I looked down. His wet hug had made my white t-shirt see through. “Argh. I’m going to kill him.”
Mom looked at me. “It’s not so bad. It really is a nice bra.”
“Mom!”
She laughed and we turned our attention to the rest of the meet. Mom would always see Max’s attention toward me as innocent, even when he was referencing wet t-shirt contests.
After the last race, I rushed down to the deck. As I approached Max, a gorgeous blonde in tight jean shorts and an even tighter t-shirt was practically yelling at him. “Like I’m going to believe that you would point at your sister’s chest like that. Jesus, Max, if you’re going to flirt with other girls can you at least do it when I’m not around?”
I coughed. “Hi,” I said.
The girl turned to me, looked me up and down, and said, “Look slut, find some other guy to try and fuck. He’s mine.”
“Erin. That’s my sister.” The Erin chick looked me up and down again. She appeared unconvinced.
“She doesn’t look at all like you.”
“Well, technically, I’m his stepsister.”
“You’re Katie?” I nodded. “I thought you were on the East Coast.”
“Can’t a sister visit her brother every once in a while?”
She waved her hand. “Yeah, whatever. I guess we’ll be having a big homecoming back in our apartment then.” She looked at me as Mom and Dad walked up. “Honestly, this is kind of rude. I would have cleaned up our place if I knew you were coming.”
“Max, are you sharing an apartment with this young woman?” Mom’s tone was more of surprise than condemnation. But, for me, Erin’s words were like a punch in the gut.
I had plenty of opportunities to hook up at RISD, from requests for dates to hot football players looking for a casual good time after a party. But I kept to myself. I had told myself that no one really struck me as either Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, but in my heart I knew that I was waiting. Waiting for graduation and a promise.
But the evidence that the promise was dead stood right in front of me. Max was living with this girl.
“No, mom. Erin’s just saying that.” Erin glared at Max. “I have my own place on the other side of campus. Besides, her place is barely an apartment. More like a bed and a kitchen. It’s in the middle of Bel Air after all.”
Erin stewed, and I suddenly felt better. Max was casually wrecking Erin’s various claims on him in the most callous fashion possible. No wonder he couldn’t keep a girlfriend, I rather jealously thought.
Mom nodded. “In that case, perhaps it is best if we just met at a restaurant for dinner and plan on doing things around town.”
Her acceptance of Max’s living arrangements annoyed me. Didn’t she realize that this bitch was sleeping with her son? Dad was smiling, and that annoyed me, too. He was half ogling Erin himself. She with her gorgeous blonde hair and tight body. I looked down at my own chest and less than toned body. Sure everyone said I was pretty, but I wasn’t that kind of pretty. I suddenly felt inferior and stupid and all I wanted to do was to just jump on a plane and go back to school. Unfortunately, I now had to live through a weekend in a state of depression as Max spent the whole time with another girl.
Max got changed, and then we headed out. Mom and Dad walked up front, with Max and Erin behind, and me beside Max. “So how did you two meet?” I asked.
Before Max could say anything, Erin said brightly, “Max was totally obsessed with me in our English 202 class. It was kind of sad, actually. I sat across the aisle from him, and he’d keep glancing at me. Finally, after a few weeks I walked over to him and said, ‘Are you going to ask me out or what?’” She took his hand in hers. “And he did!”
“How romantic,” I replied, gritting my teeth. What a bitch. At that point I knew what I had to do. I had to break them up. Not because I was jealous but for Max’s own sanity and self-respect. This obviously had nothing to do with the promise. I was doing this for Max.
At dinner, Erin did a good job illustrating that she liked to hear herself talk. I decided to use that against her, especially with Mom and Dad sitting right across from her. “So, Erin, how long have you and Max been living together?” I smiled sweetly as Max glared at me.
“Oh, as Max said, I guess he technically doesn’t live with me. He just comes over a lot.” She smiled sweetly at me.
To my annoyance, Mom and Dad seemed to think that was the most reasonable thing in the world. It suddenly struck me that they were probably overjoyed that Max was seeing anyone. He pretty much kept to himself throughout high school, and when he did date girls the relationships lasted mere days. Well, he hung out with me, but for my parents I wasn’t a girl, I was his sister.
I was having very little success embarrassing the two of them, so I wasn’t sure how to break them up. Couldn’t everyone else see how stuck up she was? As dinner ended, I had pretty much given up. Erin was bitchy and self-important, but not so much that anyone other than me seemed to notice.
Outside the restaurant Mom and Dad said they were heading back to the hotel, as it was very late in Eastern time. I frowned, and Max spoke up, “Hey, Katie, why don’t you come back to our place? We can catch up. You can tell me about your painting.” Erin looked annoyed, so I, of course, said yes.
Max wasn’t kidding about the apartment. It was tiny even as it was surrounded by some of the richest estates in the world—Bel Air. It had a small living area with what looked like a queen-sized bed directly on the floor. It was unmade, and surrounded by piles of clothing. The other room was combination dining room/kitchen. The bedroom/living room was big enough to also hold a a futon with a beat up armchair next to it. I dropped into the armchair, while Max and Erin cuddled up on the futon.
She took his left hand and placed it between her two hands and held it in her lap. Erin talked about herself, of course, and it was in the midst of the most innocent question that I realized how to break the two of them up.
“So do you have any plans for after college?”
“Well, I’m going to probably pick up a teaching job while Maxie goes to law school.” I couldn’t believe that she called Max “Maxie.” If I didn’t find out that he hated that nickname, I would have to kill him. But what really struck me was the law school thing.
“Wait. Max, I thought you were going to be a marine biologist? Swim with the dolphins and all that.” I looked at him, and he had a deer-in-the-headlights look.
“Ha, no way. He’s going to be a lawyer and then start in my dad’s firm in Chicago.”
“Holy shit, Max. You hate the Midwest. You’re moving to Chicago?”
Max fidgeted, and that’s when I knew he had no intention of doing any of that. “I’m thinking about it,” he finally replied.
“He will,” Erin said emphatically.
“I don’t know, Erin. I mean Max had scholarship offers from every major university in the Midwest—sorry, I believe he called it Midworst—and he would burn them.” I smiled sweetly. “Yeah, he would literally light them on fire in our back yard.”
Erin looked pissed, as she turned to Max. “Is that true, Maxie? You never said you hated the Midwest!” She called him “Maxie” again. I knew he loathed that nickname.
“Yeah, Ade, did you change your mind?”
Max glared at me, and then turned to Erin. “Hey, it’s not that I hate the Midwest. I just wasn’t familiar with it. But you’re from there, and you’re amazing. So I guess I’ll have to re-evaluate.”
Nice recovery, Maxie. Erin seemed unconvinced. “That means you didn’t like it before, and you didn’t tell me that.” She pouted in a way that made me want to slap her, but Max looked like he wanted to comfort her. “And what about being a lawyer? When we first started dating you said you were undecided but leaning toward law school.”
I had to admit that I was kind of enjoying watching Erin’s construction of what she wanted Max to be collapse around her. As sick as it made me thinking about it, it was pretty clear that Max
told Erin anything she wanted to hear, probably just to get into her pants. Or denim shorts, as the case may be.
Max was thinking very carefully over what he was going to say. He finally answered. “Well, I’m still undecided what I want to pursue.”
Erin pulled her hand from his. “Fuck you, Max. You said last week that you were going to law school. You said you would be proud to work for my dad!” She stood up and looked at me. “Your brother’s a selfish prick.” She stormed toward the front door, pausing to turn around as she grabbed the doorknob. “Max, I highly recommend that you get your priorities straight,” and with a slam she was out the front door.
I looked at Max. “Ballbuster,” I said with a smirk.
“You have no idea,” he replied, smiling at me, then adding, “I missed you, Katie.”
“Not enough that you didn’t mind ignoring me to spend time with the blonde bitch.” I have no idea why I said it. Actually, I do know why I said it. As annoyed as I was with Erin, I was still deeply hurt. What of our promise? He said it was something we could cling to as we made our way through college. Apparently that didn’t mean much to him.
“Katie, please.” He shuffled over to the end of the futon to be closer to me.
“No, you’re right. I’m sorry. I have no right to be mad. It’s not like we are anything other than brother and sister. I mean, you would never ever think of me in any other way, would you?” I started to cry, and Max reached his hand over and laid it on mine. I yanked my hand away. “No! You do not have the right to comfort me.” I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand.
“You could have at least told me, Max.” I stood up. “God, I’m such an idiot.” I followed Erin’s path to the front door.
“No, Katie. You don’t understand.” He practically shouted, “I’m the idiot!” as I turned the doorknob. I slammed the door behind me, cutting off whatever Max had hoped to say.
22
Max
I sat for a long time on the futon with my head in my hands. I was sad, scared, ashamed, and powerless. How could I tell Katie that she was wrong? How could she possibly believe me? The way Erin was acting made it clear that we were having sex, even if we weren’t “officially” living together.
I wanted to tell her that it was all a mistake. I was an idiot, a loser—weak. Erin was gorgeous, and she wanted me. How could I say no to at least going down the path of spending time with her? And the moment I thought that, I knew the answer she would give: You just say no, Max, because you love me and that love is stronger than your weak male ego.
Shit, even the truth was ridiculously pathetic, words that I could never tell her—“Look, Katie, even as I was sitting with her I was thinking of you. I used her to channel you. Can you not understand that?”
That night I broke up with Erin. She screamed and threw a lamp at me.
“Are you fucking kidding me? I wait all this time to have sex with you out of some kind of bizarre acceptance of your hang-ups, and for my patience and devotion you walk out?”
The thing was, she was right. We had made out and gotten close to having sex, but I always pulled back. She was accepting and sensitive when were in those moments, and that just made things worse. On a certain level I think I wanted her to reject me, but her commitment to me was real, and I had to reject her.
So I did, and I felt awful about it. I seemed to mess things up with every woman in my life. I didn’t tell Katie. As we visited the Santa Monica pier and went out for meals the rest of the weekend with Mom and Dad, she glared at me the whole time, barely saying a word.
I could have told her I had broken up with Erin. I wanted to tell her. But she was my best friend, and I knew her better than anyone. I wouldn’t win her love back by pushing away someone else. I would only win her back by pulling her close.
But as I watched Mom and Dad laughing as the wind kept blowing his hat, I knew I couldn’t pull her close yet. I was still afraid that I’d say something or do something to mess it all up.
I hugged her at the airport and whispered in her ear as she pulled away, “I’m sorry.” She turned and walked toward security without replying. She never looked back.
23
Katie
I stayed at RISD over that Summer, taking a special invitation-only painting class for advanced students. There were only two students accepted by Professor Neumann: Me and Rob McMillan. Rob was hot in a cute nerdy way. He was tall, but not as tall as Max. He was thin and his angular face was more pretty than rugged. He had brown eyes, which somehow made him look more studious than Max’s pools of grey.
In an odd way, he reminded me of Max when he was little, before he started swimming.
We had nothing better to do as all our friends were gone for the summer, so we hung out. We talked, went to movies, and painted. I trusted him enough to tell him about being cheated on the previous semester. I didn’t tell him it was my brother who cheated on me, but it wouldn’t have mattered. He took my hand and listened.
Oh God, how I needed a listener.
I cried a little bit, and he held me. At one point he wiped my tears away with his thumbs while holding my face in his hands. It was so like how Max would hold me that my heart skipped a beat. I looked up at Rob. He was nice. He was cute. He was fun.
I pushed myself up on my tiptoes and kissed him.
I felt a mixture of excitement and fear. Max was my only love, but I had to move on. This was but a tentative step. To Rob’s credit, he didn’t push things. He kissed me back and then pulled away with a smile.
“That was nice,” he said.
“Yeah, nice,” I replied. And it was. I didn’t feel a yearning desire, but I felt myself being drawn to him. Baby steps, I told myself.
The next day he kissed me goodbye after we went to see a movie. It was just a quick kiss on the lips. There were more kisses and held hands, but neither of us felt pressure to move fast. I appreciated that. A few weeks later my parents came down for a visit, and all four of us went out for dinner. Rob delighted my mom. He was a liberal intellectual, like her, and he said all the right things. Dad was harder to impress, but when Rob started talking about the Patriots, it was over. Rob was Dad’s new best friend.
I walked them down to the car to say goodbye. They were going to leave early the next morning for home and wouldn’t see me again. Mom hugged me hard and then held my arms as she looked at me. “I like your boyfriend, Katie. He’s the kind of young man you deserve.”
I hemmed and hawed, because I hadn’t really thought of him as a boyfriend. He was a friend with affection slowly growing to passion. At least I hoped it was. But did that mean he was my boyfriend?
Dad smiled and put his hand on my shoulder. “I like him, too. You should introduce him to Max. I bet they’d get along great.”
“Thanks, Dad. That’s a great idea.” It was a white lie to make Dad happy. I hadn’t talked to Max in a few weeks. Like me he had stayed at school over the summer, and my hope that the distance between us would soothe my hurt and make us closer again proved to be only partially true. I missed him, but I was still mad at him.
As I walked back to my apartment I considered where I was with Rob. The more I considered it, the more I realized he was my boyfriend. If that were the case, we were the most boring couple ever. Why hadn’t we even French kissed yet, let alone had sex? He was the perfect guy for me to lose my virginity to—someone I thought was cute and someone I trusted.
I knew the answer, and it scared me. Rob just didn’t make me as passionately excited as Max did. Rob was a friend and part of my life, while max was my best friend and part of my soul. These thoughts scared me, because I was worried that I could never be happy with anyone other than the one I couldn’t have—my stepbrother.
I walked in to Rob sitting on the couch. He had put all the dishes away. I went over and sat on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Thank you for cleaning up.” I pulled his head down to kiss him.
We had kissed more than a few times, but
none lasted very long, and the kisses were all attached to other things, like goodbyes, thank yous, and hellos. There were no kisses just to kiss. Until now.
Our lips touched and I stroked his cheek with the back of my fingers as he put his arms around me and pulled me close. He didn’t have the full lips of Max, but they were still soft enough. It felt nice, and I realized I wanted more.
I opened my lips, and slid my tongue against his lips. He opened his mouth and our tongues touched. We continued to French kiss until Rob started running his tongue along the back of my teeth. It wasn’t exactly gross, but it was far from sexy. I tried to use my tongue to dance with his, but he kept just moving his tongue all around the inside of my mouth. I gave up and closed my mouth.
We kissed for a few more moments and then I pulled my mouth away from his. “That was a nice surprise,” Rob said, smiling.
“Yeah, that was nice.”
I stood up and grabbed a mug that Rob had missed. “I’m glad you’re my boyfriend, Rob,” I said as I walked into the kitchen. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him as I said the words, as I didn’t know if I believed it. He was a great guy. He was cute. He was smart. He was fun. But kissing him was nothing like kissing Max.
Max’s tongue would have danced with mine. His lips would have been soft and sent tingles through me. He would have consumed me with something as simple as a brush of his lips against mine.
The thoughts were making me hot, sad, and frustrated. I didn’t know what to do. I really wanted to have Rob be the one. I mean, he had all the right pieces. He was even an artist. I wouldn’t have to listen to Max’s boring talk about the latest in swimsuit technology with Rob. He was perfect.
Rob kissed me goodbye later in the evening. It was longer than our previous goodbye kisses. It was nice. And that’s when I realized what I needed to do. Rob was too nice. I need to unleash the animal inside him. Max’s rippling muscles and hard angles screamed that he was a predator, even if it was deeply hidden, and he acted like a goofball. Anyone who looked at Max knew that. Shit, the blonde slut knew it right away. She wasn’t an idiot. But Rob, he looked like a professor and acted like one.
A Promise to my Stepbrother Page 7
