by Emily Sharp
***
The day of the funeral, I sat in the old church waiting for the service to start. It was an old-style church with wooden pews and hymnals set in holders on the back of them. A large cross hung behind the pulpit, and musical instruments, including a set of drums, sat to the side on a small stage.
I was never religious, but I appreciated the solitude buildings like this provided. It didn't take long for the place to fill up, and I saw who I assumed were Alice's parents holding onto Travis as they cried with him. Though he was devastated, he had so far held up pretty well.
I turned and then smiled as Veronica sat next to me. She was wearing an all-black business suit much like my own.
“Hey,” I said, looking at her.
“Hey, how’s he holding up?”
I smiled weakly. “As good as expected for now. But he has such a long road ahead of him.”
“Ain't that the truth?” she said.
I felt old emotions rise, my heart wanting to reach out to hold onto her. I wanted my soul to connect with hers again and let her know how much I still loved her. But instead, I pushed the emotions down and turned toward the preacher taking his place at the pulpit. He appeared about sixty and was wearing a suit. His thick-framed glasses sat on his pointed face.
“I want to thank everyone for being here today to honor and remember Alice Wilcox, a loving wife, daughter, and friend to many,” he said. “The testament of who she was is spoken by all of you. Some way, somehow, to each of you, she placed a special piece of her heart, of her love, into your life.”
I heard a cry and saw that it was Travis. His mother had her arm around him, holding him close. Veronica shook her head, dabbing at her own eyes as the preacher continued. He spoke for about ten minutes, then called for Travis to come up.
I held back tears as he made his way to the pulpit. This guy with the cowboy hat that helped me move my couch, that was shocked when I told him I was gay. The smiling and happy guy who showed a feat of strength and won me a teddy bear. The man who wanted nothing more than to have his wife home and to start a family with her.
All that was gone, and now stood a man whose voice croaked. Whose eyes had lost their spark. A face that had lost its smile that I feared would never return. A shadow of Travis stood in front of the crowd of people, and I wept hoping one day the old would return.
“Alice and I had so many plans, and I don't know why, but she was taken away from me. I loved her more than anyone or anything on this planet, and it hurts knowing I’ll never see her again.” He went quiet for a moment, trying to regain his composure.
“Alice was more than a wife, she was my best friend. The friend that I could share anything with. The friend I could cry with, the friend that was there for me. And it hurts so bad, knowing that is now gone. She had a certain magic about her, it was in her smile, her eyes, her laugh. And it was addicting.” He stepped back for a moment, his hands covering his face. A minute later he stepped back up to the podium.
“We always hear about how you don't know when you’re going to be taken from this Earth. And that never leave problems unsettled or leave in anger. I'm thankful that our last words together were ones of a future, and more importantly, love. So, make sure when you say goodnight to the one you love tonight, that you let them know you love them. Because there is no guarantee you are going to have that chance tomorrow.”
I couldn't hold back the tears and found my hand searching for Veronica’s. When I found it, I gave it a squeeze and held my breath as I waited and watched for any reaction. I watched as her fingers began to move, curl up to hold mine. But then they stopped. I looked away and felt her move her hand away from mine as the preacher took his place once again.
***
That New Year’s Eve, I wasn't in the mood to celebrate and I knew Travis wouldn't be either, but I was too worried to leave him alone. So, having convinced him to hang out, we sat on his couch as the ball dropped ushering in a new year.
“I wish Veronica was here,” he said as he stared at the TV screen.
I put my hand on his. “So do I,” I said.
Chapter Nineteen
Before I knew it, school started up again. I would be graduating in five months and then would start a new life somewhere in this big world. Things were picking up and I found myself smiling more, letting go of hope and hanging on to what I knew instead.
The first Wednesday in January, I pulled into a parking space at an office building of Dentane Manufacturing. It wasn't too fancy, just a long rectangle building with lots of glass on it.
I had worn a blue business jacket with a matching skirt and a white blouse underneath it. My heels clicked on the pavement as I walked to the door. Taking a deep breath, I exhaled and pulled it open. And then laughed when I realized I had to push it.
Entering the lobby area, a receptionist with bright red hair who looked about fifty greeted me.
“Hello,” she said. “How may I help you?”
“Hi, I'm Julie Summers. I’m here to see Mark Hedges.”
She smiled. “Just a second, I’ll let him know you’re here,” she said as she picked up the phone.
“Thank you.”
I looked around the lobby. It was decorated with brown leather couches and chairs. A coffee table with magazines sat in the middle of a brown rug.
A minute later a set of double doors opened and Mark walked through. He was wearing a suit with a red tie.
“Hey,” he said, a smile on his face. “Come on back.”
I walked up and extended my hand. “Mr. Hedges, thank you again for this opportunity.”
He shook my hand. “Call me Mark, please.”
I smiled. “OK, but call me Julie,” I said, and we both laughed.
“All right, Julie, follow me.”
I followed him through the double doors, the hallway plain, the carpet a light brown. A few people moved about from one office to another, one guy almost bumping into me.
“Here’s my office,” he said. I walked in and was impressed right away. A large mahogany desk sat in front of a large window. There were a few pieces of furniture set up to one side. Artwork decorated two of the walls, and the company logo was painted prominently on one.
“Take a seat,” he said, nodding at the two high-back chairs in front of his desk. He went behind his desk, and digging through some folders, took his seat.
I looked at the cabinet leaning against a wall next to us. It was full of awards and had a picture of him with his wife and two kids.
“OK, Julie, so here’s the deal. We have been having issues with budget and some of our assembly plants are behind on production, among other things. In other words, it’s a mess at the moment.”
I folded my hands on my lap, listening carefully as he spoke.
“These files,” he said, patting a stack of folders to the side of him, “are from a branch down in Houston. We fired the plant manager, and your job is going to be figuring out how to increase production. I have everything in here from number of employees to how much electric is being used.”
I nodded. This was something I actually enjoyed. It was like being an investigative journalist, and what others found tedious, I found to be Zen.
“I know you’ll be coming in on Wednesdays after class, which gives you roughly about five hours, so if you could have it done within the month, that would be great.”
I smiled. “Of course. May I take some of it home?”
He smiled. “That is exactly what I wanted to hear.”
***
The following Wednesday, I showed up to work and knocked on Mark’s door.
“Come in,” he called out.
I stepped in, a rolling suitcase in hand. Mark was seated at his desk on the phone. He smiled, waving me in, and went back to his conversation.
“I know, but come on, it’s supposed to be my weekend.”
I tried not to listen, and looked around the room, pretending to be engrossed with the wall art, but it was not easy
. A minute later he hung up.
“Sorry about that,” he said. “The wife…well, ex…sorry, it doesn’t matter. How are you?” He offered me a smile.
“Doing great, and I have a present for you,” I said. I opened the suitcase and put the files on his desk, then took out two blue binders. Handing him one, he smiled as he took it, and I took my own seat across from him.
“This is amazing. You’re already done?” He flipped through the pages before looking at me.
I felt a sense of pride, my face lighting up. This was it. This was my big chance to show what I was capable of. “Yes, and if you want, I can give you some basics right now of what is going on.”
“Please do,” he said, sitting up.
Smiling, I opened my own binder. I glanced over my notes but had most of it already memorized. “As you know, Houston is having a problem in production, but machine hours are appearing to be running full. I have determined two things. The first is lunch breaks. Production is falling because, based on the plant reports, the machines are going down for two hours instead of one.”
“I knew it,” he murmured. “Well, the plant manager is gone, so that will stop. What else?”
“Orders,” I said. For the next twenty minutes, I went over the basic points, his head shaking, and a few groans escaping his mouth.
When I was done, I closed my binder, and then looked back at him.
“Julie, you have done great work. I would offer you a raise, but seeing as you work for free, well, I guess I owe you dinner,” he said laughing.
“It was my pleasure,” I said. “And I’ll take you up on the dinner sometime.”
He leaned back in his chair and let out a big exhale. “So, we have a plant in Berlin…” he said.
“I’ll get started tonight,” I said. I had just proved that I could be a great asset to the company. I might work for free now, but I would make myself irreplaceable.
***
January flew by, and by February, I was swamped with work from Mark. Between school and work, I hardly had any time for myself. But that was fine. It kept me busy and stopped me from thinking about Veronica. Though at times I still did.
On Valentine’s day, I wondered what she was doing. I also wondered if she had started seeing anyone else.
I had checked in on Travis, and he was a little down but hanging in there. He had kept on with school, a promise he made to Alice. And honoring my promise, I kept an eye on him and helped him whenever he was stuck on something.
Then, the day after Valentine’s, he and I sat on the couch in his apartment and my stomach rumbled.
“OK, let’s go eat, my treat,” he said.
I laughed. “I’m not going to argue. Where to?”
“Well, I would really go for a roadhouse…” he glanced over at me. “Would you mind going to Johnnie 80s?”
I hesitated for a moment as I leaned over to grab my purse. What if I saw her there? She was probably working. Then I realized it would be a good test to show how much I had moved on.
“Sounds good,” I said firmly. “Let’s do it.”
***
It had seemed like a lifetime since I was in Johnnie80s, and sitting across from Travis, it brought back memories, most of them good.
“This is the same booth we sat in when you met Veronica,” Travis said.
“Yeah, it is.” I felt a little uncomfortable and it must have shown.
“Oh, man, I'm sorry! I didn't even think,” he said.
I gave him a smile. “No, you’re fine. I’ve moved on.”
A waitress walked up, her red hair in pigtails.
“Hey, guys, my name is Molly and I will be taking care of you today. What can I get you to drink?”
“Two lemonades and two roadhouses, extra buffalo kick on mine,” Travis said, then looked at me.
“All right, I’ll live dangerously. I’ll takes the extra buffalo kick on mine too.”
Molly grabbed our menus. “I’ll have your drinks over in a minute and food, give me about ten.”
She walked away and I scanned the restaurant. There was only a handful of people in the place, probably because it was three in the afternoon.
A roll of thunder made me jump as Molly came back with the lemonades.
“You gotta love Colorado weather,” she said as she set the glasses down. “Snow one minute, thunderstorms the next.”
It was true. It had only snowed a day ago, though not enough to cover the ground.
“You miss her, don't you,” Travis said, breaking into my thoughts.
“I do, every day.” Then I saw her, near the bar talking to two employees. And as I watched, the feelings I suppressed began to rise. My heart beat against my chest and my breath caught in my throat. “I try to stop thinking about her, and I have been doing a good job of it. But seeing her there, it brings it all back.”
“Sorry, I should have picked somewhere else.”
“No, you’re fine. It’s…I don't know. I’ve tried everything I could. And it’s like I can’t stop thinking of her. Sorry, I sound confused.” I forced a smile. “It’s probably because I am,”
I looked back over, and the two employees walked off. Veronica turned her gaze to me, and I felt a sense of hope that she would walk over. But as I looked at her, she turned and walked away.
“Julie, let me ask you something,” Travis said.
“Sure, go ahead.”
He played with his glass. “I know you told me it’s over, that there’s nothing more you can do.”
I nodded.
Molly walked up and set our food down.
“All right, guys, if need anything else, just shout,” she said, smiling at us.
“Will do, thank you,” I said.
She walked away.
Travis looked at me. “You keep trying to accept it’s over, but you can’t seem to,” he said.
I nodded. “That about sums it up.”
“I told you two before that your smile, it showed a future in it. I still believe that, but you can’t give up hope. When I fell in love with Alice…” He took a sharp inhale of breath.
I reached across and took his hand. It was so hard for him, I couldn't even imagine the torment he was going through.
“There was another guy that was better-looking, better all around in my opinion. But I didn't give up, and well, we married eventually. I guess my point is, I'm thankful I didn't give up. Because the short time I had with her, it was worth every moment. So, don't give up.”
I smiled at him, then wiped my eye.
“Thank you, that means a lot.” And it did. Here he was mourning the loss of the woman he loved, and I couldn’t even fight hard enough for the one I loved.
Chapter Twenty
March in Colorado is the same every year, warm weather one day, rain the next followed by snow. And thankfully this was a warm one this year. Even though Travis’s words that day warmed my heart, I didn't try pursuing Veronica. The ball was in her court, and I had nothing left in me to try again. The pain of having hope and to watch it shatter again was too much.
On one particularly warm Wednesday, I headed into Mark’s office. He was on the phone, and smiling at me, motioned for me to take a seat as he finished up.
“All right then, I’ll sign them. OK,” he said, then hung up. He looked upset, and I debated whether or not to say something. He let out a sigh.
“Divorce,” he said finally. “After nine years she’s leaving me.”
I set my purse down next to the chair. “I'm sorry, Mark, I really am.” There wasn’t really more I could say. I didn’t know him on a personal level to offer more than those few words.
“Thanks. You know, I ended up marrying this job, made it my number one priority in life. We've been separated a year, and she’s found someone else.” He shrugged.
I crossed my legs, placing my hands on my knees.
“You plan on getting married?” he said.
“No, no plans,” I said.
“If you
do, make sure you give it everything, make it your priority. Even over this job.”
“I will.”
He sighed, then shook his head. “Sorry about that. Well, I have some news for you, Julie.”
I sat up straight in the chair. Thoughts of being let go, or them hiring someone else came to me. I started to panic and his face broke out in a smile.
“Nothing bad,” he said with a raise of his hand. “It’s good.” He slung a folder over to me.
I grabbed it and opened it up, my eyes going wide as I read over the paperwork inside.
“A…job offer?” I said, looking up at him.
He smiled. “You don't have to sign today, and I think you need to look over it for a week. But the basics are this. You start two weeks after graduation. I’ll be sending you to our London plant, and from there, well, the world is yours.”
“I can’t believe it,” I said. London? As in England! I had always wanted to go there, and skimming over the contract, I almost lost my breath. I was getting over six figures a year, plus a bonus and perks.
“Mark, this is unreal,” I said.
He smiled as he stood up. “You have earned the job and the pay. You'll be working your butt off, pardon the language, but you will be rewarded for it. London, Berlin, we are working on China. The world will be yours to see, on your own time, of course, not on the clock,” he said, offering a laugh.
I stood up as he walked around, his hand extended.
“Take a week and let me know what you want to do.”
“I will, and thank you so much!” I said, shaking his hand.
“You have earned it and more, believe me. I hate to push you out, but I have a meeting to go to. The joys of office life,” he said.
Grabbing my purse, I walked out, contract in hand. I was on cloud nine. I would call Dad and then let Travis know. I couldn't believe my dream of traveling the world was going to come true.
***
That night I had told Travis and he had been happy for me, enough that he lifted me up off the ground with a huge hug.
Now I sat on the couch curled up in my lap blanket talking to my dad on the phone with the fireplace going.
