Star

by Steel, Danielle

  Would you like to come up to the ranch? she invited him again, as she had a long time before. But this time she wondered what would happen. But he smiled at her and shook his head.

  That's your private time. I don't want to intrude on that. We can go somewhere when you get back. And then what? Would they still be friends? She was faintly worried about that, but on the way back to her apartment he set her mind at rest. He wanted very little more from her than he had now. I'm not saying I'm in love with you, Crystal. I'm not. I don't think I ever could fall in love again. I've had all that. And my life is peaceful now, he smiled at her as they drove through the night. I don't want children, marriage, obligations, lies. I want a friend I enjoy talking to, someone to be there now and then, but not all the time. I really don't want more than that, and sometimes I think that even as young as you are, you want the same things. You want to work hard, do well, and go back to your ranch at the end of it. Am I right? She nodded. He had read her well.

  Yes, you are. I've already had everything I wanted in life. A man I loved more than anything, success ' and now Zeb. That's enough for me. And she had paid for all of it with plenty of heartaches.

  No, it's not enough. One day I'd like to see you with someone you cared about. But right now, selfishly, he smiled, I'd be pleased if you were content to spend a little time with an old man. The idea of calling him that made her laugh. He looked twenty years younger than he was, or ten anyway. He took good care of himself. He played tennis, swam a lot, seldom stayed up late, and never caroused. She had never heard that he was involved with the latest starlet, or even more established movie stars. She suspected that he was just what he appeared to be, very successful, hardworking, and a hell of a nice man. When are you coming back?

  Right after Labor Day. She was starting her new movie shortly after that, and he looked satisfied. He was willing to wait that long and he had no desire to visit her on the ranch in the valley.

  He called her a few times that summer when she was gone, sent her some books he thought she'd like, and a wonderful new cowboy hat for her birthday. She turned twenty-eight that year and spent it with Boyd and Hiroko on the ranch. She thought of Brian from time to time, he was so different from the men she had known before. There was no passion, no fire, none of the aching love that she and Spencer had shared, none of the ugliness Ernie had brought into her life, no diamond bracelets, no furs. Only a cowboy hat, and good books, and occasional letters that made her laugh, about the Hollywood scene that never really changed, while pretending to almost every hour, every day. And when she got back to Los Angeles he was waiting for her, just as he had said before the summer. They went to Puerto Vallarta for a few days, and there were none of the disappearances, the mysteries, as when Ernie had gone there to do business with friends, the friends that had probably murdered him and left her to take the blame and almost go to prison.

  The new picture went well, and no one seemed to notice her new relationship. Her involvement with Brian Ford was as quiet as the man himself. She had discovered that he was remotely involved in politics, and gave large sums to the Democrats. He was especially fond of young Jack Kennedy who was running for president that year. And eventually, people began to understand her involvement with Brian. They never saw Crystal with anyone else. But in Hollywood Brian Ford was sacred. People didn't gossip about him, didn't pry into what he did, and standing in his shadow, the limelight on Crystal seemed to dim, and she liked that. She got more publicity than she needed anyway. Her career was red-hot, but now she was a respected actress. And in April Brian got his wish. Crystal had been thunderstruck by the nomination. And the night of the Academy Awards she sat breathless and staring in her seat as they opened the envelope and called her name. She couldn't believe it. She had won the Academy Award for best actress. And it meant even more to her because it was one of Brian's films. He squeezed her hand as they read her name, and she sat very still for a minute, afraid to move and afraid she had heard wrong. And then she stood up and walked down the aisle, with everyone applauding and the cameras trained on her. She couldn't believe it was happening to her, and everything was a blur as she walked onto the stage and took the Oscar in her trembling hand, and looked out into the audience at where she knew Brian was seated.

  I don't know what to say, she said into the microphone, her voice as husky and musical as it had always been, I never thought I'd be standing up here, doing this ' where do I begin? What do I say? So many people to thank, people who have believed in me. Most important of all, of course, Brian Ford, without whom I'd be picking grapes and corn in a valley far from here. But other people too ' people who've believed in me for so long ' a man named Harry who gave me a job singing when I was seventeen, and as she said it, in the restaurant in San Francisco where they were watching her on TV, Harry began to cry openly, ' and a very special lady named Pearl, who taught me to dance, and came to Hollywood with me ' and my father who told me to go out into the world and follow my dreams ' and all the directors I've worked with who taught me what I know ' my co-stars on this film ' and Louis Brown, who introduced me to Brian Ford ' I owe all of you everything. She held up the Oscar with tears in her eyes. I owe you this. And also my friends Boyd and Hiroko, who take care of what I love most, and then she paused with a smile, as the tears ran down her cheeks, and very special thanks to the person who has made me grow, who is everything to me ' Zeb, whom I love most. She smiled a special smile for him, knowing that he was probably watching. Thank you all She saluted them then, and with the Oscar in her hand, went back to her seat as the audience applauded her. They knew how far she'd come, and much of what had happened to her. They knew about the trial, and they had forgiven her. They had accepted her, and given her their ultimate reward. And Brian put an arm around her as she got back to her seat. The tears were still rolling down her cheeks and he gave her a warm hug as she grinned triumphantly at him. He's a lucky little boy, he whispered to her as the cameras continued to roll and then panned the crowd still applauding. Her fans were pleased, and the people who had heard her say their names were celebrating in their homes. Lou Brown was watching with friends and he was thrilled for her, and Boyd and Hiroko were in shock as they toasted her with sake. Pearl hadn't stopped crying since they'd first called Crystal's name, and Harry was buying drinks for the house with champagne from the Napa Valley. And in Washington, Spencer had stayed home from a dinner party and was in bed with a bad cold. He had sat staring at her, thinking of how far she'd come, and how much he wished he had been there to share it with her. He had been a fool to let her go to go back to Washington alone, and he wondered sometimes if she had done it purposely. If she had wanted him to go back to Elizabeth and Washington just to further his career. It was the kind of thing she would have done, but it was too late to change any of it now. He was too deeply entrenched, too involved in politics, and there were other people in her life now. He had seen her hug the man she'd been sitting with. And he assumed of course that he was the much-loved Zeb she mentioned. He was a lucky man, Spencer knew, and he only hoped that he would be good to her. She had looked beautiful on the screen. But he knew another side of her, the side that had helped him achieve his dreams, the side that had shared all her secrets with him ' the girl he had met when she was a child ' the woman he'd gone back to the valley with. The woman he had loved more than life itself, and even now, after all this time, he still did. He thought about sending her a telegram, but he didn't know where to send it, and just realizing that made him feel even sadder. He had lost her, she was gone, and she had been the best thing that had ever happened to him. He turned off the TV, and lay in bed for hours that night, thinking of Crystal.

  And little Zeb went to bed that night, thinking about her too. He was four and a half years old by then, and he had grinned at the TV as she said his name. That's my mom! he announced, and handed his Coke to Jane while he stared at her. He wondered what she was doing there, but Hiroko had told him that she would be home soon. They were all proud of her
, and Brian Ford most of all. They shared a special relationship, and if he had been a younger man and his life had been different before they met, he would have let it go further with her than he was inclined to. What they had suited them both. It was simple and honest and clean. There was no deception, no lies, no commitments, no promises. Just their friendship and the fact that he enjoyed her company. She insisted on buying him dinner that night, and he took her dancing afterward. She said she was still in shock, but Brian wasn't surprised she'd won. She deserved every bit of it, and he was happy because his picture had won too. It was a big night for both of them, and when he left her finally to go home, she sat quietly in her apartment, looking at the Oscar on the table where she'd set it down. It was an amazing tribute to her. An unforgettable night. It was her reward for coming back to Hollywood and doing it right this time, and she thought of her father, as she had earlier ' and Spencer ' and Zeb ' the men she had loved best in her life, and two of them were gone now. But she had Zeb, and one day she would teach him what she had learned from all of them. To be honest, and decent, and work hard, to live well, and love with all your heart, no matter what the price, and never be afraid to follow your dreams, wherever they took you.

  The election that year was an exciting one, and with Brian, Crystal got caught up in the excitement of it. He went east once or twice for campaign dinners, while she stayed to work on one of Brian's new films. And he was filled with descriptions of the excitement in Washington when he got back. He was there when Jack Kennedy won, and a new era seemed to have dawned. The days of Camelot, with his pretty wife, their sweet little girl, and their brand-new baby boy.

  Crystal spent Zeb's fifth birthday with him, and when she got back to Hollywood she was surprised when she got her own invitation to the Inaugural Ball. She would be finished with her current film by then, but she still hesitated to go. There were old ghosts she wanted to avoid in Washington, and she was afraid she might run into Spencer.

  You have to, Brian said. It's really an honor you can't decline. And this is a special time. He knew that like his time with her, it might never come again. He was pleased for the young senator, and he wanted Crystal to meet them both. He pressed her so hard that in the end she agreed to go with him. It wasn't easy for her deciding to go back. She had read that Spencer had just been appointed one of Kennedy's aides, and she knew he'd be there. But she prayed only that the crowd would be so large they'd never meet. She didn't want to see him again. It had been almost six years and much too long. She didn't want to revive the longing again, and the pain. All she wanted was what she had, her memories of him, and Zeb, waiting for her whenever she could get free from work and go up to the ranch to be with him.

  She bought her gown at Giorgio. It was silver and Brian whistled when she showed it to him, and then he laughed. Well, you've done it, kid. You sure as hell look like a movie star in that. It was in sharp contrast to the new First Lady's subtly elegant gowns. But this had its own elegance, just as Crystal Wyatt did. The dress sparkled prettily at him, as he smiled and kissed her hand. He knew that her debut in presidential circles was going to be a smash. And it was.

  The Inaugural Ball was far more beautiful than even she had dreamed. There were several parties, and actually two balls, and she thought the First Lady looked exquisite in her Oleg Cassini gown. There were crowds of onlookers everywhere, and Crystal was recognized and signed hundreds of autographs for her admirers in the crowd. Brian looked proud of her in his well-cut dinner jacket. He was fifty-nine that year, but more rugged-looking and handsomer than ever before.

  You look pretty good yourself, she had teased as they dressed at the Statler Hotel. He had reserved a suite months before, and she had to admit she was glad she had agreed to go with him.

  Their relationship was still exactly what it had been from the first, a comfortable companionship and a discreet affair that most people still hadn't figured out, but those who did kept very quiet. Crystal was deeply fond of him, and he met certain needs for her. He was someone real to talk to in Hollywood, and she often asked his advice about the ranch. And it was physically satisfying certainly, but there was no wild flame, no torment, no passion, no pain. Only the ease of being with a man she both respected and admired.

  They went to both of the balls that night, and he introduced her to the President. She was struck by how handsome he was, standing beside his pretty, aristocratic wife. She looked very shy and had been speaking to someone in French, and when she was introduced to Crystal, she told her how much she liked her movies.

  They danced late into the night, and it was when Brian went to get her wrap that she saw Spencer at last. He was standing near the door with several of the other men in the Cabinet, he was talking animatedly and laughing with some of the Secret Service men. She started to turn away, feeling a wave of yearning wash over her. She wanted Brian to come back, so they could leave, but he seemed to be taking forever. And as she turned away, the glimmer of her dress in the soft lights caught his eye, and he stopped talking. He excused himself, and a moment later he was standing there, looking down at her, as overwhelmed by her beauty as he had been before. He reached out and touched her arm with a gentle hand, as though to see if she were real. And she was. Almost too much so.

  Crystal ' It had been six years. Six long years, filled with hard times and good times, the ranch, and movies, and his baby.

  Hello, Spencer. I thought I'd see you here. Congratulations. Her voice was quiet in the noisy room, but he heard every word she said, and he thought she'd never looked lovelier than she did that night in the silver gown that molded her figure like a veil of ice over the beautiful body he still remembered.

  Thank you. You've come a long way. He smiled. He meant it in more ways than one. The years had made her the big star she had once dreamed of becoming, and now that she was there, she enjoyed it. But it meant nothing compared to what she still felt for him. Just looking at him brought it all back, the joy and the pain, and the lifetime of longing she still felt for him. Will you be here long? he asked with casual interest.

  A few days. She was purposely vague, praying he couldn't hear her heartbeat. I have to get back to California. He nodded, and she wondered if he was still married. And on the other side of the room, Elizabeth was preening in all her glory. Her husband was one of Kennedy's aides. At thirty-one, she had made it. The only woman in the room that she envied was married to the President, but even that dream might come true one day. Anything was possible now. Spencer was an important man, even to the Barclays.

  Where are you staying?

  She hesitated, and then thought it didn't matter anyway. He had his own life now. And she had Brian. At the Statler.

  He nodded, and Brian reappeared with her silver fox. She had no choice but to introduce the two men. Brian knew who he was, but they had never met before, and he wondered how Spencer knew Crystal. Her connection to Brian was obvious, but the look in Spencer's eyes couldn't be ignored. She said good night and they left, and in the limousine Brian found her strangely quiet, looking out at the snow falling softly. He didn't say anything to her until they got back to the room, and then he knew he had to ask her.

  How do you know Spencer Hill? As far as he knew, she'd never been to Washington. He had seen him with Jack Kennedy the year before, and had instantly liked him. He was going to be a big man one day, he already was, and Brian knew how important he was to the young president.

  Crystal looked vague as she unzipped her dress, and smiled at him, but her eyes were sad. He saw something there he had never seen in her before, a kind of raw pain that was almost beyond bearing. I met him years ago, at my sister's wedding. He served in the Pacific with my brother-in-law. And then, turning away, He defended me at the trial. And suddenly, he knew. He had never been able to figure it out before. He walked slowly toward her and looked down at her with sad eyes.

  He's the boy's father, isn't he? There was a long pause, and then slowly she nodded, and turned away.

 
Does he know?

  She shook her head. And he never will. It's a long story, but he has his own life, and a good future. Staying with me would have destroyed that for him. She had given him the gift of freedom at the right time, and it was good to know it hadn't been wasted. He had used it well.

  He's still in love with you. Brian sat down heavily as he talked to her. He had known it would come one day, but he was sorry anyway. He had seen Crystal's eyes, and Spencer's.

  Don't be ridiculous. I haven't even seen him in six years until this evening.

  But the next morning, when Brian was out at a political breakfast with friends, Spencer called her. She felt her heart race as he said her name, and told herself she was stupid. He wanted to see her briefly before she left, but she insisted that she couldn't.

  Crystal, please ' for old times' sake ' Old times that had given her a baby.

  I don't think we should. What if some reporter saw you? It's not worth it.

  Let me worry about that. Please ' He was begging her, and she wanted to see him just as badly. But to what end? And even if Brian was right in suspecting that Spencer still cared for her, seeing him could only hurt Spencer. She tried to put him off again but he wouldn't let her do it.

  All right, where? She sounded nervous. She was afraid of both the press and Brian. He was never possessive about her, but she didn't want to hurt him. Especially now that he knew. She had seen the sorrow in his eyes the night before, and she wanted to convince him that it wasn't worth his worry. Spencer Hill was no longer in her life. And he never would be.

  Spencer gave her the address of a little bar he knew, and she promised to meet him there at four o'clock. Brian was still out, and she took a taxi instead of the limousine he had left for her. She was afraid that the limo driver might talk to the press, if he recognized her or Spencer.