Finn

by Holly C. Webb

  “Please, Professor,” Emmy cried as she kept walking as fast as she could. “I just want to go home. I know you’re sorry for what happened today, and I…I accept your apology, But I… I just want to go home.”

  “JUST STOP!” Finn exclaimed as he hurried past her, stopping directly in front of her. “You’re upset, and I can’t let you walk away like this.”

  “What is it you want from me?” Emmy cried as she looked up into his face. “Because right now, I have no clue!”

  “I DON’T KNOW!” Finn yelled, completely stunning Emmy. “I…I don’t know.”

  Emmy just stood there, staring up into his eyes as the tears continued to trickle down her face.

  “I’m a good professor,” Finn finally continued. “I pride myself in giving every single one of my students the best education I can give them. I have the best record of any of the professors in the entire school. I always behave professional and properly when I am in the class. But since you walked into my class, I don’t know whether I am coming or going, and I don’t know what the hell to do to make this right.”

  “Since I walked into your class?” Emmy replied, repeating his words back to him. “I don’t understand what you mean! Do…do you want me to leave your class?”

  “What? No!” Finn exclaimed. “Of course I don’t want you to leave my class.”

  “Then what do you want, Professor?” Emmy asked, but she wasn’t sure that she wanted to know the answer to that question.

  “I WANT YOU!” Finn exclaimed, completely shocking Emmy with his response. “I want you, but I can’t have you, and it’s killing me.”

  “You…want…me?” Emmy asked as she stared up into his eyes, all she could see was fear staring back at her.

  “So much it scares the crap out of me,” Finn said as he reached up to wipe the tears from her face, but suddenly stopped himself. Instead he pushed his hands through his hair and blew out a long, deep breath. “But I can’t. It’s against every rule, we could lose so much.”

  “But…but, I thought I irritated you,” Emmy replied as she tried to process what he had said. “I thought that you didn’t like me.”

  She had no idea where this had come from. She liked him too, of course, she liked him, he was attractive, but more than that, he was clever and sweet, when he wasn’t being completely terrifying. But he was her professor, she had never really thought about him that way, she certainly didn’t think he had feelings for her. If anything she was sure he found her annoying more than anything else.

  “Believe me, I wish more than anything that I didn’t feel like I do about you,” Finn sighed as he pushed his hands through his long hair again, pinching his eyes closed for a moment, before he opened them once more, staring down into Emmy’s eyes. “This was never meant to happen. I’m not this person, but as much as I try to pretend that I don’t have these feelings for you, the more you’re in my head; and I really don’t know what to do with how I feel.”

  Emmy stood there, and stared at him for a moment, completely speechless.

  “I’m sorry,” Finn said as if he suddenly realised the enormity of what he just admitted to him. He took a step back, and then another. “I shouldn’t have said anything to you. The last thing I want to do is make things harder for you. I should be going. I’m so sorry.”

  Finn turned, beginning to walk away. Emmy just stood there, rooted to the spot, completely stunned. Her heart was hammering in her chest, then it hit her like a wrecking ball that she really didn’t want him just to walk away from her, not when there was still so much to say.

  “WAIT!” Emmy cried out, this time it was her turn to stop Finn in his tracks. He turned around, looking at her, and Emmy could see he was almost holding his breath. “I don’t want you to be sorry.”

  “You don’t? He asked giving her a questioning look.

  “You stood there, you told me how you felt,” Emmy replied as she brushed away the fresh tears that were now falling. “You tell me, then you walk away, but you didn’t ask how I feel.”

  “You want to tell me how you feel?” Finn asked, and Emmy could see he was worried about what she might say.

  “I think it’s only fair,” Emmy replied, swallowing hard. “I think that you should listen to what I have to say.”

  “Okay,” Finn nodded as he took a step back closer to her.

  “Well,” she said as she took a deep breath. “If I am honest, I never really thought about you in that way, I mean, you’re my professor, and I know the rules of the University too.”

  “I’m sorry, Emmy, I…” Finn began to apologise but Emmy held her hand up, stopping him mid-sentence.

  “But I don’t want you to be sorry,” Emmy said, as she took a step closer to him. “I know that this could never work, and the last thing I want is for you to get into trouble, but I really don’t want you to be sorry for the way you feel.”

  “What are you saying, Emmy,” Finn said as he looked down into her eyes.

  “I’m saying I don’t want you to be sorry,” she said with a nervous smile. “Because I like you too. I like you more than just my professor. I know nothing can ever happen between us, but I wanted you to know that too.”

  Finn didn’t respond. Instead, he just stared at her, and Emmy could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She knew that this was her only chance to show him how she felt about him.

  “Emmy, I…” Finn whispered, and Emmy knew that he was so torn.

  She stepped closer to him, then leaning up, softly kissing him on the lips.

  “It’s okay Professor,” Emmy breathed against his lips. “You don’t have to say anything. I understand.”

  “I wish things could have been so different,” Finn said, as he gave her a sad smile. “I really do.”

  “Me too,” Emmy said, as a sudden sense of calmness settled inside her. Nothing that happened that day seemed to matter anymore. The only thing that mattered to her was her and Finn, and that moment. “But is okay.”

  Finn didn’t reply. Instead he just stared down into her eyes. Emmy knew he wished that things could be so different for them. And now as she stood there, she wish they could be too.

  She leaned up and kissed him once more, but this time she softly pressed her lips to his cheek.

  “Goodnight, Professor,” Emmy whispered before she stepped back, giving him one last smile before she turned and walked away.

  As she did, she could feel his eyes on her. She knew that if she turned back to look at him, she wouldn’t have been able to walk away. But in her heart, she knew, walking away was the right thing to do, no matter how hard it was.

  Chapter 9

  Emmy

  Over the next few weeks, things between Emmy and Finn settled down a little. After the night outside the coffee shop, Emmy found that she was confused about her feelings for Finn, but she knew being with him wasn’t a choice, so she focused all her energy on her school work, and it was paying off.

  On the Monday morning after their night in the coffee shop, Finn arrived early to class, just like Emmy had and her heart stopped for a moment when he walked into the classroom.

  When she looked at him and gave him a smile, he smiled too and slowly walked towards the front of the desks, but she could tell he was just as nervous as she was.

  “Good morning, Emmy,” he said, and even though he was smiling, she could still hear the worry in his voice.

  “Good morning, Professor,” Emmy replied in a friendly voice, letting him know that as far as she was concerned, things between them were just fine. “Did you have a good weekend?”

  “I did, thank you,” Finn replied his eyes still fixed firmly on her. “You?”

  “I did,” she nodded. “I got most of my essay on the Bronte sisters completed, and I have started reading the next book in our reading list.”

  “Wow,” Finn replied, this time his smile was more genuine. “You have been busy.”

  “It’s easy when you enjoy what you’re doing,” Emmy shrugged, then
smiled once more.

  “Listen, about the other night,” Finn began as he took a cautious step closer to where she was sitting.

  “It was lovely to bump into you in the coffee shop,” Emmy quickly said giving him a look that said, he didn’t need to say another word.

  “I just want to be sure that you’re okay,” Finn continued in a hushed voice.

  “I am, Professor,” Emmy nodded, smiling once more. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but she knew he could never answer all the question she had, so she did the only thing she could, she gave him the assurance he needed that what happened would remain between them. “Thank you for asking.”

  Finn stared at her for a moment, and Emmy knew there was more he wanted to say too. But he didn’t. Instead, he just nodded his head, then smiled once more before he turned, walking back to the front of the classroom.

  And that was pretty much how things remained. While in the classroom, Finn treated her like all his other students, and Emmy loved his class more than any other of her classes. Whenever they found themselves alone, Finn was kind and caring, but neither of them ever mentioned that night again.

  The only real problem Emmy had during the day was Shelby seemed to have formed an intense dislike of her, but Emmy really had no clue why.

  She knew that Shelby was jealous of her in some way, and she knew it was something to do with Professor Murphy. Emmy knew that Shelby was sure she was getting some kind of special treatment, but in what way, she had no clue,

  Emmy worked her butt off in Professor Murphy’s class, in fact, she worked her butt off in all her classes, so far, her grade point average was a 4.0; but every grade she got, she deserved because she put the work in for it.

  Still, Shelby was like a dog with a bone, she was not letting her jealousy go, any time soon.

  She had started calling Emmy, Orphan Emmy, constantly making snide and cruel comments about Emmy’s parents. Emmy tried not to rise to it, but it was becoming harder to ignore her.

  On Halloween, Emmy was sitting in the quad on campus lost in one of her books, when a guy she knew simply as Adam from one of her classes, asked if he could join her on the bench she was sitting on.

  “You’re in my philosophy class, right,” he said as he gave Emmy a warm smile. “It’s Emmy, isn’t it?”

  “Yes,” Emmy replied with a smile.

  “I’m Adam,” he replied as he held out his hand to Emmy, which she took, shaking it before she returned back to her book. Adam sat there for a moment, and Emmy knew he was trying hard to think of something to say next. “So, um… what is it you’re reading?”

  “Harper Lee,” Emmy replied as she lifted her books, so he could see the front cover.

  “To Kill a Mocking Bird,” he said with a nod, then smiled. “I read that in high school.”

  “Me too,” Emmy replied with a grin. “But it’s still one of my favourites, so I like to read it from time to time.”

  “It’s a great book,” Adam agreed, then nodded once more.

  Emmy just gave him a smile before she returned to her book once more, as again a silence settled between them.

  “So, I was wondering,” he finally said, and Emmy could hear the nervousness in his voice. “As you know, it’s Halloween. Well, there is this big party back in my frat house tonight, and I was wondering if maybe you would like to go?”

  Emmy stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out if he was actually being serious or not. She reckoned that he couldn’t have been more than nineteen or twenty, she was pretty sure he had no clue how old she actually was, but a party sounded like fun, and fun was definitely something that was in short supply in her life.

  “I know it’s kinda short notice,” he continued with a cautious smile. “But I was told you were dating… actually never mind, I think it’s a load of crap anyway. So, it’s fancy dress, but you don’t have to dress up to come. What do you say?”

  She smiled, thinking that maybe for once she could be the girl that didn’t always over think things.

  “Sure,” she replied as she gave him a warm smile. “That could be fun.”

  “Excellent!” He exclaimed as he stood up. “Which dorm do you live in? I can collect you about eight o’clock.”

  “Actually, I don’t live in the dorms,” Emmy said as she handed him a pencil, then ripped a piece of paper from the back of one of her notepads, handing it to him. “But if you write down the address, I could meet you there.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Adam said as he took the paper from Emmy and wrote down his address. “I will stick my number down too, you know, in case you get lost, or something.”

  “Great,” Emmy replied as she took the paper from him, slipping it into her book. “I’ll see you at eight. Adam.”

  “See you then,” Adam beamed as he took a couple of steps backward. “Bye, Emmy.”

  “Bye,” Emmy replied, smiling to herself as she watched Adam hurry across the quad.

  What the hell did you just agree to? She asked herself before she returned to her reading, and Atticus Finch.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to come in with you?” Gabby asked as she looked across at Emmy sitting next to her in the car. “I mean, I can come in, you know, check this guy out for you if you want.”

  “You have work,” Emmy replied with a laugh. “Besides, Roberto is already going to be mad that you’re late as it is.”

  “If you’re sure,” Gabby said as she gave Emmy another smile.

  “Are you sure I look okay?” Emmy asked as she looked down at her costume, sighing with uncertainty. “Am I not too old for dressing up?”

  “Firstly, you can never be too old to dress up for Halloween,” Gabby replied, matter-of-factly. “Secondly, you are dressed up as Harley Quinn, and you’re going to a college party in a frat house, with a bunch of horny college kids. Trust me; they’re going to love you.”

  When Emmy called Gabby, telling her she had been invited to a fancy dress party, Gabby insisted that she came over to help her get ready. When she arrived with the costume, Emmy was less than convinced about the outfit.

  “I’m not wearing that!” She exclaimed as Gabby held up the costume for her friend. “For starters, they aren’t even shorts, they’re more like underwear.”

  “Oh come on, Em,” Gabby cried as she gave her friend a frustrated look. “If anyone can pull this outfit off, you can. And look…”

  She reached into the bag, pulling out two cans of spray-in hair colour, and smiled. “With your natural blonde colouring, you won’t even have to wear the wig. So I got you this temporary spray-in hair colour. You are going to rock this costume.”

  “I’m too old to be going anywhere wearing that!” Emmy insisted, but Gabby was not taking no for an answer.

  “You are the only one that thinks you’re too old,” Gabby insisted. “The hot college guy didn’t have a problem with your age when he asked you out. Now suck it up and stop being such an old lady.”

  And like that, the argument was over.

  Now that she was sitting there in the car, she couldn’t help but wonder why she let her friend talk her into these things. She knew this was beyond madness. She didn’t know this Adam guy at all, and she barely knew anyone else from the college either, but maybe it was time for all that to change.

  “Go and have a little bit of fun for once, Em,” Gabby said as she reached over, giving her hand a squeeze. “If anyone deserves to let their hair down and enjoy themselves, then it’s you.”

  “Okay,” Emmy nodded as she reached for the handle on the car door. “Thanks for the ride.”

  “You have my number if you need me,” Gabby said, and Emmy couldn’t help but smile.

  “Okay, Mom,” she said as she closed the door, waving goodbye to her friend before she turned and made her way up the front pathway of the house.

  The house seemed to have people bursting out of it’s seams. As she reached the front steps, she tried her hardest not to focus on the fact she was
wearing blue and red shiny hot pants, a white and red t-shirt that was cut off just above her midriff, and a pair of white sneaker platforms that were already cutting into her ankles.

  To finish her look, she was wearing pigtails, and the ends of her pigtails were dyed blue and pink.

  “Hey, baby!” a guy dress as a zombie exclaimed as Emmy walked up the front steps onto the porch. “You are definitely getting my vote for best costume tonight. DAMN!”

  Emmy smiled, but inside her heart was hammering in her chest as she hurried by him. Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the front door, stepping into the crowded hallway; she could barely think the place was so noisy. She pushed her way through the crowd and tried her best to ignore the comments from a few of the other guys who also approved of her costume.

  WHY THE HELL DID I LISTEN TO GABBY? She screamed in her mind, as she finally made her way to the kitchen. She looked around, trying to spot Adam, but then it occurred to her she recognised no one, as they were all wearing costumes too. She had no idea how she was going to spot Adam in this crowd, especially considering that she had no idea what he was dressed up as.

  This was a bad idea; she sighed as she pushed her way back out toward the front door, I should have never agreed to this.

  She had just reached the door and was about to leave when a voice she kind of recognised, called out her name.

  She turned around and saw a six-foot Frankenstein complete with green painted face, and bolts in his head, coming her way.

  “Emmy,” he said again, this time with a smile. Emmy almost recognised the boy that had sat next to her on the quad earlier that day, “That is you. You made it!”

  “I did,” Emmy said, surprised by how relieved she was to have found Adam. “Your costume is awesome.”

  “My costume?” He said with a grin, as he looked down at Emmy’s costume. “What about yours, you look sensational.”

  “It was my friend’s idea,” Emmy said as if she owed him some kind of apology.

  “Well, your friend has amazing taste,” he replied, giving her another grin. “Come on, let’s go get you a drink.”