Going in Deep

by Carly Phillips

  A young girl with long, dark curly hair met his gaze. Her hands were shoved into the pockets of a hooded, zippered sweatshirt that had seen better days, and her jeans were ripped and faded. But it was her eyes that triggered his instant recall.

  “Alex?”

  “You … you remember me?”

  She was older now, her hair longer, her expression sadder. But her vivid eyes were so light green they often appeared blue. Just like her brother’s.

  “Of course I do. Billy’s sister,” he said of his one-time friend, although drug buddy would be a better term.

  During the time after college when Julian was high more often than not, he’d hung around with Billy and his group of friends. Julian was lazy and didn’t do much beyond drugs and occasionally showing up for whatever menial labor job he could find, but Billy had been more hard-core.

  He was currently doing time for possession and dealing, and his arrest had been the catalyst for Julian to clean up his act—because but for the grace of God, Julian could have been with him. And he couldn’t have afforded to end up behind bars, abandoning his baby sister the way Billy had. Alex had been left with no one to fend for her, and she’d ended up in the foster care system.

  He met her gaze. “How did you find me?”

  She pulled her sweatshirt tighter around her, her hands never leaving her pockets. “I was wandering near where I used to live with Billy when I thought I saw you. You were busy with a woman and I didn’t know if I should bother you.”

  “I knew someone was following me. Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “I had to work up the nerve,” she mumbled. “Then I Googled your address on the computer at school.”

  She obviously had something she needed from him, and getting it out of her was going to be like pulling teeth. “Are you hungry? There’s a place on the corner that makes killer pancakes.”

  Her eyes lit up. “I guess,” she said, her casual words at odds with the longing in her expression. The kid was hungry.

  He bit back a grin. “Let me take this guy upstairs and cancel my nine a.m. appointment and we’ll go eat. And talk.”

  “Can I pet him?” she asked.

  He nodded and while he pulled out his phone and called a long-time client, Alex petted and talked to a very happy Steve. Luckily the client understood he had an emergency come up. They agreed to reschedule and touch base later. He ran upstairs and crated Steve, who was tired from his morning exertion. A cab ride was apparently a lot for the dog.

  Julian returned to find Alex standing where he’d left her. “Ready?” He glanced at her, but she didn’t rush to start walking. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “I don’t have any money.” Her cheeks burned with embarrassment.

  “And I didn’t ask you expecting you to pay. Now let’s go eat. I want to know what’s going on with you.”

  When she hesitated, he placed a hand on her back and nudged her forward until she was shuffling her way along with him.

  A little while later, they were seated across from each other in a booth. Julian had handed her a plastic menu and told her to order whatever she wanted. If she hadn’t ordered a large stack of pancakes, bacon, and orange juice, he’d have placed a similarly big order for her. His gut told him she was hungrier than she’d admit to being, which brought out the same protective instincts he’d have if his sister looked as lost and afraid.

  “Why aren’t you in school?” he asked, then realized, for all he knew, she’d graduated. “How old are you now, anyway?”

  “Eighteen.”

  The waitress poured two cups of coffee, and he looked down, adding some cream to his.

  “When do you graduate?” he asked her.

  “Next year.”

  His gaze shot to hers. “Shouldn’t you graduate this year?” he asked.

  She swallowed hard, her eyes large and luminous in her face. “When Billy went… away, I got sent to foster care.”

  “I know.” And if he’d been in any shape to help her, he would have.

  At the time, he’d been addicted, and though he’d decided to kick the habit, it hadn’t been an easy road. He’d holed up in a pay-by-the-day hotel, shivering and puking his way to sobriety. By the time he’d come out the other end, he’d been hanging on by a thread.

  Determined to do right by his sister at last, he’d found an NA meeting. It hadn’t been easy, admitting his addiction, fighting his demons, staying clean. And in the process, he’d all but forgotten about Billy’s sister.

  Guilt consumed him now, but he pushed it away, focusing on what he could fix. “What’s going on?” he asked her.

  She twirled a strand of hair around her finger… around and around until she was pulling at the hair on her head. “In all the shuffling around with foster homes early on, I kind of lost a year. So I’m a junior.”

  He nodded. “And where are you staying now?” he asked. Because at eighteen, the system would be finished with her.

  “I aged out, and my foster mother threw me out the door on my birthday a little over a month ago.” She glanced down at the table, not meeting his gaze.

  Fuck. He clenched his hands into a tight fist beneath the table, determined that she didn’t see how upset her words made him. “Where have you been staying?”

  “With a guy I know who aged out ahead of me. But his friends are druggie assholes.”

  Fuck and fuck.

  Just then, the waitress came by with their meals. She placed the plates in front of them.

  “Do you have a plan?” he asked when they were alone again.

  Alex shook her head, tears in her eyes. “Last night they stole money I had saved from working after school. I won’t go back there.” She curled her hands into fists on the table. “I’ll sleep in Central Park if I have to.”

  “So you came to me.”

  She shrugged. “You were always decent to me. You didn’t try and cop a feel like some of Billy’s other friends. But if it’s a hassle, I’ll just go.” She started to push herself out of her seat, her untouched meal in front of her.

  “Wait.”

  His deep voice startled her and she bolted upright.

  “Eat. Then you can stay with me until we figure something out.”

  Her shoulders slumped in sheer relief, and the tears hovering in her eyes fell onto her cheeks.

  His stomach twisted in pain.

  “You mean it?” she asked.

  “I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t.”

  “Can I get you anything else?” the waitress asked.

  He glanced at Alex’s empty juice glass. “Some more OJ please.”

  The woman nodded and walked away.

  “Why?” Alex asked.

  “Why what?”

  “Why are you helping me?”

  He leaned closer, ignoring the delicious smell of his food and focusing on her instead. “Because I have a sister. And I’d like to think, if she needed help, someone would step up for her.”

  And because in some weird way, he felt like he owed her. For being selfish and not giving a thought to what would happen to her when her brother went to jail. Something else to add to his sins.

  “But there’s a catch,” he said.

  “Of course there is,” she spat. “I’m leaving.”

  “No, you’re listening. You’ll finish school and graduate. And if you’re working a part-time job, you’ll keep it up.” Which would keep her out of trouble.

  She blew out a deep breath. “That’s it?”

  “Yeah. That’s it.”

  Her shoulders slumped in relief, and he didn’t want to ask what she’d thought his stipulation in exchange for giving her a place to stay would be.

  He shook his head. He also knew he had to talk to Kendall and explain his new houseguest, but this was something he needed to do in person. And she was going to visit her parents today, something he knew was a stressful event for her.

  With that discussion out of the way, Alex dug into her food. He noted s
he practically wolfed down her pancakes, which told him it’d been awhile since she’d had a decent meal.

  “Any news from Billy?” he asked.

  “He’s getting out soon,” she said before gulping down her drink.

  Although this was good news for Billy, he didn’t think the same held true for Alex. Or Julian, since she’d be staying at his place. He’d just have to take it one step at a time.

  Chapter Eight

  Kendall spent her day off from the shelter walking dogs and enjoying both the sunshine and the change in her life. Julian had risen early, kissing her into wakefulness, rolling her over and sliding inside her before she’d even processed his intent.

  She’d gone from a lonely woman seeking friendship and fulfillment to the beginnings of finding those very things. She wasn’t silly enough to think she had all the answers, but she’d made a start. A man who cared, who believed in her ability to start over with a new career. She could do these things if she put her mind to it. And she didn’t have to do it alone.

  Today she had the day off, so she planned on doing laundry and straightening up. Later that evening, Kendall, Lexie, and Kade descended on Kendall’s parents’ house to celebrate her father’s birthday.

  Kendall knew it was too much to hope that her mother, Addy, would come down to the kitchen for dinner and cake. And she arrived to find her mother was holed up upstairs. Basically she didn’t leave the bedroom, and it was only in the last year that Kendall’s dad, Wade, had hired a live-in nurse to help him with his wife’s situation. He didn’t want to put her in a treatment facility or assisted living, and Kendall respected his decision. But nothing changed the fact that Kendall hadn’t had a real mother for the better part of her life.

  She’d already gone upstairs to say hello and kiss her mother’s cheek, but she’d been in her rocking chair and hadn’t responded. From past experience, Kendall knew it would take awhile for the pit that had lodged in her stomach to go away.

  Her father always brought in dinner from a local restaurant, and tonight they’d eaten roast chicken, red potatoes, and green beans. Lexie had offered to pick up the cake, and Kendall had taken care of a joint gift, which was an Apple TV for him to stream new shows. He certainly had the time on his hands to watch.

  They moved into the family room after cake and coffee, and Kade began the process of hooking up the Apple TV, leaving Lexie and Kendall talking with their father.

  “Okay, enough about me. Tell me what’s going on with each of you,” Wade asked. “Kendall?”

  She glanced at him. “Actually, I was thinking of going back to school.” Thanks to Julian’s positive reaction, she had the courage to share her news. “I want to be a vet tech.”

  “That’s fabulous,” Lexie said. “You’d be a perfect fit!”

  “I agree,” Kade said, approval and admiration in his gaze.

  She was used to seeing compassion in Kade’s expression, but his admiration filled her with pleasure and pride.

  “I would love for you to go back to school!” her father said. “Can I help?”

  Kendall smiled. “I’ll let you know if and when I need anything, Dad. Thank you. For everything. All of you. I’m so grateful for your support. I can’t tell you what it means to me to know I have you in my corner.” She smiled, knowing how very fortunate she was.

  “We love you, K.”

  “We do,” her father added. “And now you, Lexie. What’s going on? You seemed preoccupied at dinner.”

  “Well, now that you mention it… Kade and I have news,” Lexie said.

  Personally, Kendall didn’t know how she’d held the exciting revelation in during dinner.

  “What is it?” Wade asked.

  “Lexie’s having my baby,” Kade said from behind the television set. He rose and strode out to where Wade was hugging Lexie.

  “That’s such wonderful news!” their father said, stepping back and studying his daughter with pride. “I can’t wait to be a grandfather.”

  “It’s awesome,” Kendall agreed.

  “I wish your mother… Never mind,” her father said.

  Lexie met his gaze. “I told her, Dad. When I went upstairs before dinner. No reaction,” Lexie said, her voice cracking.

  And that explained why Lexie had needed time to compose herself over dinner before telling their father the same news.

  Kade pulled Lexie into his arms. “I’m over the moon.” His voice was rough, and he couldn’t take his gaze off his wife.

  And not for the first time tonight, she was envious of her sister. Lexie had the ability to bring her husband around her friends and family without worrying about what anyone would say. Or think. Kendall longed for the same freedom. To go where she wanted, to bring Julian around her family. To just be who and what she was without judgment or condemnation.

  As much as she understood why Lexie and Kade would lose their minds if they found out Kendall was seeing Julian, they didn’t know him now. They didn’t know what he’d been through in the past, how far he had come. How hard he was trying to be a better man. If she told them, would they care?

  “So, Kendall…” Her father turned his attention to her. “Any special man in your life?” he asked, as if on cue.

  She swallowed hard. This was her chance. “No, no one in particular,” she lied.

  Not because she was a coward but because she didn’t want to ruin Lexie’s news with an argument, and because she wanted to talk to Julian before she took such a big step.

  She’d have to keep her secret awhile longer and hope when her sister did discover the truth, she’d find it in her heart to understand and agree that people had the ability to change. And to want Kendall’s happiness above anything else.

  As for Kade, Kendall would have to rely on Lexie to persuade her husband to leave the past where it belonged and embrace the future.

  * * *

  After leaving her father’s house, Kendall had planned to go straight home and spend the night alone. She had things to do at her apartment, like bookkeeping for her dog-walking business that she hadn’t had time to finish this afternoon, and there was unfinished laundry to be folded. And as much as she loved being with Julian, she figured it was a smart idea to spend time alone, too.

  Except after an evening with happily married, expecting-a-baby Kade and Lexie, Kendall had the urge to show up on Julian’s doorstep and spend time with her own man. She also couldn’t wait to share the positive response she’d gotten about her school plans from her family. It was a novel experience, to have someone other than Lexie to turn to when she had news.

  Instead of heading home, she took a cab from Penn Station to Julian’s apartment. She’d have to go home later because Waffles was alone, but she had time to stop for a visit.

  She knocked on his apartment door, and he answered right away, wearing an old pair of sweats riding low on his hips and a gray tee shirt, his delectable forearms on display. Steve ran up by his side but waited politely behind the door. Julian had obviously been working on training, and she was impressed.

  “Kendall!” he said, his shock evident in his voice and expression.

  “Surprise!” She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close, inhaling his seductive masculine scent.

  After an evening of watching her sister and her husband be all cuddly and lovey-dovey celebrating her pregnancy, after not being able to share the real news she had of her own, that she and Julian had found… well, not love, not yet, but something real and with potential, she wanted to be as close to him as possible.

  She braced her hands on his cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss, covering his mouth with hers and sliding her tongue between his parted lips. She was feeling particularly brazen and braver than she’d been in a while.

  She broke the kiss, and he brushed her hair off her face. “Kendall, we need to talk.”

  “Later. I want you and I’m in no mood for conversation.” She ran her hands over his shirt-covered chest, starting at his nipples, whic
h puckered beneath her hands, then slid her palms to the waistband of his sweats.

  His cock was thick, bulging behind the heavy cotton material, and her mouth watered at the thought of getting her mouth on him at last.

  “Kendall—”

  She pulled on the white tie holding up his sweats when he grasped her wrist.

  “Are you playing hard to get?” she asked, leaning in to lick his bare chest.

  “Is this your girlfriend?” a female voice asked.

  “Who is that?” Kendall glanced behind Julian to see a young woman studying her with curiosity. “Is that your sister?” As Kendall asked, she started toward the girl.

  “No, it’s not. Look, like I said, we need to talk.”

  Kendall stiffened, suddenly unsure of herself and her place here. After all, she’d shown up unexpectedly, and she and Julian hadn’t discussed exclusivity, but this girl was so young, and things between Kendall and Julian were so intense.

  Trust.

  Don’t jump to conclusions, she warned herself, despite the fact that their rocky past was running through her mind and warning her to be careful.

  “Okay… talk. Or introduce us.” She gestured to the brunette watching them intently.

  “Alex, can you give us some privacy?” he asked.

  “Fine.” She raised her hands in defeat and headed back toward… the bedrooms. Steve trotted after her.

  “Where is she going? Better yet, what is she doing here? And who is she?” Kendall asked.

  Julian placed his hand against the small of her back and led her toward the couch in the den. “Let’s sit.”

  She stepped away and settled into the far corner of the sofa. Distance would enable her to hear what he had to say and process it without being distracted by his sexy nearness.

  Julian sat down, twisting his hands. “Back in my drug days, I was friends with a guy named Billy Walker. Alex is his sister.”

  He looked to her for some reaction, but Kendall remained silent.

  “Okay, well, as I was saying, I was friends with Billy. We used to… get high together… and he was my dealer. That was the extent of it for me but Billy was in deeper. Anything for a quick buck.”