by S. R. Grey
We both know it’s still better than nothing, and the subject is dropped.
Mandy shifts from one bare foot to the other. “Where did you and Jaynie go anyway? How far did you take her?”
“I took her all the way up to the cliff’s edge.”
“Oh.” Mandy’s appears surprised. “You took her there.”
“She can be trusted, Mandy.”
“I know. I already mentioned the cliff to her before.” She sighs. “I guess I just can’t envision Jaynie ever jumping.”
Mandy and I have discussed the same escape plan I shared with Jaynie. However, like I told Jaynie, there’s no chance of Mandy leaving before she turns eighteen. She’s not about to jeopardize her good record of late. Mandy is really committed to fostering, and eventually adopting, Cody and Callie.
Though that doesn’t mean she’s averse to helping me.
“I think she would jump if she needed to,” I say. “She’s stronger than you think, Mandy.”
Mandy eyes me curiously. “You like her, Flynn, don’t you? Like, really like her.”
“I do,” I confess in a soft tone.
Exhaling resignedly, Mandy says, “Guess that means you want me to provide clothes for Jaynie, along with the stuff for you?”
Since Mandy is out of here at the end of July, the plan has always been for her to stash a backpack containing a change of clothes for me at a public park that’s by the river’s edge down in Lawrence. The contingency plan, if I ever have to run, involves exactly what Jaynie and I discussed—jumping into the water from up on the cliff’s edge.
There are lockers in the park in Lawrence, for when the weather’s good and people go there to swim in the river. Mandy knows the area well, and she has a good hiding place in which to place the key. Up in the branches of a hundred-year-old oak is a carved-out nook, perfect for a small item, like a locker key.
“Yes,” I reply. “If you could throw some clothes in the backpack for Jaynie, that’d be great.”
“Consider it done. Once I’m out of here, I’ll get those things set up for both of you. Did you tell Jaynie about the guy I know, Bill Delmont?”
“We didn’t really get that far,” I tell Mandy. “But I’ll get Jaynie up to speed.”
According to Mandy, her friend, Bill, is a good, trustworthy dude. He was once homeless, but turned his life around big-time. He now runs a sandwich shop in Lawrence and can set me up with a job if I ever need to run.
“I’ll check in with Bill before I head to Morgantown,” Mandy says. “I’ll make sure he knows to give Jaynie a job, too.”
“I don’t want to get too far ahead of ourselves.” I run my hand through my hair. “It may never come down to running.”
Mandy gives me a look like the likelihood in this life of it coming down to running is far higher than if we were normal kids.
At last, she says, “Hey, even if you just leave at eighteen, go look Bill up. Remember, his place is called Delmont Deli. You’re going to need a job, Flynn. Jaynie, too, since it’s looking like she may end up with you no matter what.”
Mandy is smiling like she has some great insight. Is it that obvious that I’m falling hard for Jaynie?
In a serious tone, I say, “I’d be okay with Jaynie and me ending up in the same city.”
“Of course you would.” Mandy smacks my arm. “Jesus, dude, you need to lighten up. It’s cool that you two like each other.”
I give her a wary look. “Other people in this house might not have the same warm, fuzzy feelings as you.”
“Don’t let Allison stand in the way of your happiness, Flynn. She already takes too much from us.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” I reply.
Callie mutters something indecipherable in her sleep, halting my conversation with Mandy. When Callie rolls to her back, her face appears angelic in the moonlit room.
Mandy and I smile at each other. “It’ll all work out,” she says.
“I hope so, Mandy.”
I turn to leave, but she grabs my arm. “Hey, do you want to go get Cody? You can stay in our room tonight, if you want.”
Since I have no idea what kind of shit Allison is down in the kitchen doling out to Jaynie—she may need me tonight—I am quick to agree. “Yeah, that’s not a bad idea.”
Twenty minutes later, when Jaynie comes into the room, she seems relieved to see me on the floor next to her bed.
“Is this okay?” I ask in a light whisper, since the little ones are fast asleep, and Mandy is snoring lightly.
Jaynie nods as she steps over me to climb into her bed. Lying down in the same clothes she’s worn all day, she places her arm over her eyes.
“You plan on sleeping in those grimy clothes?” I ask, trying to get her to laugh.
I’m in my usual boxers and nothing else. It’s gotten warm up here on the third floor with the evolving season. Soon it will be stifling in the rooms. Jaynie’s modesty has taken a back seat to comfort when nighttime rolls around. She sleeps in boy shorts and tees these days, though she keeps her covers up to her neck most nights so no one can see.
“I’ll cover my eyes if you want to change,” I tell her when she fails to crack a smile.
With her arm still covering her eyes, she mutters, “I’m fine like this.”
She stifles a sob, and I know then just who caused her pain.
Sitting up swiftly, I place an elbow on the edge of the bed. “What happened down there? What did that bitch say to you?”
“She didn’t say anything I couldn’t handle,” Jaynie whispers in the night. “But she did take my lilacs, Flynn.”
Inside, I rage. I wish I could break something. I am so sick and tired of feeling helpless. Going off, I mutter a litany of choice words, things I’d like to say to Allison’s nasty face.
“Getting mad won’t help,” Jaynie sniffles. “Just let it go. I have.”
I wish I could believe her, but her soft cries as she turns to face the wall make me think otherwise. I want so badly to crawl under the covers and comfort her. Nothing sexual, I just want to hold Jaynie, let her cry on my chest. Maybe someday that can happen.
Jaynie eventually falls to sleep. But I remain awake. I have a sick, nagging feeling this is just the beginning of Allison’s vendetta against Jaynie. She has singled her out, partly because of me, but also because Jaynie is vulnerable.
As I close my eyes, waiting for sleep to come, I am consumed with the feeling that having an escape plan just became more important than ever.
Jaynie
I never see my lilac bouquet from Flynn again.
“Those flowers died,” Allison tells me the next morning, smirking.
We are minutes from the start of home-schooling, and the smug look on her made-up face makes me want to puke.
“I had to throw them away,” she continues, rubbing salt in the wounds. “But really, what did you expect from a bunch of weeds.”
“They weren’t weeds,” I grind out between clenched teeth.
“Sure they were, Jaynie.”
She spins away from me to address the others, effectively dismissing me. “So, anyway, I have an announcement from my mother—”
I am not done. “You’re a liar,” I snap.
Allison blinks, surprised. “Did you say something, Miss Cumberland?”
Mandy kicks me under the table. “It’s not worth it, Jaynie,” she whispers. “Don’t give her the satisfaction.”
Mandy is right, of course. Allison can take away my lilacs, but she can never erase the fact Flynn was the one who gave them to me. And that’s what she hates. She wants to steal away the way his sweet gesture made me feel. Too bad for her, that bitch can’t touch what’s in my head and my heart.
“No,” I say, like I have no clue what she’s referring to. “I was just clearing my throat.”
“That better be all you were doing,” Allison warns as she turns away, smoothing the fabric of her skimpy baby-doll dress.
“As I was about to announce, be
fore I was so rudely interrupted”—she sneers at me—“my mother is planning on attending a number of business conferences this summer. She’s looking for investors for her business. As you know, the Crafty Lo enterprise has been growing by leaps and bounds. Orders are up all over the country. Mom wants to bring in more money to expand internationally and really maximize profits.”
More child labor must be at the top of that list. Wonder if she’ll apply to foster more kids. I shudder at the thought.
“Anyway,” Allison goes on, “she’s putting me in charge during her absences. And, as luck would have it, she left early this morning for trip number one. So, boys and girls”—another sickly, phony-sweet grin that makes me want to vomit is sent my way—“my stint as boss begins today.”
Flynn groans, but Allison ignores him.
“First off,” she continues, “I will be setting the quotas for today. There will be none of that slacky shit my mom lets you off with. Everything is doubled. You don’t leave tonight till all the work is done.”
No one groans this time, at least not outwardly. In fact, it’s like we bind together. The resulting collective silence is deafening. Not a single one of us wants Allison Lowry in charge. A bad situation is about to get worse, and we all know it. Even the twins sit quietly, heads down, their little hands clasped tightly in desperation. Mandy is staring straight ahead, her lips set in a straight line. And when I look over at Flynn, I catch him rubbing his hands down his troubled face.
Allison huffs. She wants a reaction. She slams a folding chair beneath the table and the metal leg hits my own soft limb, hard.
“Oops, sorry, didn’t mean to hit you,” Allison says to me. Her eyes tell a different story. Not a single thing she does is ever an accident.
I bite my tongue to remain quiet. Reaching down, I gingerly rub my ringing kneecap. I’m glad I wore jeans today, or I’d probably have a cut and be bleeding all over the floor.
Allison sniffs. “I really didn’t see your leg there, Jaynie.” She’s baiting me.
Flynn makes a scoffing noise, and under the table I nudge his foot. “No,” I whisper.
Like Mandy just reminded me, engaging Allison is not worth the grief. And that’s exactly what we’ll all be wallowing in if we fall into her trap.
No one says a word, and when Allison leaves we start with home-schooling. Home-schooling now involves teaching only the twins. Flynn, Mandy, and I finished our final exams last week. We all passed and are officially high school graduates.
There was no celebration, of course, no fanfare of any kind. Mrs. Lowry told us our diplomas would be sent to the county and placed in our files. I don’t know how much a high school education will benefit me, seeing as I’m already behind the eight ball. But the twins need a decent education, and it’s up to the three of us to make sure they stay on track.
So, I put on a happy face and get to work, alongside Mandy and Flynn.
The first lesson of the day is math. Cody is so far behind his sister he can’t even master basic addition. He really should be in a special class to address his needs. Callie is the complete opposite. The lessons are too easy for her. She should be in a special class, as well, something more advanced, as she needs more challenging work.
But it is what it is. There is nothing three teenagers, no matter how good their intentions, can change.
When Callie becomes frustrated with Cody’s slow learning pace, we have to separate the two.
“You’re stupid,” Callie says to her brother as we place her two seats away.
“Am not, dumb face,” Cody jabs back.
“Hey, hey, that’s enough name-calling.” Flynn sits down in the chair between the two siblings, who look ready to come to blows.
“Listen up.” The kids respect Flynn and give him their full attention as he looks from one to the other. “First of all, Callie… No one here is stupid, okay? Everyone learns at a pace that works for them.”
“But he can’t do anything,” she protests.
“At least I no have a dumb face,” Cody retorts.
Callie’s lip quivers and she starts to cry.
Flynn attempts to smooth over her hurt feelings, and Mandy soon joins him. Taking a seat on the other side of Callie, Mandy touches Callie’s forearm and says, “Don’t cry, sweetie. Your brother is just frustrated.”
“That’s right,” Flynn adds, and then he says to Cody, “You don’t really think your sister has a dumb face, right?”
When he hesitates, Flynn reminds him, “You do realize you’re twins, right? That means she has the same face as you, little man.”
That makes Cody reconsider.
He reaches for Callie and Flynn scoots back to accommodate him. “I sorry, Callie,” he says. And then he crawls over Flynn and gives his sister a hug she reluctantly accepts.
Once all is forgiven, we resume teaching. Flynn and I take Cody, and Mandy works with Callie.
After we review simple addition with Cody, we give him a worksheet to complete. He stares down at it, face scrunched up, and pencil in hand.
“Two plus two…equals…”
I prompt, “What did we say earlier two plus two equals, Cody? Think about it for a minute.”
He shrugs his little shoulders. “I dunno,” he mumbles. “Five?”
“Close,” I say encouragingly.
Cody puts his pencil down and closes his eyes. “I can’t do it,” he whispers. “I am stupid.”
“You are not stupid,” Flynn interjects, his tone firm. “You can learn this.” To me, Flynn says, “I have an idea.”
“Okay.”
I watch as Flynn heads to the front of the barn. He stops at one of our work stations and returns with a handful of wooden dowels in varying colors and sizes. The dowels are supposed to be used in one of the craft projects, one which involves assembling stick-figure reindeer and stick-trees for Crafty Lo’s Country Christmas line. But right now the wooden sticks are about to be used to teach Cody addition. What a much better purpose.
I smile as Flynn places the dowels on the table. “Great idea,” I say with a smile.
He smiles back. “Thanks.”
Cody picks up two wooden sticks and starts drumming on the table. “Hey,” Flynn whispers to me. “The kid’s got rhythm.”
I laugh. ”Maybe music is more in his wheelhouse.”
“Maybe,” Flynn agrees. “But he has to get his addition down, regardless.”
“True.”
Cody is making a racket, but it does sound kind of good.
“I make drumming,” he says to Flynn, giggling. “I good at that, right, Flynnie?”
Flynn slips the sticks from his hands. “Yeah, you’re good, buddy. But let’s save it for later. We need to use these sticks for some learning first. Is that all right with you?”
“I guess,” Cody mutters. He’s clearly displeased and scrunches up his face accordingly.
“Only Flynn could get away with that,” Mandy whispers as she leans over to me, her lesson with Callie interrupted by the drumming.
Callie, addressing her twin, admonishes, “Be good, Cody. Listen to Flynn. He’s going to help you learn how to add.”
“Okay,” Cody mumbles. “Flynnie help teach me.”
“You got it, buddy.” Flynn hands me a bunch of the dowels. “Jaynie’s going to help, too.”
Wide eyes fall on me. “You help me learn to with sticks?”
“Yes, sweetie.” I nod. “And learning to add is really not that hard. Flynn and I are going to try to make it super easy for you.”
“Okay, I ready,” Cody says. He folds his hands in front of him on the table, making him look like a perfect student.
We spend the next hour using the colored dowels to teach Cody basic addition, and progress is made.
At one point, Flynn hands Cody two green dowels. “How many green sticks do you have there, buddy?” he asks.
“Two,” Cody says.
I hold two blue dowels out to Cody. “Take them,” Flynn urges
.
Cody carefully slides the dowels from my grasp.
“Now how many do you have?” Flynn prompts our student.
“Two blue sticks and two green sticks!” Cody holds his bounty aloft proudly.
“Yes,” Flynn goes on. “And how many sticks do you have if you add them all together, Cody?”
Cody’s rosebud mouth moves silently as he counts. And then he says out loud, “One, two…three…four.”
Excitedly, Cody looks from Flynn to me, then back to Flynn. “Four. I have four sticks.”
Flynn is beaming as his eyes meet mine. “Yep, you sure do have four sticks, little man.”
We both lean in from either side of Cody to give him a hug. My arm brushes Flynn’s, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world. Cody is not the only one overcoming obstacles.
The lesson continues, and, with the continued help of visual aids, Cody starts to master addition. “Subtraction is up next,” Flynn announces.
Cody groans, but you can see he’s actually excited. If anyone can succeed in teaching Cody math, Flynn can. I’m beginning to think Flynn can do most anything.
After a few more minutes of watching Flynn and Cody interact, observing how infinitely patient Flynn is with the boy, and how completely committed he is, I know then that, without a doubt, Flynn is as beautiful inside as he is on the outside.
The burgeoning hold he has on my heart tightens. Despite all the odds against us, I have surpassed mere attraction and gone beyond friendship.
I never thought I’d say it, let alone feel it, but I think I’m falling in love with Flynn O’Neill.
Flynn
A surprising thing occurs as summer begins. I actually feel happy. I know it’s because I have Jaynie in my life. She makes even the bad days bearable.
But there aren’t too many bad days.
Allison is in charge most of the time, but, shock upon shock, it’s not entirely awful. Sure, there are higher work quotas with which to contend, and the bitch never has a kind word to say to anyone, but the good thing is she’s easily bored with her role of supervisor. She’s young herself and wants to enjoy the summer. As a result, she begins to leave us alone more days than not. She takes off early for town—or wherever she goes—most mornings, leaving us alone for hours and hours.
