“Lastly, I have boxes for each of you,” Mr. Stone says, then pauses. “Well, Mr. Duncan, there isn’t one for you. Your part is finished. You’re free to go if you wish.”
Adam scoffs as he stands. “Yeah, thanks. Where’s my daughter?”
“She’s upstairs keeping an eye on Penny,” Ollie answers for me. “I’ll bring her over tomorrow. She’s going to need time to pack and get used to the idea of leaving her home.”
“Oliver, don’t make it some dramatic event. She’ll be fine. She already has a room at my house.”
I keep my eyes down so I don’t stand and punch the fucker in the face. Ollie stands and gets eye to eye with his old man. “I said, I’ll bring her tomorrow.”
They continue staring at each other for a few minutes, neither one wanting to back down. Mr. Stone’s eyes volley back and forth between them.
“I don’t have time for this immature act, Oliver. Fine. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”
My cheeks puff as I let out a frustrated breath when the front door slams shut, and I hear Penny wake up from the sound. I start to stand, but Ollie stops me, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Tate has her. Let’s just finish this, OK?” I nod and try to relax now that Adam is out of my house.
“I’ll make this quick; we’re almost done,” Mr. Stone says, sounding flustered. “Actually, if the girls would like to join for this part, that might be good,” he adds.
I give him a quizzical look, and he returns a small grin while Ollie heads upstairs for Tatum and Penny. They all come into the kitchen to join the stale quiet of the house that I now hate. Ollie is carrying Penny as she rubs her sleepy eyes and cuddles into his chest. These three are the only good things left in my life.
“Alright, so I’ll just finish up and get out of your hair,” Mr. Stone begins as he reaches down next to him.
He proceeds to put four wooden boxes on the table. They are all nearly identical with the exception of each of our names carved into the top respectively: Travis, Oliver, Tatum, Penelope. My heart is in my throat as I stare at the foreign objects on the table before us.
“Mrs. Gellar left these for each of you. She gave them to me not long before she passed. She instructed I give them to you after she was gone. They seemed very important to her. There aren’t any further instructions, just to give you each the box assigned to you. I truly am sorry for your loss. She was a wonderful woman.” With that, Mr. Stone gathers his things to leave.
I show him out and thank him for… I don’t know what exactly. When I go back to join the others, Ollie and Tatum both are just staring at their boxes.
“Did you open them?” I ask as I reach for Penny, needing to feel her warmth. She’s fallen back to sleep on her brother. Smoothing down her hair, I let my lips linger on her soft skin as I kiss her forehead.
Tatum reaches for her box, pulling it closer to her. Ollie does the same, looking at it like it’s going to explode if he opens it. He slowly lifts the lid and then snaps it shut. “It’s letters,” he whispers.
Tatum rushes then to open her box, her hand covering her mouth when her eyes take in the envelopes lined up inside, filling the box. I watch as her shaky hand reaches in to pull one out. “Prom Night” is written on the crisp paper. “I can’t believe she did this,” Tatum says in wonder as tears begin to fall down her face.
“I can,” I say with a small grin. It’s a very Josie thing to do. “She wasn’t done being your mom, Tate.”
“Or your wife, Trav,” she adds to me.
I cough back the emotions pulling at me. “Yeah, I guess so.”
* * *
Josie’s funeral is tomorrow. I’m not ready. I think I’ve been on auto-pilot the past few days. I can’t sleep, and when I do, my dreams are filled with Josie but always end with her being ripped away from me.
It’s after two in the morning. Penny is soundly sleeping in the quiet house. It became quiet when Josie left. It got quieter still after Tatum went to her dad’s, kicking and screaming. I’m going to miss having her around telling me what to do.
My exhausted body sinks to the floor, my back against the bed. My tired eyes focus on the wooden box I’ve been avoiding. Now’s as good a time as any, I suppose. Pulling the box into my lap, I run my callused fingers over the top, tracing the letters of my name. Opening the lid, my senses go into overdrive when I’m enveloped in Josie. Closing my eyes, I let lavender and honey surround me. Fuck, she’s only been gone a few days and I already miss this smell so much, the smell of her.
I open my eyes and see a letter on top. “First This One” is written on the only envelope that’s lying on top of the others that line the inside. I choke back a sob, placing the box next to me and pulling that first letter from the box. Bringing it to my nose, I try to feel her with me as much as I can smell her.
My Amazing Travis,
Baby, I don’t even know how to begin this. How do I say goodbye to my best friend, my husband, my soulmate, the father of my child? What began as one letter for each of you became an obsession. I couldn’t write to each of you enough. I hate so much that I’m going to miss so many moments. I wish like hell that I could be there.
So, I will be, as much as I can anyway. I’m sure I’ve missed some, but I tried to think of everything I would miss and would want to be there for. The times that any of you would possibly come to me for advice or want to talk, all the life events that I would normally take hundreds of pictures of, and all the things that kill me to be absent from.
But through all of that, I know that you’ll still be there. Ollie, Tatum, and Penny, they’ll still have you, and you’ll still have them. You all have letters for each other too. Don’t think I didn’t give great thought to this. You all are so uniquely different, yet the perfect group to band together and be there for one another. Hold tight to each other, and lean on one another when you need it. Don’t push away; pull closer together.
Travis, I love you. Plain and simple. You are it. Long before I knew it, you were my everything. Thank you, Travis, for giving me a beautiful life. For giving me the sunshine of our lives in Penny. For loving me so purely and wholly. For taking care of me when things got ugly. For taking on Ollie and especially Tatum. You are an unbelievable man, and I’m so lucky that you chose me.
I will love you forever. I will miss you with every flutter of my angel wings.
You are my always.
Josie
Chapter Two
Travis
First Year After Josie
“Travis, let me come home and help you,” Ollie pleads with me over the phone. He’s been back at Northwestern for a few months but calls almost every day to check in. I’m not sure if it’s for my benefit or his at this point.
“No. You know as well as I do that isn’t what she’d want. You’re so close to being done. Finish and be the best damn doctor you can be.”
“You make it sound like those army commercials. ‘Be all that you can be!’” he sing-songs with a chuckle.
“Shut up.”
“Seriously, dude, let me help.”
I let out a frustrated breath. “No,” I say more sternly this time, just as I hear Penny start to cry. “I need to go. Penny is waking up. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. From college,” I add and hang up before he can say anything in return.
It’s ten o’clock, and usually, Penny sleeps through the night, but since Josie passed, she stirs awake more now. I can’t say that I don’t understand because I sure sleep like shit too now.
Pushing open my three-year-old daughter’s bedroom door, I see her sitting up in bed holding her stuffed pig, aptly named Oinkers, with fresh tears rolling down her still-chubby cheeks.
“Hey, baby girl, what’s wrong?” I ask softly, kneeling next to her bed. Smoothing down her wild hair, I kiss the crown of her head. “Did you have a bad dream?” Nodding, she hiccups through her cries. “Scoot,” I tell her, climbing in next to her, wrapping around her tiny body to protect her from anything bad that could possibl
y plague her mind.
“I miss Momma,” her little voice whispers after a few minutes, breaking my heart.
I squeeze her tighter to me. “Me too, LP. Me too.”
“Why did she leave me, Daddy?”
I hate this. I hate this. I fucking hate this!
“She didn’t leave you, LP. Momma got sick and needed to go to heaven to feel better. I promise you, she did not want to leave you or me or any of us behind. OK?”
“OK, Daddy,” she concedes, but I can tell she’s not buying it. Maybe it’s time I open her box of letters.
I sit up, ready to get them, but she tugs at my arm to keep me with her. “I’ll be right back. I have something for you from your momma.” Even in the dark, I can see her eyes sparkle with happiness. It’s the first time that the promise of a letter from Josie doesn’t seem to hurt my heart as much as it feels good.
I hurry to retrieve Penny’s box from my room and set it in front of her on her bed. “Do you know what it says on top?” She shakes her head no. “It says Penelope, your full first name. The name your momma named you.”
“And you called me Penny because I your lucky Penny.”
“That’s right; you’re my LP.” I smile at my daughter, who looks so much like her mother. “Open your box,” I encourage.
Her little hands pull the top open, and I hear her gasp as her blue eyes look at all the letters inside. “What’s this?”
“Before your momma left for heaven, she wrote letters to you.”
“You too?” she asks me with wide, hopeful eyes.
I smile at her sweet face. “Yes, me, and Ollie and Tatum, too.” Her smile grows hearing her brother’s and sister’s names, knowing that they get the same gift as her.
I reach in to touch the letters that Josie wrote to our daughter. “Do you want me to read one of the letters to you?” Penny nods enthusiastically.
I find one that seems like a good fit for tonight. “Missing Momma” is written on it. Pulling it out, I clear my throat before I start to read it.
“My Sweet Baby Girl,” I start, but Penny interrupts me.
“That’s what Momma calls me!”
“I know, Penny! Isn’t it awesome that your momma wrote letters just for you?”
“Yup! Keep going, Daddy!”
“Bossy,” I tease, kissing her on the head as she crawls into my lap to hear the rest of the letter from her special momma.
My Sweet Baby Girl,
I miss you so much!! But did you know that I get to watch you from heaven? That’s right, Penny. I get to jump on the clouds in the sky and watch as you run and play outside or help your daddy at his garage or even while you sleep. And you know what else? I give you kisses while you sleep. Have you gotten any new freckles since I had to leave for heaven? Those new freckles are from where I kiss you in your sleep each night.
So, you see? I’m never far from you. You may not be able to see me, but I hope you can feel me with you sometimes because I’m never far from you. On top of that, you have your daddy with you, and he’s pretty great too.
Be good for your daddy, make sure he feeds you vegetables sometimes, and make him laugh every day.
I love you, Penny!
Momma
She’s quiet for a minute before she jumps up and runs to the bathroom, flicking on the light. “Daddy! I do have more freckles since Momma left! She kisses me a lot!” I laugh as I walk to join her in the bathroom.
“Yes, you do.”
“And you made me eat my trees with dinner tonight,” she grumbles before adding, “and you laughed when I told you trees should stay outside and not be on the table. That is rude.”
I smile at my little girl, loving the happiness and peace she was able to get from the perfect words from her momma.
“You’re very right,” I say just as I tickle her sides, picking her up and carrying her back to bed. “It’s time for bed now.”
“Can we go fly to Momma tomorrow?” she asks, pulling the covers up to her chin. Her tears are long gone now and replaced with a smile.
“You bet. We’ll get ice cream too. Sound good?”
“Yep! I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you, too, LP.” I kiss her once more, saying goodnight and hoping it sticks this time.
* * *
My hands are trembling as I stand next to the bench that’s placed by the pond where I shared so many memories with my late wife. I wanted to do this for Josie. I needed to do this for Penny. But more than anything, I had to do this to feel her here, closer to me, each time I came to our spot.
“Thank you guys for being here as we dedicate this bench to Josie,” I begin, looking out at the various faces of family, friends, and colleagues of Josie’s. They’re all here to support me in dedicating this bench to her. That alone means more to me than anything.
“Most of you know that this is where Josie and I were married. What you might not know is that I used to come here as a kid with my mom. It became a place of solace and peace for me through the years. Later, I brought Josie here, and it became that for her, too. This is where I told her I loved her, danced with her under the stars and snow, and where she told me I’d be OK after she was gone. This is the place where Penny and I come to talk to her and about her. This is Josie’s place. It’s Josie’s pond. And now, this is where Josie’s bench is.” I pause to tamp down my emotions before going on to read what’s etched on the plaque on the bench. “I will sit with you, talk with you, and dance with you as I feel your presence all around me. I love you, pretty girl. Always. Thank you.” I nod, taking Penny’s hand and guiding her to sit on her mother’s special bench.
“Hi, Momma,” she whispers when we sit, her head leaning against me.
I startle when I feel a hand touch my shoulder, breaking me from the trance I’m in, thinking about Josie. “This is really beautiful, Trav,” Tatum tells me as she sits next to me.
“You did good, man,” Ollie adds, sitting next to Penny and taking her hand.
The four of us sit there, holding hands and thinking about the woman who changed all of our lives, although in different ways. She is someone no one can erase. Now I know it wasn’t just me who needed this, but all of us.
Everyone begins to leave and wish us well as we remain sitting until the sun goes down.
* * *
I’m nursing my third beer of the night, trying to convince my body to go to sleep. It’s almost midnight when I hear someone knocking on my door. I’m confused by who would be stopping by at this hour.
Flipping on the porch light, I peek out the window and see a distraught-looking Tatum on my porch. Yanking open the door, I search her to make sure she isn’t hurt. “You alright?”
“Can I stay here tonight?” she asks with a quivering lip. The strongest girl I know and her lip is quivering as she stands on my porch at midnight.
I pull the door open farther to let her in. “Of course.” She walks inside, chucking her heels to the side before walking to the living room and plopping down on the couch. It’s when I follow her in that I see she’s wearing a short dress, showing off more skin than I know her mom would approve of. With her being a cheerleader and this being a Friday night, I can guess what kind of ‘event’ she came from. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Nope,” she replies, staring at the TV where a show is playing that I didn’t even know was on.
“Want a change of clothes to sleep in?”
She rolls her eyes. “Sure.”
I run upstairs to get clothes for her to change into, and on instinct, I open Josie’s dresser drawer to pull out leggings and a tee. It’s not until the drawer is open and I see her clothes there, smelling like her, that it hits me. I haven’t opened any of these since she passed away almost a year ago.
I bite back every emotion that rushes in, gritting my teeth and closing my eyes to gain composure. When I open them again, I quickly grab whatever is on top, slam the drawer closed and run back down to toss them at Tatum. I don’t miss her
gasp when the clothes land in her lap.
I leave her to change and go to the kitchen to down a glass of water, but that isn’t enough, and the three beers I drank earlier aren’t doing the trick either. I reach up into the cabinet above the fridge and pull down a bottle of Jack that’s been collecting dust.
I’m pouring some into a glass when Tatum comes in wearing Josie’s clothes. She looks so much like her mom. “I can change back,” she rushes out. I down the glass of liquor, wanting it to burn away the pain I feel.
“It’s fine, Tate.”
“Can I have one?” she asks, nodding toward the bottle still in my right hand.
“Only if you tell me what happened tonight.”
“Fine.” She rolls her eyes. “I went to a party, you know the typical football kind. Had a good fuck too.” She smirks.
“Shit, Tatum,” I mumble, pouring more into my glass.
“Anyway, that’s not the bad part. What was bad was that my dad locked me out. I got home five minutes past curfew, and he wouldn’t let me in.” She pauses. “Lie. His new girlfriend wouldn’t let me in.”
“What the hell?”
“Yeah, she’s a real peach.” She rolls her eyes again. “My dad went along with her, like he actually gives a shit, and told me that if I was going to whore around the neighborhood, I should have no problem finding a bed to sleep in for the night.”
I slide my filled glass over to her. “I’m sorry your dad said that to you.”
She shudders after taking a sip of the amber liquid. “I’m used to it, Travis. He’s never exactly been an uplifting parent.”
“Sounds like he and my old man would get along then.” I huff a laugh at the thought. They’d tear each other apart trying to be better than the other, both failing miserably to be decent human beings.
Always Series Box Set Page 61
