by S. R. Grey
“Something sure is keeping her preoccupied,” Mandy muses one late afternoon when Allison fails to come home at all.
Since Allison has almost completely stopped hitting on me, I suspect she’s found a boyfriend. Mandy agrees.
Jaynie does, too, when I mention my suspicions to her, only she adds in a heartfelt, “Thank God.”
So, most days when the work is done, our time is our own. After we log our numbers in a ledger Allison insists we keep up-to-date, we are done for the day. Allison fills the refrigerator with packages of wieners and an assortment of cold cuts for lunch sandwiches. She puts Mandy in charge of meals since she can’t be bothered to care. With the kitchen unlocked at all times, we can eat as much as we please. There’s not a wide selection, and we’re careful not to overindulge and deplete what’s available, but for the first time in a long time none of us feel hungry.
The twins thrive. They feel energized and want to play all the time. So, after work and dinner, Mandy, Jaynie, and I take them outside. We play Tag, Hide and Go Seek, and whatever else the twins want to do. By evening they’re usually worn out from fun times, which is much better than seeing them tired from too little food and too much work.
Once Mandy takes the kids in the house, my time is spent with Jaynie. We take long walks through the woods and talk until we’ve run out of words. Most of our free time is spent in our secret place at the cliff’s edge. We hang out under the ancient pines that have probably watched a thousand boys and girls fall in love.
And that’s what I think I’m doing—falling in love with Jaynie.
I can’t help but smile when I consider how much she has healed since that rainy April day when she first arrived. Jaynie is better in many, many ways. And really, all of us are. The five of us mesh well.
Hell, there are days I fear this is the calm before the proverbial storm, but that’s okay with me. I’m grabbing my bit of happiness by the balls while I can and running with it.
One warm, sultry evening, the type of night where the humidity soaks straight through your clothes to leave a sticky coating on your skin, I find Jaynie out by the water pump near the barn. She’s bent over, splashing water on her face. And she has on a dress. I’ve never seen Jaynie in a dress. And, God, she is gorgeous in this snowy white number with skinny straps at the shoulders.
One strap slips down Jaynie’s arm, and I suddenly want her. We are so far from anything like that, but my body doesn’t know. Parts begin to stir. Well, one part in particular.
I clear my throat to alert her to my presence.
“Oh,” she spins to me and hastily shoves the strap back into place. “Flynn. I didn’t see you there.”
“I didn’t mean to startle you.” I can’t keep my eyes off her as I tentatively step toward her. “I would’ve said something sooner, but you caught me off-guard. I’ve never seen you in a dress.”
“Oh.” She swishes her hand in the air. “This old thing isn’t even mine. It belongs to Mandy. Well, it did. She gave it to me, so I guess it technically belongs to me now.”
Jaynie seems nervous, so I stop a few feet away from her.
Crossing her arms across her chest, she says, “I look silly, don’t I?”
“Are you serious?” I can’t even believe she’d think such a thing. “You look beautiful, Jaynie.”
Slowly, she lowers her arms to her side. “Thank you, Flynn,” she murmurs.
“Hey, I actually came out here looking for you to see if you wanted to go up to our spot.”
Holding out her hand, she says, “Let’s go.”
I stare down at her hand like a fool. She wiggles her fingers. “Flynn, take my hand.”
“But—”
She shushes me. “Don’t make a big deal,” she says. “It feels right.”
“It does,” I agree, my hand moving closer to hers.
Our fingers touch, and she says, “So, do it.”
I don’t need any more convincing. I take Jaynie’s hand in mine, so warm and small, and we’re off. Up across the fields and into our woods, holding hands the whole way. I feel closer to Jaynie on this day than all the others combined. I’ve been falling for her since the day she arrived, and I am in deeper than ever now. I think about her all the time, even when I’m not around her, which isn’t often. When it’s just the two of is I ask her questions. I thirst for knowledge of everything about her.
And then there’s the reaction I had minutes ago. There’s no way around the fact that I long to touch Jaynie. Like, really touch her. I want to hold her close to me, and not just her hand. I want to feel her whole body pressed to mine. I want to love her and kiss her. Jaynie has never been kissed, and I want to be her first. Not because of some misplaced male bravado. I just think at least one of Jaynie’s “firsts” should be done right. She deserves to be given a memory involving intimate contact that is positive. And, not to sound smug, but kissing—doing it in a way I know every girl loves—is something I have mastered.
“What are you thinking about, Flynn?” Jaynie asks, eyeing me curiously as we reach the tall pines.
I wipe the grin off my face and gaze up at the tops of the trees. I sure as hell don’t plan on sharing those thoughts with Jaynie, so I change the subject.
“I’m glad you wanted to come up here,” I say as I walk to the center of the circle of pines.
Plopping down on the soft needles and the lush, green grass that has grown in—just like I told Jaynie it would—I motion for her to join me.
With a smile, she says, “Of course I was up for coming here. I love this place.”
“You do, don’t you?”
“As much as you do, Flynn.”
I nod to the spot next to me. “So, come sit with me.”
When she sits down next to me, she sighs. “This is becoming our place, isn’t it?”
“It sure is,” I agree.
And it is. Jaynie and I have found much-needed peace and solitude up here, something that’s usually impossible to find down at the house. Here, though, everything is good. It’s a different world, our world. I’m so glad I get to share this place with Jaynie.
I glance over at her auburn hair as it glints red under the sunlight slanting in. When she looks at me, questioningly, I see what I once noticed before—Jaynie’s green eyes match the color of the pines. I was reticent to share my observation with her in the past, but not anymore.
“Did you know your eyes are the same color as the pines?”
Cocking her head, she peers upward and says, “Really? You think so?”
I nod. “Yeah, they are.”
Jaynie tucks her chin and draws her knees up to her chest. Her dress rides way up in the process, exposing her creamy thighs. Kill me now. All too quickly for my tastes, she covers her exposed skin with the scalloped hem.
Laughing nervously, she says, “Sorry. Guess I’m not used to wearing a dress.”
“I’m not complaining,” I mutter.
She looks away, but I can see she’s smiling.
It’s a moment, and that’s how moments are. Not necessarily defined by an earth-shattering event. It’s usually the almost missed split seconds that offer insight to where something is heading. And in that instant, under the pines, I know our futures are destined to be intertwined.
Clearing my throat, I say, “Things have been really good lately, haven’t they?”
I mean with her, with how far she’s come, but she misunderstands and thinks I mean things have been good down at the house, which is also true, so I roll with it.
“Yeah,” she says. “I hope Mrs. Lowry keeps taking those business trips. Allison’s not as bad as I thought she’d be. I expected her to come at me hard, but she barely even notices me lately.”
I screw up my face. I don’t want Jaynie to get too comfortable. “Stay wary, Jaynie,” I warn. “Things could change in an instant. Allison running the show is bound to turn miserable at some point. She’s been distracted lately, that’s all.”
Jaynie rests h
er cheek on her raised knees and peers over at me. “Do you think she has a boyfriend in town? Mandy thinks so for sure. She said that’s why Allison has been leaving us alone so much lately.”
Chuckling, I flick away a long blade of grass that’s stuck to my jean-clad leg. “Yeah, I think Allison has a piece of action going in town. She’s probably pulled the wool over some poor sap’s eyes.”
Jaynie lifts her head from her knees. “So…she’s still not hitting on you?”
“Nope, not at all.”
Jaynie blows out a breath, clearly relieved. “I’m so glad,” she says. “I hate the idea of her and you.”
“There is no her and me,” I say. “And there never will be.”
“I know. I just want it to stay that way.”
“It will,” I assure her. “I would never do anything with Allison.”
“Good, ‘cause she’s a fucking nasty wench.”
Wow. I’m a little surprised and a whole lot thrilled by Jaynie’s blatant jealousy. My face warms, while red creeps up Jaynie’s neck. To avoid further discomfort on either of our parts, I change the subject to something less volatile.
“Hey, what about Cody’s progress lately? He’s been doing great with addition and subtraction.”
Jaynie nods enthusiastically. She’s as excited as I am, and damn, is that cool.
“Yeah, he is. In fact, I think we can probably start him on multiplication soon.”
I let out a laugh. “Oh, that should be an adventure.”
“Yeah, but we can do it, Flynn.”
She is so certain of the power of us that I nod and say, “We can do it…and we will.” I scoot closer and nudge her shoulder with mine. “We make a good team, yeah?”
Quietly, she agrees. “We make the best team.”
Pleased with ourselves and how well we work together, we talk more about the best methods to teach Cody more mathematics.
Jaynie makes a face at one point, prompting me to say, “What?”
“I was thinking Cody could probably see his worksheets better if we got some of that hair out of his face.”
Thinking of Cody’s mop of dark hair, I laugh. “He does need a haircut, no doubt.”
Reaching over and flicking a piece of my hair out of my face, Jaynie says, “You could use a haircut, too, you know.”
I don’t disagree. But I do put up a fuss when she flips her auburn tresses over her shoulder and threatens, “Maybe I’ll chop off some of my own. Go with something short and simple for the summer.”
I am aghast. “No way. Don’t you dare.”
She shoots me a satisfied grin. “Hmm, I didn’t think it mattered so much to you, Flynn.”
“Well, it does.”
“Oh, really?”
Suddenly, I find the laces of my shoes infinitely fascinating.
“Well,” Jaynie says softly. “I kind of like my hair the way it is, so don’t worry. There’s no haircut in my future. At least, nothing drastic.”
Flopping to my back, I throw an arm over my face and mutter, “Glad you came to your senses.”
It was literally hurting me to imagine Jaynie’s thick tresses lying lopped off on the floor.
Jaynie stretches out next to me, and I close my eyes. I’m so relaxed I could fall asleep, but Jaynie’s restless flipping and flopping from side to side keep me awake.
I open one eye. “What’s up?” I ask.
She rolls to her stomach and peers up at me. “I was just wondering something.”
There’s a mischievous glint in her eyes that gets my attention. Now I am fully awake. “Yes?”
Biting her lip, she says, “What would you have done to me if I had decided to chop off my hair? After all, you used the words, and I quote, ‘Don’t you dare.’”
“Uh, I don’t know.” I sit up. “I hadn’t really thought it through.”
Smiling up at me, she says, “Well, assuming you had thought it through, Flynn. What would you do if you had to convince me to see things your way?”
I raise a brow. This is an interesting development—Jaynie Cumberland is blatantly flirting with me, innuendo and all.
Playing along, I tell her, “I would’ve tickled you, maybe.”
Rolling to her back, she stares up at the trees and says, “Until I relented?”
“Sure, if that’s what it took.”
“Well, I am reconsidering,” she says slowly. “Now that I think of it, a crew cut might be the way to go. Easy care,”—she lifts slightly to fan her long hair out from under her head—“and think how much cooler I’d be.”
I lower myself to my stomach and scoot up to her. “No way would you go through with something so drastic,” I challenge in a low and husky voice.
Arching her back—which has me suppressing a groan—she says, “Maybe I will go through with it. Convince me not to, Flynn, or I may really do it.”
The air crackles with sexual tension. We’re playing a dangerous game. “Jaynie…” I let out a sigh. “I don’t know how much will be too much.”
She closes her eyes. “Just try, Flynn. Please, for once, treat me like I’m normal.”
I swallow hard. Her desire for this validation outweighs any need to take things slowly. Jaynie is still a woman with urges and desires. And she wants me to do something.
I maneuver my body till I’m hovering above her. Placing my hands on either side of her head, I lock my arms till they’re straight and tense. Oh, God, please don’t arch up now. I am only so strong.
Slowly, I place one hand on her side, my fingers grazing over the soft, worn fabric of her dress.
Jaynie gasps, sucking in a startled breath, and I jerk away.
She grabs my hand, her fingers interlocking with mine. “Don’t stop,” she says, squeezing.
When she opens her eyes, our gazes meet. “It’s okay,” she tells me. “Keep touching me, Flynn. Please, I need this. I need to know I can be normal.”
This is no longer about tickling, or haircuts, or convincing anyone of anything. This is so much more. This is the next step in her healing.
Guiding my hand back to her waist, Jaynie lets go, leaving the next part up to me.
Taking a deep breath, I flatten my hand against her. And then, gently, cautiously, I move my hand so I can feel Jaynie. She’s small beneath me, fragile. I slide my hand from her slight waist to her hipbone, waiting for a reaction. When she remains calm, her breathing shallow but steady, I move my hand to just up under her breasts.
Her mouth parts in a little o, and I feel her every heartbeat beneath my palm. Jaynie pumps life into me, and I am renewed.
Lowering my face to hers, we share breaths more heated than the hot air surrounding us. There is nothing else in the world right now, only she and I. Forgetting my fear of moving too fast, I go with what feels right. In the recesses of my soul, in the core of my being, I know kissing Jaynie—right here, right now—is what we both need.
I lower my mouth to hers, and as if we’ve done this a million times before, Jaynie lifts up until our lips touch. Dewy soft, warm and full, Jaynie’s lips are perfection pressed to mine.
Slanting my head, I close my mouth over her lower lip and suck it into my mouth. She lets out a barely audible groan, and taking that as a good sign, I move to her upper lip and do the same thing. Soon, we begin kissing in earnest. And when she starts kissing me back as hungrily as I’m kissing her, God, there are no words.
Jaynie shoves her hands in my hair, while her body rocks against mine. My instinct is to move my hand up under her dress, to feel the thighs she flashed me earlier. I’d then move up to her softest, warmest spot.
But no, this isn’t about sex.
Trailing kisses down her neck, I press my lips to her collarbone and say softly, “We should probably quit while we’re ahead.”
She’s showing no signs of losing it, but I don’t know how far might be too far. What’s occurring between us is amazing, but I don’t want to go teenage-boy crazy and fuck it all up.
“O
kay, yeah,” she says, voice quivering.
As I lift my body up and away from her, I glance down…and damn. There are tears staining Jaynie’s cheeks.
“Shit, Jaynie.” I scoot all the way off her. “That was too much, wasn’t it?”
“No, no.” She shakes her head. “It’s not that.”
I sit back and, rising my knees, I discreetly adjust myself. I feel guilty as hell for remaining turned on while Jaynie is obviously in distress.
“It’s not you,” she chokes out.
Swiftly, she sits up and covers her face with her hands. “I loved the way you kissed me, Flynn. It was my first kiss, and it was better than anything I ever expected. I thought I’d lose it, but I didn’t. I’m okay with you, Flynn. When you touch me, I feel good and normal and…”
“Jaynie, that’s a good thing,” I interject.
“Yeah, it is,” she agrees. “The problem was when we stopped.”
“I’m confused. What do you mean?”
“When we stopped kissing, things started coming back to me. As long as I was caught up in the moment, I was okay, I thought only of you. But the second we stopped…” She fights back tears. “Flynn, I don’t want him in my head after I’m with you. I don’t want to think of him before, after, or ever.”
She breaks down completely, and I gather her in my arms. “Shh, shh, it’s okay. This was your first taste of intimacy, you know, after…”
“It’s not okay,” she cries onto my shoulder. “I am not okay. I am damaged and ruined.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am. Do you know what I’m thinking right now?”
“What?” I cautiously inquire.
She pulls away, knees up, guarded as she tells me, “I’m so messed up that a part of me wants you to take me right now. I want you to have sex with me and erase the horror of what he did to me in every way you can. And I know it would work, throughout the ‘during’ part.” Her eyes meet mine, sad and watery. “I’m terrified of the afterward. Will it all come back to me, always? I’m worried I’ll never be able to be with you and not think of him when we stop. And Flynn,” she sobs, “I can’t do that to you. You deserve so much more than the broken girl I am.”
