Rebels Advocate - COMPLETE BOX SET 1-4

by Sheridan Anne

  Jessie’s silent for a while before she lets out a knowing sigh. “It happened again, didn’t it?” she questions.

  “No,” I rush out as I scramble for something else to talk about.

  “Liar,” she grunts. “What happened this time?”

  “Nothing. Shut up,” I tell her.

  “Spill it, buster, or I’m telling mom and dad that you were the one who ruined the good dining set.”

  My eyes widen. That little brat. She wouldn’t dare. “You wouldn’t?” I challenge.

  “Want to make a bet?” she says. I can just imagine the smug as fuck grin on her she-devil face. “Mom, Jace has something he nee-”

  “Shit, fine. Shut up, would you?”

  “By all means,” she says, prompting me to get on with my explanation.

  I let out a huff and look down at my bloodied knuckles. “It was just the punching bag this time.”

  “Shit, Jace,” she groans. “How many times is this going to happen before you go and do something about it? At first, I could understand, but now you’re just being stupid.”

  “What the fuck am I supposed to do then?” I grunt. “I don’t even know the first place to start looking for help with this, and besides, it’s not like someone has a magic fucking pill that’s going to make me suddenly normal.”

  “How do you know?” she challenges. “There might be something that could help stop it, but it’s not like you’re out there searching for your cure.”

  I roll my eyes. It’s an ongoing argument between us. One where she thinks she knows what’s best for me and one where I think she should be minding her own fucking business. But she’s right. It’s about time I start getting this shit under control.

  I let out a heavy sigh. “What do I do, Jess?”

  She gasps as though some sort of miracle has just occurred. “Are you serious?” she questions. “You’re going to let me help?”

  “No,” I grunt. “I’m going to let you google someone else who I’ll get to help.”

  She huffs out her frustration but nonetheless, readily agrees. “How’s Cami?” she questions a moment later.

  I roll my eyes. I should have seen this coming. I know she generally wants to know how Cami is, but right now, she’s only asking to get under my skin. “Alright,” Jessie says after a short pause. “I’ve found the best doctor in the state. Do you want me to send the information to you, or should I make the appointment for you?”

  I think it over. If she does the appointment and gives me the doctors details at late notice, then it’s a shit load harder to back out. I let out a breath. “Make the call.”

  “Alright, fuck knuckles. I’ll talk to you later.”

  I roll my eyes at the old nickname. “Get lost,” I say. ‘I love you.”

  With that, I end the call and throw my phone aside. I don’t know how to feel about this. I know getting on top of the PTSD bullshit is healthy, but at the same time, it’s going to make me face facts and that scares the shit out of me. Having to confront my demons and tr to get past them… I don’t know. It sounds like an impossible task, but I’m ready. I need to give this a try. Not just for me, but for Cami. I need to be the man she knows I can be.

  The sound of my front door slamming I has me flying to my feet. I watch as Luke happily makes his way through my house, detouring though the kitchen before walking into the living room with two beer.

  He slams one down on the coffee table in front of me before opening his own, taking a seat in the opposite couch and taking a swig.

  “Um… is there something you need?” I grunt as I watch my best friend.

  “Sit your fucking ass down, Jace. I’m sick of this bullshit and it’s about time you talked about it. You’ve been my best friend for over twenty years which means I know when something is up, and you, Jace, you’ve been dealing with this shit since we got back from Iraq.”

  I let out a heavy sigh. “I told you at the club. I’m fine,” I tell him.

  “Bullshit,” he grunts. “You don’t think I know about your dad?”

  My eyes widen as I raise my head t look at him. “You know?”

  “Fuck, man,” he says in disbelief. “Don’t fucking insult me like that. Of course, I know about it. I’ve given you three years, hoping that you’ll be able to get past it and come to me, but you’re just so fucking stubborn. I’m done waiting. You made me come clean with my issues and it’s about time you did the same.”

  Dread fills me. I’m not ready for this shit. “Luke,” I grunt as I start shaking my head.

  “Don’t even think about it,” he tells me as he takes another swig of his drink. “I’m not leaving here until you talk about it, and either are you.”

  Fuck. “What the hell do you want to know?” I ask with a sigh.

  “You blackout, don’t you?”

  I let out a heavy breath and nod my head, hardly able to meet his eyes. “have been since we first got back. I’d just go blank and come to a few minutes later, disoriented, then three years ago, I hurt dad.”

  “PTSD” he questions.

  “Yep.”

  He nods slowly as he takes a deep breath. “Have you hurt anyone else?”

  “Not that I know of,” I explain.

  “What does your dad think of all this?”

  “He just wants me to get help. I don’t know, see a therapist or something.”

  “You should,” he agrees, leaning forward on his knees. “Talking helps. It helped me. I haven’t had those dreams about my last tour since I talked to you and Lex about it. I hardly even think about it anymore.”

  “Don’t get me wrong here,” I tell him. “I’m happy for you, but talking isn’t magically going to stop me from blacking out.”

  “No, it won’t,” he says. “But it will help you to move past the guilt and learn to forgive yourself. You need to push your pride aside and go and see a doctor. It’s the only way you’ll get healthy. Just seeing a therapist isn’t enough. I can tell by the way your father is around you that he’s already forgiven you, so it’s time to move on and get past all this self-hatred because this shit is turning you into someone I hardly recognize. It’s volatile. You’re letting this dictate your life when you should be living it.”

  “I know,” I tell him with a sigh. “Jessie just said the same thing. She booked an appointment.”

  He sits up a little straighter as he narrows his eyes on me. “Really?” he questions, wondering if I’m bullshitting.

  “Really,” I say. “I spoke to Cami at the hospital. She told me I was punishing myself and called me a coward.”

  “She’d be right about that,” he tells me with a grunt. “What made you tell her after so long?”

  “She pushed me away and I figured if she was finally done with me, that she should know it was real. It wasn’t all for nothing and it was about time she understood it.”

  “Did it help? Talking to her.”

  “I’ve got an appointment, don’t I?”

  “I guess so,” he says. “You know, you could have talked to me about this at the beginning. I wouldn’t have judged you.”

  I hang my head. “I know, man. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit that there was a problem, but in doing that, I’ve made it worse.”

  “Yeah,” he says. “And you’ve hurt Cami because of it,” he says, picking up on the fact that I’ve been pushing her away because I enjoy torturing myself.

  “Believe me, I know,” I tell him.

  He nods his head again before finishing off his beer and getting to his feet. “Alright,” he says. “Get your ass out of here. I’m not letting you mope around here all afternoon. We’ve got classes to run.”

  With that, we get up and walk out the door.

  Chapter 15

  Cami

  It’s been three months since the fire and I stand here before Style me Crazy, looking at a place I hardly recognize anymore. The store has been a rush of people over the past few weeks.

  The insurance stuff fi
nally went through, and a few days later, my store was being completely knocked down. I swear, watching it go from a burned down mess to absolutely nothing was even worse than watching the fire tear through it.

  The mess was all cleared away and within another few days, workmen were here putting my world back together. They’ve been working tirelessly on it over the past six weeks and I’m proud to say that it’s really starting to come together.

  So far, all the walls are back in place, the new glass front windows and door have been put in, and the flooring has gone down. Today all my signage is going up and watching that man expertly attach a big ‘Style me Crazy’ logo to the glass is like coming home.

  In the next week or so, the inside will be put together and painted then the security system and bookkeeping software will be installed. Once that happens, I can work on stocking it all and organizing my relaunch.

  I can’t wait. It’s going to be incredible. I’ve had to spend the week putting in all my orders to my designers so the stock will arrive with plenty of time to be displayed before opening. It was pretty incredible actually, as many of my designers have brought out their new collections, so the store is going to be filled with brand new designs.

  Having all this time away from the store has given me plenty of time to create some of my own designs… or well, not so much as my sewing machine was destroyed in the fire, but I’ve had the time to draw it all out and work out exactly what I need to make it happen.

  As soon as I get the store up and running, I’ll be able to focus on bringing my designs to life. I can just see it now. I’ll have a whole section of my store dedicated to my designs. It’s going to be the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done.

  I check in with the workman and drop off some lunch to them as I have every other day they’ve been here putting my store back together. I don’t have to do it. I mean, the insurance company is making sure they get paid and I’m sure they take their own lunch breaks, but it’s something I want to do for them. It’s my thanks for putting in the work to help piece my life back together.

  They thank me and with a smile, I get on my way. Besides, it’s good to keep on their good side so they do an extra good job on my store. And from what I’ve seen, they certainly are. The place looks incredible.

  I get in my car and head down to The Dark Room. I’m so thankful for Rylee right now. Since she’s been home with little Isaac, she’s been letting me run the club for her to keep me busy. Otherwise, I’d be stuck at home day in and day out thinking about that night over and over again.

  I mean, that night… oft. It was explosive. The first time Jace and I had been together was ridiculously good, it’s was needy and desperate and we’d both had a little bit to drink, but this time, we were stone cold sober and knew exactly what we were doing. The emotion was riding so high and it was just another confirmation that Jace is my man.

  He always has been and he forever will be. Nothing will change that. I just hope he can manage to get himself better and stop fearing that he’s going to hurt me, until that happens, I don’t want anything to do with him. I refuse to allow him to bring me down.

  When I see him next, it’s either going to be him telling me it’ll never happen, or it will be him finally making the commitment that I’ve been needing from him since the very start. I’m done with this in between bullshit where I get hurt over and over again.

  I won’t be that pathetic girl any longer. Just as I had told him. It’s either all or nothing.

  I can’t help but think about his reasoning for not being with me. I mean, he’s so certain that he’s this monster who’ll hurt me, though, I don’t believe for one second that he could ever lay a hand on me, but then, he managed to beat the living shit out of his dad and have absolutely no recollection of it, so I completely understand his reasoning for not wanting to be with me, but it sucks.

  He’s hurting on the inside for what he did to his dad and I want nothing more than to take that pain away for him, but I can’t, not unless he allows it.

  I walk through the doors of The Dark Room and look around with a smile on my face. I absolutely love this place, and while it’s absolutely incredible in the middle of the night when the lights are flashing and the DJ is doing his thing, it’s even better when it’s just me.

  The place is like my second home. It’s been my salvation from awful days and the place I go when everything at home is going to shit, say like, every time Jace decided to break my heart and tear me down, I never had to go home. The Dark Room has always been here and even when there wasn’t a shift available for me to work, Rylee would always find something for me to do so I wouldn’t have to be alone at home, thinking about everything I can’t have.

  I leave the door unlocked knowing that the kitchen staff will be showing up soon to start their preparations for the night. I flick on all the lights before I make my way down to Rylee’s door and pull out the set of keys she has entrusted to me for the next little while.

  I search through the stack of keys on this stupid keychain and finally locate the right one before shoving it into the lock and opening it all up.

  First things first, I power everything up and check over the security footage to make sure everything was all good between closing last night and me showing up now. You’d be surprised just how many dickheads try to break into this place at four in the morning, hoping they can get their hands on a little something to wash down their late night munchies.

  With everything looking good on the cameras, I go about getting everything else ready.

  An hour later, the kitchen guys are here and a few of the bar staff are showing up to start getting things ready out there. After getting everything I need to get done for the night, I start on all the other administration things like checking and responding to Rylee’s thousands of emails and putting in the stock orders.

  Tonight’s big job is getting all the pays done. It must be the worst job around here. It takes forever and with close to one hundred staff, I’m extra pedantic about it because that’s one thing I don’t want to stuff up. Tomorrow is sorting out the roster, which is equally as awful, but not as bad if I was to screw it up. It’s so much easier only dealing with three staff who generally work the same hours from week to week.

  Far out, I miss my store so bad. I mean, I know it’s just about there, but I want to have it up and running already. I’m going to owe Rylee big time for keeping me busy like this. She’s been an absolute godsend.

  It’s close to opening time when the office door flies open with Rylee standing before me, struggling to hold up the baby who’s currently attached to her boob while also holding a stack of papers and a whole lot of other shit that she probably doesn’t need.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I grunt as I run forward and do my best to take everything off my hands. “You better not drop my baby.”

  “Ugh,” she groans, ignoring my comments. “You’d think after I gave all those idiots jobs, at least one of them would have helped me.”

  “What do you mean?” I question as she gets herself comfortable on the chair and finishes feeding Isaac who looks gorgeous in the little onesie I bought him last week. In fact, it’s already looking a little small. I swear Rylee’s breast milk must have some kind of growth steroid in it. The kid just keeps growing, every time I see him, he’s that much bigger.

  “I walked past all the girls behind the bar and each of them looked up and smiled before getting back to work. I mean, is it that hard to give me a hand?”

  I can’t help but smile. “The Rylee that those girls know is the one who would snap and say she’s got it. They don’t know this Rylee who’s overtaken by hormones.”

  “So?” she grunts. “I should fire them all.”

  “No, you shouldn’t,” I laugh. “But I can make them clean the bar from top to bottom if it would make you feel better.”

  She lets out a grunt and continues sulking. “Make them do the outdoor bars as well.”

  “You
got yourself a deal,” I laugh. “Now what are you doing here? You should be at home resting.”

  “I, um… needed to drop this stuff off,” she tells me.

  I look down at the papers she points at before looking back up at her. “Cole would have done that for you. You didn’t need to come all the way down here.”

  “Yes, I did,” she argues.

  I narrow my eyes on her, knowing the papers she’s just given me is only stuff that needs to be filed. “What’s going on?” I ask her.

  She lets out a sigh. “I’m bored at home. Cole is driving me nuts. He wants to do everything for me and is constantly telling me to rest. I mean, I’m fucking rested already and there’s nothing for me to do. Isaac pretty much eats, sleeps, and shits, and apart from that, the washing is done, the kitchen is clean, the house is vacuumed. Like seriously, what kind of man does all that? Cole doesn’t leave a single thing for me to do, so when Isaac sleeps, I twiddle my thumbs. Please, Cami, don’t send me home.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “What you mean is that no matter what I say, you’re staying here anyway and please don’t tell Cole?”

  A grin rips across her face. “You know me so well,” she tells me.

  I let out a huff. “Fine, as soon as Isaac is done feeding, I’ll give him cuddles and you can do the pays.”

  “Thank god,” she says in relief before getting up with Isaac and forcing us to switch places so she can get a start on doing the pays.

  “Isn’t breastfeeding supposed to be about bonding?”

  She looks up at me and gives me a blank stare. “I feed him like a hundred times a day. We’ve done plenty of bonding. Now, it’s all about getting milk inside his guts so he doesn’t cry.”

  “You’re such a great mommy,” I tease.

  She can’t help but grin right back at me. “Shut up,” she laughs. “When you push a baby out of your vag, you’ll understand.” Her eyes flick back to the screen before looking back at me again. “Actually,” she says, giving me a thoughtful look. “You’ll be one of those mommies who can’t put her baby down, so maybe you won’t understand.”