The Black Lizard Big Book of Pulps

by Otto Penzler

  She studied him for several seconds with thoughtful worldly-wise eyes, then she slowly nodded her head, and said: “I don’t believe you’re on the level, but what’s the odds? It’s ago.”

  Leith handed her the three one-hundred-dollar bills.

  “And the first duty which you have,” he said, “will be to explain to the other applicants that the position is filled.”

  She said: “Well, I’ve got to talk fast to put that idea across, particularly with that blonde.” She moistened her fingers, slipped a wad of chewing gum from her mouth absent-mindedly, and mechanically stuck it under the arm of the chair.

  Lester Leith nodded to himself, smiling his approval.

  As she reached for the doorknob, Leith said:

  “And you will start your duties at once. Please explain to Scuttle, my valet, that I do not wish to be disturbed for the next hour, and, in the meantime, arrange to pack your suitcase and get ready to travel. You will meet me at the Central Depot tonight, ready to board the seven-twenty train.”

  When the door had closed behind her, Leith opened a drawer in his desk, and took from it a piece of clear green glass which had been ground into facets, giving it the general appearance of a huge gem. Tiptoeing across to the chair where the young woman had been sitting, he took the piece of glass and pushed it up into the wad of chewing gum, held it there by a firm steady pressure of thumb and forefinger for several seconds, then gradually released it.

  CHAPTER IV

  PLANTED CLUE

  The valet quietly opened the door of Leith’s private sitting room, thrust in a cautious hand, and then eased himself through the narrow opening.

  Lester Leith, watching him with eyes that were lazy-lidded in amusement, said: “Scuttle, it doesn’t cost any more to open the door wide enough to walk through, instead of opening it a few inches and squeezing through sideways.”

  “Yes, sir. I know, sir,” the spy said. “You mentioned it to me before. It’s just a habit I have, sir.”

  Leith stared at him with wide startled eyes. “Scuttle, what the devil are you carrying under your arm?”

  “The canes, sir.”

  “The canes, Scuttle?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Good heavens, what canes?”

  “Don’t you remember, sir, those that you ordered, the ones that have hollow handles, and one of them has an adjustable ferrule so it can be telescoped and locked in position?”

  “Scuttle,” Lester Leith said, “/ didn’t want those canes.”

  “You didn’t, sir? I thought you told me to get them.”

  “Why no,” Leith said, “I merely mentioned that I thought a person who had two canes such as that and an attractive secretary who was addicted to promiscuous gum chewing could solve the mystery of the murdered monkey. But I told you not to get the canes.”

  “I’m sorry, sir. I must have misunderstood you. I thought you wanted to solve it.”

  “No, no!” Lester Leith exclaimed. “I was merely outlining an academic solution.”

  “But you’ve hired the secretary.”

  “I know I have,” Leith said. “That’s an entirely different matter. I hired her on general principles.”

  “I’m sorry, sir. I’m frightfully sorry, but I thought you wanted me to get the canes. Now that I have them, sir … well—”

  Leith said: “Oh, well, now that you have them, I may as well take a look at them. Pass them over, Scuttle.”

  The spy handed over the canes. Leith regarded them with pursed lips and narrowed eyes.

  “It’s rather a neat job,” the spy said. “You see, they’re canes with just a knob for a handle, and that knob unscrews. The joint is rather cleverly concealed, don’t you think so?”

  Leith nodded, twisted the head of one of the canes. It promptly unscrewed. Leith looked inside and gave a sudden start of surprise.

  “Why, Scuttle,” he said, “there are emeralds in here!”

  “No, sir, not emeralds, sir. Just the imitations which you ordered.”

  “Ordered, Scuttle?”

  “Well, you mentioned them as being things which would enable you to solve the mystery of the murdered monkey.”

  Leith said reprovingly: “Scuttle, I don’t like this. I was outlining merely an academic solution. Why the devil would I want to solve the mystery of the murdered monkey?”

  “I’m sure I don’t know, sir, except that it would be a source of great gratification for you to know that your reasoning had proved correct.”

  Leith said irritably: “I don’t need to go to all that trouble to demonstrate the correctness of my reasoning, Scuttle. It’s self-evident when you consider the basic facts of the case.”

  The spy wet his thick lips with the tip of an anxious tongue.

  “Yes, sir,” he said eagerly. And then after a moment, “You were about to mention what you consider the basic facts, sir?”

  Lester Leith eyed him coldly. “I was not, Scuttle.”

  “Oh,” the spy said.

  “By the way,” Leith observed, “I’ve given Evelyn Rae a month’s wages in advance.”

  “Yes, sir. So Miss Rae told me, sir. She said that you didn’t wish to be disturbed for an hour so I waited to give you the canes. You were, perhaps, busy?”

  Leith said, “Perhaps, Scuttle.”

  “I’ve just had the devil of a time, sir, if you don’t mind my saying so,” the spy complained.

  “How come?” Leith inquired.

  “Cleaning up after those young women.”

  “Were they untidy?” Leith asked.

  “Chewing gum, sir. I don’t think I ever had quite so disagreeable a job in my life. It was stuck to the underside of the chair arms, the chair buttons, under the table. It was in the most unlikely places and the most annoying places, sir. You’d drop your hand to the arm of the chair, and a wad of moist chewing gum would stick to your fingers.”

  Leith yawned, and stifled the yawn with four polite fingers. “Doubtless, Scuttle,” he said, “you’ll remember in the call which I sent out for secretaries, I asked for gum chewers who were careless with their parking, inclined to be promiscuous with their leftovers. Doubtless, Scuttle, the young ladies were merely attempting to show that they were properly qualified for the position. After all, Scuttle, you know jobs aren’t easily obtained these days, so one can hardly blame the young ladies for being anxious to secure one which pays a good salary.”

  The spy said: “That’s one of the things I couldn’t understand … if you don’t think I’m presumptuous, sir.”

  “What is that, Scuttle?”

  “Why you wanted a young woman who was such an inveterate gum chewer and what you were pleased to describe as such a promiscuous parker.”

  Leith nodded. “I dare say, Scuttle.”

  “Dare say what, sir?”

  “That you couldn’t understand it,” Leith said.

  The spy’s face flushed an angry brick-red.

  “And now,” Leith said, “I have some preparations to make. By the way, Scuttle, did you notice in the newspaper that Mr. Mainwaring was to address the Explorers’ Club tonight on ‘Changes in the Psychology of Native Religions’?”

  “Yes, sir,” the spy said.

  “Probably it will be a most interesting lecture,” Leith observed.

  “Did you intend to be present?” Beaver asked.

  “I?” Leith inquired. “Good heavens, no, Scuttle! I’d be bored to death, but I merely commented that the lecture would probably be interesting … to those who have a taste for that sort of thing. By the way, Scuttle, you’d better pack my bag, and get me a drawing room on the seven-twenty train tonight.”

  “A drawing room, sir?”

  “Yes, Scuttle.”

  “Very good, sir. Where to?”

  “Oh, clean through,” Leith said airily. “As far as the train goes. I don’t believe in halfway measures, Scuttle.”

  The valet said, “I thought perhaps you wanted it only as far as Beacon City, sir.�
��

  “Beacon City?” Leith inquired. “Why the devil should I want to go to Beacon City?”

  “I’m sure I don’t know, sir,” the spy said.

  “And I’m quite sure you don’t,” Leith observed in a tone of finality as he terminated the interview.

  After Leith had left the room, the big spy, his face twisted with rage, shook clenched fists at the door.

  “Damn you,” he said. “Damn your sneering, supercilious hide! One of these days I’ll have the pleasure of watching you in a cell, and when I do, I’ll give you something to think of! You’re quite sure I don’t, eh? You and your chewing gum. Bah!”

  The spy sat down in the big chair, mopped his perspiring forehead, then pocketing his handkerchief, wrapped his thick fingers around the arm of the chair. With an exclamation of annoyance, he jumped up and scrubbed at his fingers with the handkerchief.

  “Another wad of gum!” he exclaimed irritably. Wearily, he opened the blade of a huge pocketknife, dropped down to his knees, and prepared to scrape off the moist wad of chewing gum.

  Something green caught his eye. He tapped it experimentally with the blade of his knife. Then, with sudden interest showing in his eyes, he cut off the wad of gum, and stared at the piece of green glass which had been embedded in it.

  For several seconds, the spy stared with wide, startled eyes. Then, with the wad of chewing gum and the glass gem still smeared on the blade of his knife, he stretched his long legs to the limit as he dashed for the telephone to call Sergeant Ackley.

  “Hello, hello, hello, sergeant,” Beaver called as soon as he heard the sergeant’s voice on the line. “This is Beaver talking. I’ve got the whole thing doped out.”

  “What thing?” Sergeant Ackley asked.

  “That monkey murder.”

  “Go ahead,” Sergeant Ackley ordered. “Spill it.”

  “The murder of the monkey was just a blind,” Beaver said. “The chewing gum is the significant thing about the whole business. Remember that the nurse sat on a table and chewed gum all the time the customs officials were searching Mainwaring, and then, of course, the customs officials searched her.’’”

  “Well, what about it?” Sergeant Ackley asked in his most discouraging tone. “What the devil does gum chewing have to do with it?”

  “Don’t you see, sergeant?” Beaver said. “While she was chewing gum with a certain amount of nervousness natural to a young woman under those circumstances, she was able to feed large quantities of gum into her mouth without exciting suspicion.”

  “Well?” Sergeant Ackley asked in a voice well calculated to chill even the most loyal supporter.

  “Well,” Beaver went on, speaking slightly slower and with less assurance, “you can see what happened. While she was chewing gum, she sat there on the table, swinging her legs. She’d chew for a while, and then she’d take a wad of gum out of her mouth and stick it on the under side of the table. Then she’d start chewing more gum. Now, she had those emeralds with her. While they were searching the baggage and asking questions of Mainwaring, she stuck those emeralds in the gum on the under side of the table in the customs inspector’s office right under his very nose. Then, after they’d finished searching her and her baggage and Mainwaring and his baggage, she made an excuse to run back to the office of the customs inspector. You’ll remember that the newspaper said she thanked him for his courtesy. Well, while she was thanking him, she reached her hand under the table, and slipped out the emeralds and walked out with them. It was cleverly done.”

  There was a long pause while the undercover man waited, listening; and Sergeant Ackley remained thoughtfully silent.

  “Well,” Beaver asked at length, “are you there, sergeant?”

  “Yes, of course I’m here,” Sergeant Ackley said. “What else, Beaver?”

  “What else? Isn’t that enough? I’ve got it all doped out. That’s the manner in which—”

  “I think you’re getting unduly excited over a very obvious matter, Beaver,” Sergeant Ackley said. “I had figured all that out just as soon as you told me Leith insisted upon a secretary who was an inveterate gum chewer and a promiscuous parker.”

  “Oh,” the undercover man said, and then after a moment added: “I see. You thought of it first.”

  “That’s right,” Sergeant Ackley said. “By the way, Beaver, how did you happen to think of it?”

  “I just thought it out,” the spy said wearily.

  “No, no, Beaver. Now don’t hang up. There must have been something which brought the idea to your mind.”

  “I reasoned it out,” the spy said.

  “But something must have given you a clue.”

  “What was it gave you your clue?” the undercover man asked.

  “I,” Sergeant Ackley said with dignity, “have risen to greater heights in my profession than you have, Beaver. It stands to reason that my mind is trained to arrive at conclusions more rapidly than yours. Also, I have more time for concentration. You were busy with your duties as valet. I feel certain that something must have given you the tipoff Now what was it? Don’t be insubordinate, Beaver.”

  “Oh, all right,” the undercover man said wearily. “I happened to find where Leith had been rehearsing the secretary. He’d given her a wad of gum and a piece of green glass about the size of a good big emerald. She’d practiced sticking the gum on the under side of a chair arm, and then slipping the emerald up into the chewing gum. Evidently, they’re rehearsing an act they’re going to put on later.”

  “You should have told me that,’” Sergeant Ackley said reproachfully, “as soon as you had me on the line, and not tried to make a grand-stand with a lot of deductive reasoning. Don’t let it happen again, Beaver. Do you understand?”

  “I understand,” the spy said, as he dropped the receiver into its cradle.

  CHAPTER V

  THE RUBBER SUIT

  Evelyn Rae was standing by the train gate when Lester Leith arrived. Her jaws were swinging with the rhythmic ease of a habitual gum chewer. Despite the fact that it was only two minutes before train time, she showed no nervousness whatever, but raised her eyes to Lester Leith and said casually:

  “Hello, there. I was wondering if you were going to leave me at the altar.”

  “Hardly,” Leith said, “but I’ve been rather busy. Here, give your bags to this redcap. Let’s go.”

  The conductor was yelling, “All aboard,” as Leith grabbed Evelyn Rae’s arm and rushed her through the gates. And as soon as the porter had juggled the baggage through behind them, the gateman snapped the brass chain into position, and swung the big doors shut—the seven-twenty limited had officially departed. Actually it waited for Leith and his newly-employed secretary to get aboard before lurching into creaking motion.

  Leith settled down in the drawing room, opened his bag, and took out a case of chewing gum in assorted flavors. “I want you,” he said, “to try these and see which you prefer.”

  Back in the depot, a plain-clothes man telephoned ahead to Sergeant Ackley, who was waiting at Ninety-third Street. “O.K., sergeant,” he said, “You’ve got thirty minutes to get things fixed up and get aboard. Your drawing room is all reserved.”

  “He took the train?” Sergeant Ackley asked.

  “He’s aboard all right. He played it pretty slick. He had his watch set right to the second, and waited to be certain he and the girl were the last people through the gates. He did that so you couldn’t follow him aboard the train, but he overlooked the fact that it stopped at Ninety-third Street.”

  “Well, I haven’t overlooked it,” Sergeant Ackley said gloatingly. “The time will come when that crook will realize that he’s fighting a master mind. It’s only luck that’s enabled him to slip through my fingers so many times before. When it comes to brains, I’ll match mine with his any day in the week.”

  “Atta boy, sergeant!” the detective exclaimed approvingly, dropped the receiver into place, and then, running out his tongue, showered the transmi
tter with a very moist but heartfelt razzberry.

  Lester Leith took off his shoes, put on bedroom slippers, hung up his coat and vest, slipped into a lounging robe, and took a book from his suitcase.

  Evelyn Rae watched him with cautious, appraising eyes. As Lester Leith became engaged in his book, she slowly settled back against the cushions.

  Leith rang for the porter, ordered a table, and when it was placed in position in between the seats, put the case of chewing gum on it.

  Evelyn Rae moistened her thumb and forefinger, slipped out the wad of gum she had been chewing, and absent-mindedly pushed it against the under side of the table. She tore open a package of Juicy Fruit and fed two sticks into her mouth, one after the other.

  “Pretty good stuff,” she said, between chews. “This must be pretty fresh.”

  Leith said: “It’s direct from the wholesalers, and they say it left the factory less than a week ago.”

  After she had chewed for several minutes, Leith said: “I’d like to have you try some of that Doublemint and then contrast that flavor with the pepsin.”

  “O.K.,” she said. “Give me a few more minutes with this. I haven’t got the good out of it yet.”

  The train rumbled along through the darkness. Evelyn Rae began to make herself at home.

  “Gotta magazine or anything?” she asked.

  Leith nodded, and took several magazines from his suitcase. She settled down with a motion-picture magazine to casual reading. Soon she became interested.

  “Don’t forget that Doublemint,” Leith said.

  “I won’t,” she told him, and pressed the chewed Juicy Fruit against the under side of the table.

  At Ninety-third Street, Sergeant Ackley gave last-minute instructions to the undercover man and two detectives who were pacing the platform.

  “Now listen,” Ackley said. “Remember he may be looking out of the window, or he may get out and walk up and down the platform. We’ve got to get aboard without him seeing us. You two birds stand out on the platform when you hear the train coming. He doesn’t know you. His reservation is Drawing Room A in Car D57. You two get aboard, go on back to that car and make sure he’s in his drawing room. Then signal with your flashlight, and Beaver and I will come aboard and go directly to our drawing room which is in D56, the car ahead. Do you get me?”