knows exactly what Brandon has just said. I mean, I guess it’s only fair. I make him talk about his feelings and come to terms with the way things are, so I guess it’s only fair of him to force me to do the same.
I cringe before turning back to Brandon. “Thanks,” I groan. “Now, get out of here. Katia’s waiting for you.”
He hurries along and I turn to Caden. “See you later,” I say before stepping towards the door.
I’m stopped with a warm hand at my elbow. “Wait,” he murmurs. I turn back to him and the haunted look in his eyes has me searching across the room for Cole’s whereabouts. He’s far enough away that he wouldn’t be able to hear a single word spoken here, so I look back at Caden. “I, um… I’m going to tell him tonight,” he says as a warning.
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