Star

by Steel, Danielle

  About what? Staying with you? He nodded. Yes, I am.

  Why? Why can't you admit it's all wrong? What's the point of forcing it?

  I told you, I'm not going to let you make me look like a fool. And besides, it would be an embarrassment to my father.

  That's the worst reason I've ever heard.

  Then think of your own reasons if you want. But I meant it. And I think in the long run we'll both be happy we stuck with it. He couldn't believe she was saying that, but without another word, she left the room and went downstairs for breakfast, as Spencer lay in bed and thought of Crystal.

  She had had her own problems that night. She hadn't finished work until ten. One of the klieg lights broke, and a major piece of scenery after that. They had stood around for hours, and it was midnight when she got home, and Ernie was waiting for her.

  What did you do today? He looked unruffled as he watched her undress. She was bone tired, and she'd been thinking of Spencer all night and what she had to do, and say to Ernie.

  Nothing much. The lights broke, and we got stuck on the set for hours. And they had all complained endlessly about the heat, the long wait, and the commissary food for dinner.

  That's all? He wandered slowly over to where she stood, naked beneath her dressing gown.

  Sure. Why?

  He grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her head sharply back, wrenching it as hard as he could as she gasped and fought to get away from him. Don't ever cheat on me!

  Ernie! ' I ' But the words froze on her lips. She could see in his eyes that he knew Spencer had been at the studio with her. I had a visit from an old friend ' that's all ' He yanked her hair hard again, and her eyes filled with tears from fear and pain.

  Don't lie to me! It's the guy from Korea, isn't it? He was smart and the timing was right. He had figured it out, just on a hunch, when the maid told him a man had called, and he went to the set to see if there was anyone there with her. He had arrived just in time to see them disappear into her dressing room. And he had waited a long time before they came out again, looking at each other like long-lost lovers.

  Yes ' yes ' She was breathless as he twisted her hair in his hands. That's who he was ' I'm sorry ' I didn't know you'd be upset '

  Stupid bitch. He slapped her hard across the face and threw her halfway across the room. If you see him again, or call him, or talk to him, something ugly is going to happen to him. You got that, Miss Purity?

  Yes ' Ernie, please ' She was horrified. She had never seen that side of him before.

  Now take off your clothes. She gasped at the look on his face, and he wasn't even drunk. But there was a look in his eyes that terrified her as he strode purposefully across the room toward her. He ripped the dressing gown off her back and she stood trembling and naked before him. And remember one thing, you belong to me now! No one else! Me ' because I own you! Is that clear? She nodded, with tears streaming down her cheeks as he slapped her again, and without further ceremony he threw her into a nearby chair and tossed his own dressing gown off as he laughed at the fear in her eyes. That's right. I'm going to do exactly what I want, because I own you. And he took her with such force, such brutality, that this time when she screamed, it wasn't with pleasure but with pain, and when he was through, with a single gesture, he threw her to the floor where she lay sobbing in agony. It was just like what Tom Parker had done, worse in some ways, because she had trusted Ernie. She should have left with Spencer that afternoon. She knew it now, but it was too late. It was much, much later than she knew, and she was terrified of what he might do to Spencer if he meant what he said. And she wouldn't do anything to risk Spencer. Even if it killed her.

  He looked down at her lying there, and laughed as she cried, not daring to look at him. Get up! He yanked her up by a handful of hair again, her eyes staring wildly around her in terror. And if you ever see him again, Crystal Wyatt ' I'll kill you. He went to bed and she went to the bathroom to throw up, and when she looked in the mirror, the eyes that she saw there were empty. He had given her everything and now he thought he owned her. But one thing was certain, she knew now what would happen if she tried to leave him for Spencer.

  Spencer and Elizabeth flew to Washington on September sixth, with the senior Barclays. It had been an agonizing week for him. The strain between them had been killing. But she had gone on, as though nothing were wrong, determined to continue the illusion of their marriage. He didn't know how he was going to get through to her, but in a month, he wanted to be back in California with Crystal. And he was going to broach the subject of a divorce with Elizabeth again the moment they got to Georgetown. Her resistance to the idea had come as a complete surprise to him. He and Crystal had both been naive about their partners' willingness to give them up, and all Spencer thought about now was how to convince Elizabeth to divorce him.

  But when they arrived in Washington, she was so proud of the little house, so busy with her friends, and so busy with her job that he hardly saw her. She hired a housekeeper to cook and clean for them, and they seemed to be invited to every party in town. To Spencer it seemed almost hopeless. He felt as though he were drowning in a sea of people, night and day, and each time he tried to talk to her, she somehow avoided the subject. And then finally on the second weekend they were home, he exploded at her over breakfast. She had just told him that she had accepted an invitation for lunch at her parents' that day, and she thought he might like to play golf with her father.

  For chrissake, Elizabeth, we can't go on like this. You can't just go on pretending that nothing's wrong. For him, nothing had changed since Lake Tahoe or long before that.

  I told you before how I felt, Spencer. This is it. For life. You might as well stop fighting it, and enjoy it. She looked as cool and controlled as she always did and it was driving him crazy.

  He sat down and ran a hand through his hair in the familiar gesture she had not yet come to regard with affection. In truth, it annoyed her. But she was prepared to put up with anything. This was their life, and he was her husband.

  We have to talk. His eyes were unrelenting. She was a decent woman and he appreciated what she had done for him. But this wasn't what he wanted. He knew that now. He was sure of it. And he didn't want a marriage that was all pretense and appearance.

  What do you want to talk about? Her tone was icy. She was sick of his apparent difficulty in adjusting. As far as she could see, he had everything he wanted. A nice home, a maid to wait on him, an interesting wife with a good job, and important in-laws. But Spencer didn't see it that way. Not by a long shot

  We have to talk about our marriage.

  An icy look came into her eyes. She had heard about it before, and she wasn't interested in pursuing the subject. She wasn't going to give him a divorce. He was just going to have to grow up and face it.

  There's nothing to talk about.

  I know, he said ruefully. That's exactly the problem.

  The problem is that you're still thrashing around fighting it, and when you stop doing that, things will go a lot better. Look at my parents. Do you think it's always been easy for them? I'm sure it hasn't. They worked it out. So can we, if you'd finally accept what is and get on with it. She looked extremely unsympathetic.

  What is' for me, he said, and tried to speak calmly to her, is that I don't consider this a marriage.

  I don't agree with you. She looked angry, but not sad. She was tired of talking about the problem.

  We're not in love with each other. We never were. Doesn't that matter to you?

  Of course it does. But that will come later. She sounded unconcerned, which made him feel even more crazy.

  When? When do you think that comes, Elizabeth? At sixty-five, like a retirement pension, or a bonus? It's either there at the beginning, or it isn't. And it never was for me. I tried to tell myself that it was, but it wasn't. I wanted out right after we got engaged, and I said so. I let you talk me into this and I was a damn fool, and I knew it. It wasn't fair to you, or to m
e, and now we're paying the price for your being so goddamn stubborn.

  What price are you paying? She was angry now and it showed, finally. The price of comfort, of having a wife you can be proud to be married to or a father-in-law who's one of the most important men in the country?

  I don't give a goddamn about all that, and you know it.

  I'm not so sure of that. Don't you? Why did you marry me, then, if you weren't in love with me? It was a very good question.

  I told myself I was in love with you. I thought we could make it work, but we can't, and we have to face that.

  You face it. You deal with it. It's your goddamn problem. All you do is whine all the time. Well stop whining and do something about it.

  That's what I want to do, God damn it! He pounded the table in front of him, and he was tempted to throw something at her. I want a divorce so I can get us both out of this and start living like a normal human being.

  We're not going anywhere, Spencer. We're married, and that's how it's going to stay. For better or worse, until death do us part. So stop bitching and get used to it. Get off your ass, get a job. Do whatever the hell you want, but understand one thing. I'm not going to divorce you. He felt despair envelop him as he listened to her. All he wanted was to go back to Crystal in California.

  How long do you think we can go on like this?

  Forever. If we have to. It's up to you how difficult you want to make it.

  Don't you want more than this? I do. I want someone I can talk to. Someone who wants the same things I do. Life, love, and happiness and children. He was almost in tears. Elizabeth, I want to be happy.

  So do I. She looked unsympathetically at him, and suddenly a thought crossed her mind. She had never thought of it before, but she still remembered the way he had looked at the girl in the nightclub that night after their engagement party in San Francisco, and then his announcement two days later that he didn't want to get married. Spencer, she looked straight into his eyes, is there someone else? But he couldn't tell her that. That wasn't the issue. The real issue was that they had made a mistake and it had to be faced. What happened after that was none of her business.

  No, there isn't. He wasn't going to tell her about that. He didn't want to cloud the issue.

  Are you sure? She knew him better than he liked to think, but he shook his head, determined to lie to her, about Crystal.

  It isn't important. What I'm saying to you means a lot more than that. This isn't working for either of us, and it isn't going to. But she had come close to a nerve and it showed, and suddenly she knew it.

  It is important. I have a right to know if there is someone.

  Would it change anything? He eyed her carefully.

  I won't give you a divorce if that's what you want to know. But it would tell me something about you. I think all this nonsense you're complaining about is really to cover something else, isn't it?

  I told you, that's not the issue.

  I don't believe that.

  Elizabeth, be sensible. Please. What could he tell her? That there was another girl? That she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, and he'd been in love with her since she was fourteen? And now they wanted to get married?

  My father wanted to introduce you to some important friends today. She was ignoring everything he had said. I think we should go.

  For God's sake, we're talking about the rest of our lives. Why won't you listen to reason?

  Because your idea of reason is divorce, Spencer. Mine isn't. And I won't let you out of this. It's as simple as that. I'm not going to let you embarrass me publicly. I don't want to be divorced. I want to be married. She had always wanted to be married to him, and she had gotten exactly what she wanted. Almost. But as far as she was concerned, that was all you ever got in life. Almost. It was enough for her, if not for him, and she wasn't going to let him off the hook that easy.

  But do you want to be married like this?

  Yes. There was no hesitation. One of my father's friends wanted to offer you a job today. I think you should meet him.

  I'm tired of your father's friends, and your father.

  He's a very important Democrat and it's a government job. She went on as though she hadn't heard him, and Spencer wanted to scream. And he thinks you could be useful to him.

  I don't want to be useful to anyone right now. Except myself. And you. I want to sort this mess out.

  There is no mess, Spencer. Not as far as I'm concerned. And I'm not going to set you free, so forget it. And as he looked at her, he knew that she meant it. She was never going to agree to divorce him. He was trapped. Perhaps forever.

  You mean that, don't you?

  Totally. She looked coolly at her watch. We have to be there at noon. I suggest you get dressed now.

  I'm not a child, Elizabeth. I don't want to be told what to do, when to dress and when to eat, and when to go to a party. I'm a man, and I want to live with a woman who loves me.

  I'm sorry. She stood up and looked at him coldly. He had destroyed any hope of that, but she still wasn't going to let him go. And she was convinced there was another woman. But whoever she was, she wasn't going to get him. You'll have to make do with this, won't you? She quietly left the room then, and an hour later she was downstairs in a crisp navy blue suit, and the navy alligator bag and pumps her father had given her for her birthday. And hating himself for giving in to her, Spencer was dressed too. He was wearing a gray suit, and a face that would have been perfect for a funeral.

  She chatted with him pleasantly, as though nothing had come between them. He felt as though his life were over. The part that mattered anyway. He felt hopeless. And her father's friend was, predictably, both serious and important. He offered Spencer a job in a government office that would have interested him if he wanted to stay in Washington, and if he wanted a job that had come to him essentially because of the Barclays. But the job that had been offered him was a good one. It was the first offer he'd had that interested him, and he told the man he'd think it over. More to be polite than because he meant it. All he really wanted was to talk to Crystal. But when he called her late that night, when Elizabeth was in bed, he learned that Crystal had fared no better. Ernie watched her night and day, and once or twice she thought he was having her followed. She was even afraid to talk to Spencer on the phone, but luckily Ernie was out when Spencer called her. She told him only that Ernie had threatened her. But in truth she feared for Spencer's life now. She knew that Ernie meant business.

  Ernie came to the set unexpectedly these days, sat in her dressing room, monitored her calls, though she got very few. The only thing she was allowed to do was to go to work and go home to Ernie. He didn't beat her up again, he never raped her, he didn't touch her. He didn't have to. He just told her he would kill Spencer. And the day after he had raped her, he came home with an enormous diamond necklace. He had smiled at her wickedly and the card read, Think of it as a chastity belt. Love, Ernie. But there was no doubt in her mind now what would happen to her if she tried to leave him for Spencer. He would kill them both. Of that she was certain. And he said so.

  She knew now what she had to do. She had to let Spencer go, for his sake. She couldn't even tell him why. She was too afraid to tell him the truth, afraid he'd retaliate, or come back to California to try and rescue her from Ernie.

  How's it going out there? Spencer sounded exhausted when he called. It was after midnight and he was emotionally drained from the strain of trying to convince Elizabeth, unsuccessfully, to divorce him.

  It's been difficult. Crystal spoke in a quiet voice. It was the first time she'd talked to him in days, and tears filled her eyes as she thought of what she'd have to say. But she had to. For his sake.

  That's the understatement of the year, isn't it? He tried to make light of it but they were both depressed and you could hear it. He had made his first big mistake when he'd decided to go ahead and marry Elizabeth when he knew he didn't love her. He had listened to everyone except himsel
f. And he had thought he was doing it for all the right reasons. He had even tried to convince himself that he did love her, and that his feelings for Crystal were only an infatuation.

  Have you spoken to Elizabeth?

  Yes. Not that I've gotten anywhere. She absolutely refuses to cooperate, and other than beat her up, or catch her in bed with someone else, I'm not going to have grounds for divorce unless she agrees. But I'm not going to give up. Just give it a while, Crystal, I'll convince her. He didn't know how yet, but he'd have to. But he was in no way prepared for Crystal's next words. They hit him like a wrecker's ball in his guts as he listened.

  You don't need to do that. Ernie and I have been talking it over, and ' She almost choked on the words, but forced herself to sound normal. It was the hardest role of her career, but she believed that Spencer's life depended on it, and she had to convince him, no matter what he thought of her after. That was no longer important. She had begun to understand what Ernie's role was in Hollywood. She had heard people talk about him on the set when they'd seen him with her. And rumors of his connections frightened her. There was more to Ernie than met the eye, and there were supposedly dangerous people behind him. And to them, Crystal represented the prospect of a great deal of money. He thinks it'll hurt my career if I leave him now. She went on, The publicity could hurt me very badly.

  Spencer felt his heart stop as he listened. What are you saying to me?

  I'm saying ' She forced a cool note into her voice, which was foreign to her. Her voice was normally filled with warmth and passion, just like her singing. I'm saying that I don't think you should come back out. I'm not ready to make any changes.

  You're staying with him? Because of what people might say? Have you gone crazy?