A Promise to my Stepbrother

by Anne Burroughs

  I punched him in the arm. “Shut up, you nut.”

  We all moved to the dining room and got caught up. I had been around long enough that Mom and Dad were more interested in Max. I was glad, as all I wanted to do was just watch him talk. He always had the softest, most beautiful lips.

  “Okay, kids. It’s late, and we need to get ready for the party tomorrow. So let’s get off to bed.” I stood up and hugged our parents good night. Max and I lived in rooms that were next to each other on the ground floor, while Mom and Dad’s bedroom was upstairs.

  I nodded to Max as I stood at the door to my room. “Good night, Max. It’s so great to see you.”

  He stared at me for a moment, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that he had this profound sadness inside. I promised myself to ask him about it the next day. I was his friend, and I didn’t like the idea of him being in such deep pain. “Good night, Katie. You really do look great.” And with that he turned and walked into his room.

  I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept thinking of Max walking in the front door. His gorgeous face. His soft lips. His strong hug. I hadn’t fantasized about Max in a long time. He was pushed aside by the overwhelming unrequited desire for Phil, and after our recent blow ups it almost seemed wrong to think of him that way.

  I doubted things were much different, but I wanted them to be different. I closed my eyes, and curled up under the covers. I hoped that I would dream about Max, as I knew it would be the closest I would ever get to him.

  The party the next day was nice enough, but it was overwhelming in all the people that were there, offering birthday wishes and congratulations. After the hundredth “congratulations” I went over to the bar in the backyard and grabbed a glass of wine. It was early afternoon, but I needed it.

  “Good thing you’re twenty-one.”

  I turned to see Max standing next to me. Our paths had crossed all day, but we kept being pulled apart by friends and relatives. The most we said to each other was a comment about how the weather was at least cooperating.

  “You, too,” I replied. He was also holding a glass of wine. “I have an idea,” he said, and I swore his eyes were twinkling in the sunlight.

  “Oh yeah?” I sipped my drink.

  “Let’s grab a bottle of wine and visit the Dome.”

  I laughed. “Oh my God, do you think it’s still there?” We hadn’t been to the Dome, our childhood hideout, since we were in junior high.

  “It is! I checked it out earlier.”

  “Don’t be crazy. We wouldn’t even fit inside.”

  Max reached over and grabbed a full bottle of wine from the bar. “What’s the matter? You scared?” It was the kind of thing that thirteen-year-old Max would have said. I was the impetuous one, but I was also the scaredy cat.

  “Oh, you are so going to be embarrassed when you get all scratched up by the branches.” I grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the wooden door in the fence that led to the alley which led to the Dome.

  “Do you think they’ll miss us?” I asked, glancing back to the house.

  “Of course. Do you care?” Max was smiling as his long legs set a quick pace. I had to half jog to keep up.

  “Not really,” I replied, laughing.

  The Dome had either grown or it was way bigger than I remembered. The city did a good job with the park’s upkeep, and the bush still looked like its namesake. “You first,” I said.

  Max shrugged, and got down on his hands and feet, and crawled in with the bottle of wine. There were a few snaps, and then he called out, “You coming or not?”

  I followed his path in, and it was like going back in time. A rush of emotions filled me. I sat right there when I asked Max about his dreams, his fears, and his desires. Max was clearing out room by snapping branches and shoving them behind the main trunk. In a few minutes, we had plenty of room in our secret place.

  I sat cross-legged and held out my empty glass. Max pulled a corkscrew out of his pants. “I didn’t think you’d remember that, and I was preparing to tease you mercilessly.”

  “If I learned one thing in college it was to always travel with a corkscrew.”

  He filled my glass, and I raised it. “True that.”

  He stared at me long enough that I started to get uncomfortable. “What?”

  “I’m just trying to understand how lucky I’ve been. You’re my best friend. You’re so smart and kind and fun, and you’re also this incredibly gorgeous young woman who is passionate and sexy.” His eyes went wide, and he added, “I’m sorry. That was out of line. I just wanted to tell you how lucky I am.”

  “No.” I forced a smile. "I'm a loser, so keep going with the how beautiful and sexy I am. I could kind of use that right now.”

  “Are you kidding? Do you own a mirror? Guys fall all over themselves to be near you!”

  “More like they fall all over themselves to get away from me.”

  Max frowned. “Honestly, Katie. Stop that.” He drained his glass, and then looked me right in the eye. “I don’t think there’s a smarter, more wonderful, and more beautiful woman in the world.”

  “Thank you, Max, but outer beauty is one thing. I’ve fucked up so much in my life. I attract the worst guys. My only future is in graphic design, which I hate with a fiery passion, and I’m fucking living in the same room I lived in when I was thirteen.” It was my turn to drain my glass. “Yeah, big winner here.”

  “Katie—”

  “Don’t try to make me feel better. Look at you. You’re going off to grad school at the top marine biology school in the country, which I might add was the dream you told me about in this exact spot like eight years ago. So score one for you, the one who is actually living his dream. And, Jesus, Max—you could be a fucking Abercrombie & Fitch model. And you’re so kind and generous. I—”

  Max broke in. “I don’t feel like I’ve been kind and generous.”

  I shook my head. “No. I just never let you be you, Max. You were always the analytical one. You needed to be secure in anything before you dove in. I can’t begrudge you for that.” I held out my glass. Max filled it and then filled his own.

  I knew what I wanted to say, but I wasn’t sure if I could. It had been burning in my heart for a long time, but it seemed dangerous, the kind of thing that could forever ruin everything. It is true that I never much worried about such risks in my life, but with Max things were different.

  I took a deep gulp of wine and maybe I was getting drunk or maybe I couldn’t not say it, but I did. “Look at the promise you made to me, Max. You were clearly not ready for, well, you know. And you could have just said “no” to me, but you wanted to provide me with the promise of a future. I like to think it’s because you believed in that future, too. So you analyzed your feelings and did what you thought was right, but you did it in a way that made me excited about our future.”

  I took another drink while Max watched me. There was an intensity in his eyes. I knew it well. He was examining the situation, holding his instincts in check while he calculated all the variables. Silly Max. I knew him better than he knew himself. “Well, it was a future, if not the future,” I added.

  Max drained his cup and tossed it aside. He wasn’t smiling, and I could tell he wasn’t analyzing. Instead, he had an intensity of purpose. It was thrilling in a way. It was the look of a man who has chosen his path and nothing will get in the way of it. “Tell me the promise.” His voice was firm, intense, practically a growl.

  I felt a little nervous. Was he going to hurt me again? What could he possibly gain by talking about a promise that we both had left long in the past? We stared at each other, and there was a coiled tension in the air, the release of which could never be undone. In the end, I opened myself up to a man one last time. I loved Max. I trusted him. He wouldn’t hurt me.

  “If we both graduate college while being virgins, we would lose our virginity to each other.” As I spoke the words the thrill and hope and potential of the original promise seemed so beautiful and
real. How could we have let it go?

  “We both graduated, right?”

  “Well, yeah, but I’m not sure—” Max held up his hand. It wasn’t rude so much as a plea to let him finish his thought. I shut up.

  There was a pause, and Max once again peered directly into my eyes, into my soul. “I’m a virgin, Katie.” The words were ridiculous, but he spoke them with a conviction so sincere that it took my breath away. “Are you a virgin, Katie?”

  His eyes pierced me, and under the lush leaves of our special place—the place that we shared from when we were twelve years old, the secret hideout of best friends—I realized that a promise based on hope doesn’t require anything more than making that hope real. “Yes. I’m a virgin, Max,” I replied, my voice a whisper of restrained passion and love.

  The next thing I knew Max and I were in each other’s arms.

  32

  Max

  I heard the word “yes” and just let go. I leaned forward, and we shared the best kiss I’ve ever experienced. It was like time hadn’t existed between the shore of the lake house and now. Our hands wandered to places they had never been before. We were not just kissing each other, we were exploring each other with a sense of unleashed joy.

  She pushed her lips hard against mine, opened her mouth, and I felt the wet softness of her tongue. We were re-living the first promise in the best way possible.

  I shifted my weight to my knees and knocked over the bottle of wine. “Look out!” I said as I pulled us against the foliage. I righted the bottle, but it was too late. There was wine all over the dirt.

  Katie laughed. “We should go somewhere else anyway.” She took my hand in hers. “Some place private.”

  I nodded. “Hotel room?” We both knew the promise couldn’t wait.

  A smiled formed on her face. “The lake house!”

  I couldn't help but laugh. “That would be so perfect, but it's three hours away.”

  Katie shrugged. “I’ll enjoy the time with you.”

  “I don’t know, Katie. Mom and Dad will freak if we just leave.” Katie lowered her head, and I could have kicked myself. Hadn’t I learned my lesson? I did. “You know what? I don’t give a shit. We’ll just tell them that we are going somewhere to catch up. It’s our party. We can do whatever the fuck we want to do.”

  Her smile returned. “Sounds like a plan.”

  Mom was pissed, but we didn’t care. Dad just shrugged. “They have spent very little time together over the past four years, dear. Let them celebrate in their own way.”

  The funny thing is that we didn’t go right to lust. I could easily have run my hand up Katie’s thigh or to even more provocative places, but as we buckled up I asked her about her art, and before I knew it we were sharing everything about our lives that we had missed. We talked about our studies, our teachers, and the challenges we faced and will be facing.

  “I’m feeling kind of aimless,” I admitted, and Katie reached over and took my hand. We intertwined our fingers and kept them that way for the rest of the drive. “I spent so much time swimming, but what did it get me? I’m done, and it feels like a bunch of wasted effort.”

  “Don’t talk that way!” Katie replied. “You love swimming. I swear you’re part fish.” I glanced over, and her face showed both concern and amusement. “You loved the being and the doing, Max. That’s enough.”

  We talked about art, and her concerns about her career. The hopelessness in her voice devastated me. How could her light have dimmed this much? She kind of wistfully said that she wanted to focus on oil painting, but there was no money in that unless she could get some gallery shows, which was nearly impossible.

  “Just because it’s nearly impossible doesn’t mean it’s impossible.” I know you only too well, Katie. You won’t give up on anything, and that is why you’ll make it someday.”

  “Where were you for the past four years, Max? God, I needed you.”

  “I’m here now,” I said, and she leaned over and lay her head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head. We were an hour from the lake house.

  33

  Katie

  We pulled up the gravel to the house. We hadn’t brought anything, so I jumped out and ran around to the driver’s side of the car. As Max exited, I threw my arms around him and kissed him hard. “Your room or my room?” I whispered in his ear.

  “My room.” We held each other tight and kissed again. There was no awkwardness, no uncertainty. Just two people who wanted nothing more than to be with each other. I pushed him back and skipped away.

  “I’ll get the key.” I ran ahead to get the key that our parents hid under the gnome near the door. Max arrived just as I was turning the key in the lock. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, and I just paused, enjoying his touch and the love behind it.

  I turned the doorknob with my other hand, and we stumbled forward into the lake house. Max closed the door behind him, and I turned around to kiss him again. He pulled back and pressed his forefinger against my lips. "Go up to your room. I’ll go turn the breakers on, and meet you there. Just give me two minutes."

  I kissed his finger. “I don’t think I can wait two minutes.”

  “Well, if you don’t get going it will be three.” I pouted but turned and walked up the steps. It was already pretty dark, so I was actually glad Max thought to get all the electricity turned on. I walked down the hall, and I could see the shadows of the bathroom. I once more remembered seeing Max there, and I shivered. Soon.

  I turned on the lamp near the head of my bed. It filled the room with a warm glow. Everything had an aura of soft edges and romantic shadows. I liked the idea of making love to Max, watching the shadows flicker along his gorgeous body. I sat on the bed and kicked off my shoes.

  A minute later Max stood in the doorway. He looked absolutely stunning. His broad shoulders filled out his shirt, which was tucked into his khakis. He was tall and muscular, and his face was a combination of pure joy and something that I knew had probably been there for a long time but I had never recognized—desire. “You look gorgeous, Katie,” he said.

  I stood up and walked over to him. I kissed him on the cheek, and whispered in his ear, “I’ve waited years for this.”

  “So have I,” he replied.

  We stumbled over to the bed, not worrying about such irrelevant things as walking. All we cared about was enjoying every moment of something we had waited years to make true.

  The next morning, I woke to an empty bed, and I was filled with a sudden fear that Max was worried again about our parents or our friends our anyone else who may not understand that a stepbrother and stepsister could fall in love. To my relief Max’s shirt and underwear were still in a pile on the floor. I put his t-shirt on and walked downstairs.

  Max had his back to me as he was making coffee. He was wearing jeans and nothing else. He seemed so natural, so sexy, so utterly mine. I smiled and just took in the view. I remembered a few years earlier when I accidentally snuck a view of him naked. Now I could enjoy it every day.

  I walked up and put my arms around him, pressing my cheek against his back.

  “Good morning, ya lazy bum!” My heart leapt at his teasing. We were still best friends, after all.

  “Ha! Good morning, you nut,” I replied, letting go. “The concept of sleeping in just does not exist for you, does it?” I sat down at the small dining table, and watched as Max poured our coffee.

  “This is sleeping in!” He glanced at me and his eyes went wide. “Hey, you look way better in that shirt than I do.”

  “This is true. You look better with nothing on.” We smiled at each other, and he placed the mug in front of me, sliding into the chair to my right.

  “I was thinking about yesterday.”

  “Mmmm. So was I. We are so doing that again today.”

  “Oh yes, I agree. We totally have to make up for lost time.”

  “If making up for lost time means that we spend every second together for the rest of our li
ves, I’m totally down for that.”

  Max laughed. “Yes. Anything less than that is more lost time.” He took a small sip of his hot coffee. “Anyway, that’s not exactly what I meant by thinking about yesterday.” I raised an eyebrow. “I meant our conversation in the car. You need stability while you do your art, a place where you don’t have to deal with stress and can feel inspired.” I nodded, but felt a fluttering in my stomach. I was petrified he was going to recommend some kind of secret lover thing. I couldn’t deal with that, especially while wearing his shirt.

  He took a deep breath and continued. “Why don’t you move in with me in San Francisco. I already have the expenses covered. You can focus on your art. There are a lot of galleries there, so it’s a good spot to make your mark.”

  I had been dreaming of that since the drive in the car, but I was afraid to mention it to Max. We had just made a monumental leap in our relationship. Would living together be moving too far, too fast? “I love that idea, Max!” I reached out and held his hand.

  “Plus, we don’t have to tell Mom and Dad for a while, since they’ll just think I’m helping you.” My heart fell, and I pulled my hand away. The secret lover thing. I was going to be sick. I felt disappointment and rage building inside me as I considered his comment.

  Before I could angrily tell Max that this was the same attitude of his that led us to four years of separation, he spoke up. “No. That’s a horrible idea. We should be honest. We have nothing to be ashamed of.” He reached forward and kind of tentatively took my hand. I squeezed and held his tight.

  I decided to test him. “Let’s tell them face-to-face. It will be more difficult, but I think it will be easier for them to understand with us holding hands and showing them how much we love each other.”