One Final Breath

by Lynn H. Blackburn

  “They’ll take her away from me, won’t they?” Velma rocked back and forth on the sofa. Her breath started coming in short gasps.

  Anissa clung to her own composure by the thinnest of threads. “I truly don’t know. The family, the Davidsons, was devastated by Jillian’s disappearance. I know they will want to have her back in their lives. But she’s sixteen. You’re the only mother she remembers and she adores you. I’m sure her wishes will come into play, but I can’t make any promises.”

  “I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know. But . . .” Velma’s tears fell from her cheeks to her lap. “I wonder if he did. It might explain why he never treated her as his own. Do you think he knew?”

  Anissa had her own suspicions that went along with Velma’s train of thought but no verifiable evidence. “I don’t know if we’ll ever know the answer to that.”

  Velma hugged her own arms tight, like she was trying to keep herself from falling apart. “I have no idea what to do.”

  “I understand that feeling,” Anissa said. “I don’t either.”

  “What’s the next step?”

  “You decide how to tell Liz. And prepare her for the Davidsons. That’s a phone call they’ve been waiting on for thirteen years. I don’t imagine they will delay in coming to see her.”

  Anissa’s phone buzzed. “Excuse me.” She pulled the phone from her pocket. Dante had texted her.

  The DNA is a match.

  She swallowed hard. “Ms. Brown, the DNA match has been confirmed. Your daughter is Jillian Davidson.”

  As Gabe stood in the observation room and watched her break the news to Velma Brown, he knew for sure that he was in love with Anissa Bell.

  She took Velma’s hand and told her about Carly. About Jillian. Gave her a condensed version of her own role in the story. Velma cried. Anissa cried.

  There wasn’t a dry eye in the observation room either.

  Then Anissa gave Velma a few moments of privacy to compose herself. When she joined him and the others in the observation room, they closed the blinds so they couldn’t see Velma. Not that Velma would know one way or the other, but it seemed wrong to gawk at her in this moment.

  “I don’t know if I did that right.” Anissa directed the words to Gabe first, and then her gaze moved around the room.

  “You did great.” Gabe almost pulled her in close, but then he remembered the captain was in the room.

  Ryan, Adam, and the captain all backed him up. “None of us could have handled it better, Anissa.” The captain gave her a rueful smile. “There’s a lot of winning here for the Davidsons, of course, but there’s also a lot of confusion and hurt for Liz and Velma.”

  They all stood in silence—the air thick with the complexity of the situation.

  “Have you thought about how you want to contact the Davidsons?” the captain asked.

  “I have, but I’m not sure you’ll like it.” Anissa’s eyes darted in Gabe’s direction and back to the captain.

  Gabe had no idea what she was up to, but he already didn’t like where this was going. He had a bad feeling that the “you” who wouldn’t like it was going to be him, not the captain.

  The captain didn’t seem to share Gabe’s concerns. He smiled at Anissa as he said, “Let me guess. You want to drive to Virginia?”

  Oh no.

  “It doesn’t seem right to make a phone call.” Anissa’s voice had taken on a pleading tone. “It’s a two-hour drive. I need to do this.”

  “I understand.” The captain was nodding like this was a done deal.

  This could not be happening. Gabe stepped between Anissa and the captain. “I hate to be the Debbie Downer here, but we still have a situation going on with that storage room. And let’s not forget that Anissa’s been attacked. Multiple times.”

  “Attempted attacks,” Anissa corrected him.

  “That doesn’t make it any better, Nis.” Gabe tried, so hard, not to let his aggravation bleed through.

  Based on Anissa’s expression, he hadn’t succeeded. Adam, Ryan, and even the captain all decided this was the right moment to check their phones. Cowards.

  Anissa moved closer to him, her voice calm, almost a whisper, which somehow made it scarier. “I have lived with this for thirteen years, Gabe. Thirteen years. I searched bushes and Dumpsters with the Davidsons. I manned phones. I put up flyers. I have poured years of my life into the hope, slim though it was, that somehow, somewhere, Jillian was still alive.”

  “I know.”

  “No. You don’t. No one does.”

  And just like that, her walls were up. He couldn’t see them, but they were there.

  The captain cleared his throat. “Anissa, I’m fine with you going. But you need to get back here ASAP. I realize this is huge and life-altering, but you have an active murder investigation on your hands and a very messy situation with that storage room that needs to be dealt with.”

  “Yes, sir. I’ll drive there and back. Tonight.”

  “Sir, permission to go with her?” Gabe had to ask.

  “Can’t do it, Chavez. You leave town with the Jeremy Littlefield case still hot like it is and we’ll all catch it. Bell can handle this.”

  Gabe wasn’t giving up that easily. “Then at least send someone with her. There may be someone trying to kill her.”

  “Ronald Talbot is dead,” Anissa said. “He can’t hurt me.”

  “Mr. Cook doesn’t believe he did any of that,” Gabe shot back.

  He’d made a direct hit and he knew it, but Anissa recovered fast. “Mr. Cook always wants to see the best in people. Maybe he—”

  “You can’t have it both ways, Anissa. You don’t get to think everything the man says is just shy of holy writ one minute and then discount his opinion the next.”

  Anissa glared at him. Right now the only energy between them was toxic. He didn’t think she could get any unhappier with him, so he finished his argument. “You’re taking a big chance that it was definitely Ronald Talbot. If you’re wrong and there’s someone else out there, then driving to southwest Virginia is like putting a sign out that says, ‘Hey, come and get me,’ and I don’t think that’s what any of us want.”

  Adam looked up from his phone. “The security team that’s been with her can go to Virginia. There are no jurisdictional issues.”

  The captain lifted his chin and for about ten seconds had some kind of internal conversation. “Agreed. Anissa, the security team goes.”

  “They can follow me. I don’t want them in my car.” Anissa snapped the words. Then closed her eyes. When she opened them, they were turned to Adam and filled with remorse. “I’m sorry, Adam. I appreciate it. I . . .” She shuddered. “I cannot handle a two-hour trip with people in the car. I need to think. To pray. To—”

  “No apology needed,” Adam said. “I get it. I would be the same way. But you do have to promise to keep them in the loop and not lose them.” Adam gave her a quick hug. “I’ll get it set up. And I’ll be praying.”

  “Thanks.”

  Ryan followed Adam’s lead. A quick hug and a whispered word that Gabe couldn’t hear but that Anissa reacted to with a quick nod.

  When the door closed behind Ryan and Adam, the captain made quite the show of looking from Gabe to Anissa. Then back to Gabe. Then back to Anissa. “Is there something going on I need to know about?”

  Gabe waited.

  Anissa shook her head, barely glancing up. Had the floor tiles become that interesting that she couldn’t even look in his direction? “No, sir.”

  The captain rolled his eyes. “Okay. I’ll try that question again in a few days. For now, Investigator Bell, I expect a full report and ongoing communication this evening. I’m short-staffed as it is. I can’t lose a homicide investigator. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, sir.” Anissa acknowledged him and went back to her inspection of the flooring.

  The captain paused with one hand on the door. “Investigator Chavez, regardless of what may or may not be going on betwee
n the two of you, may I suggest that you would do well to remember that you are not in charge of what Investigator Bell does or does not do? This isn’t like when you were undercover and could get her assignment changed with a phone call.”

  Anissa’s head popped up. Her eyes wide. Fury oozing from every pore.

  He’d been wrong. Things had just gotten much, much worse.

  The captain punched Gabe on the shoulder as he left and murmured, “Good luck.”

  As soon as the door clicked closed, Anissa was in Gabe’s face. “What is he talking about? What did you do? Did you call and tell them not to send me back? Because they told me they had everything they needed and that you had to change your plans for the evening so I was done.”

  Gabe couldn’t—wouldn’t—deny it, but facing her wrath, he also couldn’t seem to get any words to come out of his mouth.

  She took his muteness as confirmation. “How could you? I was so excited to be chosen. It was a big deal. Did you not trust me? Was that it? Did you think I would blow your cover out of spite? Or did you think I couldn’t handle it? The little girl didn’t need to be in over her head with the bad guys? I’ll have you know I was just fine. I didn’t need you to come swooping in and save me.”

  Gabe had never forgotten that night. Every detail was burned into his brain. He’d been undercover for months. Every so often the captain would send someone in to get eyes on him and to pass or receive information. It worked well. Usually it was a guy. He’d come in one night to observe. The next night Gabe would pick a fight with him and they’d make the exchange and that was the end of it.

  But he knew that wouldn’t work when the captain sent Anissa.

  Gabe had been furious. As much as he’d claimed to despise her, he had to admit there was something about her, something he couldn’t articulate, but something he recognized as beautiful that deserved to be protected. It wasn’t just physical beauty, although she certainly had that in abundance, but beauty of spirit. Someone like her—good in a way he couldn’t even begin to comprehend—didn’t belong in a nasty bar. Didn’t deserve to have gangbangers pawing at her.

  So he’d done the only thing he could do. He’d kept her close to him all night. Given the other guys the impression that she was his and they should leave her alone. Even going so far as to kiss her in a darkened alley right before he shoved her away—in view of the others, but far enough away that they couldn’t hear him tell her he was sorry.

  And when she’d left the bar that first night, he’d risked a phone call to tell the captain not to send her back.

  If anything had happened to her. If those guys had . . .

  He would have broken his cover to protect her. It was too much of a risk to have her around.

  He’d hoped never to have to deal with her again. She was too infuriating.

  Too confusing.

  And now, years later, it was time to explain himself. He needed to fix this.

  Now.

  “You’re right.”

  “Then why?”

  He closed the distance between them, and before he thought it through enough to hit the pause button, his hands were on her face, his lips pressed to hers.

  Soft, tender. Nothing at all like the kiss he’d planted on her that night. It was over almost as soon as it began, and he pulled away, his face inches from hers. “Because I’m in love with you. That’s why.”

  22

  Anissa had no idea how long they’d been standing there, Gabe’s hands on her face, lips millimeters from her own.

  She was mad. She had every right to be mad.

  But . . .

  He’d kissed her.

  He . . . loved her?

  “Um . . .” Anissa swallowed and tried again. “Gabe . . .”

  Nothing worked. She couldn’t move or speak. Her body refused to cooperate. Probably because it was locked in a pitched battle between her mind and her heart. One of which was still furious. The other was . . . not.

  For his part, Gabe was looking at her the way an astronaut looks at Earth. Like he could see his home but couldn’t quite reach it. His thumb brushed her cheek before he released her completely.

  Her heart and mind continued to duke it out.

  Say something.

  What should I say?

  “I love you too” works.

  He lied to me.

  Not technically.

  He doesn’t trust me.

  That was years ago. You didn’t trust him either.

  Anissa couldn’t tell if the awkward silence bothered Gabe, although she was getting the impression he would stare at her until she said something coherent. She tried again. “Gabe—”

  A sharp rat-a-tat-tat on the door sent her back three steps, but it was a full five seconds before the door opened. Ryan leaned in, holding the door in front of him. “Sorry if I’m interrupting, but, Anissa, I think you should let Ms. Brown know we have everything we need before you leave, don’t you? I’m sure she’s ready to see Liz.”

  Anissa’s mind and body finally synced and she managed to say, “Yes, that’s a good idea,” without stuttering.

  Ryan’s smile had a forced quality as he looked from her to Gabe. The sigh that followed filled the space with a melancholy vibe. Whatever he’d seen as he looked at the two of them, it hadn’t been good. “I’ll give you a minute.” He closed the door.

  Maybe if she didn’t look at Gabe, she’d be able to speak. “I need to go.”

  In her peripheral vision she could see Gabe cross his arms and lean against the two-way mirror. “Be careful.”

  His attempt at nonchalance was so bad she risked a glance in his direction. He wasn’t looking at her but was staring a hole in the opposite wall.

  She didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t the time or place to hash it all out. What had that even meant? That he was in love with her now? Had been in love with her then? That made no sense at all. He’d hated her. Well, maybe not hated, but strongly disliked.

  But that kiss . . . it was different from their first kiss. Sweet. Tender. It was the kind of kiss lifetimes are made of. The kind of kiss a girl could imagine she’d still be getting fifty years from her wedding day.

  A sharp rap on the door jolted her from her musing. She stepped around Gabe. She had to say something. Didn’t she? The problem was that she couldn’t think. She squeaked out a “Bye, Gabe” and got out of there as fast as her shaking hand could turn the doorknob.

  An hour later Anissa was driving to Virginia.

  She’d been following Tonya Davidson’s social media accounts since the moment she suspected Liz was Jillian. The family had moved to Galax, Virginia, eight years ago. From Tonya’s posts, Anissa knew the family was in town, but would they be home? She would drive all over Galax if she had to. But it would be best to have this conversation in a private place.

  She made it out of Carrington and hit the highway before the tears burst from her eyes. She should have pulled over, but that would have meant her escorts—the car in front of her and the car behind her—would witness her breakdown. So, she kept her sunglasses on and the tears slid down behind them. She cried for Carly. She cried for baby Jillian and sixteen-year-old Liz. She cried for Tonya and Steve Davidson. She cried for Jillian’s siblings who had lived in the shadow of their sister’s disappearance and now would live in the chaos of her return. She cried for Velma Brown. She cried out to the God who she believed with all her heart had been there that day . . . and hadn’t stopped it.

  And then, when she thought she’d cried all she could, a fresh wave hit her.

  She cried for herself. For the girl she’d been and the woman she’d become.

  A girl who’d blown it and paid for it.

  A woman who’d had love in her hands and walked away from it.

  How had she messed up this much?

  A comment Mr. Cook had made during one of their many phone calls came back to her.

  “I’ve known you a long time,” he’d said. “You have a lot of great q
ualities. But one thing you might want to work on is being open to the gifts God is trying to give you.”

  She hadn’t understood. “Sir?”

  “You serve a big God, Anissa.” Mr. Cook’s chastisement always came with a healthy dose of positive observations. “You’ve always known him to be the kind of God who does big things. But sometimes even people who serve a big God can make the mistake of putting God in a box. A big box, to be sure, but a box all the same.”

  Anissa grabbed a tissue from the box she’d put in her front seat in case the Davidsons might need it.

  “Oh, Lord, what have I done?” She whispered her confession. “How have I only imagined that you work in one way, when I know you are the God of infinity? I still don’t see how there could be any good from Carly’s death. Any good from Jillian’s disappearance. From thirteen years of pain for her family. For me. I don’t understand and I know I never will. But when did I stop believing you could—or would—give me anything good? When did I stop seeing my job, my friends, my life in Carrington as a gift from you? As your plan for me? When did I get it in my head that you would only give me the minimum?”

  She blew her nose.

  Gabe was not the minimum. Gabe was . . . more than she could have ever imagined.

  But she’d closed that door. Literally and metaphorically.

  Could she trust God with her shattered heart . . . again?

  The tears ran out, but the prayer, the pondering, continued. Mile after mile. An hour into the drive, she got a text from Leigh. She had the car read it to her.

  Velma told her. It was . . . tense. Liz yelled at Gabe big-time, but he handled it. He’s got a really good way with teenagers. Anyway, I think Liz understands now. She doesn’t want to leave Velma, but she’s willing to see Mr. and Mrs. Davidson whenever they want to see her. She’s a very empathetic girl. I have hope that God is going to do something amazing out of all of this.

  Until the moment she pulled into the family’s driveway, Anissa had no idea how she was going to say what she’d driven two hours to say.