Joseph

by Tracy St. John

  His session that morning had the added benefit of not requiring a security guard to be stationed at the door. It made it even more part of the illusion that he was there by choice. He was not; the terms of his release stipulated he would continue therapy until Adna judged him fully capable of living an emotionally healthy existence. Joseph didn’t mind the continued sentence, however. He wanted to root out and solve the problems that had led to the crimes he’d committed. As punishments went, he’d gotten off damned lucky, and he wouldn’t squander the opportunities that had presented themselves.

  Joseph had tasted happiness. He wanted all he could get of it. Dr. Adna had proven himself a worthy guide in many respects when it came to finding his way.

  The office was clean, neat, and not the institutional white of the lockdown portion of the facility. The soft beige walls and ceiling were a neutral backdrop that allowed one to properly appreciate the large window vid displaying the mountains outside. Joseph smiled at Ehom Mountain, delighted that he could view his new home. It stretched tall and stately, as if to get his attention and remind him he’d soon return to it, not the ward. The scent of crisp air in the bright space, along with the sweet tones of a dril’s song, lent the illusion that the vid was an open window.

  The lights were turned up to accommodate the Earther, whose vision was far less sensitive than a Kalquorian’s. Dr. Adna had always been obliging to Joseph in that way. The enhanced illumination let him view the familiar awards and still pics that decorated the other walls.

  Adna himself sat on a cushion across the table, pouring them each a cup of juice. The Earther couldn’t remember Adna ever sitting behind his behemoth of a desk, though there were enough objects scattered across its surface to tell him the therapist did perform some work there.

  Their talks took place in the cozy seating area, where they could sit comfortably and discuss Joseph’s troubles. The rustling of the cushions as they shifted was as soothing to Joseph as the doctor’s patient expression and the view of the mountains outside.

  Adna pushed the cup of juice toward Joseph, his broad countenance pleasant. The Dramok had the roundest cheeks Joseph had ever seen on a person, making the rest of his face appear too flat. Despite such features, Adna wasn’t ugly, but he wasn’t precisely attractive either. He was somehow appealing and odd at once. Joseph’s mother would have described his looks as having a unique character. She had been a charitable soul when it came to people’s natural physical attributes that couldn’t be helped.

  Unlike those big, soft cheeks, Adna’s eyes were as sharp as ever. “You’ve had a week of freedom. How do you like it on the outside so far?”

  “It’s been good. I have no complaints.”

  “I’m glad to hear that. You appear relaxed. How are you settling in with Nobek Almon?”

  “Terrific. He makes me feel safe.”

  The second the words left his mouth, Joseph winced. Not surprisingly, Adna seized on them immediately. “Joseph, my understanding was that you would be living with Almon to explore a clan-like relationship. You aren’t depending on him as an authority figure, are you?”

  “No. I mean, I go along with a lot of what he decides because it’s what I want too.” The defense sounded weak to Joseph’s own ears.

  “The habit of refusing to make decisions for yourself is a major issue. It’s why you committed a crime knowingly, which led to you being incarcerated here for two years.”

  “I’m doing better. In fact, I stood up for myself a few days ago. I told a former friend, whom I also considered an authority figure, that we couldn’t spend time together anymore. He tried to insist. Almon wasn’t there, and it was difficult, but I stood firm on the matter.”

  Adna’s firm stare brightened with interest, and he leaned forward. “Tell me about that.”

  Joseph gave him a condensed version of his lunch with Nesof, leaving out the characteristics that would identify the orderly as the man involved. He didn’t wish to land his former friend in trouble with the center, especially since Joseph wasn’t sure if the facility would frown on him continuing a casual friendship with a former patient.

  Nesof had been the one worry about coming in for therapy. Joseph imagined how awkward it would have been to see him at the facility. Avoiding speaking to him would have been uncomfortable. Fortunately, Dr. Adna’s office was in a wing separate from Joseph’s former ward, where Nesof was employed. The orderly only had reason to visit the therapy wing when escorting his charges to their appointments. There had been no sign of him when Joseph walked from the public shuttle’s stop to the facility, or in the corridor outside Adna’s office. With Almon taking a lunch break from work to pick Joseph up following his therapy, the Earther felt optimistic of avoiding an uneasy encounter with Nesof.

  When he finished telling his story, Adna appeared satisfied. “I’m glad you are relying on your ability to act on your own authority. Great job, Joseph. Let’s look beyond the occasional instance and focus more on what you’ll be facing every day. I realize it’s early on, but do you anticipate your relationship with Almon proceeding into the more distant future?”

  “I hope so.” The enthusiasm in his voice made Joseph flush, and he spoke quickly to cover it up. “We are finding the matter of others showing interest in me a little difficult to cope with.”

  Adna’s hint of a smile was understanding. “Your Nobek would struggle with that, especially given there aren’t any real clanning structures in place when it comes to Earther men. Dealing with jealousy is often a hurdle for Kalquorians, particularly our warrior breed. What have you put in place to handle such instances?”

  “Almon is exercising amazing control. He gives other guys dirty looks, growls at them some, but that’s about it. He saves his complaining for when we’re alone and he can vent without causing a public scene. And he never takes it out on me,” Joseph hastened to add, remembering Nesof’s veiled allegations.

  “You’re fortunate that you developed a bond with an older Nobek. They aren’t as quick to jump into a fight, having gained experience and control over their impulses. It’s the young members of that breed who swing first and ask questions later.”

  “We do have some concerns about me being alone a lot when he’s at work. We’ve agreed I need friends of my own, beyond Almon’s circle, but not Kalquorians who might test his limits of patience.” Joseph grinned at Adna’s chuckle. “We were wondering if there is a support group for Earther men involved with Kalquorians?”

  “An excellent thought. I had planned to suggest something of that nature once you were settled with Almon and, as you Earthers describe it, the honeymoon phase had ended. But if you’re ready now, there is no reason to delay you joining with your fellow transplants. Let me access that information.”

  He tapped on his handheld, looking more pleased with Joseph than his patient had ever seen him.

  Joseph relaxed and sipped his juice. If no-nonsense Dr. Adna thought he was doing all right as a free man, then there could be no doubt he was making real progress.

  * * * *

  Joseph left his session in an ebullient mood, with the name and meeting time of a support group recorded in his handheld. He had to fight against bouncing as he walked out into the sunshine beyond the cavern-enclosed center. However, he could not fend off a grin, so he let it sit there. He headed for the shuttle pad where he hoped Almon would be waiting.

  “Hey! Joseph, wait up!”

  His high spirits plunged as he turned to confront Nesof. As if he’d stolen Joseph’s smile, the orderly beamed as he caught up to him.

  “You’ll never believe it. Crush is coming to the district to play a concert. And guess who scored mid-arena tickets?”

  It took Joseph a second to sort out that Nesof referred to the rimnastin band they were both fans of. “You’re going to see Crush play?”

  “Silly. We’re going. I didn’t tell you before because I wasn’t sure I’d get the tickets, but I did. Surprise!” The Nobek raised his fists, as if celeb
rating a major victory.

  An ill sensation curdled Joseph’s gut. Music had been the first mutual interest he and Nesof had bonded over. It had been the orderly who’d turned him on to Crush, a band consisting of Earthers and Kalquorians who blended electronic-style music with the more tribal and thunderous lemanthev compositions. Nesof and Joseph had sworn that they’d go to a show once the Earther was released. He’d agreed to it before he discovered how much Almon and Nesof disliked each other.

  He smiled apologetically. “Nesof, I’d love to go, but I can’t. I told you, it’s not possible for us to hang out with each other.”

  “But we had this figured out long before Almon decided to spoil our fun. This was set in stone.” The orderly looked at Joseph as if he’d taken leave of his senses.

  “I’m sorry. The situation has changed since we last talked about the concert.”

  “Joseph, you were supposed to come straight to the shuttle.” Almon’s snarl was loud, jerking the Earther around as if the Nobek had grabbed him. However, Almon was still a few feet away, though charging forward and glaring at Nesof. “I thought the issue with this man was sorted out.”

  “It is. There isn’t a problem.” Joseph shrank at the fury in his lover’s gaze.

  “Yes, he told me you don’t like him being in the company of his oldest friend. I guess you’re afraid of the competition?” Nesof goaded Almon with a sneer, squaring his body as if to ready for an attack.

  Almon’s deadly expression declared he might do that very thing, though he halted next to Joseph. “He doesn’t want you around. Maybe he put it too politely for you to understand, so I’ll be blunt about it.”

  “You shouldn’t threaten him, just because you aren’t confident in keeping him.”

  “I’ve never threatened him.” Almon stared at Joseph, horror joining the rage in his expression. “Did you tell him I threatened you?”

  “No! I never suggested that. Nesof, you have to understand. I want to be with Almon.” Joseph cringed when it came out so loudly, for all the world to hear.

  “But only because you feel guilty that he abandoned his fleet career and took a less prestigious job so you’d consider yourself safe. When in fact, he only did it because he owes you his life.” Nesof snorted and shook his head, as if the foibles of two people could be any more ridiculous.

  Joseph stared at him in shock. Almon screeched an inhuman sound between his clenched teeth. He grabbed Joseph by the arm. “We’re leaving. Now, before I tear this bastard’s head off.”

  Nesof laughed in his face. “A relationship built on lies and guilt is not a relationship. Is this really what either of you chooses?”

  Almon had reached his limit. He lunged for Nesof, barely checking himself to avoid trampling over Joseph when the Earther jumped between the Nobeks.

  “No! You said we’re leaving, so let’s go. Almon, please. Don’t do this.”

  Almon stood still, shaking violently and seething at the leering Nesof. His body swelled, blood pumping the muscles until Joseph thought Almon might explode. His hands trembled, one alarmingly close to the blaster he wore on his hip.

  His lover relented. Grabbing Joseph’s arm again, he backed away from Nesof, then turned and stormed toward the shuttle pad.

  Joseph trotted to keep up, glancing over his shoulder to make certain Nesof didn’t follow and force the confrontation that would no doubt turn bloody. Fortunately, the orderly remained where they’d left him, smirking and shaking his head as if to say what a shame.

  What the hell was Nesof doing? Who was this man who constantly questioned his and Almon’s relationship, to the point of almost starting a fight?

  They sat in the shuttle after boarding. And sat, not lifting off. Joseph watched Almon, who gripped the armrests of his seat. Incensed, the Nobek finally looked at him. “Did you tell him I threatened you if you saw him again?”

  “How can you ask me that? I told you exactly what happened during that lunch.”

  “I ask because you have trouble bucking those with power over you. It’s easier for you to hide behind excuses so you don’t have to take the blame.”

  Joseph stared at him. His own slow-rising temper woke as Almon’s suggestion sank in. The anger boiled over, and he shouted, “Damn you for thinking I would say that about you! Damn you for not seeing how I feel and not understanding I’d stand up for what we have. Or what I believed we had. Because if you suppose for a single second I’m capable of that, then—”

  He couldn’t finish. The words we’re over stuck in his throat.

  Almon blinked. He touched Joseph’s arm, his expression filling with regret. “Joseph, no, I’m sorry. I believe you. He just—why won’t he take no for an answer?”

  “It’s not due to anything I’ve done or said,” Joseph spat. He looked away.

  They sat quietly for about another minute, both trying to calm down. Almon slowly stroked up and down Joseph’s arm. Joseph thought of all Nesof had alleged, the ugly light he’d cast on their bond.

  “Did you quit the fleet because of some stupid notion that you owed me? Is that why you’ve stuck with me?”

  Almon’s hand froze and tightened on his forearm. “Now it’s my turn to say, damn you for not understanding how I feel about you. How I’ve felt about you from the instant you came into that brig, swinging and screaming at those bastards to get off me. From that moment, there’s been no one but you.”

  They stared at each other. A crushing weight of realization fell on Joseph to hear that Almon had fallen for him when he was still his prisoner. And an equally crushing weight of guilt.

  “You quit the fleet for me. You had a lifelong career, and you tossed it aside to be the bodyguard of some rich guy with few enemies. You gave too much up.”

  “Rank means little compared to us.”

  “I didn’t think there was an us when I was brought to Kalquor. You couldn’t have known it either.”

  “It didn’t matter. You drew me in for some reason, and I couldn’t shake it off. If I was being granted a second chance for a meaningful relationship, I had to take it.”

  “A second chance?” Joseph hadn’t known Almon had ever been seriously involved with someone else.

  The big man grimaced, as if he hadn’t intended to divulge that information. “I guess I should tell you about that. When I was young—and I mean really young, still in training camp—I fell for my older brother’s Dramok friend. No, I didn’t just fall for him. I crashed. Hard.”

  “You don’t tend to do anything by half measures.” Joseph chuckled weakly.

  “No shit. Back then, I counted the days until vacations when I could visit my family, and therefore, him. He lived nearby, you see. He was perfect.”

  “Was it an issue of adoring from afar? Suffering in silence?”

  “Oh no, he and I became lovers. We talked about a shared future. Then, he met and introduced me to an Imdiko who was every bit as perfect. I had my entire life with those two mapped out in my head. In my heart.”

  “What happened?”

  “Another Nobek.” Almon’s eyes darkened. “I came home after completing training camp, and my lovers broke the news. Not only were they in a relationship with another protector, but they’d already clanned him and each other.”

  “Blessed prophets, that’s horrible, Almon! How could they treat you that way?” Joseph burst out.

  “I guess these things happen. They weren’t looking for it, but this guy came along, and I apparently failed to measure up.”

  “Idiots,” Joseph fumed. “As if anyone could compare to you.”

  Almon smiled at him then sobered and continued the story. “Naturally, I was devastated by the news. I scuttled all my career plans, which would have kept me on the planet. I joined the fleet the very next day. I couldn’t get off Kalquor and away from them fast enough. All I wanted was distance from what was out of my reach.”

  Joseph tried to imagine his heartbreak and couldn’t. It would have been even worse for the jilt
ed Almon, because Nobeks were supposed to remain stoic and strong in all situations.

  He covered Almon’s hand, which remained on his arm. “I wonder if it worked out for them. Or if they ever regretted choosing that other guy.” It might have been mean of him, but he hoped so.

  “There’s no knowing how it would have ended up. After not speaking to his friend for a while—he was pretty pissed off on my behalf—my brother resumed contact with the Dramok I’d thought I’d spend my life with. Twenty years ago, he broke the news to me that there had been an accident. There was a shuttle explosion that killed the entire clan.”

  Joseph gaped at him. He tried to come up with some intelligent witticism that would lighten the mood, but what comment could he make about such a horrible story? “I’m so sorry. Whether or not you got over them, it’s awful you had to go through that.”

  “You’re the first person I’ve felt strongly about since them. That’s why I left the fleet.” Almon fixed his gaze on Joseph’s face, and conviction lit his eyes. “Know this, my boy; I don’t regret walking out on my career so I could be with you. Not for a second.”

  * * * *

  After dropping Joseph off at their apartment, Almon returned to his job in a contemplative mood. He sat at his corner desk in his employer’s personal office and deliberated the situation. He was allowed to, because his boss, Dramok Guherf, was talking on the com. Loudly. Pacing back and forth with a drink from his office bar, clicking through holocharts of crop outputs and predictions for the upcoming growing season, all while planning a working vacation with a trusted associate and occasional lover. Fortunately, Guherf hadn’t requested that Almon tag along on the getaway to provide security. He probably wouldn’t, either. He’d been lavish with the Nobek’s requests for time off while Joseph settled in, including the longer lunch hour that had allowed Almon to pick Joseph up from his therapy appointment. A good move, considering the confrontation with Nesof.