Love in a Small Town Box Set 1

by Tawdra Kandle

  “You know, my father used to say that since the good Lord made a whole world for us to worship Him in, he couldn’t understand why people would want to waste an entire day in church, away from the beauty of nature.” Gram shook her head as she looped her purse over her elbow. “Days like this, I think he was onto something.”

  I opened my mouth to agree, but before I could say anything, I felt a brief touch at my back. The man who stood just behind my chair was about a foot taller than me, with hair so light it was almost invisible. His pale blue eyes were fringed by lashes the same shade of his hair, which always gave him a slightly wide-eyed look.

  “Hey, Jonathan.” I turned, smiling. “How’re you today?”

  He ducked his head, a habit he’d had as long as I’d known him. “I’m just blessed! I don’t know how anyone could be anything else after hearing that sermon and enjoying a worship time like we just had. Amen?”

  I swallowed the lump of annoyance. I absolutely hated Jonathan’s habit of ending any question with an amen. I knew he was a youth pastor, and so did everyone else. But he seemed convinced that if he didn’t talk the talk all day every day, someone might forget. I heard Gram’s sigh.

  “Sure.” I tugged down to adjust my skirt and stretched my back. “So did you have a good week? I haven’t heard from you since last Sunday.”

  Jonathan’s mouth pressed into a line. “Ah, yeah, it was a busy week. I went up to Charlotte with Pastor Shand for that meeting, and then I was with the Grays. Mr. Gray is getting close to passing.” He wagged his head.

  “Okay.” I bit back the words I wanted to say. You have a cell phone. You can have called. Just to check in. Just to make sure I was all right. Instead, I amped up my smile and shrugged. “I know how much everyone needs you. I’m glad you could be there for the Grays.”

  Gram cleared her throat. “Jonathan, would you like to join us for supper? I have a pork roast in the slow cooker, and I’m fixing to pull it for barbecue. We have plenty if you’re interested.”

  I wasn’t sure if I was grateful or annoyed that Gram had extended the invitation without asking me about it first. Of course, she was free to have anyone to dinner she wanted; it was her house. But given the so-called understanding between Jonathan and me, I was surprised she hadn’t checked with me.

  “That’s so nice of you, Mrs. Grant. It sounds mighty good if you’re sure there’s enough.” His gaze didn’t even slide to me, to see how I might feel about it. I felt as see-through as his hair.

  “Rilla, why don’t you ride with Jonathan? I’ll just hustle on ahead to make sure everything’s ready.” Gram turned as though to leave.

  “Oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea, do you?” Jonathan put on that expression of concern that went right down my spine. Privately, I called it his holier-than-thou look. “I mean, unless we can find someone to ride with us. It’ll look funny if we’re alone together in the car all the way out to the farm.”

  I bit my lip. Part of me understood what he said. It was how we’d both been raised: we had to be conscious of how circumstances looked, of any appearance of sin or, as I’d been taught, any occasion for sin to flourish. We kept ourselves tidy, as my Sunday school teacher used to say. Boys weren’t alone with girls, unless they were siblings or married.

  But a larger part that had been getting louder in the past few months rebelled against that idea. The ride between the church and the farm was about ten minutes, for cripes sake. What trouble could we possibly get into in speeding car during that time? Nothing that I could think of.

  Gram’s mouth pulled down, but she only nodded. “Whatever you say. Come on then, Rilla. We need to get home and finish up.” She shot Jonathan a dark look. “We eat at one o’clock on Sundays, as you know.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Jonathan bobbed his head again and then turned in the direction of a cluster of youth who were chatting in the corner of the sanctuary. I wondered if any of them were standing too close together for his liking.

  Gram and I made our way around the last lingering congregants who were gathered in small groups. She held up her hand in a wave here and there, but she didn’t stop to talk with anyone. By the sharp click of her sensible heels on the tile floor, I could tell she was unhappy. And I didn’t think it was with me.

  I climbed into the old gray sedan and shut the door behind me. Gram dropped her purse onto the floor at my feet and turned the key in the ignition. I was quiet as she backed out of the space and turned onto the empty highway.

  “Gram, is there something wrong with me?”

  She looked over at me swiftly, her brows drawn together and her mouth pursed. “Why on earth would you ask that? What do you mean?”

  I crossed my legs on the seat, careful to cover them with my long skirt. “I don’t know. Isn’t it normal for a boy to want to be alone with a girl he likes? Maybe I’m some kind of freak, and that’s why Jonathan never wants to be with me. I mean, I know he and Dad’ve talked about our future, and he’s even told Dad that he plans for us to be together, but shouldn’t he be ... I don’t know ... more anxious to make it happen?”

  Gram laughed, but there was no humor in it. “You’d think, wouldn’t you?” Her fingers tightened on the steering wheel. “There’s not a dang thing wrong with you, Rilla. You’re a beautiful young woman, and any man with a lick of sense would be spending most of his time scheming to get you alone. If there’s anyone who’s a freak, it’s that stick-in-the-mud who thinks he knows it all.”

  My mouth dropped open a little. “Gram. I thought you liked Jonathan.”

  “I’ve tried to be kind, for your sake and in the hopes that he’s just exceptionally conscientious. Lord knows I don’t want you with some wild boy who’ll lead down the wrong path. But I don’t necessarily agree with your father, either, who seems to think any kind of passion is a sin.”

  I flushed. We rarely talked about anything like this in my house. I didn’t think I’d ever heard the word passion come out of my grandmother’s mouth. “So you think maybe Jonathan doesn’t really like me? Why would he say he wants to court me then?”

  “Honey, I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t like you. I think if he gave himself permission to feel that way about anyone, he’d like you fine. But he’s been brainwashed by the whole lot of them that until he’s married, he’s not allowed to think that way.” She rolled her eyes. “How they think any of us ever got to be married is a mystery.”

  It felt like my world was tilting just a little. “Gram, don’t you—you don’t believe what we’re taught about courting and sin and everything?”

  “I don’t know, Rilla. It’s not how I was raised. I met your grandpa, and ...” She smiled, and her face softened. “I knew. He looked at me, and he was the first man who ever really saw me. He saw beyond the pretty girl to who I really was. And after the two of us got to know each other, why, we wanted to be together all the time. If we could work out to be alone, all the better.”

  “But weren’t you tempted? Pastor Shand says boys and girls together alone face too much temptation. We did a whole year of study on it during youth group.”

  “I know.” Gram slowed as we approached our driveway. “Were we tempted? Of course we were. We kissed, and we were ... close to each other. But we waited to be intimate until after we were married. Sure, we wanted to be together before that. We were strong enough to wait, though.” She parked the car in the back of the house and pulled out the keys, but she didn’t make a move to open the car door.

  “Rilla, the truth is that there’s a happy medium. Your dad and Pastor Shand and a bunch of them at church see the awful things that happen in this world, and they want to protect all the young people from going astray. That’s admirable. But I think they go too far. They’ve laid down these rules and taught y’all that feeling anything is wrong.” She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. “I guess Jonathan thinks that God’s going to flip a switch on his wedding day and suddenly he’ll feel okay about touching you. I just worry, that
’s all. I don’t want you to make any mistakes, honey, but I also don’t want you to have a marriage without love. Without passion.”

  I fiddled with the seatbelt. “My parents didn’t have a marriage without love, did they?”

  Gram blew out a breath and brushed several strands of gray hair out of her face. “Oh, honey. No. Well, they certainly had passion. And your father loved your mother more than anything in his life. She loved him, as best she could.” She looked out the car window, over the vegetable garden. “Maybe your mom and dad were the opposite of what I’m talking about. They had the passion, but when it faded, as passion almost always will, your mama found out she didn’t have the strength for lasting love. I’m not saying anything bad about her, mind you. My daddy used to say—” She smiled, and her eyes grew soft and vague. “I wish you’d known my father, Rilla. You remind me of him, sometimes. He used to tell me that I needed to find a man who could be a friend. He said, ‘Love rises and falls, but friendship will keep you going during the times love feels far away.’ He was right. I never stopped loving your grandfather, but there were times that if it wasn’t for how much I liked him, I might’ve cheerfully shot him.”

  I couldn’t help the bubble of laughter. “Gram! That’s terrible.”

  She chuckled. “Might be, but it’s true. And I bet he felt the same about me. But what saved us was how much we laughed together. How much we liked each other.” Her smile faded as she touched the locket at her throat. “I miss that man. Every single day.”

  That look on her face, that wistful longing ... that was what I wanted for myself. I thought about Jonathan, and instead of a swell of love, of desire or even of friendship, I felt irritation.

  “When I think about Jonathan, sometimes I want to smack him. Is that passion?”

  Gram reached for the door handle. “I’d like to say yes. But I’m afraid what you feel for Jonathan looks more like impatience and annoyance to me.” She hesitated before climbing out. “I’m trying not to let my personal feelings interfere with my advice to you, Rilla. But the honest truth is that I don’t like that boy. I gave him a chance today to spend a little time with you in place that no one would have to be any the wiser. And he not only turned it down, he managed to chastise me, his elder, in the process.”

  I closed my eyes and leaned back against the seat. “I know. I was mortified.”

  “Well, don’t let it bother you, hon. I have broad shoulders. Takes more than a little upstart preacher to rattle me.”

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do, Gram. Dad’s set on me waiting for Jonathan to get a church and then marrying him.”

  She got out of the car and closed the door behind her while I did the same. “Rilla, I may not believe in everything that’s preached at our church, but I know for sure there’s a God who loves us and has a plan. Just bide a while and trust. It’ll all work out. Might not be the way you think, but it will. Have a little faith.”

  “ ... amen.” My father finished blessing the food and reached for the barbecue. “Jonathan, help yourself. My mother makes a mean barbecue.” He smiled at Gram and then glanced at me. “And she trained Rilla, of course, so you can bet she’s a great cook, too.”

  I twisted my napkin around my fingers. Sometimes when Jonathan was around, I felt more like my father’s prize heifer than his only daughter. He was always talking up my qualities. On the other hand, I never heard so many compliments from him when we were alone, so I guessed I should be flattered.

  “Yes sir, I’ve tasted Rilla’s cakes and cookies at church. Delicious.” Jonathan smiled at me and passed the coleslaw, careful to keep his fingers from accidentally brushing mine. “So I was wondering, Mr. Grant ...” He cleared his throat, sounding a little nervous, and I jerked my eyes to his face. Was he actually going to ask my father’s permission for something involving me? Something to move our courtship along? My stomach clenched. Whether it was in anticipation or dread, I wasn’t quite sure yet.

  “I was wondering if you might be willing to stand in agreement with me when I approach the elders about preaching. I know you all wanted me to wait until I had more experience as a pastor, and I appreciate that. But it’s been a year, and I was thinking of beginning the process of planting my own church. I need some preaching time before I can do that.”

  I looked back down at my plate and scooped up a bite of barbecued pork and coleslaw. I should’ve known Jonathan wasn’t going to ask for more time with me. He was too worried about messing up his chances for his own church. I understood that was his dream, but shouldn’t I be part of that dream, too, if he wanted me to be his wife? He hadn’t said anything to me in so many words, but he’d ask Dad if he might court me. At the time, I’d been excited at the prospect. I hadn’t realized that in Jonathan’s mind, courting me meant that I became his unpaid assistant with the youth group. Nothing else had changed, other than he always sought me out at church to speak a few words—in front of Gram or Dad, of course.

  Dad hadn’t answered Jonathan yet. He chewed his meat slowly, a thoughtful frown on his tanned face. I saw Gram close her eyes and shake her head, almost in disgust with the whole situation.

  Finally, Dad nodded slowly. “I’ll need to pray on it a bit before our meeting on Wednesday, but unless the Lord gives me a clear sign to the contrary, I think I can stand with you on this. It’s time you got some practice in the pulpit. After all, as you say, the sooner you do that, the sooner you can start up your own church. And I know you’re anxious to get on with the rest of your life.” My father nodded and smiled, turning his head to include me. “Both of you are. Rilla and I were just discussing that this week.”

  Jonathan looked pleased with my dad’s answer, but when he glanced at me, I noticed his eyes dropped and skittered away. “Yes, sir, definitely. A lot to think about before we make any moves there, though. I mean, I think it would irresponsible to take on any other, uh, new situation while I was working on a church plant. Don’t you think?”

  Dad looked a little taken aback, but as always, he paused before answering. “That’s one way to see it. Of course, a lot of people might say that it wouldn’t be a bad thing to have a helpmeet when you’re doing God’s work.” He picked up a piece of cornbread and broke off a corner. “You’re both old enough to be thinking seriously about the future.”

  I couldn’t take it any more. Jonathan couldn’t even meet my eyes, and here my father kept pushing me on him like he couldn’t wait to be rid of me. I was beginning to wonder if Jonathan had ever really expressed interest in me, or if my dad had grossly misunderstood him. This was mortifying.

  “Dad, there’s plenty of time for thinking about the future.” I smiled and kept my voice light. “I’m not in any hurry. My new job is going so well, and Sam said he thought I could expect a few more clients real soon. I like what I’m doing.”

  Jonathan turned to look at me in surprise, this time managing not to glance away. “What’s this about a job? Are you working somewhere, Rilla?”

  My father’s forehead was drawn together; whether he was angry at me for spilling the beans about working off the farm or upset that Jonathan knew so little about my day-to-day life, I couldn’t tell. I’d been working at the stand for almost two months now, and I’d been handling the publicity and ads for them even longer. The fact that I hadn’t told Jonathan about my new job was more lack of opportunity than trying to hide anything from him.

  I amped up my fake smile. “Yes, didn’t I tell you? I guess I thought Dad might’ve. He talks to you more than I do.” I shifted my eyes to my father and then back to Jonathan. “I’m working at The Colonel’s Last Stand, the farm stand the Reynolds’ family owns.”

  A series of different emotions passed over Jonathan’s face. Pleasant surprise, the sort he might feel for any random stranger who’d just shared about a new job, was followed by concern as it dawned on him that my father wasn’t happy about the situation and then finally a frown of disapproval as apparently all the reasons a twenty-two year old s
ingle woman shouldn’t work outside the home occurred to him.

  “Uh, no, I didn’t know.” He glanced around the table. “Well, Rilla, should you be leaving all the work here to your grandmother? Don’t you think you should be helping her?”

  “Bosh.” Gram dropped her fork on her plate with a little more force than necessary, and we all jumped at the clatter. “I’m not some helpless old lady, Jonathan.” She drilled him with the steely gaze that had made me quiver more often than I liked to remember. “I can run my own household. Besides, if I couldn’t, what would you expect to happen when Rilla gets married? I’m sure no man wants his wife running back to her family home every day to lend a hand. Would you?”

  He had the grace to blush a deep red. “Uh, no. No, ma’am, I guess not.” He kept his eyes on his plate. “Not that I’ve been thinking about that yet, of course. You know, I have a long time yet before I’ll be able to commit to being married. Pastor Shand says the Lord is calling me to single-minded focus on His work before I can think about the responsibility of a family.” He looked up at my father. “That’s why I’m so glad to know Rilla’s part of a family who’s keeping her safe and pure until that time. I appreciate it, sir.”

  My father’s face remained unreadable, though I spied a small tic in his cheek. “There’s no question about Rilla’s purity. She’s been carefully raised, as far from the world as we could manage in this day and age. But Jonathan, look, son, I don’t want to contradict what the pastor’s told you. He’s got your best interest at heart. I’m not sure I agree that a wife would hinder you planting a church, though. Rilla’s a smart girl, and she’s a hard worker. Her grandmother taught her to run a home. She’d be an excellent right-hand for you.”

  “Dad, stop, please.” I couldn’t take it anymore. “I don’t need you to sell Jonathan on me. If he doesn’t want me, it’s fine. You don’t need to twist his arm.” I stood up, pushing my chair back away from the table. “Gram, I’ll come back and help you with the dishes, but I need a little air right now.”