by Nicole Dykes
“No, Shane.”
His blue eyes meet mine. “She's the mother of your kid. And you have loved her for a long time. Even stole her from your brother.”
“Is that what this is about? You still love her?”
He laughs that off. “No.”
“So why the sudden belief in love and second chances and all that shit?”
He stands from the table. “You remember mom telling us that story about dad when they were first dating?”
“Which one?”
“When dad kissed that other chick.”
I nod my head. “Yeah. They were Claire's age.”
“Still. She gave him a second chance. She always told us that if she hadn’t, we wouldn't be here.” A brief smile passes over my lips, thinking about her telling that story hundreds of times. “He loved her until the day he died. She didn't want to fight the cancer, she just wanted to get back to him. That’s fucking epic, and we witnessed it.”
“Maddie and I are not mom and dad.”
He places his empty mug in the sink. “You never know.” He turns back to face me. “And besides, this brooding angry-guy shit, that’s my thing.”
I roll my eyes and meet him at the sink. “So, who’s your epic love. Huh?”
“That's a story for another day.” He punches me in the arm and starts for the door. “Try to put yourself in her shoes. We heard about second chances our entire lives, but never exercised it.”
He leaves me with that thought as I stand at the sink, my hands resting on the counter. Staring out the window, I try to resist doing just that.
She grew up differently from me. Her parents were god-awful, more concerned with themselves than her sisters and her. I hated how much she worried about becoming her mom, but when she found out she was pregnant, I’m certain that’s where her mind went.
Fuck!
I don't want to forgive her. I can't.
I’ll never understand how she could do that to me.
No matter how afraid she was.
Twenty-Three
Maddie
Shane walks through the front door just as I take the last step down the stairs. He's sweaty and dirty, probably from morning chores but seems energized and ready for the day. “Hey, Maddie. Have a good night?”
I nod, my face flushing thinking about my encounter with Logan in the barn. When I came back up to the house, it was dark, and I assumed Shane was asleep.
I brush past him and go to the one spot in the entire house that gets cell service, the kitchen table.
“It was fine. Did you have a good time at dinner?”
He pours a cup of coffee and hands it to me. “Yup. You should have gone. Claire told us she was asked by a freshman to go to the homecoming dance. Logan about shit himself.” He takes a drink of his own coffee, smiling devilishly. “It was pretty fucking funny.”
I add sugar and cream to my coffee and look up at Shane with wide-eyed excitement for my daughter. “Is she going? Who is the boy?”
“Dusty Abbott. Remember Crystal?” I grumble into my coffee. Crystal Abbott was a senior when I was a freshman and a super bitch. She used to trip me in the hallways and was always spreading nasty rumors about me. Shane chuckles. “Yeah, you remember her. It’s her older brother's kid.”
Everyone in this town either knows you or someone you’re related to. It’s just how it is.
“Hopefully he's a good kid.”
“Pretty sure Claire can take care of herself, but if not, he'll be scared straight by Logan.”
“And I’m sure Uncle Shane will add to the intimidation.” He grins proudly, and I smile, knowing Claire definitely is in good hands. I scroll through my text messages from Jessica, catching up on work.
“So, when are you going back?”
I planned to drive back today, but after hearing from Logan last night that Claire wants to know me, I want so badly to stay. “I’m not sure.” I place my phone down on the table and bite my bottom lip, a nervous habit I’ve had since I was a kid. “I really want to know her.”
He finishes his coffee and walks to the sink, sporting the cool confidence he was born with. “You can stay here as long as you want, Maddie.”
I smile, relieved he didn’t make me ask. “Thank you.”
“What are you doing today?”
“No real plans.”
“Cool.” He turns to face me, arms folded and leaning against the sink. “You can come with us then. We’re getting Claire a pumpkin at the patch.”
I shake my head, an uneasiness settling in my stomach knowing the “we” is him and Logan. “I don't know.”
“I do. If you want to know Claire, you’re going to have to be around Logan.”
“He hates me.” I gnaw on my lip. “I hate me.”
“Yeah, maybe it’s time to get over that. You were a fucking terrified kid that made a decision that no one can say was good or bad. It’s in the past. We can’t change it.”
I’m not sure I would if I could. Claire seems so happy and well-adjusted.
I hold my thoughts in.
“I’m gonna go grab a quick shower, then we’ll go.”
There's no argument. He disappears up the stairs, and I finish my coffee quickly and send a quick text to Jess to let her know what’s going on.
When Shane appears ten minutes later, I follow him obediently as we walk down the road to Logan's house.
He and Claire are already outside sitting on the porch as we approach. She looks so cute in a purple, long-sleeved dress and black tights with trendy boots. Her long, brown hair is braided, and her bangs are swept to the side.
She gives me a small wave and smile, and I return the smile, feeling happiness I never expected.
And then I see Logan.
His eyes bore through me with hot anger, but possibly also a hint of lust clouding his eyes.
“You’re coming with us, Maddison?” Claire walks over to me, almost hopeful.
“If that’s okay with you.”
“Sure.”
She seems to genuinely be okay with it, which gives me a hope I don't deserve. “I was thinking, I might stay here for a little bit if that’s also okay with you.”
Her eyes instantly drift to Logan, who, to his credit, manages a small smile before she turns back to face me. “That would be awesome. Can you do that with work and stuff?”
I nod my head, wanting to reach out and touch her shoulder or hold her hand, to touch her for the first time, but I don't. “Yes, I can work a lot from my phone, and my scheduled showings can be handled by someone else at my agency for a while.”
“Cool.”
Shane yanks open Logan's truck door and climbs in. Claire follows suit, hopping in behind him.
Logan strides over to the truck. As he comes near, I can feel my heart speeding up, my skin flushes with memories of him from last night.
The intense need. The fierce rejection when it was all over.
“Logan, I hope this is still okay with you.”
His eyes dart to the truck and then land on mine, the intensity is back. “This is about Claire, not you and me.”
“Right. Maybe we should talk about you and me, though.”
He leans in a little closer, no lightness in his tone. “There is no you and me. That part is over.”
I nod my head, stone-faced. But inside a storm of emotions flows through my body.
Then I get pissed, I’m tired of being the beaten-down little girl. I take a step toward him. My lips brush against his ear as my voice hardens and growls in a whispered tone, “It didn’t feel like it was over last night when you were slamming into me with a passionate fury that’s still making my knees weak this morning.”
I hear him swallow the groan in his throat, and I smile to myself with a small sense of victory.
I don’t expect a reconciliation or for him to forgive me, but I won't take any more abuse.
Maybe Shane is right. Maybe we need to move forward and not live in the past.
Twenty-Four
Logan
Fuck, it’s really messed up, making a guy fucking rock hard right before he takes his daughter to a pumpkin patch.
Jesus Christ, her silky voice sent a message straight to my cock, and it keeps playing in my head as I pull my truck into a parking space and try like hell to shake it off.
She's staying here for a while from the sound of it, so I need to get it together.
We all jump out of my truck, and Claire and Maddie walk in front of Shane and me as we make our way to the patch.
I grab a wagon and listen to their conversation, hoping it will calm my hormones that apparently think I’m a teenager again.
“So, they do this every year?” Claire directs the question at Maddie, which is funny because Maddie hasn't been here since she left me.
Fuck, that memory will kill a boner fast.
I was so fucking devastated that day. I watched her drive away, calling her name in a discombobulated haze, having no idea what was going on.
I tried to contact her all summer. I even went so far as to confront her deadbeat, drunk father, but all I got was a shotgun shoved against my chest and told to get the fuck out of there.
I waited for him to go to work a few days later and finally asked her mother. She told me Maddie ran away and that her sister took the other girls. She barely seemed to register they were gone, too concerned about getting the house cleaned for when her husband got back.
I asked Misty repeatedly if she knew where Maddie went. I flat-out begged her to tell me, but she swore up and down that Maddie didn't tell her anything.
I believed her because I recognized the betrayal she was feeling.
At the end of the summer, I gave up. All hope gone, I was a changed man, but my mother pleaded with me to go to school. She didn’t want me to waste my opportunity, so I went mostly to escape the memory of Maddie in this town.
“I love the fall. It’s by far my favorite season with pumpkin-spiced everything, the leaves, and most of all, Halloween.” I tune back into the conversation at the sound of Maddie's voice, full of the excitement and wonder.
“Me too!” Claire points to herself with an eagerness that forces me to smile. “Halloween is my all-time favorite even though my parents couldn’t stand it.”
“No? Not Halloween fans?
“Nah. But they were awesome, so they tried. I had a costume every year, and they would sometimes watch scary movies with me even though mom always covered her eyes.”
It’s still a little hard to hear Claire talk about her parents. Not that I’m not grateful for them for taking good care of her, but there’s always a pang of jealousy in my heart.
“I love scary movies!” Shane laughs when Maddie says that, and then Maddie looks back at him. “We may have snuck into the movie theater dollar night to see ‘Halloween’ a few times.”
Claire giggles and looks back at me. “You snuck in? All three of you?”
I nod and stop next to a cluster of decent looking pumpkins. “Yeah well, it was rated R, and we were your age.” I nod to Shane. “He wasn't old enough yet either.”
Claire smiles. “Must have got that from you guys then.”
Maddie smiles, and I swear I see tears in her eyes as her hand rests hesitantly on Claire’s shoulder. “I guess you did.”
I try to ignore the fact that she's trying to connect with Claire for the rest of the day.
It’s too little, too late.
When we get back home, Claire heads to her room, and I go to the barn to feed the horses. Shane left to check on the guys out on the rig the next town over, and I pretend I don’t care where Maddie goes.
I hear the heels of her boots clicking on the wooden floor behind me, and I don't question it’s her for a second.
Her flowery perfume invades my nose, and I hear the hesitation in each step. “What do you want Maddie?”
I turn and place some hay in one of the stalls. Maddie's eyes drift to the large, chestnut-brown horse.
“Still afraid of horses?”
She nods, keeping her distance. “Pretty to look at though.”
I grab more hay, moving to the next one. “So, what do you want?”
There cannot be a repeat of last night.
I hear her take a deep breath and turn to face her. “I wanted you to know, I knew you would be a good dad. That's not why I gave her up.”
That’s not what I was expecting, and her words send a searing pain through my chest. “I don’t want to hear this shit.”
She takes a desperate step toward me. “I was selfish, Logan.” Her hand grabs my forearm. “I wanted you to go to school and have more than this town.”
“Fuck, Maddie.” I pull out of her grasp. “This town is not your fucking enemy.”
“It was, though. I just saw myself at home with a screaming kid while you were working eighty hours a week, secretly wishing I was anywhere else but here. Secretly blaming our child.”
“That wouldn’t have happened.”
She wipes away a tear, and I see the same fear and desperation I saw the day she left. It never made sense until now.
“I was that kid. I saw it with my own mother. She despised my sisters and me, and then I would see her guilt because she really wasn't a monster.”
“You were not her.”
“I would have become her, and I couldn’t do that.”
God damn it. I don’t want her justifying her actions. “So, what do you want?”
“I just want you to know how grateful I am that you’re taking care of Claire and that I never had any doubts in you. Only me.”
With that, she spins on her right foot and leaves the barn.
I feel my anger dissipating as my eyes follow her out.
If only she could have seen the strength I saw in her. There was no way Maddie could ever be like either of her parents.
She deserved so much better than the world she was placed in.
Twenty-Five
Maddie
I talked to Jessica this morning and asked her to send me a couple of listings in the area.
It’s a crazy thought, but if Claire wants me in her life, I want to be here. I’m not sure when I’m going back to Kansas City, and as insane as it may be, I’m not sure I want to.
After I had her, I wanted to get on with my life, but I’m not sure I ever did. I had a successful career, have a nice savings built up, but there's been zero human connection.
Nothing significant in any way.
I guess, I just want to see if life here would be possible. So today I woke up and drove an hour to the nearest town with a house listed for sale and met with the couple selling it. After enjoying the larger town's wi-fi and going shopping for some essentials, it’s late afternoon, and I head back.
On my way back to Shane's house, I take the back way in, curiosity getting the better of me.
An eerie chill takes over my body as my car slows in front of my old house. The siding is dirty, the grass needs to be mowed, and there is an old rusty truck in the driveway.
Not the same one my father had when I left, but I’m sure it’s his.
I start to drive off when a woman walks out the front door, and I freeze.
Kayleigh?
She's gorgeous and tall and confident as she stands on the porch. Her hands are gripping the railing as she looks out at the horizon, not appearing to notice me.
Her blonde hair blows in the fall wind as the sunlight shines on her stunning face. Then she turns toward me, peering through my windshield, I see the purple bruise over her swollen eye.
No.
I jump out of my car as she starts walking down the stairs to confront me at the same time.
We meet somewhere in the middle as she looks me over, standing a couple inches taller than me now. She must have had a late growth spurt.
“Maddie?”
“Kayleigh.” My hand brushes over her swollen cheek. “What happened? Did dad do this to you?”
My blood is boiling at the
thought. I’m seething with rage, ready to head inside when she swats my hand away. “Dad? Hell no, that prick is way too weak.”
“Dad is weak?”
“Liver failure. Shocker, right?”
I feel no sense of sadness at the thought. I nod to my sister's face. “Who did that then?”
She squares her shoulders and shrugs it off. “No big deal.”
“It looks like a big deal, Kayleigh.”
Her brow creases with obvious irritation, and her hand flies to her hip. “You’re fucking kidding! I haven't seen you in fourteen years, and you decide to come back and lecture me right off the bat?”
“Kayleigh, you were supposed to be safe.”
She scoffs, giving me the same attitude I remember. “Safe? With our bible-thumping Aunt Lynn? Teaching us how to be an obedient, quiet little wifey? Please, Maddie.”
“She's not that bad.”
Kayleigh rolls her eyes at me. “Where do you think mom got it? That’s the way they were raised. Fuck that.”
“So, when did you come back?”
“When? This time? I just got in last night.”
I stare at her in horror. “This time?”
“Maddie, there was no way I was staying with Lynn. I came back a couple months after you had us carted off.” No. No. No. “Someone had to take care of mom."
I shake my head and stare at the old house behind her. Angry at my mother, furious with my father, and most of all so mad at myself for not checking in. “Kayleigh. She's a grown woman. She chose to stay here.”
“She's our mother. You don't just abandon your fucking family without making damn sure they are okay.”
“What about Megan and Carrie?”
I’ve thought about all my sisters constantly over the years, but I told myself they were okay. “I left them with Lynn and checked on them often. Don't worry Maddie, while you were off living your dreams, God knows where, I was taking care of everyone.”
My hands are shaking just thinking about it, the pain of the reality is too much.
Kayleigh didn’t stay with our aunt, go to school, and have a happy life. Instead, she moved back to this hell, took who knows how many beatings, and is clearly repeating the cycle as an adult, judging by her face.
