by S. R. Grey
After a minute, he asks, “Do you want to leave?”
I shake my head. Despite my breakdown—or maybe because of it—I feel better, like a burden has been lifted. Plus, I know we have more time before it gets dark and Mrs. Lowry and Allison return.
“I’d like to stay,” I say. “That is, if you’re good with staying. This has been such a good day, Flynn. Well, until I ruined it.”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” he tells me. “And of course I want to stay. You just needed to get that out.” He takes a deep breath, exhales. “And, wow, you sure did.”
I suppress a laugh. It’s not funny, but sometimes it’s better to laugh than cry. I’m done crying, damn it, at least for today.
“I didn’t mean to take it out on you, Flynn. I’m sorry, I really am. Once I got going, though…” I make a waving motion with my hand. “I guess I needed to really vent. And you were here to bear the brunt of it.”
“Hey, don’t apologize.” He squares his shoulders. “I’m tough, I can take it.”
I look at him, this guy who has no idea how amazing he is. His wide shoulders carry so much of his own pain, but he’s willing to carry mine, too. And beneath that hard chest lies a good heart. Maybe someday I’ll find the courage to lean my head on him. I’ve found comfort in confiding in Flynn, but I suspect far more comfort would be found in his arms.
A wave of warmth washes over me as I think about what it might have been like had someone like Flynn been my first. What would that act feel like when done for the right reasons? I know sex can be beautiful. What was perpetrated upon me wasn’t the model of what I should build upon; it was nothing but pure violence. And the monster won’t win. I will never allow what happened to me to define my life. I’m willing to be touched again, in every way, and by a man like Flynn. Shit, maybe it should be Flynn.
Shaking my head, I struggle to clear my mind before I start blushing and Flynn figures out what I’m thinking about. He’s going to think I’m crazy for mixing two such divergent thoughts. But the horrors of life are not always wrapped up in neat little packages. The bad things get intermixed with the good things sometimes, because it’s the good and the bad that makes us who we are.
Suddenly, I have to stand to put a little distance between me and Flynn.
He peers up at me, curious, his hand shading his eyes against the waning sunlight filtering through the lowest branches of the trees. “I thought we were staying a while longer?” he says.
“We are,” I reply. “But no more sad stuff. We need to find something to do to forget about this crap.”
“Sure,” he says. “What did you have in mind?”
Shooting him an are you up for it grin, I say, “Let’s play a game.”
Flynn
I learn quickly that Jaynie is way better at Hide and Go Seek than she let on earlier in the day. She must have been going easy on us to give the twins a chance. Here in the deep forest, however, with only me searching for her, it’s a far different story.
“Jaynie,” I call out as I trudge through crunchy, dried-up leaves left over from last fall. “You know I’m going to find you. May as well give up now, save us both some time.”
No response.
Jaynie knows she has me stumped. Clever girl.
“Where could she be?” I mutter to myself just as I spy a bunch of boulders, one of which would provide a perfect hiding spot for a petite girl like her.
Switching to ninja-mode, I head to the largest of the rocks with sure and stealthy steps. When I reach the massive boulder, I jump up on it and say, “Gotcha!”
When I look down, no one is there. Shit, I always find my Hide and Go Seek adversaries, no matter how well-hidden they think they are.
I am at a loss and blow out a long breath. Turning slowly, I re-scan the area. It’s getting dark, and Jaynie is so small she could be hiding behind any number of thick-trunked trees. She may have even climbed up in one.
Tilting my head back, I stare up at the foliage filling in for summer. Lots of buds and green leaves, but there’s no one hiding in their midst.
I hear something then, a barely audible rustle. Not originating from up in the trees, but from behind a tall clump of dense lilac bushes, which happen to be in full bloom.
Aha!
Quietly, I make my way to the fragrant bushes, the sweet aroma filling my nose. I love spring, and I wish Jaynie and I could spend every day up here in the woods. The forest is resplendent with life, a perfect place—and a perfect time of the year—to focus on healing, renewal, and sorely deserved second chances.
Someone suppresses a sneeze from behind the bushes, confirming my suspicion that Jaynie is hidden in the brush. There is a break in the bushes, but it is much too narrow for me to climb through. It’s Jaynie-sized, though, for sure.
When I crouch and peer through the leaves, a lilac sprig brushes against my face. When I push it away, I spy Jaynie.
She is turned away, watching a different area of the bushes for my approach. Long, auburn hair shimmers in the setting sun, her features soft in profile. God, she is gorgeous and doesn’t even realize it. I could watch her for the next hour, but the sun will be down soon.
Softly, I call out, “Boo.”
Jaynie jumps and awkwardly spins to face me. “Damn it, Flynn.” Her hand goes to her heart. “You’re supposed to find me, not give me a freaking heart attack. I thought you’d given up.”
“Never,” I say.
She crosses her arms. “I think you may have gone over the time limit for finding your opponent.”
“What?” I pretend to be offended. “We never discussed time limits.”
Jaynie Cumberland clearly does not like to lose, but it’s good to see a competitive streak in her.
I can’t help but smile, and she gives me a sour look in return. “You’re just pissed I won,” I say.
“Okay, maybe a little,” she admits.
I step back to give her room to step through the branches without having to brush by me. “Get on out here, sore loser.”
“Shut up,” she mumbles, though in a good-natured manner, as she climbs through the opening.
Once she’s out she brushes debris from her shirt and shorts. “How’d you find me, anyway?” she asks.
“I heard you moving around in there. Plus, I heard you almost sneeze.”
“Hmm, you must have, like, superior hearing.”
I shrug. “I don’t know about that.”
I’m feeling the tiniest bit self-conscious, but in a good way. Jaynie has the ability to make me feel like I’m some kind of superman. Maybe to her, I am.
Before we leave, Jaynie breathes in all the purple blooms. “I love lilacs,” she says.
“They do smell good,” I agree. And then I’m struck with an idea. Maybe it’s stupid, but I take a chance and say, “Let me pick you a bouquet to take back.”
Truth is, I want to be that guy—the boy who gives the pretty girl flowers. I can’t go to a store and buy a bouquet for Jaynie, but maybe this is better.
Jaynie must think so, too. She dips her head and whispers, “I’d like that, Flynn.”
I proceed to pick Jaynie the best damn bouquet, one filled with the fullest and most robust blooms. I add in a few leaves for greenery, and find two daisies nearby to add to the mix.
“You’re really putting a lot into this,” Jaynie remarks as she follows me up and down the line of bushes.
“You deserve it,” I tell her.
When I turn and present her with my creation there are tears in her eyes. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy. “You’re the first boy to ever give me flowers,” she says.
“I feel honored,” I reply, and it’s true.
She raises the bouquet to her nose. “Thank you, Flynn. These really are amazing.”
“I wish I could give you more,” I tell her.
She knows I mean much more. I wish I could take away her pain and give her the peace she seeks.
“Flynn…” She looks up at
the sky, blinking back tears. I don’t know if these new ones are tears of sadness or happiness, but I do sense they’re tinged with regret.
“We should go,” she says, quietly. “It’ll be dark soon.”
We don’t say much on the way back to the house, but Jaynie does sniff her lilacs a number of times. At one point, she looks over at me and mouths, “Thank you, Flynn.”
“You’re welcome,” I say.
“I mean for everything, for this whole day.”
I nudge her shoulder, ever so lightly. She doesn’t flinch or shift away. This truly is turning out to be an incredible day.
When the house comes into view, Jaynie clears her throat. “Ugh, back to the grind tomorrow.”
“Yeah.” I sigh.
She slows to a stop. “Hold up a sec.”
I turn to her. “What is it?”
She breathes in deeply. Her eyes dart to me, but then skitter away.
“It’s just… What I said before is true. You made this day special. And not just because of the flowers you gave me.” She holds up the bouquet. “I don’t know how to say what I’m trying to get across.”
She sounds frustrated, but I understand. “I know what you mean, Jaynie. Playing with the kids, having fun under the sun, our talk in the woods.” Our eyes meet on that one. “Anyway, every part of this day was amazing. And we don’t get too much amazing around here.”
“That’s for sure.”
We start to walk again. “Yeah, it was a good day, Flynn. A really good day.”
Yeah, Jaynie Cumberland, it was the best.
Jaynie
The really good day screeches to a grinding halt when Flynn and I return to the house.
Mrs. Lowry and Allison are waiting for us and they are none too happy. Mrs. Lowry meets us at the front door and ushers us into the kitchen. Allison is seated at the table, surrounded by fast food wrappers.
Allison immediately snarks, “We brought food back for dinner, but you and Flynn missed it”
“When I give a day off,” Mrs. Lowry chimes in, “it is not to be taken advantage of.” She walks to a sink full of soapy water and dishes, tsking, “Shame, shame. You two should never have stayed out this late. It’s dark outside.”
Allison glares at me, but smiles when she makes eye contact with Flynn. She’s wearing a tight dress, low-cut and so incredibly short that when she crosses her long legs, her lacy thong is exposed. It’s pink, like her glossed lips and the painted nails she’s tapping on the table.
Flicking a spent burger wrapper onto the floor, she purrs, “So, Flynn, I was just about to head out back.” She stands and adjusts her dress. “Come have a smoke with me.”
Mrs. Lowry says half-heartedly, “I told you I don’t like you smoking, young lady.”
Allison ignores her, so she shrugs and resumes washing dishes.
“I quit smoking,” Flynn says. “You know that.”
“So you did.” Allison spins a little case in her hand, which I assume holds her cigarettes. “I swear, though,” she goes on, “it seems more than that. You are just no fun anymore, Flynn O’Neill.”
“Flynn, we should go upstairs,” I interject.
Allison’s eyes snap to me. “Did I say you were dismissed?”
“Allison,” Mrs. Lowry admonishes from the sink. She does nothing to stop her daughter, however. Just continues with the dishes.
Allison steps over to where we’re standing. “I think your newly adopted shitty attitude, Flynn, may be due to little Jaynie here. She’s clearly a bad influence.”
I open my mouth to defend myself, but when I see Allison’s face, just waiting for me to dare speak up, I think better of it. I fear what kind of punishment she may come up with if I dare defy her. All five of us are ultimately at her mercy, and I don’t wish for the others to be punished because of me.
Allison backs off when I remain silent.
Without turning around, Mrs. Lowry says, “Go get some sleep, you two. There’s lots of work on the agenda for tomorrow.”
I turn to go, but Flynn doesn’t move.
Clearing his throat, he says in the nicest of tones, “Um, Mrs. Lowry, is there any food left for me and Jaynie? If not, even a nutrition bar would be great. We’re both kind of hungry.”
He’s downplaying the truth. We’ve eaten nothing since morning and are freaking starving.
Mrs. Lowry finally turns to face us. “Well, I don’t know.” She dries her hands with a dish towel.
“Don’t give them anything, Mom,” Allison interjects, smirking.
“Hmm.” Mrs. Lowry appears to think it over. “On this one, I tend to agree with my daughter. If you were so concerned with food, you would’ve made more of an effort to get back to the house before dark. I think it’s for the best if you go to bed hungry tonight. That way, you’ll have ample opportunity to ponder the consequences of your actions for the future.”
I can’t believe she’s serious. Not even a nutrition bar.
“Please, please, Mrs. Lowr—” I start to say, but Flynn cuts me off by bumping my hip with his.
When I glance over at him questioningly, he shakes his head, as if to say don’t beg these people.
I shut my mouth.
Mrs. Lowry’s cell phone rings, and she goes to another room to talk. Flynn and I then turn to go.
But Allison stops us.
Or rather, she stops me. “Hold up a minute, Jaynie.”
I am so damn tired and hungry that I want nothing more than to go up to my room and fall asleep.
Flynn, noticing my crestfallen expression, whispers, “You want me to stay with you?”
I shake my head. “No. Go get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow in the craft barn.”
“Okay.” He smiles sadly. “’Night, Jaynie.”
When I turn around, Allison is smiling at me. It’s an act; there is venom in her grin.
“What do you want?” I ask weakly. I am so tired I can barely stand on my feet.
Zoning in on the bouquet of lilacs I almost forgot I was holding, Allison says, “I want you to stay put for a sec so I can give you a vase to put those pretty flowers in.”
I don’t trust her, or her pretense of good intentions. “Um, thanks, but that’s okay. I was planning on putting them in a cup of water up in our bathroom.”
Allison walks toward me. “Don’t be silly, Jaynie. You definitely need a vase. But you look so tired. Maybe it’d be best if you leave your flowers with me. I’ll put them in something, something nice, for you, okay?”
“Uh…” I absolutely do not want to do that.
“Jaynie, earth to Jaynie, are you listening to me.”
“Yes, I hear you.”
Allison laughs. “I bet Flynn picked those flowers for you. Am I right?”
I don’t answer, and she comes closer, stopping mere inches from me. A stir of panic threatens to bloom, especially when she hisses, “Did you hear my question, Jaynie?”
“Um, yes, yes.” I nod like crazy. “Flynn picked them for me.”
“Uh-huh. I thought so.”
There’s a flash of something like hatred in her eyes, and I take a step back. “I’m going to go upstairs now, okay?”
“Not yet, Jaynie.” Allison’s tone is firm, and I know better than to move. “Since Flynn gave you those pretty lilacs, I’m sure they’re very important to you. Surely, you wouldn’t want to stick them in some old, crusty paper cup up in a bathroom.” Allison mock-shudders. “No, no, we can’t have that. Give me your flowers and I’ll put them in a vase. I’ll even place them nicely on the home-schooling table later tonight. That way your flowers will be there for you tomorrow morning. You and the others can enjoy the lovely aroma of lilacs all day. How nice will that be?”
She wants an answer; this is her game. Playing along, albeit reluctantly, I say, “Sure, that sounds really nice.”
“Of course it does. Because it is nice, I am nice, Jaynie.”
Yeah, right.
With a wolfish grin, she re
aches for my flowers. I have no choice but to relinquish them.
And just like that, Allison takes away what Flynn has given me.
Flynn
When I arrive upstairs, I stop in my room briefly to retrieve two nutrition bars I’ve been saving for an emergency. Cody is fast asleep, exhausted from the day of play. I’m glad the twins and Mandy got dinner, but it still irritates me that Cody and Callie don’t have normal days like this more often.
After placing a blanket Cody had kicked off back on him, I use the system for getting into the girls’ bedroom undetected to drop off the nutrition bars for Jaynie.
When Mandy lets me in I fill her in on what went down in the kitchen after Jaynie and I returned from the forest.
Mandy is outraged. “I can’t believe those bitches didn’t give you guys any dinner.”
“Nope, nothing,” I place the nutrition bars on Jaynie’s pillow.
“Did you have anything at all to eat today?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Nothing since breakfast. But I’m good.”
Mandy lifts one end of her mattress up off the floor. She reaches under and pulls out a candy bar in a faded wrapper.
“It’s kind of old.” She checks the expiration date. “Still good, though.” Holding the chocolate bar out to me, she urges, “Go ahead and take it, Flynn. I know you want Jaynie to have both nutrition bars, but you need to eat something, too.”
“Thank, Mandy.” Accepting the candy bar, I tear the wrapper off and take a bite. “Best candy bar ever,” I say around a mouthful of chewy chocolate-covered caramel.
Mandy smiles smugly. “What makes it even better is that I stole it out from under Allison’s nose a couple of months ago. She left it on one of the work tables. Dumbass kept looking around for it later that day, like she knew she’d left it somewhere, but couldn’t remember where.”
I chuckle as I finish the chocolate bar. Little victories mean a lot when you’re tired, hungry, and your life is dictated by the whims of others.
Licking my fingers, I nod to where Callie is sleeping, wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets. “At least both kids had a full meal.”
Mandy rolls her eyes. “Burgers and fries. How nutritious.”
