The Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer

by Richard Clynton

  CHAPTER XXXII.

  A day having been set apart by the Buccaneer's High Priest for solemnfasts, prayers, and humiliations, to counteract as far as possible theevil effects which might be expected to arise from the impious conductof the Buccaneer, and devilish machinations of the conspirators of thecook's caboose; and all the wise men in the island having been set towork to find out the exact pressure that the ecclesiastical wrath hadupon the square inch of the social atmosphere, things sank down again totheir usual level; for no storm lasts forever.

  The captain of the watch, old Bill Dogvane, now summoned all theconspirators before him, and rated them well for their folly and want offorethought in setting the big drum of the church going. "Don't you see,my lads," he said, "that things aren't ripe yet for such a sweepingmeasure? All in good time; all in good time. But first and foremost seewhich way the wind is blowing, and which way the current sets, and then,my hearties, steer your course accordingly."

  The conspirators affected very great surprise; said that the whole thingwas a gross misrepresentation; a mere game got up entirely by RandomJack, who, having stowed himself away, had listened to a privateconversation they had had in the cook's caboose.

  "Well, my lads, I think the storm is over, and the dust this time islaid; but Chips, my man, where is your mate?" It now came out thatChisel was ashore in tow of a lass, and when a sailor is so situated heis never fit for duty.

  Just as old Dogvane was congratulating himself upon having got, as hethought, into smooth water again, there come a hail from the shore of"Ship of State, ahoy!"

  "What the devil is in the wind now?" cried Dogvane, as he took a lookover the ship's side. At the same time the Buccaneer, who was below,called up to know who it was that was calling. "Ah!" said Dogvane tohimself, "I ought to have known that that old coach was a slow one totravel."

  "Ship ahoy!" came again. "Who is that?" demanded the Buccaneer.

  "It looks uncommonly like old Squire Broadacre, sir," was Dogvane'sreply. Now this old gentleman had at one time been extremely well off,and had kept up great state and open house; keeping many retainers,feeding many mouths, but hard times had overtaken him, and he was nowsorely pinched, and even poverty was seen on the outskirts of hisproperty, and was drawing nearer to his door every day. The Buccaneerordered a boat to be sent ashore.

  "Send a boat ashore!" muttered Dogvane. "Why, a line of battle shipswould not hold him and his cargo of grievances, I know." However, a boatwas sent, and the old gentleman was ferried on board. The captain of theStarboard Watch seeing the conspirators together abreast of the cook'sgalley went up to them, saying, "A pretty kettle of fish you fellowshave put upon the fire. Here is some more of your handiwork."

  The butcher chuckled to himself, and said, "If you fellows had nippedround and caught Random Jack, all this bother would have been saved."The butcher was always criticising.

  "Ah! Billy," replied the carpenter, "like many another clever fellow,you are extremely wise after the event; you see, it is not for you totalk; if you hadn't had a nervous attack you might have caught himyourself."

  All further discussion was put a stop to by the appearance on board ofthe old squire, who seemed to be completely overcome with excitement. Hetold the Buccaneer that he had it on the very best authority that he wasto be attacked and robbed, and he came to demand protection. Of coursein the abstract being a member of the Buccaneer's family he had a rightto protection. Things, he said, had come to a pretty pass if honest folkwere to be deprived of their property without people saying with yourleave or by your leave.

  The squire, following so closely upon the heels of the church, arousedthe anger of the old Sea King, who always on such occasions, made ascapegoat of some one, and he now tried to make Dogvane perform thatmost necessary but disagreeable office, but the captain was much too olda bird to be caught either by chaff, or to have salt put upon his tail.

  Then no sooner had the fears of the old squire been somewhat allayed byDogvane declaring that it was all a party trick, than fresh troublearose; for the Ojabberaways taking advantage of the state of affairs, soacted as to stop all business, and played on board the ship their oldgame of "Mag's diversions," or the "devil's delight." But amidst allthis confusion there was one bright spot, and that was the noble way inwhich the old coxswain had acted. When the Buccaneer heard of it he wasdelighted and determined to reward him by elevating him to some highposition on board the Ship of State. Indeed, so impressed was he withold Jack's abilities, that he was for sending him at once to the UpperChamber; but Jack said he would rather decline the honour, for themembers were proud, standing very much upon their dignity, and he fearedthey might give him the cold shoulder. Besides which, he feared that asthe cook had taken a dislike to that establishment it could not lastlong. Then the Buccaneer called to him Dogvane, and ordered him to findhonest Jack some post of distinction in the after part of the ship.

  The captain of the watch demurred to this, saying it would be a mostunconstitutional thing, and he contended that to raise so ordinary apersonage as Jack Commonsense from a position that was humble to onethat was exalted, and make all at once an officer of State of him, wouldbe fraught with extreme danger. In all probability everybody wouldresign, for such an honest, straightforward fellow as the cox'sn was,would be sure to rub the whole crew up the wrong way, which everyoneknew was a most dangerous thing to do; putting the fat in every way uponthe fire. He plainly intimated that to promote Jack Commonsense wouldprobably bring about discord, which might end even in revolution."Heaven only knows, sir!" he exclaimed, "we have wrangling enough as itis on board the old ship."

  The Buccaneer thought the matter over, and said that he was considerablydisappointed, as he felt sure that Jack would not disgrace himself atthe council board. A thought seemed suddenly to strike him. "As you willnot have him here, Master Dogvane, I will make a bishop of him. Hispresence on board the old Church Hulk will be an advantage to every one,more especially in these critical times." He at once hailed the old shipalongside, and expressed his wishes. There was a solemn conclave at onceheld, and all the divines who were conspicuous for their learning andpiety were called together to consider so grave a matter, and after acareful discussion, which lasted many hours, they arrived at theconclusion that the old cox'sn could not on any account be made a bishopor given even a place of any importance on board the Church Hulk. Theyintimated that it would be more in keeping with a modest demeanour if hecontented himself with his present lot in life, and they pointed outthat pride which had turned satan himself out of Heaven was altogetherto be condemned. Besides, they said, they feared that if they gave theold cox'sn a permanent place on board their ship he would in timeundermine the whole of their authority, and bring down the sacrededifice about their ears, and that the High Priest and otherecclesiastical dignitaries would be buried in the ruins, and foreverlost to the cause of religion. The members of the Solemn Conclaveadmitted that Jack Commonsense was an inestimable and even religiousfellow, and that in the Buccaneer's realms he had nobly done his duty;but as virtue was at all times its own reward, the old cox'sn could notwant any further recompense. Besides, they added, he had received noecclesiastical education; knew little or nothing of the Levitical Law,or of the Fathers of Theology, and could not therefore be expected towrestle against the Devil's first lieutenant, Heresy.

  Thus poor old Jack's doom was sealed; but when he heard that neithership would have him at any price he was not down-hearted, but went onhis quiet way as before; giving himself neither airs nor graces like somany people do. Old Jack was not one of those ambitious, self-confident,self-seeking fellows whose only virtue is unbounded impudence, and whoare forever thrusting themselves forward, not caring two straws whofalls, or who is thrust to the wall, so long as they can struggle andkeep to the front; holding up before the eyes of the people theirfarthing dip, and swearing its light is equal to ever so many candles,or even oil lamps.

  "Well," said old Jack, as he trudged away, "if I do not rise, neithershall I
fall. Let those who like soar up on the butterfly wings ofambition, I'll have none of it myself. Sooner or later old Dame Fortuneturns round her wheel and up comes her eldest daughter and pins yourbutterfly to the earth with the sharp-pointed pin of adversity. Thenwhere are you?"