by Mindy Hayes
After two knocks he answers the door. It takes him a minute to recognize me.
He lifts a small smile. “You’re Alix’s friend.”
“Aiden.” I nod. “Yes, sir.”
When I don’t smile back, his falls. “Well, I’m just heading out. What can I help you with?”
“This won’t take long,” I say.
He stops and leans on the door handle, not offering to let me in. Not that I would have accepted it.
I take a deep breath. “I think it’s really important that you think about what your presence in Willowhaven is doing to Alix.”
He interrupts me and levels me with a condescending stare. “It’s really none of your business.”
It takes everything in me not to take a swing. “And that’s where I think you’re wrong. You see… I love your daughter, sir. So that kind of makes it my business. Right before you showed up was the happiest I’ve ever seen her. And I’ve known her for quite some time. But you showing up is killing her. I know I can’t make you leave. I know you think you’re doing the right thing by being here, but if anything it’s just destroying your daughter more.”
Mr. Fink chews on his lips. “Aiden, was it?” he asks and I nod. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m going to have to ask you to mind your own business.”
My fists clench at my sides. I will not punch this man. I will not punch this man. “With all due respect, if you don’t leave town, I’ll make it my business to make sure you do.”
He snorts. “Are you threatening me, son?”
“I’d never do that. But if you love your family as much as I hope you do, you’ll leave. If you ever want a chance to mend your relationships, you’ll do it when Alix is ready. Not when it suits you.”
His face falls a fraction, but he remains stern. “Is that all?” he asks.
“Yes, sir,” I say begrudgingly.
“Then you have a good day, Aiden.” And he closes the door in my face.
I breathe out. It’s no wonder Alix can’t stand him.
I just hope he listens.
ALIX
MORNING AFTER MORNING Phil’s at The Willows. Taunting me. More than anything I want to tell him to leave, but she loves it so much. I haven’t seen her this happy since I was a teenager. She has no idea. A part of me is scared that any day she will remember. That she’ll have a moment of clarity, and this fragile relationship they’re rebuilding will collapse, leaving her more broken than she already is.
One morning I enter the art room in the facility, and he’s sitting next to her as she paints another lavender field. It’s bright and serene and cheerful. She even paints better with him here. I wouldn’t say she’s the next Monet, but she’s still got it.
I don’t approach. I watch. He’s pointing to the canvas and whispering in her ear. She leans into him bashfully like a teenager in love.
I haven’t heard her call him by name again, but she seems to recognize him most of the time. Or if she doesn’t recognize him, she loves having him around anyway. He can do no wrong.
I can’t do this. Seeing him with her like this is not at all like I imagined. I used to think about him crawling back and her forgiving him. Our family fitting perfectly together again as if we were never broken, but I was young and naïve. Now all I see is a pitiful old man taking advantage of an ill woman’s disease to win her back. It sickens me.
He has to go.
***
When I go back to see Mama, the sun has set and the facility is fairly quiet. I go straight to her room because I figure she’s probably getting ready for bed. I stop in the doorway when I see someone draped over the foot of her bed. I missed her. She’s already asleep.
When I look closely I see that it’s Phil. His shoulders are faintly shaking.
“Kate.” His voice cracks. “My Katie.” He quietly sobs over her, and I take a step back. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
I stall in the doorway, battling between wanting to kick him out now and letting him have this. Because I can see this is his time to grieve. She might be living, but with her mind gone it feels like she died. I didn’t know it was possible to grieve the living until I lost her. This must feel like he lost her all over again.
Slowly, I walk away, leaving him alone with her and his pain because tonight will be his last.
AIDEN
GRAN AND GRAMPS invited me to stay for dinner when I dropped by to check on them Friday night. Savannah is out with friends—again—so I stick around for a couple hours to chat and see how they’re doing, hoping Savannah will come home early. I’m on my way out when there’s a firm knock at the front door.
“Who could that be at this time of night?” Gran asks and moves around me to answer it.
It’s only nine, but it’s nearly their bedtime. She’s only up now waiting for Savannah.
“Oh dear.”
I step forward and peer around her to see two police officers with Savannah standing in front of them, looking guiltily down at the porch.
“Good evening, Mrs. Ballard. I believe we have something of yours.”
***
The room is dead silent as soon as the officers leave. Gran sits on the edge of the couch with her hands folded in her lap, while Gramps settles into his usual spot in the recliner, his arms resting on the arms. He stares forward with his lips pursed. I can tell he won’t be the one to speak first. I block the door, so Savannah doesn’t think of making an escape. She’s leaning against the wall with her arms folded across her chest like she doesn’t understand why we’re so upset. She’s placed herself as close to her bedroom as she can without actually leaving the room.
“Sit,” I say and point to the empty couch adjacent to Gran.
Savannah groans. “Do we really have to do this right now?”
“Now, Vannah.”
When she flops on the couch, she grumbles, “It’s not that big of a deal.”
“Drag racing?” I try to keep my voice controlled, but I fail. “ Not that big of deal? Are you kidding me? Do you realize how dangerous that is?”
“Jason knows what he’s doing. He’s been doing it for months now,” she defends. “It’s an organized race. I was fine.”
“Savannah,” Gran interjects, trying to be the voice of reason. “Whether he knows what he’s doing or not doesn’t matter. It’s illegal. You’re lucky Officer Keller is an old friend or you’d be sitting in a holding cell right now with charges slapped against you that would go on your permanent record.”
I get the angle Gran is trying to come from, but it’s not going to work. Savannah is already rolling her eyes. Obviously a record isn’t something she’s concerned about. Either that or she’s not concerned because she doesn’t think it would actually happen. In Willowhaven, everyone knows everyone and could call in a favor to wipe a slate clean with one phone call. One she knows Gran would make.
“Gran?” I say. She looks at me. “Can you leave us alone for a minute?”
She’s about to protest, but she sees something in my eyes. “Okay. Robby, let’s give these two the room.”
He grunts, irritated, and locks the recliner back in place before he follows her back to their bedroom.
Savannah leans back and glares at me like nothing I can say will affect her, but I have the one thing that will.
“No sneaking out, drugs, sex, or alcohol.” I name off each one on a finger. “Those are the standards. No drag racing? Now that’s just common sense, Vannah.”
“Stop being so dramatic, Aiden. I was fine.”
“Do you realize that not only you could have died, but that you could’ve killed someone else?” My voice shakes. I’m trying so hard to keep it steady, but my mind keeps replaying the two officers standing side by side in our driveway with the red and blue lights flashing behind them. Memories I’ve tried so hard to bury resurface.
“But we didn’t. I’m fine.”
“Luckily!” I break. If she says fine one more time… “You could’ve died, Vannah.
Does that not click? Do you not get that? How could you be so careless?”
“We were having fun! I trust Jason. He’s a perfectly safe driver. He knows what he’s doing, has been training for months.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I’m going to pretend that you aren’t using that as an argument right now. I don’t care if he’s been drag racing for a hundred years. You are never to get in a car with him again. Ever.”
“Everyone does it, Aiden,” she tries to reason, sitting forward, as if that argument will suddenly change my point of view. Everyone does it so that makes it okay! “We were on a dirt road where no one could get hurt. They were being smart about it.”
“You think just because you’re in an area that doesn’t have high traffic that nothing bad could happen? Anything could happen when you’re being reckless.”
“Just because Mom and Dad died in a car accident doesn’t mean that I will too,” she retorts.
I grit my teeth. “Mom and Dad died because of some other idiot, not because they put themselves in harm’s way on purpose.”
“How do you know it wasn’t their fault? No one survived! There were no witnesses! All the police could do was map out what they think happened. Mom and Dad could’ve run the red light. No one knows!”
“They didn’t run the red light!” I lose it.
“You don’t know that!”
The emotion hits me in the back of the throat. I swallow and dejectedly say, “I know because I was there, Vannah.”
This is not how I wanted Savannah to find out. I didn’t ever want her to find out, but if there were ever a time for it to come out, this would be it. Maybe she’ll hate me forever, but if she can learn from what I did, and be less irresponsible with her life, it will be worth it. I can handle her hating me, if it means she’s living and breathing.
Bringing the volume of my voice down, I tell Savannah what really happened the night our parents died.
When I finish she looks at me like she doesn’t even know who I am. She races past me with tears streaming down her face. The sound of her door slamming is my cue to leave.
ALIX
EARLY IN THE morning, I drop off Brooks at Gina’s so I can get to The Willows before Phil. I hope that Brooks doesn’t resent me when he’s old enough to understand. If he wants, he can seek him out when the time comes. But that time isn’t now.
Pulling my coat tighter around myself, I wait outside the entry for Phil. I already checked with the front desk to make sure he hadn’t shown up yet. It was only a matter of time.
Around eight he rolls in. When he sees me he quickens his stride and smiles until he notices that I’m not smiling back.
“Good morning, Alix,” he says as he uncertainly approaches.
It isn’t until I ask that I realize I want more. I had an entirely different speech prepared, but it’s not what comes out of my mouth.
“Why did you do it?”
He blinks.
“Why did you cheat?”
His eyes close, and his face falls like he was waiting for this day to come. I’m afraid to hear what will come out of his mouth, but I have to know. I need closure. “I could stand here and tell you why, but it’s not going to change the fact that I did.”
“But maybe it will help me understand why we weren’t good enough.”
“Is that what you think? That’s why you think I strayed?” He shakes his head sadly. “Alix,” he utters. “It has nothing to do with you and all me.”
When the automated doors open and someone walks out of the facility, he encourages me to walk with him away from the front, and I follow. “My mistake wasn’t because I didn’t love you or your mother or Brooks. Somehow, I compartmentalized. Traveling so much can get lonely, especially for someone who had never left his hometown before. It was a moment of weakness, with a woman I was working with on one of my trips, which turned into love over time. I rationalized that I could have two lives. When I was with her it was hard to remember I had another life in Willowhaven—that my life was in Willowhaven. Tammy doesn’t believe in marriage, so it almost felt like fate. That sounds so wrong saying it out loud, I know, but that’s how my brain saw it. I could be married to your mother and keep Tammy too. When things progressed, I was in too deep. I couldn’t imagine losing either family.”
I stop walking. I’ve heard enough. I don’t know why I thought it would help to know, because I still don’t understand. It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t hurt any less. “I don’t understand how you could do that to a person. How you could lie for years and years and never fess up. You only stopped because you got caught.”
“Alix.” He steps in front of me. His hands lift to touch me, but he thinks better of it and drops them to his sides. “It was because of how much I loved that kept me from saying anything. Once it had gone too far, I couldn’t hurt anyone I loved. There were too many lives at stake.”
Unbelievable. “Even now, you can rationalize it. If you really loved any of us, it never would have happened in the first place. You broke my heart,” I cry. “I was your little girl, and you tossed me out of your life. You were supposed to be there for me. For Mama. And now it’s too late. It’s time.”
Phil looks at me like he doesn’t understand English. So, I lay it out nice and clear for him.
I dry my tears with my sleeve and swallow. “I’ve been more than generous with your time with her. I could have taken that away in an instant, but I didn’t. The longer you’re here, the harder it is. Now it’s time. You have to go.”
“Alix, let’s talk about this,” he tries. The schmoozer in him seeps into his voice. “We can work it out. She’s happier with me. You can see that.”
“Only because she can’t remember,” I snap. “No. I let you have your closure, which is more than I can say for you. You ran. You ran without giving answers and never fought. You say Mama kept you away, but all it was, was her words. You could’ve fought harder. Instead you chose them. You chose to save yourself.” I bite back more tears. “Now, it’s my turn to choose. And I don’t choose you.”
“Alix, please,” he says, almost patronizingly. “Can’t you see I’m different now? Let’s talk about this like adults.”
“Don’t you dare belittle me. I am talking to you like an adult. I’m protecting my family. You’ve done nothing but try to manipulate the situation. I want you to leave Willowhaven and to never show your face again.” He makes no attempt to back down. “If I have to slap a restraining order on you, I will. Don’t think I won’t. I don’t care to what lengths I have to go; I will make your life miserable if I have to. Please. Just go.”
My words slap him across the face. “It doesn’t have to be like this. I can be here for you. For her. For Brooks.”
“But it does,” I say, resigned. “You made sure of that the first time you laid eyes on that other woman and every single time after that. You made your choice over and over again, year after year. Now I’m making mine. It’s time for you to go.”
The moment the last word leaves my lips, I’m set free. I’m so tired of being angry. So tired of feeling bitter. It’s exhausting. I’m done. There’s nothing but apathy coursing through me. I never knew how powerful words could be until now. Words have the power to save you.
“I wish you’d reconsider.” His words are hollow, rehearsed. “We could be a family again. We could be what we always should’ve been.”
“We’ll never be that family, Phil. Like you said, we were an heirloom that you shattered. You can’t glue us back together and expect us to look the same. We’re not. We’re better than that broken heirloom. We’re better without the pieces of you.”
The thing is, I don’t expect him to fight me. He might pretend to want to be here. He might even think he wants to be here, but in the end he doesn’t really. All he feels is an obligation to make it right with Mama, who doesn’t even remember what he needs to atone for. If he really wanted to make things right, he would’ve tried harder with me, rather than spend
day after day hiding in this facility.
“Okay,” he concedes. “If this is what you really want, I’m not going to fight with you anymore. Just promise me you’ll tell her I love her. You know how to find me if you reconsider.”
“I won’t.” I don’t tell him that I won’t do either.
Before Phil turns to leave, he stops and says, “I just want you to know how incredibly proud of you I am. That might not mean much to you right now, but it doesn’t lessen its truthfulness.” He swallows. “I know I said you changed, but it was for the better. I just didn’t see it until now. You love with a fierceness that no one can ever take away. It isn’t a fault. It’s a strength. That Aiden kid is the luckiest man alive. Hang onto him. He loves you very much.” Phil nods and turns.
His words pierce my core, not because they come from him, but because I miss Aiden so much it hurts.
But wait… He loves me? How would he know that? “Did Aiden talk to you?”
Phil looks over his shoulder, almost surprised that I didn’t know. “He stopped by where I’ve been staying a couple days ago. I should have listened when he came. I’m sorry, Alix.”
Before everything processes Phil is already walking away.
***
Sawyer laughs with tears in her eyes as I tell her about Phil.
“I don’t know why I’m laughing. It’s not funny.” But she can’t stop laughing. “I can picture his face. It's like you gave the devil his due, and it's about dang time.”
I can’t help smiling. “It did feel pretty good.”
Sawyer’s laughter calms as she sighs and leans back in the chair across from my drafting board. “I’m proud of you. That took a lot of courage. You did the right thing.”
“I know I did,” I murmur. As good as it feels to know he’s gone, I still feel a void.
“But you still seem a little unsure? Does your mom know yet?”
