Back to You (The Road Back Home Series Book 1)

by Nicole Dykes

  Of course, I guess it’s pretty much her room now, too, since she sold her house and stays here almost every night.

  “Don’t leave, Maddie.”

  The request comes out of nowhere and startles Maddie, who looks over at me with hurt and confusion on her pretty face. “What? I’m not going anywhere. You still think I will?”

  I don't want to think that way. The fear sits in the back of my mind, nagging at me. It’s time to address it. “I just know I don't want you to. Maybe I didn’t make it clear back then, but I want you. No matter what.” I turn to face her, hating to feel vulnerable.

  Her right-hand strokes my cheek. “I’m not going anywhere. This is where I want to be. Here with you and Claire.”

  I swallow, trying to wet my dry throat as I turn to look at her. “Are you sure?”

  “I used to think that there was no room for adventure here, but it’s not true. Love is an adventure. Parenthood is an adventure.” Her eyes show so much remorse. “Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that. You always had a way of seeing the whole picture, Logan. That’s one of the many reasons I need you.”

  My hand wraps around her wrist. “You have me. You’ve always had me, Maddie.”

  “And you will always have me, Logan. My heart was always with you. I could never get close to anyone else.”

  “I couldn’t either.” I’m not sure I want to know the answer to my next question. “So you didn’t date anyone while you were gone?”

  “I tried.”

  The jealously threatens to strangle me. “What does that mean?”

  She shakes her head, her other hand running her fingers through my hair as she turns on her side to face me. “I wanted to move on. To try to feel anything remotely like what we had, but nothing even came close.”

  “Good.” I’m not even sorry for being an asshole.

  Her lips brush over mine. “Nothing will ever compare to what we had.” She looks at me sheepishly. “Have?”

  She's so fucking cute. My hand grips the back of her head, pulling her to me. “Have.” My lips crash against hers, our souls joining once and for all.

  She isn't going anywhere. Some would say I shouldn’t trust her, but I see it in her. She left me once, but she is completely mine for the rest of our lives.

  Thirty-Five

  Maddie

  I stretch my arms upward, opening my eyes and turning to look at Logan who is waking up next to me.

  His eyes are sleepy, and I don't see hatred in them anymore. I see signs of the old Logan, the boy I fell in love with, mixed with a grown-up man who has endured pain, but come back from it, taking everything in stride.

  His parents would be so proud of him.

  “What's going on in that head of yours?”

  He holds me tightly in his arm, whispering his question in my ear. His sexy, rough voice is sending a shiver through my body.

  “Lots of things.”

  “Same ole Maddie. Tell me the top thing that is worrying you.”

  I sigh and smile as my hands hold onto his arm that’s across my belly. “I may have gotten in over my head with hosting Thanksgiving dinner.” I tilt my head so I can look into his eyes. “I don't cook.”

  I want Claire to have a traditional holiday like what I’m sure she had with her adoptive parents. I asked if there was anyone from her life with them that she wanted to invite, but she told me her parents didn’t have many living relatives and none that she knew.

  So, I decided to invite Silas and Misty along with my sisters.

  Logan chuckles, and it’s so good to see him happy again. “Yeah, I figured. It’s no problem. Shane and I have it covered.”

  “You and Shane?” My eyebrow quirks up in uncertainty.

  “We’ve been doing Thanksgiving for years now. We’ve learned how to cook and are damn good at it.”

  “Okay.” My mind continues to spin with all the possibilities of today's dinner. Carrie flew in last night according to her brief text, and she is driving here from Wichita this afternoon. It’s clear Kayleigh hates me, but maybe she will come out of curiosity.

  “It’s going to be a good day. Our first Thanksgiving with our daughter.” He knows how worried I instinctively am.

  I smile and bite my bottom lip. He’s always been able to tone down my crazy. And he's right.

  Our very first holiday with her was Halloween, and it was amazing. We watched old horror flicks in the living room of Logan's house with Shane. We ate popcorn and carved a pumpkin. It was everything I didn’t know I needed in my life.

  I throw the covers off my body and jump up, dressed only in his old t-shirt. I climb out of bed and walk over to the stack of boxes containing my clothes, trying to decide what to wear.

  Logan slowly makes his way out of bed and stands behind me, his hands on my shoulders. “You know, you really should just unpack. There's a huge closet right over there.” He gestures with his left hand to the two walk-in closets next to us. “Just waiting to be filled.”

  I pause my rifling through clothes and turn around to face him head-on. “Are you saying I should move in?”

  The grin that’s playing on his pouty lips is so sexy I could jump him. “Maddie, we pretty much live together. But yeah, I think we should make it official.”

  I smile cautiously, afraid to let myself feel too excited. “Okay, I’ll unpack tomorrow, once we get through the holiday.”

  He kisses my nose, looking at me like he used to, like I’m his everything. “Good.” He smacks my ass and starts to leave. “I’m gonna go start on the turkey.”

  I drop my clothes and follow hurriedly behind him. “Wait! I need to see this.”

  I follow him down the stairs and reach the bottom just as Shane is walking through the front door carrying a big-ass turkey.

  “Wow. You guys know your teenage daughter will be downstairs soon, right?”

  I look down at the t-shirt. It’s long enough, going to my mid-thigh, and Logan pulled on a pair of sweatpants. “So?”

  Shane brushes past us on his way to the kitchen. “Just saying, you both scream ‘I had sex all night.’” We follow him into the kitchen, and he places the turkey down on the counter, gesturing to Logan. “Your fucking hair alone gives it away.”

  Logan’s hand combs through his admittedly messy hair. “The only reason you noticed is because you haven’t gotten laid for way too long.”

  I comb my own matted hair with my fingers as I brew a cup of coffee. “Oh? Going through a dry spell?”

  “You both can fuck off.”

  He takes his coat off and walks over to stand next to me, grabbing a mug out of the cabinet, and I notice his lip is split with a bit of dried blood at the corner. “Shane? Did someone hit you?”

  I start to reach out to inspect the wound, but he shies away. “Don't worry about it.”

  Logan takes a step closer, his voice sounding concerned. “What happened?”

  “Nothing I didn't have coming for a long time.” He looks at Logan as if they have a shared secret that I definitely am not in on, then puts the mug down on the table and claps his hands together. “Let’s get this turkey going.”

  I look over at Logan, hoping for answers, but he smiles tight-lipped at me. Then they get busy preparing the turkey.

  Hours later, the smell of delicious Thanksgiving food takes over the entire house, and Claire, Misty, and I sit in the living room watching the parade while Shane, Logan, and Silas finish preparing the meal.

  I’ve been staring anxiously at the door this whole time, but still, no other James sister has shown up.

  “I’m sure Carrie will be here any minute.” Misty tries to reassure me, but I have a sinking feeling in my stomach.

  “Thanks, Mis. I’m not so sure, but I’m so glad you came.”

  She laughs. “Well, since my parents moved to Florida, the holidays have been pretty bleak. I’m glad you invited me.”

  Claire turns her attention to Misty, who refers to Claire as my mini-me, which I defi
nitely don't hate. “So, you knew Maddison and Logan when they were my age?”

  A part of me cringes when she calls me Maddison. I guess I’m holding out hope for when she might call me mom or even Maddie someday. But I get it, she already had a mom.

  Misty smiles happily as her mind clearly goes back to memories of our younger years. “Yeah. We were all pretty close then, and your Uncle Shane and Garrett.”

  Misty's eyes register the pain she still feels over her breakup with Garrett.

  “Who's Garrett? Is he coming to dinner too?”

  “Dinner's ready!” Silas walks into the living room just as I’m about to answer.

  I take one more disappointed look toward the door.

  My sisters aren't coming.

  As Claire, Misty, and I all stand, I answer quietly, trying to spare Misty's feelings. “Garrett was a friend of ours. He lives in Oklahoma now.”

  Claire accepts my explanation and thankfully doesn't ask more, probably sensing the hesitation in my voice.

  Dinner is nice, really nice, considering I haven't celebrated an actual holiday since I left years ago. I usually kept myself busy working and treated holidays like every other day.

  When we’re clearing the table, the doorbell rings and my stomach is instantly filled with butterflies.

  I turn to look at Logan, who gives me an encouraging smile, and nod before I walk toward the door, pulling it open.

  It’s Carrie.

  She looks so different from the skinny twelve-year-old girl I left behind all those years ago. She looks glamorous and all grown up in designer clothes and heels. The bag she's clutching to her chest costs more than most people's monthly mortgage payment.

  “Carrie.”

  “Maddie.” She doesn’t budge from her stance outside on the porch.

  “Come in. We’ll make you a plate.”

  I gesture for her to join us, but she holds up her perfectly manicured hand, silencing me. “I’m not staying.”

  “What? Why?” I can feel everyone circling around me, yet keeping their distance.

  “You really think that after fourteen years I would want to come back here? And what, catch up? Eat dinner and pretend like everything is fine?”

  I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat. Her tone and demeanor remind me of Kayleigh's response yesterday. But Carrie does it while she looks down her nose at me.

  She reminds me of all the spoiled, rich people I’ve found houses for. This is not the Carrie I remember, with her nose pointed in the air, afraid of getting dirty, clutching her fancy handbag.

  “Of course not, but you came here for a reason.”

  “I had to see it for myself. You got out, just like you always talked about, and then you came back.” She nods behind me. “What? For Logan? A man you left once. I thought you were stronger than that.”

  “I’m back for so many reasons, Carrie, Logan being one of them. But trust me, there's more to life than designer labels and possessions. And this town, it’s actually kind of great when you aren’t living with an abusive alcoholic and his enabler.”

  She scoffs, rolling her eyes. “Oh, God. Did you have an epiphany? No man is worth coming back to this shithole.”

  I cross my arms over my chest, fighting tears. Kayleigh was right, I don’t like what I see. “So, why come? It’s a long trip from New York.”

  She leans in slightly, her lips painted a deadly dark red. “I wanted to see you in person, stuck back in this small town you despise. And I wanted you to see me. I’m strong and successful and never once had to depend on anyone, especially a man, to get where I am. I did it all on my own.”

  “Kind of a long trip just for a ‘fuck you,’ isn't it?” I hear Shane behind me, but I’m focused on the coldness in my sister’s eyes. Carrie was the quiet one. She was sweet, and now she's anything but.

  “Carrie, I’m sorry.”

  She shrugs. “I’m not. I got out, and there's nothing that will bring me back.”

  Her expensive heels click on the wooden steps of the porch as she leaves without another word.

  I stand at the open door, frozen with sadness that slightly thaws when I feel Logan's hands on my shoulders. Shane closes the door, and Claire stands at my side.

  “Well, that’s two sisters that hate me.”

  A tear falls down my cheek, but then I feel Claire's small hand slip into mine. “They might. But we love you.”

  My hand brushes her cheek, my heart exploding with joy as I look into my daughter's kind eyes, filled with compassion. “I love you too, kiddo.”

  “Well, that’s good, since you’re my mom and all.”

  I can't feel the agony from my sisters at all because Claire just called me her mom. I pull her into a hug, holding her tight.

  I don't know what I did to deserve this amazing child in my life, but I don't overanalyze it.

  I’m her mom.

  Thirty-Six

  Logan

  Fuck, that was brutal. I get the betrayal and the abandonment issue, obviously, but damn that was harsh.

  Carrie went straight for the jugular, and from what Maddie told me about her talk with Kayleigh, that conversation wasn’t much better. I know that had to hurt. She may have left them, but she loved them. I know she wanted them safe, and she did what she could to make sure they would be.

  Claire, being Claire, definitely made it a little easier. Maddie's face when Claire told her she loved her, and then when she finally acknowledged Maddie was her mom was fucking priceless. I know it meant the world to her.

  I make a plate and wrap it in aluminum foil and tell Maddie I’ll be back soon before hopping in my truck. She didn't ask for an explanation, the trust is there.

  And it’s there again on my side, too.

  I know she isn't going anywhere.

  Maddie is home.

  I drive a mile down the road, my truck traveling the familiar road past the tree I used to hide my truck behind when I would wait for Maddie.

  Tonight, I pull right up into the drive. My headlights shine on Maddie's childhood home and land on Kayleigh, who is sitting out on the porch, bundled up, and perched on the old wooden rocking chair, a lit cigarette in her hand.

  That’s new. She didn’t smoke the last time I saw her, but that was a while ago.

  I turn off my truck and hop out, carrying the plate of food to join her.

  “It’s fucking cold, and since when do you smoke?”

  She rolls her eyes, sucking in the poisonous smoke and letting it pour out of her mouth in front of me. “I don't need a big brother.”

  I ignore her. “I brought you food.” I hold out the plate.

  She doesn't take it. “I don't want anything from Maddie.”

  I sit it on the porch ledge and lean against the old wood railing. “She doesn't know I’m here. And she still doesn’t cook. Shane and I made it.”

  I notice the visible flinch when I mention my brother. He didn’t confirm it, but I suspect he came to see Kayleigh yesterday. His split lip matches Kayleigh's anger and reaction to him.

  “I don't want anything from your dickhead brother either.”

  I nod my head, pulling my jacket zipper up a little higher. “I have no idea what happened between you and Shane. Honestly, I don’t want to know. But, Maddie—”

  “Fuck Maddie,” she growls and stands up, putting her cigarette out in a soda can.

  “Hey, I get it more than most. She left me too. Hell, she gave our kid up for adoption without telling me, but I forgave her.”

  “Yeah well, I’m sure she just spread her legs for you, and things instantly got easier for you.”

  I shrug. “It helped.”

  She rolls her eyes, not giving in to my joke. “Men are idiots.”

  “I’m kidding, Kayleigh. Where the hell did your sense of humor go?”

  Shane and I were close with Maddie, but not just with her. When their dad was away for work, sometimes for weeks, and their mom was working, Shane and I spent a lot of time
hanging with all the James sisters. Kayleigh would come over to our house with Maddie sometimes to hang out also.

  We were all close. But when Maddie left, everything fell apart.

  “Logan, I’m not the same Kayleigh you knew. She just fucking left with no explanation. Just gone.”

  “I know.”

  “I know you do. So how can you go back to playing house? Is the sex really that good that you can forget years of betrayal?”

  I don’t joke this time. Instead, I push off the railing and stand tall. “We aren't playing house. You guys didn’t have it easy, I was a witness to it. Your parents have always been fucking terrible.”

  She hugs her arms to her chest, the cold weather clearly hitting her. “No shit.”

  “You all handled it differently. I was pissed at her. But I love her, and she's changed. She's stayed the same. She's who I want.”

  She looks at me, pity in her eyes like I’m a delusional love-sick puppy. “Yeah well, that’s fine for you. Me? I don't have a cock, so I don't get confused nearly as easily.”

  I half-laugh at her response but hate that life has left her so jaded.

  “Just take the fucking food and think about it. She's your family, and she loves you.”

  She looks at the plate. “I’ll take your shitty food, but don't get your hopes up on a James sister reconciliation. We were never a real family, and we damn sure aren't going to be one now.”

  I know there’s nothing left to say, so I walk back to my truck and drive back to my house, pulling up and seeing Shane outside on my porch.

  Don't these people know it’s late November?

  I climb the stairs and join him even though I’m ready for the warmth of my house.

  “Where is everyone?”

  He lifts a beer bottle to his lip and takes a quick drink before answering. “Misty and Sy left, and Maddie is tucking Claire in.”

  “She's tucking in a fourteen-year-old?”

  “I don't know man. She missed out on it for quite a while, and she had a pretty rough day. I think she's making up for lost time.” He looks thoughtful and maybe a little worn out. “Where were you?”