Touched Down

by Hayden Hunt

  Which it was.

  Even my practices were suffering which my coach and teammates certainly noticed. I chalked it up to not getting enough sleep lately without mentioning the fact that I was going through a break up. But I don’t think anyone bought my excuse.

  Thankfully, they’d all been kind enough to not ask about the homosexuality rumors though. Which I expected, I had a good team. They only ribbed me about the important things… Like the fact that I was fucking up their plays.

  I had a game tonight and I should’ve been concerned about the fact that I wasn’t at my best but I just couldn’t bring myself to care. Which was fucked, because I really did love football.

  I won’t lie, I did consider quitting. Not right away, I still had a contract until the end of the season barring any extreme circumstances. But after this season.

  I’m sure if I told Alex I was retiring after this season and I’d be open about my relationship with him, he’d come back to me.

  But for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger on that decision. I think Alex was right. I do have a substantial amount of financial security. More money would be great, but it’s not necessary. What it really comes down to is my love for the game.

  I didn’t love it more than Alex. That much I knew. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t hard to decide to give it up. I just felt like I needed to think on it more.

  That was really the only thought that kept me going. That soon I’d be able to decide to quit, tell Alex, and get him back. If I thought I’d really have to live without him for years, maybe even forever, I wouldn’t be able to just continue with my life.

  Even as I arrived at the stadium, suited up, and warmed up for the game I was dreading it. It just felt like so much more energy than I wanted to expel. If I could, I’d be doing nothing right now but laying in my bed, staring at the damn wall, thinking about Alex.

  Which probably should really solidify my choice. Without him, I didn’t even have the desire to play football. If that doesn’t make it obvious which I love more, I have no idea what does.

  But it’s my job to play and I’d do it to the best of my ability tonight. Even if tonight’s best isn’t my usual best.

  Up until the third quarter, things actually weren’t going too badly. We were winning. The team we were up against wasn’t on their best game, either, which made my current lack of talent a lot less noticeable.

  But things took a turn for the worst in the last five minutes of the third quarter.

  I usually see this kind of thing coming, have time to brace myself, to react to the body that was coming at me at a full sprint.

  But I was distracted, and I didn’t process the fact that I had been sacked until I was already laying on the ground, my opponents body on top of me.

  My body just crumpled. I literally felt my head bang against my helmet. Immediately, everything felt fuzzy. There was a ringing in my ear and a pain in my head. It wasn’t the first time I’d taken a hard hit and ended up flattened on the ground, but I think this was the worst time.

  I knew the drill. I didn’t try to move. I just hoped and prayed, as the medics began to flood around me, that it was only my head that was hurt. That there was no damage to my spine. I know my back also smacked the ground with a ridiculous amount of force.

  “Are you conscious?” One medic asked me.

  “Yes.” I said as loudly as I could. I couldn’t tell if it was the ringing in my ears or if the crowd had become louder, but I couldn’t hear very clearly.

  “Do you know where you are?”

  “Yes. I’m on the field. I’ve just been sacked.”

  “Okay, good, just stay relaxed. We’re going to take care of you. Is there anyone you want us to call?”

  And suddenly, it all made sense. Everything clicked for me. I didn’t want this life more than I wanted Alex. I didn’t want to deny him anymore.

  Being hurt and being asked that simple question… There was only one person I wanted to come to my aid. And if he was this important to me, I couldn’t hide from him anymore.

  “Yes.” I said suddenly. “Call my boyfriend, Alex.”

  But I didn’t get a chance to give him his number because my vision tunneled out and the world went black.

  14

  Alex

  I doubted my decision to break up with Liam many times over since that phone call. I had blocked his number because I knew seeing just one single call from him, I wouldn’t be able to not answer and just speaking to him would change my mind.

  When I got the urge to call him, I called Sarah instead. Who was always incredibly supportive.

  She had been expecting this to happen, of course, but thankfully she didn’t rub it in my face at all. She never even mentioned the fact that she had predicted this would happen.

  In fact, I think she was actually disappointed too. She had hung out with me and Liam a few times at my place and she actually really liked him. Like me, she believes he’s different from Jason. That his promise actually had weight. But she also understood why I couldn’t put my life on hold for years only to be his secret.

  Although I really would never want to take football way from him, I’ll admit I was hoping he’d choose me, anyway. I thought maybe he’d just decide that coming out was worth it to keep me.

  But he didn’t. I knew he wouldn’t. I know what football means to him. It’s about more than money, it’s his passion. Really his only passion, besides me. How could he just decide to give that up?

  In my heart, I still felt that we were going to end up together. Even if we reconnected years from now. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was the one for me and anyone else would only be a step down.

  Though I never fell as low as calling him, I hadn’t let him go entirely. I still watched all of his televised games. I didn’t even tell Sarah about this, I knew she’d disapprove.

  As she should. It’s not productive to my healing at all. But I couldn’t resist the chance to see him, even if it only was through a football helmet.

  Which, actually, it wasn’t always. Sometimes they got shots of him off field on a break, taking his helmet off and downing some water. I always melted when I saw him run his fingers through his thick brown hair that became matted from his helmet. I loved the way that, in his exhaustion, he always let some water dribble down to his shirt. He was perfection.

  As good as it felt to see him, it was doubly as painful. And it always made me reconsider my options. Was this really the right choice? How could it be? When he made me so incredibly happy? And I was incredibly miserable without him.

  Maybe being a secret really isn’t as big of a deal as I’m making it out to be. Maybe I can get over this. Maybe…

  But no. That’s the same thing I told myself when I got with him in the first place. I only rationalize like this because being with him is so incredibly wonderful. But that doesn’t change how I feel.

  Clearly watching this game was too much for me. The third quarter was close to finishing, but I knew I couldn’t make it through the whole game. My heart was starting to ache staring at him.

  I was about to turn off the television when something happened to make my jaw drop.

  It happened so fast. Suddenly, a linebacker twice Liam’s size came running at him. Liam doesn’t even seem to notice until his body rams against his. He crumples to the ground like it’s nothing…

  And he doesn’t get up.

  My heart is pounding in my chest. I feel like I’m literally going to throw up. What the hell just happened? Why won’t he get up? Why wasn’t anyone rushing to help him?

  They were rushing to help him, of course. In seconds, there were medics on the field surrounding him. It just didn’t seem fast enough to me.

  Suddenly all the pain, all the thoughts about whether we should get back together, they all disappeared. All I wanted was to be with him right now. To take care of him, to know that he was okay. Fuck, was he okay?

  Why won’t they say anything
? Is he god damned okay?!

  Tears start streaming down my face. I felt so helpless. I’d rush down to the stadium right now if I thought I could get to him, but I knew I couldn’t. They’ll have him going to the hospital before I even get there.

  Fuck, football is dangerous. I know that but I think I always pushed the idea of serious injury out of my head. I’m anxious enough as it is without thinking that Liam could get hurt every time he plays a game.

  But now he has. And I had no idea what to do about it. I just sat there and hoped he wasn’t paralyzed. Or worse! He could have a traumatic brain injury that literally kills him.

  I was sobbing into my hands waiting for the announcers to comment on his condition when the phone rang.

  I picked it up as quickly as I could.

  “Hello?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from cracking and failing.

  “Hello, is this Alex?”

  “Yes, who is this?” I said in a voice that bordered on demanding.

  “I’m a medic at the Tigers stadium. I’m calling on behalf of your boyfriend, Liam. He’s been injured, but he’s responsive. He wants you informed on his condition. We’re going to take him to the county hospital right away.”

  “I’ll be there.” I said without thinking. “Thank you, I’m leaving now.”

  Although I was still upset and anxious about his condition, this knowledge made me feel a lot less helpless. Right now, at least I can do something. I can rush to his side. And that’s something.

  I kept my phone in my hand and got my keys, but I didn’t bother grabbing anything else. I just sprinted to my car and sped the entire way to the hospital. To my relief, I seemed to hit nearly every green light.

  This was literally the only night where I wasn’t weaving in and out of horrible LA traffic. It seemed the universe was on my side here, because cars were moving quick and I was able to arrive at the hospital only fifteen minutes from when I left the house.

  But in that fifteen minutes, after some of the adrenaline had started to wear off, something came to my mind…

  Did that medic say ‘your boyfriend, Liam.’

  Why would he say that?

  Was it just in response to to all the gay rumors? The fact that I had been photographed with him and was rumored to be his lover?

  No, that couldn’t be right. One, it would be very unprofessional of him to call me his boyfriend based on a rumor, especially when Liam had denied it. And why would he call me based only on that? They only call emergency contacts in these kind of situations… Not rumored gay friends who play pool in random bars with him.

  There was only one reason he would’ve called me, because Liam asked him to. But did Liam really call me his boyfriend when he asked? He had to.

  For a second, this made a glowing happiness burst through the worry about his condition. Did he change his mind? Did he want to claim me in public? Could we get back together?

  But then a darker thought flitted across my mind. What if he only said that as a slip up. What if he was so hurt, he didn’t know what he was saying. Maybe he really has a serious brain injury and couldn’t even process the consequences of his words.

  Holy fuck, I need to get to him.

  As soon as I arrived, I parked and ran into the emergency room entrance, heading straight to the desk.

  “Hello, I’m here for Liam Valadez.” I said, panting.

  “And your name?” The woman behind the counter asked calmly and politely.

  “Alex.” I huffed.

  “Alex, yes. They’re examining him right now Alex, have a seat. I’ll have a nurse come get you as soon as he’s been thoroughly looked over.”

  “Okay, thanks.” I breathed, trying to relax.

  I took one of the very few free seats available. The emergency room was full of worried faces. Was that what I looked like right now? I wondered as I glanced around the room.

  No, I probably looked much worse.

  Now that I had arrived at the hospital and had nothing to do but sit here, the helpless feeling arose again. I don’t know what I was expecting, maybe for a nurse to come grab me within the hour?

  But it was hours upon hours of waiting. Just sitting there, thinking the worst, hoping and praying that Liam was okay. That’s all I wanted now… To know he was going to be fine.

  Three hours later, a nurse finally came to bring me to his room where a smiling doctor was waiting for me.

  “Hello, you must be Alex.” He said.

  “Yes,” I answered, my eyes glued to Liam in his hospital bed. His eyes were closed, he wasn’t conscious. Seeing him hooked up to so many wires this way made me want to cry again.

  “He’s going to be okay.” The doctor said before I could ask. “He has a fairly serious concussion and he’ll have to take it very easy for a while, but he’ll be okay.”

  I looked at him. He looked fucked, but he was going to be fine. That’s what matters. Everything else, I could deal with.

  “Is he going to be able to play football?” I asked, knowing this is what he’d want to know.

  “I’m going to recommend that he not play for the rest of the season, no. Next year, he should be okay.”

  I sighed because this was likely only going to make him want to prolong the amount of years he continues to play for.

  “Well, thank you for letting me know.”

  “No problem. I take it you are the one who is going to be looking after him? I haven’t been informed of any other family arriving.”

  “Yeah, that’s right. I’m the only one.”

  The doctor nodded and handed me a packet of paper.

  “I’d like you to go over this. It has details about his condition and how he needs to be cared for over the next few weeks. I want him to stay the night for observation, but you can take him home tomorrow. If you have any questions, I’ll be back in a while.”

  “Perfect, thank you so much.” I told him.

  He gave me a soft smile and then exited the room.

  I grabbed a little rolling stool and brought it to Liam’s bedside. Carefully, I took his hand and placed it against my cheek.

  I didn’t want to wake him, I just couldn’t stand not to touch him. It had only been a few weeks, but it felt like months since I was able to hold him in my arms.

  Just this small touch brought back so many feelings for me. I knew, in this moment, I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t be without him any more.

  Whether he wanted me a secret or not, I’d never be able to go without this touch again. I’ll never forget how good it feels to touch him now after being absent so long.

  He rolled slightly in his bed. “Alex?” He mumbled.

  “Yes, it’s me.” I said in a whisper.

  A smile crept across his face slowly. “You came.”

  “Of course I came. You think I wouldn’t come in a medical emergency?”

  “I didn’t know… You didn’t answer my calls and… I missed you.” He said in a hoarse voice.

  “Do you need some water?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “I only need you. You’re the only thing I thought of when I got hit. How much I love you, need you, want you in my life.”

  I kissed his hand, which was still in mine. “Then have me.”

  “What?” He asked, shocked.

  “Have me, baby. I’ll be yours. I’m so sorry. I never should’ve made you choose. I don’t know what I was thinking. I thought… I thought I couldn’t handle it. I thought being your secret was the worst possible scenario. But tonight I realized the actual worst possible scenario.”

  “What’s that?” He asked.

  “Losing you.” I took in a deep breath. “Babe, when I saw you get hit-”

  “Wait, you saw me?” He asked.

  “Oh, yeah. I’ve kind of been watching all your games… It’s the only way I could see you.”

  “You missed me that much?”

  “Of course! I wasn’t kidding when I said breaking up with you wasn’t easy for me. Liam, I lo
ve you more than I’ve ever loved another man. I really think we have what it takes.”

  “What it takes to what?”

  “To make it to the end. To form a life together. I really think we could create a love that will stand the test of time. At least, I want to try, with you.”

  He smiled. “Kiss me.”

  And gently… So, so gently, I did.

  I put my hand on his cheek. “I’m going to take care of you.”

  “Fuck, I haven’t even asked, what are my injuries?”

  I raised an eyebrow. “They haven’t told you?”

  “No, this is the first I’ve woken up. The last thing I remember I was laying on the field, asking for you, and then it’s all black.”

  “Im sorry… If I knew, I would’ve told you earlier. You’re going to be fine. You have a pretty bad concussion. So you’re going to have to rest but then you’ll be just fine. But…” I didn’t know how he was going to accept this last bit of news.

  “But?” He asked.

  “But you’re out for the season. I’m sorry, babe.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t care. I have you. That’s all I care about.”

  And I felt the same way. I really, truly believed that being his secret wasn’t going to matter to me anymore. It seemed silly when in comparison to losing him altogether.

  I realized tonight how easily that could happen. Because of anything, really. It’s not just football. We don’t know what life has in store for us at any given moment. It could be over, without a warning. So I didn’t want to wait years to be with him. I wanted to take advantage of every opportunity we had now.

  I was going to be with him, whatever sacrifices that came with that.

  15

  Liam

  Healing from the concussion hadn’t been the easiest. I wasn’t allowed to watch television, play video games, or do anything that required any serious concentration.