We say our vows and exchange rings before our joint family and friends. Jesse gives me the jar of lightning bugs we caught the night before, telling me that I light the path to his home because I am his home. Silly man still doesn’t realize that he’s mine, too.
When he kisses me as his wife, I hear my brother pretend to gag and my sister tell him to shut up, and it’s the most perfect moment. Laughing, he rests his head on mine. “I love you, wife.”
“I love you, husband.”
We all head to Tilly’s café, Sugar Stacked, for a small reception. He pulls me against his body, and we sway to the soft music playing around us.
“May I cut in?” my dad asks a song later. Jesse smiles, leaving me to my dad as he finds Tilly to dance with her.
“You doing alright?” I ask him, knowing today is hard for him.
“I am. I can see how happy you both are. That’s all I could ask for.”
“And are you?”
“Penny…” He sighs, still not wanting to talk about it.
“It’s alright, you know. You’re allowed to move on. You’re allowed to love again. You deserve to have love again. I know Momma would want you to.”
“I know she would, too,” he says after a minute. “She gave me this beautiful life. Not only did she give me you, but our life together, although way too short, was incredible. She was incredible. It’s hard to move on from that.”
“But you think you can with Tilly?” I hedge. A small grin pulls on the corner of his mouth, and he slowly nods. “Then I think you should ask her to dance.”
His smile grows as he kisses me on the cheek and turns to do just that. I bite my lip, watching as he begins to sway with her back and forth, both of them staring at each other with so much swirling between them.
Jesse’s arms wrap around my middle, and I lean back into him. “Your dad keeps cutting in on my dance partners.”
“I think this one might stick,” I tell my new husband as we watch them dance together.
And for the first time, I feel at peace about leaving home and growing up because I know my dad has someone else in his life to take care of him and love him.
Epilogue
Penny
About A Year and a Half Later
“Jess?” I yell, walking inside from work.
It’s been a long day at Royal King. We just got the new bikes in for the next race season, and there’s so much to do before the season starts. It’s been a perfect fit working for them since I moved here with Jesse. I don’t travel with them much for the actual race season, but stay behind at headquarters and help there.
“Nugget?” Jesse yells, coming in behind me.
“Hey, I just got in, too,” I tell him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him, my husband, hello.
After marrying Jesse and uprooting from Graves to follow my new husband he moved out of the place he shared with Alvie, and we moved into a little house with Bear. We have our moments of struggles and fights, but as a whole, we work, and it’s exactly the life we both hoped for.
Things have been good for us. So good that Jesse even extended his time here. We officially have two more years married to the Air Force and after that, who knows?
“Oh, you need a shower. I smell the internal guts of that helicopter all over you. You went in deep today, didn’t you?” I scrunch my nose at him from the smell.
“Hey, you don’t smell like a picnic either, little girl.”
I shrug my shoulders. “Guess we better go shower then.” I smile as I pull him with me toward our bathroom.
My phone rings as we step in but I ignore it, wanting to get dirty with my hot husband before we get clean. I’m hoisted up, with my legs wrapped around him and my back against the shower wall, when I hear it ringing again. Jess looks at me in question, but I shake my head, telling him to keep going. I need a good release after the day I had. We finish and are all soapy when I hear my phone ringing a third time.
“Pen, you sure you shouldn’t get that?”
“I don’t know. Now I’m scared to answer.”
I quickly rinse off, and right as I reach for a towel, my phone rings yet again. I look at the caller ID and see it’s Zander. My eyes go to Jesse, wide in fear as I answer.
“Hello?” I ask, swallowing nervously, my hand shaking.
“Fucking finally! You need to get to the hospital. Poppy crashed hard today. We’re almost there,” he blurts, and I freeze until I hear the sirens in the background.
“Are you in an ambulance?” I ask slowly.
“Yeah…” he sighs. “It’s not good.”
“Did you call Tatum and Benton?”
“I did, but I didn’t tell them much, just that she was in an accident and they need to meet us at the hospital. Please, Penny, I need you there, too,” he pleads.
“Of course, we’ll be right there.”
“We just pulled up. I gotta go. I’ll see you when you get here,” Zander says and then hangs up.
I look to Jesse again. “What did I do, Jess?”
“It’s not your fault, Nugget. Come on, get dressed and let’s go. She’s tough. She’ll be fine,” he tells me, kissing my head.
We dress and climb into Jesse’s truck. I’m fighting back tears as he races down the highway to the hospital where my niece is. Jesse reaches for my hand and kissed my knuckles.
“If anything bad happens…” I start.
“Don’t do that. She’s going to be fine.”
“My sister will never forgive me.”
“She’ll be mad, but she’ll be fine. Everything is going to be alright.”
I start to cry, letting my tears fall freely.
What did I allow to happen?
The End.
Special Thanks
My Hubs… I couldn’t write a book that entwined two huge parts of your life and not give you a cameo. Thanks for putting up with all my questions and all the other time I spend ignoring you. YOU are my home.
Stacy… Thank you so much for all you do for me! Big and small it all matters and I appreciate it all more than you know. Thank you for putting up with crazy and when I send you random messages or questions or ideas and running with them.
Tricia… We almost lost this one. LoL! You are so incredibly gracious and kind and encouraging. I live for your comments and your touches to my words. We make an incredible team and I’m so thankful that you are my partner in this journey. By the time this book has released, I will have met you IRL but for now, I can’t wait to hug you! Thank you for being your awesome self. I love you woman!
Jenn… You are amazing. I think I just end it there but I’ll go on. Thank you for being my friend, for taking this—me—on in this way and giving me your time. It means the world to me that you do. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
My Beta readers, my ARC team, my Lovelies… Whew! You girls fill me up so much! Each share, recommendation, message, post, and everything in between is amazing!! I can’t begin to describe what it feels like to wake up and see all the notifications I have. I love you and appreciate you all so, SO much!
Bloggers, Group Admins, Reviewers… Your support is everything! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for believing in my words and in me. My heart bursts every time I read your amazing words about me. Thank you!
Readers… Ohmygosh! I FRIGGIN’ LOVE YOU!!! Plain and simple. You make my day brighter and my heart happy. Thank you for reading!
Copyright ©2019 Lindsay Becs
All rights reserved
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without prior written consent of the author except for the use of brief quotation in a book review.
The characters and events depicted in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Cover Design: Amanda Shepard: Shepard O
riginals
Formatting: AB Formatting
Editing: Tricia Harden
Proofreading: Mercedez Velez
To those who have loved and lost.
To those who have found love more than once.
To Always and Forevers.
For first loves lost and second loves found.
Each are loved into their own eternity.
Playlist
Perfect- Ed Sheeran
See You Again- Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth
Somewhere Over the Rainbow- Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
Close to Me- Ellie Goulding, Diplo, Swae Lee
Love Someone- Lukas Graham
In My Blood- Shawn Mendes
Need You Now- Lady Antebellum
Good Old Days- Macklemore ft. Kesha
Consequences- Camila Cabello
Head Above Water- Avril Lavigne
Whatever You Want- P!nk
Don’t Say You Love Me- Fifth Harmony
Let You Love Me- Rita Ora
Give Me Love- Ed Sheeran
Set Me On Fire- Bella Ferraro
Important Note
After Always is the fifth book in the Always Series and a standalone in itself. After Always follows Always You, which is the fourth book in the series.
Although you don’t have to have read Always (Always Series: Book One), I highly recommend that you stop and read it first before you continue on with After Always. Even if you don’t want to read the three middle books of this series, please read Always first to fully understand and embrace these characters and this story.
There are spoilers in this book and I’d hate to ruin the experience for you.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this series.
<3 Lindsay
Prologue
Travis
I knew I met the woman of my dreams, the love of my life, when I was sixteen. Only problem was that she was married and my best friend’s mom. Yeah, I’m that guy.
Most people looked down at us, thought we were crazy, disturbed, gross, evil. That she should have been the adult and not ‘taken advantage of me.’ I mean, I grew up having sleepovers at her house with her son, right?
What most people didn’t understand was that because of her guilty conscience and fight against all of my advances toward her, we lost two years together. Two years that I wish like hell we’d had. Our time together was too short. Although, even a lifetime with Josie wouldn’t have been enough.
Now, don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t trying to send her cute ass to jail. I waited until I was going on nineteen to make my move on her. She still pushed me away. Tore my fucking heart out time and time again.
Until she didn’t anymore.
That day was equally the best and worst day of my life. I found out she had cancer from Ollie, my best friend and her son, when he showed up at my door. And when he left, I ran to her as fast as I could because I couldn’t imagine another day without her in it.
Cancer was a blessing and a curse because she stopped fighting us. Instead, she leapt with me. She fought breast cancer like a damn superhero. Beat it, too.
Her stubborn ass wouldn’t agree to marry me until she was cancer free, so I waited. But once that day came, I put a ring on it and married my girl. Not long after, she gave me the best gift, our lucky Penny, my LP.
Only problem was that the cancer came back and took her beautiful soul too soon. We had three years of wedded bliss before heaven got a new angel. I was left with a fiery little girl to raise while my heart became ash, crushed from losing my love.
Life wasn’t as vibrant anymore. Nothing sparked. I didn’t care about much other than my daughter, and even with her, I knew I failed more than I did right most days.
I gave up. I didn’t want to feel what Josie had given me only to have it ripped away again. I let work at my garage consume me. Pretty Girl Garage was named by Josie’s kids, Ollie and Tatum, as a gift after the nickname I had for her. I worked and took care of Penny, and that was all I needed. That was enough.
At least I thought it was.
Other people might not have understood us, but to us, we were perfectly in love.
And I will love her my whole life.
Always.
Chapter One
Travis
First Days After Josie
She’s gone.
“Dance with me, baby,” she says, looking up at me with those damn blue eyes. The ones that I’ve swum in since I was sixteen, drowned in every night for the last almost six years with her by my side.
I pull her into me, holding her tight against my chest, partly to keep her warm and partly because I never want to let go. My nose goes into her hair, and I inhale all that is Josie, the smell of lavender and honey invading my senses. Her warmth surrounds me, and I can’t imagine my life without it. It’s what keeps me whole, grounded.
We start to slowly sway together as one, in harmony as our bodies move. They always flow together, made for one another, a perfect fit.
I tilt her head up and look down at her, taking in every inch of her face. When I can’t wait any longer, I take her mouth with mine, kissing her lips deep and soft. I want to memorize what every part of her kisses feel like, every swipe of her tongue with mine, every taste of her lips and mouth.
In the blink of an eye, all the promises to be there, that it was always us, vanished.
I’m so deep in Josie, I don’t even feel it coming when the emotions that I’ve held back for months take over me. I rest my forehead on hers, and a sob rips through me, through my heart. I slide to my knees, my head against her stomach as I cry for the impending loss of the only woman I’ve ever loved and wanted.
Her fingers rake through my hair. “Shhh… It’s OK, baby. It’s OK.”
“I don’t know how to live without you.”
“But you will. You’ll go on and have a beautiful life.”
“How can I have a beautiful life when you’re the reason my life is beautiful?”
The family we made together torn apart.
“Because I’m leaving you with our lucky Penny.”
“I can’t do this without you, Josie. I don’t know how. I need you. I need you so much,” I continue to sob, holding her tighter and tighter against me, afraid to let go.
The love we shared and craved from one another, crushed.
She bends down to meet me on my knees. “Travis, don’t you see? You were what was missing from my life. Everything made sense once you were in it. Once you showed me your love. I didn’t know love until I knew you. You have so much love to share, Trav. Share it with Penny, with Tatum, with Ollie, and when the time comes, with someone else. I’ll always be in here,” she says, placing her hand on my heart. “You’ll never lose me. Not fully.”
“I love you so damn much.”
“That was all I ever needed and wanted -- your love.”
“Always. Always, always, always.”
There is no more always.
She was my always.
She was going to be my forever.
She was my beginning and end and everything in between.
There isn’t any love left in me to give.
* * *
“Travis?”
I look up in my haze to see Tatum standing in the doorway of the bedroom I’ve shared with my wife in our home. It feels so cold and empty without her here.
“The lawyer is here to go over Mom’s will. Ollie is with him. They’re waiting for you.”
“Where’s Penny?” I croak out through my raw throat. I spent the night yelling into the empty air around me as I let my emotions take over for the first time since Josie left us.
“I just got her down for a nap. I’ll keep an ear out for her.”
I give her a short nod as I stand my weak body up to make my way downstairs. When I reach the kitchen table, my eyes meet those of my best friend, red-rimmed like mine. None of us are doing well.
“Mr. Gellar, I’m Eli Stone, Mrs. Gellar
’s attorney. There isn’t much to go over, but we do need to wait for Mr. Duncan to join us.”
My head snaps up to meet his. “Why the hell is he coming into my home?”
“There are things in the will that pertain to him. I’m afraid he’s needed in order for me to go forward with the reading.”
“He isn’t welcome in my home.”
“I… I’m sorry, Mr. Gellar. I didn’t know. I’ve already asked him to join us today. Otherwise, I would have made this at my office.”
“I—” I begin, but I’m cut off by the doorbell.
Ollie stands from the table. “I’ll get it,” he says, pulling on his hair as he walks to let his father in.
I grit my jaw to keep my anger down. I hate Josie’s ex-husband. He’s a selfish motherfucker, and Josie told him years ago that he wasn’t welcome in our home. I hate that he’s about to step foot here now.
“Travis,” Adam quips as he sits down next to me. He’s never respected Josie or me, and it shows in every word that drips from his mouth.
Mr. Stone takes in the tension and hostility in the room and begins to read Josie’s will to us. He goes through the usual information about the house, car, and her belongings. All the typical things I could care less about.
Tatum, as I suspected, will have to live with her dad unless he gives her permission to stay with me. I know that hell will have to freeze over before he’ll let that happen. That girl will put up a fight, I’m sure. All I can do is be there for her whenever she needs me. But until she turns eighteen, there’s nothing more I can do.
He goes on about what Josie wanted for her celebration of life party. Party? Ha! Sounds like my girl, but damn, Joes. There will be no party or celebrating coming from me. It’s a tragedy that the world lost her, not a celebration.
Always Series Box Set Page 60
