Not for a Moment: One Moment, Book 3

by Toni J Strawn

  “Sorry,” she muttered, understanding then that he hadn’t been worried about himself at all. “I am sorry. It’s not you.”

  “I know how you feel right now.” There was genuine concern in Thomas’s voice as he pulled her aside, intent on having his say. “Please. Just know that I did something once…and I still regret it. Every day.” There was a raw edge to his words that made Jess look up.

  “Cole?” she ventured.

  Thomas nodded. “It drives everything I do. Every decision I make. I’ll never let myself forget, even though it’s the one thing I wish I could take back.”

  Jess didn’t say anything. She could see regret eating away at him, wearing him down, caging him in. But she had nothing to offer Thomas right now. She was hurting too much to be able to take away his pain. And as much as Jess felt sorry for Thomas, at least he’d had the opportunity to make his own mistakes. Jess never got to do anything without someone trying to control her. Manipulate her. Pull at her strings.

  “Thank you, Thomas.” She brushed her lips across his cheek, glad in some ways it was Thomas who had opened her eyes to the truth. Of anyone in her life, he was the person who probably did understand.

  “Can I take you home?”

  “No. I need to walk.”

  She started down the pavement, digging into her pocket for her phone. Jess brought Van’s number up onto the screen, then swiped it away again. She had nothing to say to him right now. She felt like someone had punched a hole in her stomach. She felt raw. Exposed.

  Jess blinked back tears she would never allow to fall. Then she called her friend.

  “Tash. Are you still up for a sleepover?”

  “You betcha,” Tash exclaimed. Then paused. “What’s up?”

  “Nothing. Everything.” The bag of T-shirts slapped against her thigh and she looked down grimly. “We need to talk about the Mud, Sweat, and Tears challenge. Bring Jayne.”

  * * * * *

  Tash exploded from her seat, sending her glass of wine flying. “Oh. My. God. Van? He’s the guy?”

  Jess grabbed a hand towel from the kitchen and started mopping up the mess, glad of the opportunity to keep her head down for a few more moments.

  “You know Van?” Jayne was no less poleaxed by the news. “Like know him, know him?”

  “That’s an understatement.” Tash didn’t try to hide her amusement. She grabbed the cloth from Jess and waved her away. “And you didn’t tell us. Jeez, Jess, you must have busted a gut keeping that secret.”

  “I didn’t know what to say.” Jess sank into her chair. She put on a preppy voice. “‘Hey, this hot-shot physio you’re all gagging over…you know, the one I’m supposed to hate…um, well actually we’re sexercising together’.” She dropped the tone. “He called it boot camp with benefits.”

  This time it was Jayne who spluttered soda all over the table. Tash threw the towel at her head.

  “Yeah. Sorry about that, Jayne.” Jess knew her friend had a thing for Van. “Are you mad?”

  “Nah. He’s not really my type. Too pretty.” Jayne snickered. “You know I like the bad boys.”

  “Hardly.” Tash snorted. “You like them clean and well-cut. Not like Van.” Her nose wrinkled and she looked to Jess. “But then, I wouldn’t have thought he was your type either.”

  Which brought them back to why Van was definitely not the type Jess was looking for as she told them the other side of the Van story.

  “So, let me get this straight,” Tash summarized. “He stalks you at your party. Doesn’t tell you he works at the clinic. Asks you to join the program and when you say no, hauls you from the ballroom caveman style and offers you a deal.” Tash sucked in a breath before continuing. “Takes you rock climbing and boxes with you. Tries to sell your story to further his program. Then tells you we shouldn’t do the assault course?” She raised a brow at Jess for confirmation.

  “That about sums it up.” Jess rubbed at her brow. Put like that, it did seem bad, but Tash had also left out all the bits where Van had made her feel good about her abilities. Had encouraged her to think about things in different ways. Had forced her to look at herself…

  “And you agree? You don’t think we should do it?” Tash was staring at Jess like she had two heads.

  Jess bit at her lip. “Um… Well…”

  “And I say, fuck him.” Tash stood up. “Fuck him,” she said again, with more vehemence. “He doesn’t get to tell me what to do.”

  “Me either.” Jayne looked as fierce as Jess had ever seen her. “He doesn’t think I can do it? That really pisses me off.”

  “No.” Jess picked her jaw up off the ground and shook her head. Not doing the assault course was the one thing she did agree with Van on. “I’m okay with you not doing it. Honestly. Brad told me there was room in his team if I wanted to join theirs.”

  “You’d take Bradzilla over us.” Tash stuck out her jaw, looking even more put out. “Do I need to say fuck you too?”

  “No. I’d take my friends not getting hurt over anything. Or anyone.” Jess crossed her arms.

  “So, you don’t think we can do it either?” Jayne looked at Jess, uncertainty tugging at her mouth.

  Shit. Jess had thought they’d be pleased to be let off the hook.

  She squeezed her eyes shut. Thinking hard. Did she believe they could do it? Jess honestly wasn’t sure. But she would never tell them that. Would never tell them they couldn’t do anything. Saying yes right now would confirm their worst fears that they did have limitations.

  “Do I think we’d win? No.” Jess tactfully skirted around Jayne’s question. “But do I think we could compete and have fun doing it…hell, yeah.”

  “Then I say we’re big girls and we can make our own decisions,” Tash said, raising her glass for a toast.

  “I’m in too.” Jayne lifted her water.

  They both looked to Jess, grinning like loons, waiting for her to join them.

  “Oh my God. You’ve all gone crazy,” she said, tipping her drink toward the middle.

  “I’ll drink to that.” Tash emptied her wine and tried to balance the goblet on her head.

  “No more drinking,”

  Jess took hold of the glass and returned it to the safety of the kitchen counter. A few drinks had already led the girls to making what could potentially be a bad decision. Plus, she had no idea how expensive the glassware was. Knowing Madison, it was Waterford crystal or something else appallingly expensive.

  “We have to think about training. We’ve got two nights to come up with a plan.” Already she felt much better about what they were doing. Back in control.

  “Ooh, we could do the lounge up as a pretend assault course and practice in our sleeping bags.” Tash grinned as the wine she’d skulled hit her brain.

  “Or we could come up a different plan. A better one.” Jess bit back her laughter. “How about we go over the course on paper.” She dragged up the folder of documents that had come with her application, straightening out the course map and laying it out flat on the coffee table.

  “Oh my God,” Jayne squeaked. “That looks harder than the one we did the other day.”

  “No, about the same,” Jess said. “Seven of the components are similar.” She frowned. “It’s the wall that’ll be our biggest challenge.”

  Jayne caught her eye across the table. “What are you going to say to Van?” she asked.

  Jess didn’t miss Tash wincing.

  She took a breath, thinking it through. “Nothing,” she decided after a few moments of deliberation.

  Van was too good at manipulating Jess and she didn’t trust herself to speak with him. She was sure he’d have some excuse why he was selling her story as part of his next program, why she shouldn’t be doing this with her friends.

  She looked around the lounge. Tash and Jayne looked happy. Excit
ed. Telling them they couldn’t do something was ten times worse than letting them have a go. Jess would look after them. She would be careful.

  She got out her phone and sent Van a text. Hanging with friends for a few days. Talk to you soon.

  That should hold him off for a day at least. And by Saturday, it would be too late.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jess was late for her appointment. No surprises there.

  Van thought they’d had a date to go for a walk in the Appalachians. While he hadn’t confirmed the details with her, he was under the impression they’d had an understanding. Jess had been quiet the last few days, and he’d put it down to her being angry with him for forcing her to decide whether Jayne and Tash should compete in the challenge. It was obviously a decision she’d found it hard to come to. He admired her. And he was willing to make concessions too.

  Which was why Van went to the apartment, scaled the fire escape while balancing a twenty-pound picnic basket in his hands, and knocked on Jess’s window.

  The curtains were wide open and showed the horrendous state her room was in. She’d obviously had friends staying, because there was a mattress on the floor beside her bed. Scrunched-up sleeping bags. The sight of it made Van feel better. Jayne and Tess couldn’t have taken the news too hard.

  No movement from inside. Van huffed out a breath, deciding on his next course of action. He’d missed Jess. Had been looking forward to seeing her. The fact she was with her friends wasn’t a deterrent to him. However Jess hadn’t exactly been quick to shout about their relationship from the rooftops.

  Van grinned. Jess would have to get used to it. He had to state his claim in public if his plan to involve her in the new program came to fruition. He had a few things to sort out, but after believing he might have lost everything with Jess the other night, there was no way Van was driving away without at least exploring what was between them.

  His declaration of what he wanted had shocked him more than Jess, when he’d come out and admitted they had something special together. But Jess was someone Van could see in his future. Short-term, at least. And while he hadn’t figured out the intricacies of exactly how it would work, all he had to do was take a week or so packing up his mother’s house and get her safely into the retirement home. Then he could get back on the road.

  First stop?

  Jess.

  If everything panned out with his extension exercise program, there was no reason why Van couldn’t get the clinic in Wellsford to support him at its flagship facility. The association would boost their standing in the multi-billion-dollar rehabilitation business and attract a bigger slice of the government-funding pie. Van had already enlisted St. Mathews, but he considered that as his second option.

  The patio door was locked, so Van left the basket on the balcony and went around the front. He half expected to hear squeals of girlish laughter and the pounding of bare feet when he knocked on the door.

  Instead he was greeted with silence.

  Van checked his watch. Nine o’clock. He guessed it was early for three university students to be out and about after a night of movies and pillow fights.

  Surely she wouldn’t have…

  Van stopped himself. There was no reason for him to think the worst. Jess was probably just out for weekend coffee and pancakes. Except, she didn’t really like coffee…

  He called Jess’s cell, listening to it ring and ring. The call clicked through to voice mail and Van hung up without leaving a message.

  The longer Van stood here, the colder he became. And as much as he tried to reassure himself that Jess had agreed not to do the assault course, he couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in his gut that it was exactly what she was doing right now.

  He took a deep breath to ease the tightness in his chest. There was no reason for Jess not to take his call. No reason for her not to be here.

  So why wasn’t she answering?

  A quick search through his contacts yielded Jayne’s number. He programmed all of his clients’ numbers in, in case of emergencies. This was the first time he’d ever resorted to calling one. And of course, it had to be over Jess.

  “Hello?” Jayne answered with her usual tentative manner.

  He closed his eyes. “Jayne, just wondering where you are?” Van felt like the big, bad wolf preying on an innocent little girl.

  “Who is this?”

  “It’s Vance Sheffield.”

  “Van?” There were a few moments where it sounded like the phone was being fumbled. “Shit!” Then the call was disconnected. But not before Van heard Jayne call out to Jess that he was on the phone. Or for him to hear a loudspeaker announcement in the background.

  Van rubbed at his chest where betrayal ate at his insides. He thought he and Jess had forged a connection. Had he missed something? He’d known she was angry when he’d called her out about involving her friends in the Mud, Sweat, and Tears challenge, but he’d never expected her to go behind his back. Lie to him. Van hadn’t wanted to believe Jess was capable of such duplicity.

  But then, hadn’t she had years of practice with her overbearing brother? This was classic behavior from someone who was self-destructive. Repressed.

  Did Jess see him as another Cole?

  The idea did not sit well. And he wasn’t going to wait around to find out. Van found directions for the assault course on his phone and was on the road and driving before the map had fully downloaded.

  He wished he’d followed his instincts when she’d called to tell him she was pulling out of the competition. He should have gone back to her apartment. He’d wanted to. Badly. But he’d thought a little space might be good for her. A chance to think through her decision more fully.

  Fuck. He’d been so damned proud of her.

  Yet here she was, being irresponsible and reckless all over again. Being Jess. Only this time she wasn’t just dicking around with her life. She was dragging her friends into something potentially dangerous. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel so he didn’t slam his fist into it. Frustration and disappointment gnawed at his chest.

  How could he consider a future with a person like that?

  Van had been carrying around this stupid idea that Jess might be able to help him with his program, that he could use her enthusiasm and love of life to encourage others who weren’t as confident to explore more interesting exercise options. This little stunt today threw everything into doubt.

  Van didn’t want someone who would constantly need checking, whose moral compass was always drawn to disaster. He had enough on his plate with his mother. He didn’t need the burden of anyone else weighing him down.

  Van scrubbed his hand through his hair, hoping to hell he was wrong about Jess.

  Please be wrong.

  He didn’t want to walk away from Jess—he felt it in the painful thud of his heart, the dread that washed over him like a cold sweat every time he thought about her. All Van could do was sit tight and drive. Take the roads that would bring him to the answer.

  * * * * *

  The competition was already underway. Van had missed the warm-up. He’d missed the start. He’d missed the first person to face plant in the muddy pit at the bottom of the log swing.

  What Van didn’t miss, was someone falling from the top of the nine-foot wall.

  His first thought was that it was Jess. It felt like the ground had been ripped out from under him. Heart in his mouth, Van was sprinting across the field before the cry echoed into the sudden silence.

  His attention fixed on the twisted body that lay on top of another crumpled mess. Whoever had fallen had fallen on one of her teammates as well. Either one of them could be Jess. Either one of them could be dead, or dying.

  To never have the chance to see Jess again… To see her wicked smile, her teasing pout, her scowl of anger.

  Van didn’t care wha
t she had done anymore. All he wanted was for her to be okay.

  She had to be okay.

  Air punched out of his lungs as he got close enough to recognize the people lying at the bottom of the wall.

  It wasn’t Jess.

  There she was, perched on her stomach on top of the logs. She’d been leaning down trying to grab for Jayne’s hand when Jayne had fallen. Beneath the grit and dirt of her face, Jess’s eyes were wide as she stared down at Van, her mouth opening and closing on words that wouldn’t come. Seeing him unlocked her limbs and she scrambled around to lever herself off the wall, flinging herself at the rope. Van only had a moment to react before he caught her.

  “Careful.” He lowered her to the ground, his hands automatically assessing she was okay, even though he knew in his mind that she was. She shook like a leaf in his arms and he tightened his grip. Van didn’t want to let her go.

  “Oh my God. Jayne!”

  Jess suddenly wrenched free, trying to get to her friends. She was gently pushed away by the paramedics. Jayne was on the ground, sobbing noisily, cradling her arm.

  Shit. Jayne’s arm. Her good arm. It had a giant dip in the forearm. Van knew straight away that both bones had broken.

  The other girl, Tash, was in slightly better shape although she was undoubtedly in pain. Her arms were clutched around her stomach and they were trying to get her to lie down so they could put a neck brace on.

  “What have I done?” Jess looked back at Van, her eyes swimming with tears that ripped at his heart.

  “You haven’t done anything,” Tash called out. Her eyes narrowed on Van. “It was our choice, remember?”

  “Come and sit down.” Van wrapped his arm around Jess’s shoulder. She was in shock and there was nothing for her to do here.

  “No. I need to stay.” Jess struggled against his hold.

  “I can help, but not if you’re with me,” he said, leading her back to his car. “Come and sit down. I’ll find out what’s going on. I promise.”

  Jess sagged against him, the fight seeping out of her. Giving in. Van moved the stack of files from the passenger seat onto the floor and snagged up a blanket from the backseat to wrap around her.