by Hayden Hunt
‘Look, I just want to talk. Nothing more. So much is running through my head right now. I’m confused and I just feel like you could help me.’
This time, his answer did not come in a few minutes. After about an hour, I resigned myself to not expecting a response from him.
One came a few hours later, though. ‘When?’
‘Tonight?’ I asked.
‘Fine. Do you want to meet at the bar?’
‘No. I don’t want to have to this conversation in public. Meet at my house?’
‘Okay. Send me the address and time.’
I sent him my address and told him he could come over literally whenever, I’d be around all day. I was hoping he’d choose sooner than later.
Even though I’d gotten what I wanted by asking him to come over, there was still some stress weighing on me knowing he would soon be here. I hadn’t much thought out what I was going to say to him I just… I just knew I couldn’t say nothing.
But the nerves were certainly getting the better of me. I could feel butterflies in my stomach the entire time I was waiting for him to arrive.
I tried to plan out what I was going to say to him before he came but… Nothing was popping into my head. Literally nothing. What would I say? That I’m confused? That I don’t know how I feel, but I’m drawn to him?
Maybe inviting him here was a mistake. I should’ve planned this out better. But it was too late to change my mind. I heard him knocking at my door.
My heart raced as I went to answer it, not sure what to expect. Was he going to be mad at me? I hadn’t even considered that aspect of things.
“Hello.” I said softly.
“Hi.” He answered, stepping inside tentatively.
“Have a seat. Make yourself at home.” I motioned to the couch.
After he stepped in, he looked around the room in awe.
“This place is absolutely gorgeous!” He had a look of consternation on his face when he walked in but it had completely dissipated now. “This may be the fanciest place I’d ever seen. What did you say you did for a living again?”
“I didn't.” I smiled at him. And I didn’t want to say yet, either. I felt that it was only going to complicate the conversation that we were about to have. “Please, sit down.” I gestured to the couch.
He sat and I sat next to him, but not close enough to touch. I wanted to, though. I wanted to touch him so desperately. I was overwhelmed with my desire for him right now.
“What’s up?” He began.
“Look, about the other night, I’m really sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that, just to turn around and reject you. I-“
“Is that what you brought me over for, then?” He asked. “To apologize for the other night? To say it was a mistake that you’re sorry for?”
Honestly, I didn’t have any kind of plan for what I was going to say so I didn’t know how to answer that.
“It’s just something I wanted to tell you.” I told him.
“Well, it’s something that could’ve easily been said over the phone. I didn't need to come all the way down here for an apology that is only going to remind me of our very awkward encounter. Are you just trying to secure my friendship?”
“What do you mean by ‘secure your friendship?’”
“Like, are you having me come down here to try to convince me that we should still hang out? Should still be friends?”
“I honestly have no desire to convince you of anything.” I said. “But, admittedly, yes, I do still want to be friends.”
“Well, have you considered that maybe I don’t?” He said, somewhat harshly.
“No… Honestly, I hadn’t.” I really hadn’t considered how he was going to feel about any of this.
“Well, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
My heart sank. I couldn’t imagine a world without him in it anymore. “Why not?”
“Because clearly, I have feelings for you. I let you kiss me. Even though I have a very strict rule about not getting involved with straight men. And look, it’s already backfired on me! I don’t need to be more tempted by you. Especially when it’s clear that you don’t want anything romantic with me.”
I looked down. “I don’t know what I want.” I admitted.
“But you’re not gay, right? I feel like you’ve made that much clear. You don’t want to be gay.”
“Look, I haven't even considered labeling myself like that.” I said. “I’m just barely coming to terms with… whatever caused me to do what I did.”
“And that’s the part that doesn’t interest me, Liam. You can’t label yourself as gay. I’ve met men like you, men who haven’t come to terms with who they are. And that’s fine, you’re discovering, but it’s never worked out for me. I don’t want to linger as friends with a straight man I’m attracted to. It’s just… it’s too fucking complicated.” He stood up. “Maybe I should just go.”
“Wait, why?!”
“Because this was a mistake. I don’t know what I came for. I had already made my decision. I guess I was just being… hopeful. Because I like you. But you’re not ready for a man to like you clearly.”
I grabbed his hand as he made a move to the door.
“Stop!” I demanded. “Just, look at me.”
He did.
“Look, no, I don’t know about calling myself gay yet. I admit that. It's complicated and confusing because… because it’s not like I’ve just liked men and have been denying it. I haven’t, okay? I’ve felt things for only one man. Hell, I’ve felt things for only one person… And that’s you. That’s all I know. I have feelings for you, Alex. Very deep fucking feelings. That’s all I really care about.”
“You… you do?”
“Absolutely.”
“Are you saying you want to be more than friends?”
“I am.” I didn’t know that until right now, but that’s what I want. “I thought that I could deny what happened that night. I thought I could tell myself I was just drunk, just confused, that it didn’t mean anything. But I can’t. You’ve been in my head ever since. Every single day since then, you’ve occupied me. You're taking over my fucking brain.”
“So you don’t think I was a mistake?”
“I don’t think you could ever be a mistake.”
And, for the second time, I kissed him.
8
Alex
This second kiss was just as electrifying as the first. The touch of his lips sent shock-waves through my body an all my resolves evaporated. All I could think now was of him and how badly I wanted him.
My fingers fiddled with the bottom of his shirt, unsure how he was going to react to my advances. But his response surprised me.
First, he pulled his shirt above my head and then, without a word, ripped mine off. I couldn’t stop staring at his perfectly chiseled stomach.
He pushed me down on the couch, climbing on top of me as we continued to make out. My hand was exploring the bumps of his perfect physique when my hand found it’s way to the top of his pants.
My hand slowly crept down the edge of his waist band. I couldn’t resist. Every increasingly rough kiss had me hornier and hornier for him.
It didn’t take long for my hand to reach his throbbing cock. It was bigger than I even imagined for a man of his size. My fingers traced his shaft and I could feel every vein bulging. He was rock hard, ready to give it to me. And I wanted it.
I started gently stroking his shaft. Feeling his skin loosely in my hand, rubbing him up and down. He moaned into my mouth as I began to increase my speed and tighten my grip.
That was enough to push him to the next level. He started unbuckling his pants and dropping them to the floor. I got a good view of his prick for the first time, and it was fucking perfect.
Animalistic instinct took over and he then flipped me over. Pulling my pants down too, exposing my bare ass. An ass that was ready to take his entire girth.
He caressed m
e, slowly spreading my cheeks as he spit down on my asshole, lubing me up to take him. Lord knows I need it, I don’t know if I’ve ever taken a cock as fat as his.
He slid his finger down into my entrance, rolling it around in my ass as he prepared me for his entrance. Honestly, I’m shocked he hasn’t done this before. He was a natural.
When he finally couldn’t take it anymore, he positioned himself at my hole and rammed himself in. It was like he just couldn’t stand it another second. He had to take me, right here, right now. Had to feel what it was like to be inside me completely.
I groaned as his fat cock pushed against my walls, stretching me to him. It stung, in a good way. It was a pleasure pain that I relished.
He began to grind into me, humping furiously, his balls slapping up against my ass cheeks. With every thrust, he became more forceful. Within a minute, he had both my hands pinned up over my head, his hands digging into my wrists as he made primal grunts behind me.
“Yes,” I murmured, “take me. Just fucking take me, however you want to.”
This was enough to push him over the edge. He went from animalistic to straight beast. It was like all the human leeched out of him and the only thing his brain could focus on was fucking me furiously until he filled me with cum.
Every nerve in my ass was activated. I had never had so much feeling come up from behind me before. It was like nothing I had ever experienced with another man. Add to the fact that he was also incredibly fucking sexy, and this easily became the best sexual encounter in my life.
“Cum in me!” I begged. “Fill me with your spunk.”
I didn’t think he could go any more rapidly, but he did, and within seconds he was letting out a groan that I knew meant he was exploding inside of me. I soon felt the warmth radiate from inside of me and sighed a breath of ecstasy.
Perfect, this was completely perfect.
He stayed inside of me for a second, then pulled out and ran his fingers along my back. I rolled around to get a good look at him and was not disappointed.
Sweat glistened on the outside of his body, making his muscles look even more defined. I could not get over just how hot he was. He had the perfect masculine form.
“Oh, fuck.” He groaned and then collapsed down on the couch next to me. We were both still naked and sweaty but neither of us seemed to mind the way our skin stuck to one another.
“That was fantastic.” I told him.
“Was it?” He asked nervously. “I’d never done that before.”
It was weird to hear nervousness in his voice. It was funny how quickly his demeanor changed. Just a moment ago, when he was furiously fucking me, he exuded confidence. I knew just a moment ago, there was no doubt that he was giving me the most pleasure I’d ever had in my life.
“Seriously, if I didn’t know this was your first, I’d have no idea. It was that good.”
He sighed. “I never knew sex could be so good. I mean, I’ve had sex. But that… That was something else.”
“I wasn’t expecting it.” I admitted. “Usually guys don’t go from questioning their sexuality to fucking in this way so quickly. Not that I’m complaining.”
He looked at me, observing me.
“What is it?”
“Nothing, nothing, you’re just…. You’re incredibly handsome.” He whispered before leaning down to kiss me.
I kissed him back, blush rushing to my cheeks.
Well, I’d done it. The exact thing I promised myself over and over that I wouldn’t do.
I’ve fallen for a straight guy.
9
Liam
Alex nuzzled into my chest and I pulled him closer to me.
I was a little nervous, to be physical with another man in a way that I’ve only ever been with a woman. But it was so much better than any woman I’d ever been with. It was the only time I ever actually felt something during sex. For the first time, I’d made love.
His finger traced down the bumps of my abdomen.
“You are really fucking sexy, have you heard that?”
I laughed. “Every now and again.” I kissed the top of his head. “You’re pretty cute yourself.”
“Sure, but not nearly as much as you.” He kissed me back. “So, uh, I have a question.” He began tentatively.
“What is it?”
“I know I shouldn’t be asking this… Like, obviously it’s a social faux pas to ask this right after having sex but considering your situation, I have to know.”
I laughed. “Just ask it, Alex.”
“What are we?” He questioned.
I ran my fingers through his hair. “What do you want to be?”
“I want to be with you.” He admitted. “I know it’s too soon to say that. I know it’s ridiculous to say I feel love for you already but… I do. I’ve dated a lot of guys but none have made me feel quite like this. I don’t want to let go of you, but I can't be just friends with you.”
“I don’t want to be just friends either.” I assured him. “I want you. With you I finally feel… Happy. Pure happiness. I can’t let that go.”
“So, does that make you my boyfriend?”
I smiled. “I believe it does.” The grin on his face was adorable. “But, I mean, we’ll have to be secretive about it.”
Then his face sank.
“What?” I asked immediately. “What’d I say?”
“You said that wanted to keep us a secret.” He got off my chest, sitting up on the couch.
“No, that’s not what I meant, just…”
“It’s what you said.” His face contorted in frustration. “Why’d you even stop me from walking out the door, Liam? Why’d you fuck me?”
“I told you. I have feelings for you. Very strong feelings that I can’t let go of. I want you, Alex.”
“But only if you can have me privately, right?” He accused.
“I honestly don’t see what’s wrong with that!”
“I told you I didn’t want to be involved with a straight man. I don’t want a man who can’t claim me, Liam! I’ve been in that situation and it fucking hurts.”
“I never said I didn’t want to claim you. And I will, eventually. Just, for now, we can keep this between us.”
“No.” He shook his head immediately. “No, I can’t. I’ve been told that before. That it was just a matter of time until he announced his relationship with me to the world. And guess what happened, Liam? He never fucking did. And he broke my fucking heart.”
He stood up and started getting dressed.
“Are you seriously leaving right now? After what we just did?”
“I have to. Honestly, if I’d known how you felt, I wouldn’t have done what we just did. I can’t let myself get hurt any more and now… Now I’m just one step closer to being hurt by you. I shouldn’t have opened myself up this way. I just can’t do this, Liam.”
“Just because some other guy never stood up to his promise?!” I said angrily. “I’m different. My feelings for you are so genuine. Can’t you see that?”
“I can. And maybe you are different.” He acquiesced as he pulled his pants on. “But that doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt to know you’re too embarrassed by me to tell me about your friends and family and stuff. I want to be claimed. I want you to be proud of me.”
“Is that what you think this boils down to? Me being embarrassed by you? It has nothing to do with that. You think I’m scared of what my friends and family are going to think? I don’t even talk to my family and I have no more friends. You are my only real friend now, Alex.”
He eyed me. This finally stopped him.
“If it’s not about your friends and family, then why hide? What’s the point?”
“Here.” I patted the couch. “Come lay back down and I’ll explain.”
He looked at my hand. “I won’t lay back down, but I’ll sit.” He sat on the opposite side of me.
“Remember earlier when you asked about my job?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, that’s the problem. My job would be directly affected by me coming out as gay.”
He laughed. “Oh come on, that can’t be true. It’s 2016! The world is different. It’s LA, for crying out loud. People are more tolerant than you think.”
I sighed. “Yeah, that's true, and in most job fields that’s accurate. But not mine. You’re just going to have to trust me, the appearance of being straight and masculine really matters in what I do.”
“Okay…” He didn’t argue it. “But even so, so what? You can be out and about with me, you can be in an open relationship with me without your workplace ever even finding out. Who is really going to know?”
“Trust me, chances are people will find out.”
“Okay.” He huffed. “If you want me to accept this as a reason why you can’t be out with me, then you need to give me more details than that. You need to explain why it actually matters. Because, I’ve gotta say, right now it just sounds like another bullshit excuse.”
“Okay, you’re right. I just didn’t want it to change your perception of me. But, you’ve gotta find out sooner or later. I play football.”
“You play football?” He raised an eyebrow. “Like, professionally?”
“Yep.”
His eyes bulged. “So you’re actually… famous?”
“Yes. I’m the quarterback for the LA Tigers.”
“So… You’re worried that a fan or paparazzi will see you out with me and then you’ll be outed as gay. And you won’t seem like an ultra masculine football star anymore. Am I following?”
“That’s exactly it.”
“Okay.” He nodded.
“What are you thinking?” I asked.
“I’m thinking this is probably the most legit situation where you being gay could potentially be a problem for your career.” He sighed.
“Okay, so you think the reasoning is legit, but you still don’t seem happy.” I observed.
“Well, no, of course I’m not happy. I mean… I want to be out with you. I want to be your boyfriend in public and private. It’s quite the sacrifice, you know? To be willing to be kept secret for you.”
