In Time for an Amish Christmas

by Samantha Price

  Her life in New York, whether real or imagined, wasn't perfect by any means; she could see that now. Her friends were mostly business acquaintances except for Janelle. At the end of the day she went home to an empty apartment. Smiling, as she looked around, she realized she wanted to call this humble house her home.

  "What are you smiling about?” He reached over and pulled her close to him, and she giggled. He kissed her gently just like when they were courting. She pulled back a bit; she wasn't used to being kissed, at least she didn't think she was.

  "I'm just thinking about my life."

  He folded up his newspaper and put it beside him. "And?"

  "We've got a good life."

  "I think so."

  Just then Molly appeared at the foot of the stairs.

  "What have we told you about getting out of bed?" Derek asked sternly.

  "I need a drink of water."

  "Go back up to bed, and I'll bring one for you."

  When Derek got up and went to the kitchen, Molly stared at her.

  "Go to bed, Molly." She blew her a kiss. "You heard what Dat said."

  "Gut nacht, Mamm." Molly smiled, turned and walked slowly up the stairs.

  She watched her husband hurry up the stairs with a glass of water for Molly and remembered back to her own childhood when she’d always find one excuse after another to delay bedtime. It wasn’t lost on her that Derek had automatically gotten up to get the water for their daughter. Many of her acquaintances were married to men who expected them to do everything with the children and the household, so she was pleased Derek wasn’t that kind of man.

  Derek sat back down beside her. “What were we saying?”

  “I forget.”

  “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Christmas day. Are you still happy to go to my parents’ haus most of the day?”

  Relief washed over her. That would be much less trouble than her having people there for the day. “Jah, that’s fine.”

  “And can you make that special dish you always make?”

  She slowly nodded figuring, hoping, Molly might help her out with that one by telling her what her special dish was. “Of course. So, we’ll have breakfast here, and then go to your parents?”

  “That’s the plan, after the girls open their presents.”

  Heidi had no idea what their presents were or even if they had bought them yet. She’d never liked puzzles or guessing games and now she was in the middle of an awkward puzzle. “I must remember to get wrapping paper.” She hoped that would prompt him to talk about the gifts and whether they’d been purchased or made yet.

  “I thought you and the girls would be making the paper like you usually do.”

  “Making the paper? I’m not sure …” Now she was in big trouble. She had no idea how to make paper.

  “Drawing pictures on the paper.” He gave her a quizzical look.

  “Ah, yes. I’ll have to find out if they want to do that this year. They might be getting a little old for that now.” She was relieved when he slowly nodded.

  He moved closer, then put his arm around her. Heidi rested her head against his shoulder. It brought back all the feelings she'd had for Derek all those years ago. She closed her eyes and listened to the crackling of the logs burning in front of them. The warm cozy house was a far cry from the cold steel and white marble apartment with its clutter-free clean lines. If she were back home now, she’d be watching the TV. Right at this moment, she much preferred to be cuddling up to Derek and facing the dancing flames in the fireplace.

  In her teen years, she’d never intended to stay in the Amish community. Derek had chased her until she agreed to date him and then she had fallen in love with him, but she was sure she’d decided not to let him stand in her way of her dreams. She was certain she got on that bus because she remembered it. She’d waited until everyone had boarded, then she kissed Derek, boarded, and headed to the back seat. When the bus drove off, she definitely remembered she had kept waving to Derek and he'd kept waving to her until the bus turned the corner.

  “Do you think Molly was truly thirsty?”

  He chuckled. “We forgot to leave her cup of water on the nightstand.”

  “Ah. We must remember next time.”

  “At least she’s over those dreadful nightmares she used to have,” he said.

  She bit her lip, not remembering any of it. “Jah, they were truly awful.”

  “You will be all right if I go to work tomorrow, won’t you?”

  “At the store?”

  “Jah.”

  “We’ll be fine. We were okay today making the Christmas cookies and pie.”

  “If you need me to come back, I’m only a phone call away.”

  She reached up and touched his arm where it rested on her shoulder. “Truly, we’ll be fine.”

  He looked doubtful and his next words confirmed the look on his face. “Do you think your mudder should look after them again? Just for another day?”

  “Nee. I’ll be fine. Stop fussing.”

  “She doesn’t mind.”

  “I know, but everything’s okay. Stop worrying so much.”

  He leaned down and kissed her lightly on her forehead. “Shall we go to bed?”

  “I might sit up for a while.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Just a little while.”

  “Okay.” He took his arm away from her shoulders, stood up and then took up the poker, rearranged the fire, and placed on another two logs. “There. That should keep it going until morning.” He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before he headed upstairs.

  Heidi held her head in her hands, wishing that her memory would come back. She couldn’t remember their wedding or the births of the children. Surely, they had been the most memorable of days. Then there was the day her father died, and his funeral. She remembered none of it. Nothing.

  She closed her eyes tightly and tried her best to remember everything she’d forgotten. The last memory of Derek was when she was leaving him to become a model in New York. But then she remembered getting on the bus. Was that the point at which her life split into two parallel universes? Two lives running concurrently? If she was in this life, was she also in the other? Who was running her company? It was then that she realized her theory of parallel universes wasn’t what was taking place. Janelle didn’t even know who she was and if she was living another life in another reality, Janelle would’ve known who she was.

  Going by the theory that if there were two possibilities of something, the most likely explanation was the simpler one, Heidi figured the simplest explanation was that she had lost her memory. The bump on the head had caused something in her brain to trigger a false memory—a detailed memory of another life.

  The only thing she could do was to forget that other life she’d thought was real, because it had never existed. She’d never gotten on that bus, she’d never run a successful business and neither did she own a fully paid-off two-million-dollar apartment. It was all a fantasy.

  She only wished she didn’t feel like such an outsider with her children and her husband. She’d have to get to know him again, and start from scratch with the children. Heidi closed her eyes and asked God for the return of her memory. She wanted to remember those important times in her life, and all those Christmases that had gone out of her head.

  Chapter 10

  Wednesday, December 20

  * * *

  When Michael woke up in the middle of the night, Heidi was faced with a dirty diaper, and she realized she was fast running out of clean ones and had forgotten to do the washing the day before. She couldn’t believe she wasn’t using disposables. Was she really supposed to scrub those dirty diapers? After the diaper change, he had a few mouthfuls of milk and went back to sleep. Heidi crawled back into bed hoping he’d stay asleep because she’d never been able to function without at least eight hours sleep.

  She went back to sleep quickly and later woke up to Molly shaking her awa
ke. “Mamm, wake up.”

  She opened her eyes and saw her two girls peering over at her. She vaguely remembered Derek saying goodbye before he left for work. “What is it?”

  “It’s late. You always wake up when we get up. You said we were going to take Dat to Onkel's store and then go shopping.”

  “I completely forgot. I’m sorry.” She sat up remembering that Derek said he was going in with Ben today. “We’ll have to do it another time if the buggy’s not here, but I think it might be. I’m getting up.” Heidi knew she had to leave this place. It wasn’t her home. She felt like she was being fake and she didn’t want to bluff her way through Christmas and have the stress of trying to fool everyone. All she wanted was to be herself and not have to deceive anyone. “Go and wait in the kitchen for me while I get dressed.”

  The girls turned and walked out of the room. She glanced over at the crib and saw that Michael was still fast asleep. Then, as quickly as that, his legs and arms started moving—he was about to wake up. She thought back to her conversation with Janelle a couple of days ago. Perhaps Janelle was mad at her and was being silly on the phone. Heidi quickly exchanged her cotton nightgown for a dress, and brushed and braided her hair before pinning it under her kapp. If all went well, she’d call Janelle again before Michael was fully awake.

  As soon as she put her foot on the bottom step, she saw the two girls in the living room. “Didn’t I say to wait in the kitchen?”

  “We had an accident in the kitchen. Sorry, Mamm."

  “What do you mean?”

  The girls lowered their heads and Heidi hurried into the kitchen. There were broken eggs all over the floor and just about every dish from the cupboard was used and on the countertop.

  She looked back at them. “What were you trying to do, exactly?”

  “We were making eggs as a surprise.”

  “Well, it’s a surprise all right.” She looked down at them and saw their nightgowns had smears of raw egg all over them. “Throw your nighties in the basket and get dressed while I clean up in here.”

  “Sorry, Mamm. Jessica dropped the eggs.”

  “I couldn’t help it. It was an accident.”

  “It’s all right. You had your hearts in the right place. Go up now and get changed and do it quietly, so you don’t wake up your bruder.”

  Heidi was disappointed that calling Janelle would have to wait a while now. After she had cleaned the kitchen, she went upstairs to see where her girls were. They were playing in Jessica’s room and they were still in their soiled nightgowns. Then Michael cried out. “I told you both to get changed.”

  “We are.”

  ”Nee, you aren’t. I can’t tell you to do things twice. Once is enough. When you have clean clothes on, come down to the kitchen for your breakfast, and bring these nightgowns with you so I can wash them.” When the girls didn’t move, she raised her voice. “Do what I said. Now!”

  As soon as the girls were on their feet, she hurried to get Michael. She didn’t like to hear him cry. Picking him up, she said, “There, that’s better.” She patted him on the back. “I’ll change your diaper and then you can have a nice long bottle.”

  As she changed him, Jessica appeared by her side.

  “Why is he crying like that?” Jessica asked.

  “He’s hungry of course,” Molly answered as she joined her sister in the room, nightgowns in hand.

  “I’m glad to see that you’re both dressed now. Let's all head downstairs.”

  Back in the kitchen, Heidi fed Michael his bottle while the girls made toast, since they’d managed to break all the eggs.

  When Michael went down for his mid-morning nap, making that phone call popped into Heidi’s mind. “You two stay in here where it’s warm because I need to make a quick phone call.”

  ”Jah, Mamm,” Molly said.

  “Watch your bruder for me and whatever you do, don’t wake him.”

  Heidi pulled on her thick black coat to shield against the cold and headed out to the shanty that housed the telephone. As soon as she dialed the number, she heard playful screaming coming from behind her. She turned around to see the girls throwing snow at one another and then Jessica fell down flat on her face, and she started crying when Molly picked up a big handful of snow and placed it on her head. Heidi had no choice but to abandon the phone call once more.

  “I told you—”

  Jessica stood up and then Molly picked up handfuls of snow and started in again, throwing them at Jessica. Jessica screamed again and responded by throwing handfuls of snow back. Heidi could only look on in horror as the girls grew colder in their thin dresses only meant for wearing indoors.

  “Inside now, the both of you.”

  Neither of them moved. Their squeals were so loud that Heidi couldn’t even be heard over the top of them.

  She grabbed each girl by an arm and marched them inside and closed the door behind her. “Look at you! You’re both wringing wet. I told you to stay here and stand by Michael while I went outside.”

  “Why? He can’t go anywhere. He’s just a boppli.”

  “Don’t backtalk me, Molly. I’ve had enough. You’re always doing that. Both of you find dry clothes right now, and I’m going to run a hot bath.”

  “It’s too cold for a bath,” Jessica said.

  “It’s not too cold for a bath if you can roll around in the snow.”

  “We’re going,” Molly said grabbing her younger sister by the arm.

  Heidi checked Michael and saw that he was still asleep, so she headed to the bathroom and let water into the bath. Just as she had finished filling the bath, Michael started crying.

  She walked by Molly’s room and saw the girls sitting on the bare floor playing with toys. “What did I tell both of you?”

  “We’re doing it,” Jessica said.

  “Nee you’re not. You’re playing.”

  Michael started crying again, louder than before. “You’re both likely to get bad colds, and you might even get pneumonia if you don’t get in that warm bath right now.”

  “It’s still filling up, I can hear it,” Molly said.

  “I just turned it off.” Heidi was fast losing her patience. “Get your clothes now! And get into the bathroom, now!” Heidi was surprised when she heard herself. She hadn’t ever before had reason to scream at anybody. Sure, she felt like screaming at her staff at times, but managed not to. She deliberately lowered her voice and said firmly, “I’m going to get Michael and when I come back I want you both in that bath with your dry clothes ready.”

  Molly stood. “Jah, Mamm.”

  Jessica stood, too, and the two girls headed for their closets.

  Heidi held her screaming baby boy. He was hungry, but she couldn’t feed him when she was trying to get her older two children into the bath. They were soaked through to the skin. She caught sight of her reflection in the glass of the living room window. It was a shock to see herself in the Amish clothing, she still wasn’t used to it. She didn’t want to stay in the community and be Amish, and suffer the constant demands of a family. Was this really her life? Just yesterday she'd thought family life ideal, and now today she was experiencing something close to torture.

  “Mamm, Mamm.”

  The piercing voice of her oldest daughter rang through her head.

  “The tap’s dripping.”

  “It’ll be fine, it just needs a little fixing. Dat can look at it later. Molly, I said to wait in the bathroom with your dry clothes. Do you have dry clothes in there?”

  “I can’t find any.”

  “They’re in your closet. Where else would they be?”

  “There’s nothing clean. You haven’t washed this week.”

  “Oh. You and your schweschder get into the bath and I’ll bring in warm clothes and then after the bath you must sit by the fire to keep warm.”

  “But, Mamm.”

  “Nee! I’ve had enough! I told you not to go out in the snow and now look at you. You’re dripping wet. If
you don’t go now and do as I say I’ll have a lot to tell your vadder when he gets home.” She winced when she heard herself say exactly what her own mother used to say to her. When she saw the sour face on Molly, she said, “Lose your attitude and get into that bath NOW!”

  Heidi heaved a sigh of relief when Molly turned and headed back up the stairs. She jiggled Michael up and down in an effort to still his cries while she headed to the kitchen to pop his bottle in the hot water to warm.

  This wasn’t the life for her, it was too hard. Looking after children and changing dirty diapers was such a thankless task. She wanted to get back to her other life, but how could she when she didn’t know how she landed back into the Amish life?

  She fetched the girls clean nightgowns. They had dresses hanging in their closet like she knew they had, but warm nighties would keep them nice and comfortable. When she got back to the bathroom, she was thankful to see that they were in the warm water.

  Once the baby was fed and freshly diapered, and the girls were bathed, dried, dressed, and sitting by the fire, Heidi took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She had to get back to New York and get back into her life there. If this had been her real life, it wouldn’t be so foreign to her. All she had to do was get back to her apartment and her life would be waiting for her.

  Heidi crouched down to talk to the girls. “Girls, this time you must listen to me.”

  They both turned and stared at her. “Stay in the haus and look after Michael. I need to make a quick call to someone.”

  Molly nodded.

  She hurried outside and ordered a taxi that would take her to the bus station. Then she hurried back into the house and pulled on her coat, ripped off her prayer kapp and threw it over the hook by the door. She could hardly go back to her old life in a kapp. Her first stop would be her office where she had a spare set of keys to her apartment.

  "Where are we going, Mamm?" Molly asked when she saw Heidi her coat.

  "I just called a taxi. I'm going somewhere and you’re all staying here where you belong."

  "You’re going without us?" Molly stared at her in disbelief.