Back to You (The Road Back Home Series Book 1)

by Nicole Dykes

  “I didn’t mean for that to happen. I wanted you safe.”

  She looks me in the eye, her dark blue ones scorching me with her glare. “You didn’t consult me at all. You just fucking left. I have no idea why you’re back, but I for one would love it if you did your disappearing act all over again.”

  She turns and walks back into the house, not giving me a second glance.

  I jump in my car and drive to Shane's house in a hazy fury, mad at all the wrong people, but needing to vent my frustration.

  I walk into Shane's and see Logan and him sitting at the kitchen table going over some sort of documents.

  “Did you know she came back?” My heated question is aimed at Shane who looks at me like I’m a crazy person.

  “Who?”

  “Kayleigh. My sister. Did you know she came back to live with my parents?”

  Logan and Shane share a confused look, and then Shane stands. “Not for a while. I didn’t move back here for a couple years after Claire was born.”

  Shit. That’s right. How could he have known?

  “Well, when you moved back to town, was Kayleigh living with them, Shane?”

  He shrugs his shoulders but seems to be getting irritated with me. “Since when am I the fucker keeper of the James sisters? I don't fucking know, Maddie.”

  The wooden chair scrapes the floor as Logan stands, directing my attention to him. “What's going on?”

  “My sister was supposed to go with the plan and move to Tulsa. Be safe when I left, but she didn’t. She came back to live with my parents.”

  Logan nods. “Yeah, I ran into to her when I moved back to town. She was living with them then. Did something happen?”

  “I saw Kayleigh today.” I look over at Shane, who is back to his former dark and brooding ways. “She was beat to hell. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Shane walks up to me, his body invading my space, towering over me. “Tell you what? That life went on when you left? That people died and moved back. Suffered? I didn’t know where you went, Maddie.”

  I know my anger isn’t logical. It isn't Shane's fault, but I’m not feeling rational right now. “You could have found me, Shane! You tracked me down for Claire, you could have done that when you found out that Kayleigh was back in that house.”

  Shane’s finger points at me, his anger back. “You fucking left. It never crossed my mind that you would give a damn.”

  I fold my arms over my chest, fighting the vulnerable hurt and tears. “She's my sister.”

  “The sister you left.”

  I feel Logan next to me. “All right, calm down.”

  Shane's eyes lock on Logan's, but he doesn’t look at me. “I have to go meet with Eric.” He turns to me. “A lot of shit happened when you left. That was your choice, not mine or Kayleigh's or Logan's. That was all Maddie.”

  He brushes my arm as he walks out the front door, letting it slam behind him.

  I plop down at the kitchen table, my fingers gripping my hair as I fight the horrible feeling of guilt I have.

  Nothing turned out the way I had planned.

  Twenty-Six

  Logan

  Damn it.

  Why the fuck did Shane have to leave? I’m not equipped to be here alone with Maddie, who looks so fucking broken and lost sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands.

  I awkwardly clear my throat to get her attention. “Maddie, Kayleigh is tough. I’m sure she's fine.”

  She was always the tough, argumentative one. Out of the four girls, Kayleigh was the one that always went toe-to-toe with their father and never once played the obedient mouse. Maddie was the caretaker and the peacemaker, trying like hell to keep everyone going and safe.

  Maddie turns her head, resting on her right-hand, tears streaking her cheeks. “She was anything but fine, Logan.” She stands up from the table, smoothing out her black skirt and wiping her face. “Someone, not our father, is beating her. Her face was bruised and broken and all of this . . .” She walks across the wood floor of the kitchen, standing in front of me. “It’s not how I thought anything would turn out.”

  I hate how weak and vulnerable she looks standing before me. And it’s not nearly as satisfying as I had imagined. “Maddie, you had to know that there was a possibility we wouldn’t all follow suit after you left.”

  She shakes her head, pushing her long hair behind her ear. “No. I wouldn’t let myself. I told myself that without me here, you all would move forward and away.” She finally raises her eyes to meet mine directly, and I witness a flicker of fire in them. “Nothing went the way I planned. Kayleigh didn’t stay in Tulsa. You and Shane still ended up here. Shit. I’m here!”

  My hand brushes over her damp cheek, a mistake I only realize I’ve made after my skin touched hers, sending an electric surge through me. I struggle against it as I speak. “This town is not the enemy. It was your home, your father and your shitty upbringing that was the fucking enemy.”

  She leans into my touch, her desperate eyes seeking mine. “How did everything get so screwed-up?”

  My face inches toward hers, my lips brush against her lips as I breathe my question, “Did it? Or is this where we’re all supposed to be?”

  We both attack each other after that, the events of the last weeks all coming together. And that night in the barn has been taunting me since it happened, her soft moans calling to me in my dreams.

  Her fingers grip the back of my hair, pulling me into her as we kiss, my arms wrapping around her waist, pulling her body to me, needing to feel every shattered piece of her. I lift her body easily, carrying her to the wooden table. I stand between her legs as they wrap around me.

  My hands find her silk blouse, yanking it wildly from its tucked-in state, tearing it open, the buttons flying to the floor.

  Her teeth nip at my bottom lip as she growls, “This shirt was expensive, asshole.”

  My fingers slide the sleeves of the blouse off, leaving her only in a silky white bra. My lips dip to the exposed skin on her neck. “I’ll buy ya a new one.”

  Her fingers grip the hem of my t-shirt, pulling it up and off. Her eyes lock on mine. “I can buy my own shirts.”

  I grin as her mouth meets mine with passionate fury, and I press her back further until I’m nearly on top of her.

  On Shane's kitchen table. “Fuck.”

  Her face pulls back as she gazes up at me with nervousness that I find slightly adorable. “What’s wrong?”

  “Shane will kill me if we fuck in his kitchen.”

  She nods her head knowingly, but neither of us budge. My cock is aching as I stay pressed against her, her firm tits, concealed only by thin fabric, are pressed against my bare chest.

  She looks up at me with a challenge. “So then, take me upstairs and fuck me.”

  That, I can do.

  I back off the table and hold out my hand for her as she climbs off, and we both practically run up the stairs.

  We make it to the guest room where she's staying, and she closes the door behind her.

  Her lips instantly lock on mine again. I feel her right hand between our bodies, flattening against my stomach, her fingers trailing over every dip of my abs. Her kiss feels the same but different in a way that’s hard to explain.

  Maddie is no longer a shy, inexperienced girl. She’s now a strong woman who knows exactly what she's doing. Her fingers unbutton my jeans and then slowly slide the zipper down before pushing them down my legs, and I step out of them. Her hand dips into my underwear, and I groan into her mouth while her fingers grip my hard dick and methodically stroke it.

  My lips move over her jaw to her neck as my hands grip her hips, mine thrusting into her hand.

  My hand grips her wrist, and I reluctantly pull her hand out of my boxers. “That’s not the way I want to come. And you’re first.” My voice whispers against her neck as my fingers find the clasp of her bra and free her gorgeous breasts.

  My hands cup them, my thumbs swirling over h
er hardened nipples. Maddie groans, her head lolling back as my mouth trails lower, over her collarbone, her nipples, her flat stomach.

  My tongue takes its time trailing down and over the barbed wire heart tattoo on her hip, the one that matches mine.

  I settle on my knees before her, looking up at her face, not letting her look away as I unzip her skirt, letting it fall.

  It’s then that I notice another tattoo on her other hip. “December twentieth?”

  I gaze up at her, questioningly. “Claire.”

  I stand up to look her in her teary eyes. “You got a tattoo for her?”

  My hand rests against her cheek as she tries to turn away from me. “I didn’t know her name, but I knew her birthday.”

  Shane was right. She did want to keep her, but couldn’t.

  My other hand moves to the other side of her face as I hold her in my grip and kiss her with everything I have inside of me. Anger, disappointment, resentment, betrayal, lust, need, love.

  We move toward the bed, and I lay her down as I slide down her body again, my fingers pulling her panties down and off her.

  “I’ve missed you so fucking much, Maddie.” I groan as I taste her again, my tongue delving in between her legs. While I marvel at how wet and ready she is for me, my hands grip her thighs, and I move from her pussy to tease her, nipping and sucking the skin of her inner thigh.

  She moans in frustration as her hips lift upward and her fingers grip my hair.

  “Logan, please.”

  I can't hold back any longer as I drag my tongue back to her pussy, teasing her swollen clit.

  Her nails dig into my scalp as I slip one finger and then a second inside of her, curling them at the perfect angle that makes her squirm. Her whimpers grow louder and louder until her hips buck upward and her thighs clench tightly, holding me between her legs.

  When her orgasm subsides, I make my way back up her body, taking a quick detour to sheath my cock.

  An unplanned pregnancy when we were young, was one thing. Now, there would be no excuse.

  Her nipples scrape against my chest as my body hovers over hers. “This is probably a terrible idea, Maddie.”

  Her hands grip my shoulders, pulling me tighter to her, my cock resting between her thighs, begging me to plow into her.

  “Don’t leave.”

  I nod my head, my forehead rubbing against hers as I slide into her, both of us groaning with satisfaction as I fill her.

  “God Logan. You have no idea how much I missed this.” Her mouth finds mine, her soft lips melting into mine.

  I move in long, slow strokes, sinking every inch inside of her and then torturing us both over and over again as I slide it almost entirely out before repeating the process.

  I don't want it to end.

  With Maddie, I never did.

  Twenty-Seven

  Maddie

  My arms lift upward, my hands running through my hair as I sink back down onto Logan's hard cock. We can't get enough of each other. His hands move up to cup my breasts as I ride him, both of us nearing our release.

  “Fuck, Maddie.” I feel his cock twitch inside of me just as the familiar buildup hits me from deep within.

  His hands move to my ass as he guides my movements and thrusts inside of me before we’re both spent, and I collapse on his chest.

  I can hear his heartbeat beneath my ear, and it sends a shiver through me. “I’ve dreamt about that sound for years.”

  His hand runs over my now matted hair. “What sound?”

  Shit. I said that out loud. Too late.

  I’ve really allowed myself to be a vulnerable wreck today. “Your heartbeat.” I look up at him. “It stayed with me.”

  I see him swallow the emotion my words cause. “You know, I’m still pissed.”

  “I know.” I roll off his body, but don’t leave the bed. Instead, I stay next to him, laying on my side.

  Not running.

  “But, maybe I kinda get it.”

  I’m shocked by his admission. “You do?”

  “Yeah. You were scared. We were young. I still fucking hate it, but maybe I’m trying to move forward.”

  “It was the hardest thing I ever did.”

  He doesn’t look angry, and his voice is soft, almost hesitant as he asks, “Did you even love me? Or was it really just a high school fling?”

  My words have haunted me every day since I ended things with him.

  Fling.

  My hand runs over the stubble on his jaw. “Logan, I loved you more than anything in this world. You weren’t a fling, you were my life.”

  He looks up at the ceiling, his throat pulled tight with tension. “How could you leave me behind if I meant that much to you, Maddie? I thought about you every fucking day.”

  “I thought about you, too. And Claire. And my sisters. I told myself that you were all better off without me.”

  He turns to his side, facing me head-on, unafraid of anything. His eyes look determined to portray how seriously he feels. “We weren’t. At least, I wasn’t.”

  I nod my head, knowing I wasn’t even close to being better without him. “I’d love to move forward.”

  “I hope you’ll stay. There’s nothing in this town to be afraid of.”

  “I think I will, at least for a little while.”

  He sits up on the bed and turns to look at me from over his shoulder. “Claire will be happy. You guys seem to be bonding.”

  “I’m afraid to get too close to her,” I blurt, putting all my insecurities out there, and he looks at me confused as I try to clarify. “I don't know if she secretly hates me, and it’s all waiting to explode.”

  He grabs his jeans from the floor and stands up, tugging them on. “Claire doesn’t hate you, not at all. Her adoptive parents did a kickass job with her.” He sits back down as I pull the blanket over my chest. “You should take her dress shopping.”

  “What?”

  He grabs his t-shirt and pulls it on, covering his magnificent, toned chest, and I lose my train of thought for a moment.

  “Some little shit asked her to homecoming. She’s going to need a dress. You should take her to the nearest town to buy her a decent dress. Go to dinner. Do girly shit. You’ll see, Maddie, she just wants her mom.”

  I smile as he gives me advice to get into our daughter’s good graces and agree it’s a great idea.

  I’m not sure where Logan and I stand, or Claire and I.

  But I’m going to stick around this time and find out.

  Twenty-Eight

  Maddie

  “So, what’s going on, Jamie? Are you ever coming back?” The use of the name I’ve used for the last fourteen years makes me flinch and somehow feels strange to me.

  I slide into my boots as I sit at the kitchen table, and I hold the phone to my ear with my cheek. “Yes, of course I am, Jess. I think."

  “You think? It’s been almost a week. You haven't taken this many days off the entire time you’ve worked here. What’s going on?”

  I finish pulling my boots on and use my hand to hold the phone as I walk to the coffee pot and quickly back to the table, so the call doesn’t drop. I stare at my reflection in the kitchen window, feeling like I see a whole new person. I told Jess everything before I left to come here, and although she was shocked, she was also understanding and supportive.

  “I’m honestly not sure if I can leave, Jess. It’s complicated.”

  “You have a life here. Your house is here. Your career.”

  “My daughter is here.”

  I hear her sigh into the phone. “I get it, but can you really just pick up and move? Maybe she could come stay with you for Christmas break? And then the summer?”

  My heart squeezes painfully in my chest thinking about being a seven-hour drive away from her. Which, yes, I realize is irrational when we've been apart for nearly fourteen years, but now that I know her, I want to be near her. “I could never ask Logan to give up his first Christmas with her."


  “This is about him too, isn't it?”

  Yes. I want to pretend like Logan isn't a factor, but of course, he is. Nothing has been defined or really addressed, but something changed the other day after our romp in the kitchen and then my bed.

  Now, we can't seem to stop.

  I even went so far as to sneak over to his house late last night. He snuck me quietly up to his bedroom, and we spent the entire night wrapped in the ecstasy of each other’s bodies.

  “Jamie? Are you there?”

  “Yes.” My finger circles the red mug filled with hot coffee as I try to regain my focus. “Logan is a factor, but it’s mostly about Claire. I want to know her. I want to watch her grow up and become an adult. And not just because I feel guilty and like I owe her, but because she's exceptional. And I genuinely like her.”

  “Well, I’m going to miss you, but I’m happy for you, too.”

  I can almost bet she's tearing up. Jessica is wonderfully emotional and kind. I was so lucky I met her when I did. She gave me strength in the big bad, lonely world. “I’ll miss you too, but I’m going to visit. And it’s not even 100 percent certain yet.”

  She laughs and sniffs, confirming that she is crying. “Jamie, once you have an idea in that pretty little head, we both know it’s already a done deal.”

  “You’re right.” I smile, knowing it’s true, and I’ve made my decision.

  “Well, I dug up some leads, but the market there is nothing like it is here. Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

  “Yes. It’ll be fine, and you know me, I don't mind a little hard work.” Not to mention in the ten years I’ve been in real estate, I've saved a nice nest egg. So when I sell my house in Kansas City, I’ll have more than enough to get by while I’ll build my reputation here.

  “That’s for damn sure.”

  I laugh, and we wrap up a couple of work details before I hang up. I start to drink my coffee, and the mug just barely touches my lips when I hear Shane's boots walk in from the living room.