Tomorrow's Lies (Promises #1)

by S. R. Grey

  “Hey, I’m just teasing,” she assures me. “You know that, right?”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  She starts to walk away, tossing out over her shoulder, “Go get showered, Flynn.”

  I reply, “Yeah, It’s probably later than we think. I guess I better make it quick, in case Allison’s home.”

  Suddenly, Mandy stops in her tracks, like I’ve just reminded her of something. Spinning back around, she says, “Hold up a sec, Flynn.”

  Leaning against the bathroom doorframe, I wait for her to walk back over.

  When she reaches me, she blows out a breath. “Hey, listen. I’m glad you and Jaynie found each other, really I am. You two are good for one another. I mean, look at Jaynie now compared to April. You’ve really brought her out of her shell.”

  I chuckle. If Mandy only knew the half of it. Maybe she does, because she then says, “Just be careful, okay?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You and Jaynie are playing a dangerous game. If Mrs. Lowry—or worse yet, Allison—finds out what goes on in that bedroom every morning, there will be hell to pay.”

  Mrs. Lowry is not much of a factor since she’s gone all the time. But Allison is definitely a concern. Everything Mandy is saying is true, but this is much more than what it looks like, and I want her to know it.

  “I care about Jaynie,” I blurt out. “We’re in love.”

  Mandy smiles sadly. “If that’s true, Flynn, then congratulations. But, remember, you’d be wise to keep that love a secret from both Lowry women.”

  “Yeah, especially Allison,” I add sourly.

  “Yes, especially Allison,” Mandy agrees.

  Mrs. Lowry’s business trips continue into July. She must really be hitting up those future investors for loads of cash. Whatever. Allison remains in charge in her mother’s absence. Lucky for us, she’s still distant and distracted, focused solely on herself and her love life.

  After her indecent proposal on the porch, she forgets about me again. Thank God.

  Allison Lowry is as into her boyfriend as ever. She talks to him on her cell on the rare days she oversees our work in the barn. Every conversation is peppered with professions of love and devotion, in an especially loud voice. It’s like she wants me to hear. Like I give a shit what she does or who she’s banging. The only emotions her words conjure in me are feelings of pity for the poor dude she’s dating.

  Work days aren’t too bad, all things considered, especially when Allison takes off. Sure, the high quotas remain a bitch, but the atmosphere in the craft barn is easy and light without a Lowry woman peering over our shoulders. The continued better access to food makes a world of difference, too. We continue to have energy to spare. And when the work is done, the good times keep on rolling.

  We become more inventive, organizing impromptu picnics up by the old barn, after downing meals of double-decker sandwiches. The twins, feeling fresh and sharp, search for new games to play. One late afternoon, we find an old rope in the barn.

  “Let’s play Tug of War,” Cody yells.

  Callie, mimicking Mandy, rolls her eyes. With her hands on her hips, she says, “Like that’ll be fair.”

  I offer to be on Callie’s side to even things up, but she wants to be on Mandy’s team. And then Cody pitches a fit at the suggestion of being paired with Callie. “I have to play with her all the time,” he gripes.

  So it ends up with me and Cody against the three girls.

  We boys win easily, and Jaynie throws me a mock-pout. “Callie was right,” she says. “That was so far from fair it’s not even funny.”

  “Yeah,” Callie chimes in. “Flynn is stronger than all of us put together.”

  “Okay, okay.” I throw up my hands. “Let’s have a re-match.”

  The second time around, I instruct Cody not to pull so hard. “Let the girls win,” I whisper.

  Afterward, while the girls are celebrating their victory, Cody asks me, “Why we lose on purpose, Flynnie?”

  I ruffle his new shorter hair. “Because sometimes holding back and letting someone else win is the true victory.”

  “What’s that mean?”

  “It means if you have the chance to make someone you love happy, you should go for it. The feeling you’ll get in the end is way better than winning some stupid game.”

  Cody looks over at Jaynie; he knows she’s the reason for the re-match. “You love Jaynie?” he asks. Ahh, Cody is more perceptive than we give him credit for.

  Quietly, I say, “Yeah, little man. I sure do.”

  It’s true. I fall more in love with Jaynie every day. And I want to touch her every second. But when I tell Jaynie about Mandy’s warnings regarding our morning activities being discovered, we agree to put a stop to any in-house messing-around sessions. Taking a chance on Allison wandering upstairs one day and catching us in a compromising position is stupid.

  So, from that point on, times spent in the house, and in the craft barn, are kept innocent. That doesn’t mean I don’t steal kisses when I can. But more intimate times are reserved for when Jaynie and I can sneak away to our secret spot in the woods.

  One evening, up in those very woods, Jaynie is in a particularly playful mood.

  “I can’t wait to kiss you, Flynn O’Neill,” she tells me as we enter our circle of pines.

  I drop the blanket I’m holding in the center of the circle. “Why wait?” I say. “What’s keeping you from kissing me right now?”

  She stands on her tiptoes and whispers against my lips, “Good point.”

  Jaynie then kisses me under a red-streaked sky that’s peeking through the high branches. Under a kaleidoscope of red and green, we become lost in each other, like we always do.

  “God, you make me dizzy,” Jaynie says when we finally stumble apart.

  She feigns fainting, or maybe it’s for real. In any case, I shake out the blanket so we can sit down. The blanket has become a necessity. Kissing on a bed of grass and soft pine needles was fine at first. But we recently discovered when clothes become disheveled—or removed completely—even the softest pine needle feels a little weird when it pokes you in a private place.

  Speaking of private places, Jaynie and I have not yet had full-on sex. But we have come close a few times. She wants it to happen, same as I do, but there are concerns. One biggie is we have no protection. There’s no fear of disease on either of our parts—we’ve been tested a dozen times in the system—but pregnancy is a definite worry.

  The most pressing issue for holding back, though, has to do with Jaynie. Neither of us has any idea how she will react to actual intercourse. Foreplay is one thing, and not something the man who assaulted her ever bothered with. In that way, it’s a blessing there’s nothing we do that can trigger some latent memory. But the moment I enter her, who knows what will happen? Having a flashback is a real possibility. And, Jesus, the last thing I want is to cause Jaynie any more pain.

  Tonight, however, all concerns are pushed to the background. Sex is far from our minds this evening. We kiss for a short while, and then find comfort in simply lying in each other’s arms, watching the sky turn from fiery red to twilight blue.

  I start to nod off just as Jaynie murmurs, “We should talk about the future, Flynn. Mandy leaves in a couple of weeks, and you and I turn eighteen this fall. We should have a plan in place.”

  I am half-asleep and not sure what she’s talking about. There’s no doubt in my mind we’ll remain together. My assumption has always been we’ll figure out all the details closer to when we actually go.

  In my tired state, I forget that Jaynie is a girl. And girls like reassurances of how you feel about them and where the relationship is heading.

  “What’s to plan?” I off-handedly remark, yawning. I then try to pull Jaynie in closer to me, but she resists.

  “What the hell, Flynn?”

  “What?”

  She sits up abruptly and stares down at me like I’m the biggest jerk on the planet. Shit, maybe
I am. At least in this situation.

  Sitting up next to her, I run my hands through my hair. “Okay, I’m an ass. I’m sorry, Jaynie, okay?”

  Jaynie is too upset to hear my apology. Blinking back tears, she stares straight ahead in the darkness that has fallen.

  After a full minute of deafening silence, she says, “I just thought you’d still want to be around me after we leave. But I understand if you don’t. Who’d want a reminder of this place, anyway?”

  “Whoa, hey, hold up there. Listen to me.” I cup her face in my hands. “Of course I still want to be around you when we’re out of here. How could you think any differently?” She shrugs, and I go on. “I love you, Jaynie Cumberland. You’re my life, baby. Hell, without you I have no reason to be. You know this, right?”

  “I know, Flynn,” she whispers unconvincingly.

  I wipe away a tear. “Are you sure you know? ’Cause I’m kind of getting a vibe that says otherwise right now.”

  She nods once. “I know, I swear I do. It’s just… I guess I worry sometimes.”

  “Worry about what?”

  “That you’ll quit loving me.”

  Her eyes meet mine, and I see uncertainty clouding her greens. Knowing my stupid, off-hand remark has her questioning her lovability breaks my heart.

  “Jaynie, Jaynie.” I press my forehead to hers. “Nothing in this world could ever stop me from loving you. We’re forever, you and me.”

  In a shaky voice, she tells me, “I need you so much, Flynn. I don’t know how I’d make it without you. I swear I don’t think I could.”

  “I need you, too,” I reply. “But you’re wrong about not making it without me. You could do it if you had to—”

  She pulls away. “No, I couldn’t.”

  I gather her back in my arms and assure her, “It’s not going to happen, anyway. Don’t even think about it. I think you’re pretty much stuck with me now.”

  She sighs and rests her head on my shoulder. “Good. I want to be stuck with you.”

  After a long pause, I say, “I need to open up to you more. And you’re right. We should have a solid plan for the future.”

  I then tell her about Mandy’s contact in Lawrence. Not just how he’d help us if we had to get out of here fast, but how he can set us up with jobs. “Would you be up for that?” I ask when I’m done.

  Nodding, she says, “I think we should definitely plan to go to Lawrence.”

  From that point on it’s out there, spoken and set—our plan to start a real life together. World be damned, nothing better dare get in our way.

  Jaynie

  If there is one thing I know, it’s that I need to move forward with Flynn in a physical way. He is sweet and patient with me, and I know he’d wait for months, but after our talk in the woods, and the possibility we may have a shot at a real life together, I want to prove to him—and myself—that I’m capable of being with someone in that most intimate way without having a meltdown.

  I sigh. Not from fear or anxiety, but from the pain of knowing I can never really give Flynn a completely undamaged version of me. Still, the one I have to offer is a better version than before. I am healthy in so many ways, thanks in large part to Flynn.

  Before we can move forward, though, we need to be responsible and nail down a birth control method. A baby would be disastrous at our age and under the circumstances. Problem is it’s not like Flynn can bop on down to a store and buy what we need. Not that I’m able to, either. We really are prisoners on the mountaintop.

  Lucky for us, there is someone who always seems prepared for any situation—Mandy. If anyone would have condoms, I bet it’d be her.

  I find her in our bedroom and ask her if she can help.

  “Yeah,” she says. “I can hook you up with some. I still have a box from when I was with Josh.”

  “Awesome.” I pump my fist.

  Mandy goes to our closet, sits down, and digs around in the back. At last, she pulls a backpack out. I never noticed the thing before. It looks like it hasn’t been touched since Mandy first placed it there, long before I ever arrived.

  “Oh, shit,” Mandy murmurs as she pulls a crushed box of Trojans from the bag. She pops open the lid. “There’s only one left.”

  I sit down on the edge of my bed. “Damn. You and Josh were busy,” I murmur.

  “Hey.” She twists toward me, brandishing the condom packet. “One is still better than none, right?”

  “True.”

  She tosses the packet to me. I catch it and set it on the covers.

  “Be sure to tell Flynn I said for him to make it last,” Mandy says, laughing as she stows the backpack away.

  “Oh, my God, Mandy, I am not telling him you said that.”

  “Yeah, forget it. We wouldn’t want to exacerbate any performance issues he may have.”

  I’m quick to defend my man, even though Mandy isn’t serious. “I’m sure Flynn is perfectly capable of performing under stress.”

  She raises a brow. “Let’s hope so, right?”

  I toss a pillow at her, and she bats it away. And then we both lose it. Mandy starts laughing so hard she has to stretch out on the floor, and I fall over sideways on the bed.

  “Damn,” I say once we’ve recovered and righted ourselves. “I’m going to miss you so much when you’re gone, Mandy.”

  I feel her loss even as I say the words, and it hurts like crazy. I place my head in my hands. “You’re not just my friend,” I say. “You’re the best girlfriend I’ve ever had.”

  “Hey, it’ll be okay.” She comes over and sits next to me on the bed. “We’ll keep in touch.”

  “Yeah,” I snort. “I know we say that, but just how is that supposed to happen?”

  “After you and Flynn turn eighteen, you’re free to leave this place. And that’s only what? Three months from now for him, and four for you?” I nod, and she adds, “Flynn told me you two talked about Lawrence. He said you plan on meeting up with the guy I know. I’m certain he’ll give you jobs at the sandwich shop.”

  My mood brightens. Mandy’s contact is the key to my future with Flynn. “The guy’s name is Bill, right?”

  “Yes. Bill Delmont. And he’s how we’ll keep in touch. Once you’re in Lawrence have him give you my number. You’ll have a phone by then, I’m sure. I plan to buy one of those pay-as-you-go things. You and Flynn can get them, too. They’re super cheap, sometimes even free.”

  I’m not too concerned with phones, not at this point, but I am curious as to what my new life with Flynn might be like. “Can you tell me more about Bill’s place?” I ask.

  “Well,” Mandy begins. “Bill’s sandwich shop is located in the heart of Lawrence. Not that it’s a bustling city, but it is a cute little town. Anyway, his place is called Delmont Deli. I’m pretty sure there’s an apartment above it, too. You and Flynn can maybe live there till you get on your feet.”

  I place my hand on Mandy’s arm and give a squeeze. “Thank you,” I whisper. “It really does sound like a promising start.”

  Smiling, she tells me, “It’s the least I can do. I want us all to make it.”

  “Yeah,”—I nod—“me too.”

  “And besides,” Mandy says, smiling mischievously. “Far be it from me to stand in the path of true love.” She picks up the condom she threw to me earlier and slips it in my hand. “Or”—she raises a brow—“good sex.”

  “Ugh.” I fall back on the bed, shaking my head.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m nervous,” I admit. “I hope I can do it, Mandy. I don’t want to have a breakdown when Flynn’s inside me. How awful would that be?”

  Mandy stretches out next to me. “Hey, you’ll be fine, Jaynie. Look how far you’ve come from the first day you arrived.”

  “Yeah,” I mumble, unconvinced.

  “Oh, come on. This is Flynn we’re talking about. You know he’ll be gentle and patient. And if you can’t do it, and you guys have to stop, it’s not like he’s going to make
a big deal out of it. He’ll understand, Jaynie.”

  “You’re right, you’re right. I know you’re right.”

  “Just remember that Flynn loves you with all his heart. The first time he’s with you isn’t going to be about sex for him, no more than it will be about sex for you. The first time will be about one thing only—love.”

  I realize then she is right. I can do this. I can be fully intimate with Flynn because joining our bodies is the most natural thing in the world left for us to do to seal our love. After all, we already possess each other’s hearts.

  When I think back on it, maybe our souls were joined the day we met. There was a familiarity I felt with him from the start. In many ways, Flynn O’Neill is my soul mate.

  Where he ends, I begin. And where I end is where he starts.

  But being joined at all those undefined end points and start points is not what I want. I want Flynn in me, inside my body. I want him where there is no beginning and no end. I want him in a place where there is only us.

  Flynn

  A week before Mandy is set to leave, she pulls me into the girls’ bedroom.

  “What’s going on?” I want to know as I allow myself to be dragged past the door.

  “I need to talk to you,” she whispers conspiratorially. “Alone.”

  I glance out in the hall. “Jaynie is with the twins in the bathroom. I hardly think she can hear you.”

  With Mandy’s imminent departure upon us, we decided it’d be prudent to have Jaynie take over the task of getting the twins ready for bed. And so far, it’s gone smoothly.

  “Just listen to me for a sec, all right?” Mandy smacks my shoulder to re-focus my wavering attention. “I need to be quick. I don’t want Jaynie to know I’m talking with you.”

  “Okay, okay.” When I start to move clothes off Jaynie’s bed, so I can sit down, I’m poked in the hand with sharp scissor blades. “Ow.”

  Upon closer inspection, I discover the scissors are the same pair I nabbed from the craft barn a while back, for haircutting night.