Out of Uniform

by Catherine Mann

  So much, almost too much, the intensity built. But she knew where it would lead, or rather wouldn’t, and she didn’t want their time ruined by his disappointment.

  She clasped his wrist, tugging his hand upward again.

  Jacob nuzzled her neck and tugged back. “Not yet. Not until you’ve—”

  “It’s okay.” She rocked her hips, seeking to distract him. A hint of desperation leaked into her voice. “We have all night.”

  He pulled back and braced on both forearms. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing. I’m just ready.” Shards of inadequacy pelted her, and she tried desperately to dodge them. She didn’t want Blane’s insults to have power over her ever again, especially not now.

  “Like you said, we have all night.”

  His hand soothed her again, sending tantalizing yet frustrating ripples through her. She couldn’t bear to see his disappointment, so she turned her face away before she spoke. “Jacob. I can’t. Okay? I don’t, uh, finish.”

  The stroking stopped, and she wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or not.

  “You’ve never had an—”

  “Jacob—” She clapped her hand over his mouth. Heat crept up her face. Why couldn’t she have been more tempting, more anything to have lured him past this point before he found out? “I guess that’s something else I forgot when I was throwing myself at you. It doesn’t have to make a difference now.” She teased her fingertips along his back, over his buttocks and up again. “Being close to you, that’s what I want, what I need. It’s enough for me, really.”

  During her whole rambling speech, he stared at her with those piercing eyes that saw straight to a person’s soul without allowing a reciprocal peek. “Let me ask you something.”

  Why did they have to talk? “What?”

  “Does this feel good?” The backs of his fingers flicked over her breast. “And this?” He reached lower. “Does it?”

  “Yes,” she gasped, “but—”

  “Then why rush?” He kissed her protest away. “You say it won’t finish the way I think it will. So? If you’re enjoying it, don’t push me away just because of what you think I expect.”

  It made sense. If only she could believe he meant it. Knowing Jacob, he probably thought he could succeed where eight years in a marriage bed hadn’t. She cringed, envisioning the realization that would steal over his face as minutes passed and he accepted that he’d failed. She’d failed.

  He breathed against her lips. “Trust me.”

  She wanted to do just that and simply bask in the warm tension building from his persistent touch. Where Deirdre would insist he stop, Dee would have taken a risk and let him continue.

  How very much she wanted Dee’s boldness. She could have it, for tonight with Jacob. Dee was the woman he knew, the woman he’d taken to bed.

  She closed her eyes, forgot about passing minutes or possible goals and savored. She gathered every sensation like a treasured gift, the glide of fingers, the caress of lips along her ear as he whispered all the ways he longed to love her body.

  Release crashed over her without warning. Like a wave slapping her, almost painful in its intensity, leaving her struggling for air. Her back bowed off the bed, driving his hand harder, his finger deeper and sending a fresh wave pulsing through her, building until her cries of pleasure rode on the last rush.

  Reality returned in increments. The stars faintly visible through the swirl of snow along the skylight. Jacob sweeping her hair away from her face. His leg nestled between her thighs, a heavy, delicious burden.

  Dee loosened her fingernail-deep grip on his hip, and his mouth tipped in a hint of a smile. His eyes cleared, and he let her in for a rare look that said far more than words. Her friend had returned. Only a hint of male pride gleamed in his eyes, mingling with happiness for her.

  When her heart had slowed to something resembling a slow jog, she squeezed his hand. He dropped a kiss to her forehead and rolled away. Dee almost shouted her frustration until she saw him delve into his bedside table and pull out a small, square cellophane packet.

  A totally irrational wad of jealousy punched her. She chewed the insides of her mouth to keep from asking him whom he’d bought them for.

  Jacob glanced at her. “After that night in the back of my truck.”

  “What?”

  “I bought a box the next day. I told myself we shouldn’t end up here. Having these around still seemed smart.”

  “Very smart.”

  He sheathed himself and tucked her beneath him again. With the quilt under her, Jacob over her and the stars glimmering through the skylight above, Dee couldn’t help but remember that kiss. How much he’d needed her then. How much they needed each other now.

  Eyes locked on each other, he entered her slowly, as her body stretched to accommodate him. He stilled, bearing the bulk of his weight on his forearms. She gazed up at him, almost seeing him anew during that instant of being joined for the first time.

  Then he moved, and she lost the ability to think about beginnings—inevitable endings. So long. It had been so long, if ever, since she’d felt such an incredible heightened sense of awareness. Rather than forgetfulness, she’d found an awakening that surpassed anything she could have wished for.

  They found the rhythm unique to their union, neared the edge and fought it off, prolonging the sensations like a gift that would be snatched away once they accepted it.

  Finally his heaving chest, their sweat-slicked bodies, signaled an end, and she almost mourned the pleasure she knew was an instant away. Again, his hand found her, circled, a single nudge sending her spiraling until she felt as if she’d flown through the skylight, free-falling into the night.

  With a hoarse shout, he joined her. She reached to hold his hand as her body accepted him.

  She feared her heart wasn’t far behind.

  With Dee’s sleeping body curled against him, Jacob could almost allow himself to forget they had to put their feet on the floor and resume life in a few hours.

  Gently he loosened her grip on his hand. When she didn’t stir, he draped the quilt over her arm and up to her creamy, bare shoulders. He skimmed his thumb along her collarbone, to the hollow of her throat.

  Already he stirred again at even the thought of crawling beneath that quilt and losing himself inside her. If he thought once more would satisfy his need for her, he would. But he knew it wouldn’t be enough.

  Jacob snatched his hand away and shoved to his feet.

  It was only supposed to be about sex, a release, a momentary escape for both of them. Of course, it could have been all about sex for her. How clearly he could see her beautiful face flooding with surprise just before shifting to lazy-lidded pleasure.

  He bit off a curse. The last thing he wanted from her was gratitude for introducing her to good sex. Great sex.

  His need for more told him he’d already gotten too close. She’d become too important. He should back up, gain distance and perspective for her sake as well as his.

  Jacob whipped a pair of sweatpants off the back of a chair and slid into them. Each step from the loft should have offered him the distance he needed. Instead her every breath whispered through the room, tempting him. Even the skylight seemed to silhouette her in some center-stage way.

  Where did they go from here tomorrow?

  Thinking of Chase in lock-up for the night, Jacob scrubbed a hand over the back of his neck. His hormones had been so tied in knots over Dee, he’d let his guard down and messed up with Chase. His hormones could cost him focus in finding her child.

  Still, he couldn’t turn his back on her now. Jacob dropped into the recliner and tapped the telephone beside him.

  He wasn’t sure he could be the kind of man she wanted long-term, but he could sure as hell help her with her here and now. No more waiting to get back on the job. With sunrise nearing, it was time to tap into the extra help his military network could provide.

  Chapter 13

  S itting on
the edge of the bed, Dee faced the morning with a mix of anticipation and dread. She clutched the telephone after speaking with her parents in Colorado about taking a photo to their local police station. She wanted to believe she would be holding her child just as tightly by the end of the day.

  Through the skylight the clouds hovered above, heavy and gray as the first morning light fought the overcast conditions as fiercely as she struggled to keep her mood positive, to hold on to the comfort she’d found in Jacob’s embrace through the night.

  He paced in the hall, cell phone to his ear. He moved with tense, purposeful strides, freshly showered and wearing his flight suit for a trip to the base after they spoke with the police. He’d already been on his cell when she woke up, still talking when she took her shower and then called her parents. She itched to know what he’d uncovered.

  Replacing the cordless receiver into the charger, she listened to Jacob’s end of his cell phone conversation.

  “They’ve updated the APB on Lambert, including the boy?…Good…Uh-huh…Even better.”

  Hope surged through her. She tugged her pink sweater over the low waistband of her jeans, the cashmere a poor substitute for Jacob’s embrace, and padded down the loft steps.

  “Any hits from the ferries at Puget Sound?” His gaze flicked over to her, lingered for a moment, smoked with a banked fire, then his attention returned to the conversation. “Uh-huh. I’ll see if she can come up with anything more about his plans to cross the border.”

  Could he have already found a lead? Her emotions as tender as her body, she craved even a sliver of reassurance that her son would be in her arms soon. Jacob certainly appeared invincible, capable of anything in his flight suit.

  Even in socks and no boots.

  “Yeah. Thanks for getting back to me so quickly, Spike. Tell your Mountie bud I owe him.” He thumbed the off button on the cell and looked at Dee.

  “Well?” She could see her answer in his eyes, and it wasn’t good. She’d told herself not to hope, but that didn’t stop the stab of disappointment.

  “I’ve been talking to a friend on base with the Office of Special Investigation to see if they could get any inside scoop since your ex was up on charges that would affect military safety.”

  “The man you called Spike?”

  “Right, Special Agent Keagan. We’ve been back and forth on the phone for a few hours now.”

  “And he said?” She scrambled to process all he was telling her, but kept thinking of how her husband had put all of these military people in danger just for money. She hoped all the potential damage had come to light when his partner had been arrested, but could there be more?

  Finding Blane became even more important, something she wouldn’t have thought possible.

  “The cops have updated the data in the NCIC—National Crime Information Center. A warrant had already been issued for Lambert’s arrest for custodial interference based on your statement to the police last night. They’ve put a trace on all his credit cards and his cell phone. They’re also keeping an eye on his, uh, mistress. Her phone records will be monitored, as well. I wish I had more for you.”

  “You’ve done so much. Thank you.” She hadn’t thought about him taking the other woman along later. At least the policeman last night had the forethought to jot down the woman’s name. Then the rest of Jacob’s words trickled through her brain. “You said you’ve been speaking with him off and on for hours. Did you manage to snatch any sleep?”

  His gaze flicked to the bed, with its rumpled sheets and musky air of sex. “I’m used to catching power-naps when we have a long flight.” He cocked his head to the side. “How did the conversation with your parents go?”

  “Simple. Everything’s taken care of on their end.”

  “That rough, huh?” He stepped closer, a simple reach away, the uniform stretching across the broad chest she’d slept against through the night.

  She tried not to let the hollowness inside her echo through to her voice. “They’re not demonstrative people, and we haven’t spoken in so long. I didn’t expect a great emotional outpouring. They’ll take care of what needs doing with Evan’s picture. Wiring me money. That’s all I can ask.”

  Indignation snapped in his eyes. “I happen to think you can ask for about anything you need at a time like this. For what it’s worth, I’m here for you, and that includes helping you through this.”

  For all of four more days remaining in his leave time?

  The words went unspoken between them. Still she could almost hear the clock ticking away their time together. She wanted to believe she would be holding Evan by nightfall, but she had to accept the reality that she could be searching for him for a long while—on her own.

  An uncomfortable silence stretched. Morning-after awkwardness? Maybe. She hadn’t expected declarations of undying love, certainly wasn’t sure she could have handled it if he’d said any such thing. Her one brush with love and marriage had left her burned beyond belief.

  All past problems aside, because of Evan she couldn’t think beyond the next few hours, much less into any kind of future. She needed to hold on to the hope that with her returned memory, she would find her son. “I’ll scrounge up some breakfast.”

  Jacob watched Dee make tracks toward the door, her signature spunk starching all the way up her spine. He hated that his rotten mood had kept him from reaching out to her after sex.

  The phone calls—his and hers—had left him frustrated, edgy and feeling too damned inadequate. She deserved better from him.

  Halfway across the room, she paused. “What?”

  “We don’t have to leave for another hour. There’s nothing to accomplish by showing up early.” He extended his arms. “Come here.”

  Still she hesitated.

  Dee usually had such a grab-life attitude, he kept forgetting about those tender feelings. He could use the time to gather more information about her past while indulging her in some morning-after cuddling women seemed to need. “We’ve watched a lot of sunsets together.” He nodded to the picture window across the room. “Let’s watch a sunrise.”

  At the mention of their ritual after supper, her shoulders relaxed. She inched toward him.

  He spread his arms wider. “Come here.”

  “Come get me.”

  Jacob couldn’t hold back the smile. His Dee had returned, and he’d missed her even during those few short minutes she’d been gone.

  He tugged her arm as he sank into the recliner. She curved into him as he settled his chin on her head. A perfect fit. “My ID of the man who checked you in matches Lambert’s description. The search was broad before, but now they’re checking out ferries, bus stations, airlines. The border patrol has been alerted.”

  “Two weeks too late. He’s probably already left the country.”

  “So they’ll find him in Canada.”

  Her bare foot peeked from the hem of her jeans. He smiled, remembering her surprise that first day at finding she had big feet. Jacob cupped the graceful arch in his hand and warmed her skin. “That picture from your parents will be a big help to the police.”

  Dee stiffened in his arms, hesitated, then said, “Their photo will be at least six months old. Hopefully somebody can get to one of my more recent snapshots soon.”

  Six months old? Odd. His friends all had pictures of their kids littering tabletops and albums, a new batch cropping up almost by the week. “It’s better than nothing until somebody gets to yours.”

  She shifted in his lap, her bottom wiggling against him again. Jacob gritted his teeth, damn near cracked a crown.

  Her face rested against his chest, her lashes fluttering against his skin. He tamped down temptation, then shot it all to hell by tunneling his hand under the quilt to cup her warm skin. She sighed and sagged into his touch.

  Patting her back wasn’t enough. He needed to fix her whole world and make sure no one ever hurt her again. “It’s going to be all right.”

  Dee swiped her wr
ist under her nose. “I hope so. It’s just tough to trust my judgment after the way I fell for a man like that. I haven’t spoken to my parents in years. Other than sending them an occasional picture of Evan, we haven’t had contact since I married Blane.”

  That explained the old picture. But it didn’t explain how a parent gave up on a child. That he couldn’t understand. Hadn’t anyone stood by this woman the way she deserved? “How long were you married?”

  “Eight years.”

  “You married young, then.” And went right from her unforgiving parents to an unfaithful husband. No wonder she instinctively resisted leaning on anyone.

  “I was a late-in-life child for my parents. They petted me, took care of everything for me. Sounds pretty pathetic when I say it out loud.” She traced along a patch on his sleeve, her fingers sketching over a stitched flag. “They didn’t like Blane. I made my first big stand in marrying him, and was too prideful to admit to them I was wrong.”

  “Everybody makes mistakes. That’s life. Sounds like your parents didn’t give you a chance to learn from making them.”

  Dee’s hand abandoned the quilt to cup his face. “You’re sweet, trying to let me off the hook like that, but I’m responsible, too. I can’t bear to think of all the military members he has put in jeopardy for greed.”

  He couldn’t let himself think overlong on how the man had been sending defective parts for the very planes Jacob had worked to keep in perfect condition. A crash because of mechanical failure would be a guilt he couldn’t live with.

  His grip tightened and Dee winced. He stared into those brown eyes and saw the hurt and shame she couldn’t hide. “Dee, it’s not your fault. None of it. You’re not responsible for what your husband did and you’re not to blame for how your parents have acted.”

  He kissed her before she could argue, because he couldn’t wait another minute to taste her, and because he knew she’d have to close her eyes.