Reaching Rachel

by LL Collins

  “Hi, Dad.”

  “You look wonderful, sweetie. You’ve healed nicely. How’s the shoulder?”

  As if on cue, it ached slightly. It would probably never be 100%. “It’s pretty good after a lot of therapy.”

  “And you? How are you?” She knew what he was asking.

  She sat down on the couch as her mom busied herself in the kitchen, preparing to set the table for the feast she had undoubtedly spent the whole day cooking while Rachel was driving.

  “I’m good, Dad. Honestly.” Her mom looked up from the kitchen, listening to her. “It’s been a long road, but with help from my therapist, Devin, and my friends, I’ve come very far. I’m sure it will take more time than I would like to, but every day is better than the previous. How have you guys been?”

  Rachel helped her mom set the table as her dad filled her in on his extracurricular activities—woodworking, hunting with the guys, and finishing their basement. He was loving retired life, and enjoyed living in the mountains. Her mom volunteered at a local school, having retired from teaching a few years ago, and helped out at her church to keep busy.

  Sitting down at the table to her mom’s amazing dinner of pot roast, potatoes, vegetables, and salad, Rachel felt comfortable and safe. She hadn’t felt panicked once today, even when she kissed Devin goodbye. They talked small talk, about Rachel’s job, Devin’s job, their recent visit to see his parents (she left out the other part), and Kayley and the kids. Her parents had taken to them and saw them as surrogate grandchildren.

  After dinner, they sat around the fire in the living room, drinking coffee and eating homemade chocolate chip cookies. Rachel knew it was time to tell them the truth.

  “I have something I want to tell you guys, something I never told you.” Her parents both looked at her, waiting. “What happened with Devin and me years ago.”

  Her mom raised her eyebrows, knowing this was something Rachel had never wanted to discuss before, had adamantly refused. “Honey, it’s okay if you don’t want to. We understand. It’s not our business anyway.”

  “Yes, it is. I want to tell you, I need to tell you.” Rachel looked at her dad, quiet but listening. “We went to a party for Dev’s work at someone’s beach house. He was outside by the fire, and I was inside hanging out. I still don’t know why I wasn’t with Devin. If I would’ve been …” She wasn’t going to cry. “One of his co-workers started hitting on me, and I refused him, of course. I didn’t know at the time that he had a beef with Devin and was looking to get back at him.”

  Rachel spent the next half hour telling them everything, from what Zack did at the party to what he threatened her with, to her refusing to tell Devin what Zack had told her. She let him leave her, walk away, thinking she had done the unthinkable, all to keep him from throwing his career away over her. And to keep him safe. She knew Zack would’ve done it, ruined him. Devin would’ve probably been in jail for the rest of his life if Zack had gotten his way. Then she told them about the baby, and all three of them cried, her parents both coming to her and wrapping her in their protective arms.

  “Oh, Rachel,” her mom sobbed, “I wish we could’ve helped you. I feel terrible.”

  “Baby bear,” her dad choked out. “You were going to be a momma?” With that, she started crying again, and he apologized, not meaning to be insensitive.

  “I want nothing more to be the mother of Devin’s children. It wasn’t our time, I guess.” She then told them about telling Devin the truth, him leaving, confronting Zack, and the corresponding drama over him being arrested. They sat, mouths agape, while she recounted the phone call she got from him all the way to them walking out of the precinct with his name cleared and Zack fired.

  “Wow,” her mom said, incredulous. “It sounds like a soap opera.” That got a laugh out of the three of them, and for the millionth time that night, Rachel was glad she came to see them.

  “Ellis! My man!” Devin shouted, hugging his friend. “How ya been? Keeping the ladies happy?”

  Ellis laughed. “You know it, bro! Got to keep them doubly happy now that you aren’t here! And you’re all whipped now, huh?”

  “Watch it,” Devin warned, all teasing aside. “That’s my girl you’re talking about.”

  “You’re going to have to tell me the story now, man. I’ve never seen you this way over anyone before.”

  “She’s not just anyone. She’s it for me, dude.” Ellis raised his eyebrows at him, then slid a beer across the bar for him. Devin clinked his glass with his friend’s, his thoughts with his beautiful girl. Right on cue, his phone vibrated with a text. She had sent a picture of her parent’s backyard, rolling mountains and tall, skinny pine trees showcased by the setting sun. ‘Made it safe and sound. I miss you already. I love you.’

  Typing her back, he told her he loved her and missed her already, then slipped the phone in his pocket.

  “How long you here for?”

  “Three days. I head back Sunday. We’ve got some intel we’re looking for down here, and have some meetings with the big cheese.”

  Ellis laughed. “You liking this SWAT gig? Maybe I need to come on over there and get a job with you. Any openings?”

  “It’s fantastic. I can definitely check it out for you. It would be awesome to work together again. You won’t believe what happened on my first hostage situation …” With Ellis’ confused look, Devin knew he was going to have to tell him about the past with Rachel. Ellis had known that he had been in love before, but Devin hadn’t ever wanted to talk about it. He looked around, seeing they were mostly alone, as private as you could be in a public bar. “You see, there was this girl …”

  “Dude, that’s crazy,” Ellis said after Devin had told him the whole story. He felt like he had been talking for hours; maybe he had. They had drank a lot of beers. “I’m happy for you, bro. It sounds like you’re meant to be and all that shit. Meanwhile, here I am. Still a cop, still alone. Hmmm … I guess I needed to be a hot guy like you.”

  Devin roared in laughter, slapping Ellis on the back. “Seriously. Don’t even start with me. You just don’t want to have a girl. You said so yourself. Maybe you need to move away from Miami, come on over to … what did you call it? Podunkville?”

  Ellis snorted. “Yeah, maybe I do. You were only there a few months and look at you now. Hook a brother up, man.”

  “I heard you were in town,” a voice came from behind him, and he turned, seeing Cammi. She looked good, damn good in a short skirt and halter top, her hair piled on top of her head.

  “How’d you hear that?” Devin asked, eyeing Ellis. He hoped he hadn’t tried to set them back up.

  “Word travels fast, you know that.” She hugged him, pressing her breasts against him as she squeezed him. “You look good. SWAT’s been good for ya, huh? Sure do miss you around here. It just isn’t the same.” She winked at him, and he felt uncomfortable. Why did it feel like she was trying to pick up where things left off?

  “Yeah, I’m good,” he started, trying to find a segue into telling her about Rachel. “Staying busy with my new career, for sure, and my girlfriend.”

  Her eyebrows went up in surprise. “Girlfriend? Wow. Who’s the lucky lady that got you to commit?”

  “Remember the one you asked me about before I left? We got reconnected.” He wasn’t getting into how he found her again, not with Cammi.

  Cammi stepped closer to him, her eyes searching his. “She’s not here?”

  He shook his head, his mouth dry. What was she doing?

  “Well, that’s a shame. I thought we could hook up, you know, for one night. For old time’s sake.”

  Devin met Ellis’ eyes, looking for some help, then back to her. “Cammi, I’m not sleeping with you tonight. Or ever again. You heard me. I have a girlfriend.”

  Cammi pouted. “You’re no fun.”

  Devin’s temper flared. What was her problem? She had never acted like this before. “I’m going to forget that you’re acting this way, Cammi, because you
are a nice person and I’m not sure why you would want someone to cheat on their girlfriend to be with you for one night. That’s not me, and it isn’t you, either.”

  Cammi blew out her breath, looking at Ellis and then at Devin. “I’m sorry, Dev. I was hoping that when I heard you were here that I could come see you and you would’ve missed me like I’ve missed you. It took you leaving for me to realize that what we had—it was great. I love you, Devin. Now I’m too late, I guess. But I wanted you to know.”

  Ellis’ mouth dropped open, and Devin wanted to kick him. He wasn’t helping him at all. Now she was saying she loved him? He was speechless. He hated hurting her, he did. But their relationship had never been that way, and she had even said she agreed.

  “Cammi,” he started, narrowing his eyes at Ellis. Was he part of this? He couldn’t blame him, since he didn’t know anything about what had happened with him and Rachel until tonight, but still. He could’ve warned him she was coming. “I don’t want to hurt you. You’re a beautiful woman, and you deserve someone great. I just …”

  “That person isn’t you,” she finished the thought. “I can see that. I’m sorry, Dev. I know we were never ‘that couple’. You always made it very clear your heart was somewhere else. I just hoped … anyway. Good luck to you. I hope she knows what she’s got.” She kissed his cheek, stepping back away from him with a wistful look on her face.

  “I’m the lucky one,” Devin said. “I’m sorry, Cammi. Take care of yourself.” After she walked away, Devin smacked his friend in the arm. “Seriously! You could’ve told me she was coming here!”

  Ellis looked at the door that Cammi had walked out of, then back to Devin. “Whoa. I had no idea that was what was going to go down. She heard me telling some of the guys that you were here for the weekend, and asked if she could stop by. I didn’t see any harm in in it, but forgot to mention it to you. Sorry, dude. That was crazy. She loves you? Wow. Must be nice to have women falling all over you.”

  “Shut up, Ellis. That was totally awkward! I mean, we were never like that, not at all!”

  “Well, you were enough for her to fall in love with you. Shit, man.” Ellis shook his head, and Devin picked up his drink, in disbelief of what just happened. He felt bad, but there was nothing he could do about that. His heart belonged to Rachel.

  Several other guys from his old precinct showed up right after that, and they spent the night catching up, Cammi and her admission far away from his mind.

  Rachel sat on the back porch of her parents’ house, her coffee mug warming her hands. It was a chilly morning, but she felt so at peace out here, listening to the sounds of the creek rushing over the rocks, wild animals howling and running, and birds tweeting in the trees, announcing the sunrise. She had slept well, way better than she expected without Devin by her side, but had woken up restless. Everything was scrolling through her mind: Devin, Zack, Mark/Justin, and the upcoming trial. Her thoughts were a swirling mess.

  Sipping her coffee, she clicked the photo app on her phone and took some pictures of the beautiful property. She wondered what Devin was doing. One of the worst parts about his job was how secretive he had to be about his cases, but after what she had been through, she understood why that was so important. It had turned out that Devin’s team had been looking for Mark Stevenson for a while before he had figured out who he was. The fact that Devin had been in the same area as her for over a month before she ever saw him was crazy to her. The town wasn’t that big.

  As if on cue, her phone started ringing, a picture of her and Devin flashing on the screen. Clicking to accept the call, she wondered if he could sense her smile through her hello.

  “Good morning, my love,” Devin’s velvety voice caused her stomach to flutter. She hoped she never stopped feeling that way about him.

  “I was just thinking about you,” she answered. “How’s it going down there?”

  “It’s going. I’m still on track to be home Sunday evening. Will you be home then?”

  “Yes. I’m leaving here Sunday morning.”

  “How’s the visit been?” Devin knew she was planning on telling her parents all of the missing information she had been keeping from them all these years.

  “Fantastic. My parents were very supportive and helpful. Of course they wished I would’ve told someone to help me through that time, but they understood. We all had a good cry over the baby …” her voice broke. Clearing her throat, she got control back of her voice. “I feel so much better, Dev, just having them on my side and knowing it all. They were shocked, of course. When you really think about it, I’ve attracted a lot of drama.” She chuckled a little, and he was glad to hear her make light of it a little.

  “No nightmares?”

  “I slept well last night. It felt weird, not being with you, but I feel safe here, especially after telling my parents everything. How about you? What did you do last night?”

  Devin groaned. “Well, I met Ellis at one of our favorite bars for some drinks. He got some of the guys to come too. And then Cammi showed up.”

  Rachel’s hackles raised at the name. She knew that Cammi had been his “buddy”, if you will, for part of the time he was in Miami. She didn’t know much else about her. Jealousy ripped through her. If she knew anything, she knew she was probably drop dead gorgeous. She was a cop like Devin. She understood the life.

  “Rachel,” he said when she didn’t respond. “Nothing happened, honey. Well, she thought it was going to. She had no idea I had a girlfriend. I told her as soon as she showed up, wanting to hook up.” He paused, not knowing if he should tell her what Cammi had actually said.

  “You told her about me?” Rachel’s voice was small, and he hated that. He wanted to be honest with her, would always be, but he didn’t want to hurt her.

  “Of course I did! I love you!”

  “Did she say she loved you?” Devin paused. How did she know that?

  “Yes,” he admitted, and he heard Rachel’s sharp intake of breath. “But I told her that was never going to happen.”

  Rachel concentrated on her breathing. She was a strong woman, what was her problem? She had turned into a sniveling baby over the last few months. “That’s harder to hear than I thought it would be.”

  “Why? I only love you, baby. My whole world is you.”

  “Because maybe you being with someone like her would be better for you. I’m a mess. You’re constantly worried about me being by myself because I’m such an emotional disaster. Because of me, you almost lost your job. She’s probably better for you than I am.”

  Devin stared at the phone, his mouth dropping open. No. She wasn’t going to push him away. Anger filled his veins, and before he could stop it, he bit out, “Really, Rachel? That’s what you think? After all the times I’ve professed my love to you? After all we’ve been through together, you’re still going to try to push me away? I didn’t have to tell you about that at all, you know! I’m being honest with you, because that’s what someone in a relationship does! If you’re trying to get rid of me because you don’t love me, then just say so. Don’t try to start this stuff about someone else being better for me. I’m the only one that can and should make the decision of what is best for me!” He was angry, and she was silent after he finished.

  Rachel opened and closed her mouth. She did what she always did—she tried to ruin it in order to save herself the pain she thought was inevitable.

  “I’m sorry,” he breathed when she didn’t answer. “I was angry, but that in no way means that I don’t love you. God, Rachel, I don’t care how fucked up you are, don’t you get that? I’ve screwed my way through Miami over the last 5 years to try to bury your memory. You did the same. We were both even more fucked up without each other, so what does that show us? We need each other. So much shit has happened, but even though it was crazy and awful, it happened to bring us back together. I can’t bear the thought of living without you ever again. Rachel Elise, are you listening to me? I want you to be mine. I want
you to have my name, bear my children, and argue with me over whose turn it is to get up at night and change diapers. I want it all, and only with you.”

  Relief washed over her like a wave in the ocean. “I’m sorry. I love you so much it scares me, and sometimes that means all I can think of to do is protect myself. It’s been my second nature for so long, it’s going to take me a long time to stop doing it. Thank you for being honest with me about Cammi. Of course she’s in love with you, who wouldn’t be? You’re hot, and the nicest guy I’ve ever known.”

  “Nice? Aw, come on, you’re going to ruin my reputation,” Devin teased, glad that they seemed to move past that hurdle. “I’ll take hot, though. That’s good.”

  Rachel laughed. “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow night,” she whispered, looking back to make sure her parents weren’t coming out. “Just wait until I give you a welcome home present.”

  Devin groaned. “The only present I want to have is you, naked in my bed.”

  “I think that can be arranged,” she teased. “Are you in bed right now?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “Well, it just so happens I’m alone. What if we had some fun right now?” Devin groaned again, and she laughed. This was one of the many things she had missed out on not being with him all these years, and she was determined to live her life to the fullest, starting with showing him how much she loved him, even if it was over the phone.

  “No news on the plea deal?” Rachel asked Devin, sitting down across from him at their table. He was reading the paper and drinking coffee. It had been two weeks since they had survived their first weekend apart. Rachel had been more agitated in the past two weeks, knowing the trial was coming up. Justin, Mark, whoever he was, had still not accepted the plea deal from the D.A. He had up until the trial date to accept it—once it started, she would be forced to testify to try to get him convicted of the charges.