The Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer

by Richard Clynton

  CHAPTER XXXVIII.

  The event recorded in the last chapter brought the grand court to asomewhat premature but fortunate conclusion. Though many grievances weremade known, it is not recorded that a single one was remedied orredressed, and this perhaps was quite according to precedent.

  Dogvane did not see the grand court out; but for reasons of his own, heslipped away and hastened on board of the old Ship of State, where alsohe found most of his watch; for as the saying is, they seemed to havesmelt a rat. He called his merry men on deck. "Mates," he said, "myglass is falling; so likely enough we shall have a strong breeze blowingoff shore before long, therefore haul all taught, make all snug, andlook out for squalls."

  The doughty cook now spoke up, like the bold and clever man that he was."Captain," he said, "if so be that we are going to have foul weather,why not lighten the ship at once? Chuck over board a couple of dukes, ora brace of earls, or a score or so of common ordinary lords, and the oldship will ride through the storm all the better." It was wonderful, whata dislike Pepper had for the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber, and the peoplesaid there must be more in it than appeared on the face of things.Nothing the cook would have liked better than to have pickled the wholelot, when the brine would not have been wanting in strength; BillyCheeks the burly butcher would no doubt have done all the preliminarybusiness with pleasure, for he also had his eye upon the Buccaneer'sbloated aristocracy. All this was very strange, for Billy, it was said,had the very best of blood in his veins.

  Many thought that beneath the modest bearing of the cook, there lurkeda great ambition, which was no other than to put on old Dogvane's cloak,boots, and collars when nature called that worthy old salt away.

  When the cook suggested the lightening of the old ship, Chips thecarpenter raised his axe and took up a position beside the hawser thatbound the Church Hulk to the Ship of State. The butcher also drew hislarge knife and felt its edge, for he had quite regained his nerves, andwas ready for anything. Old Dogvane smiled approvingly upon their readyzeal; but said, "Steady, my lads, steady. All in good time. No occasionto jettison any of our cargo yet, however useless it may be. You, Billy,who have some smattering of legal knowledge, can explain the meaning ofthe term. But again, my lads, I ask you, how you came to set that oldchurch drum a beating? The solemn sound as you know will at all timesawaken the slumbering feelings of our master. Besides, I myself amconsiderably affected by it. I should not see that old craft cut adriftwithout a pang. But see what it has done. It has thoroughly roused ourmaster, and it has raised more devils than we probably shall be able tolay. It's ill to waken sleeping dogs, so says the proverb. The oldSquire too is on the tramp, and our master is now for poking his noseinto everything. The paint brush, my lads, the paint brush, is at mosttimes better than either the hammer, or the chisel. No offence to yourmate, Master Chips." It now came out that Chisel was still ashore, andabsent without leave, and many thought he would not come out of it withanything less than a general court martial.

  The carpenter now showed a spirit of mutiny that surprised all, andshocked both the cook and the butcher, his, at one time, friends.

  "Captain!" he exclaimed, "I've served with you now for many a day, andI've served you well; but the time has come when every honest man shouldspeak his mind. It is all very well for you to put all the blame uponour backs, but let every one bear his own burden. Why did you try theold dodge of throwing dust in our master's eyes? You know he is gettingquite accustomed to that sort of thing and can see through it. Why didyou tell him all those cock-and-bull stories about contentment, and allthat kind of stuff, and induce the old gentleman to hold the GrandCourt? Then why did you take him abroad? This it is that has raised allthe dust."

  "Well, Chips, my lad," cried the old captain, as he dashed a tear fromhis eye. "This comes hard, very hard from you. For you to turn upon me,cuts me to the very quick. Under the shadow of my wing, you have risenfrom a low position on board this old craft, to one of greatconsideration. There was much more in store for you, for I might, intime, have persuaded my master to make either a general or an admiral ofyou, or you may indeed have risen to be steward of his household. Onlythat I have a son myself who is the joy of my old age, and the veryapple of my eye, and more to me than ever Joseph was to Jacob, it ispossible that when I pass away my cloak would have fallen upon yourshoulders."

  The cook gave the butcher a look and the butcher's breathing becamelaboured under the weight of suppressed feeling. Old Dogvane continuedhis address to the carpenter: "Why did I throw dust in the old man'seyes? I am surprised that such a clever lad as you should ask such asimple question. Is it not a time-honoured custom? Have not both thewatches done it for ages past? The only error I made was that the dustwas not thick enough, and the old man saw through it, and there lies mymistake."

  The carpenter was going to answer the captain, for his mutinous spiritwas getting the better of him, but the cook seized the carpenter and ledhim away.

  Presently the old Buccaneer was seen slowly walking down to the beachand he was pestered on every side by a swarm of cheap-Jacks of everynation. They hung about him, and as the saying is, they nearly botheredthe life out of him. The poor old gentleman seemed to have sufferedconsiderably from recent events, and the sickness of his heart wasbeginning to pray upon his body. With feeble steps he laboured along andhailed the old Ship of State, but his voice wanted the cheery ring ofold.

  "Away with you, my lads," cried Dogvane, who heard the Buccaneer's call."Clear the decks, and each one to his post. Away, and leave the matterin my hands. I will below and look over the chart of public affairs andI will shape a course that will take us out of our difficulties or myname is not William Dogvane. I see the old gentleman has not hisbusy-body of a coxswain with him, so much the better for my plan. Inever could hit it off with that party. Away, my lads, to your posts."

  Each one did as he was told, though the carpenter grumbled; but the cooksaid to him: "Since when, my mate, have you learnt to change your tune?"

  "That barrel organ of yours, Master Pepper, may grind away at the sameold tune for ever for all I care; but I have my sticking point," saidthe carpenter. "At any rate I don't shilly-shally about things like oldDogvane does; but I speak out my mind like every honest man should; andlook you, my little Pepper, I'm not going to be monkey-led by any man."

  "Say you so," replied the cook. "That is a pity; I want a monkey for myorgan, and no doubt, you would dance as well as any other."

  "Not to your piping, my lad, so stow that. There is a time for allthings, Master Pepper. Your jokes and jests are well enough upon a fullstomach of contentment, but now they sound flat and feeble. Were I a maneasily moved to mirth I might laugh perhaps to-morrow. Look you now! Ifour little game had come off old William would have been with us heartand soul and then the old fox would have set all sail before a fullblast of public opinion, and have taken all credit to himself. But letthe wind be doubtful, and he is for ever trimming as if his ship were ina constant sea of doldrums; and what is more, Pepper, he is not aboveflinging a messmate overboard if it suits his purpose. I'm weary, mylad, of the company I am sailing in."

  "Ship of State ahoy!" came from the shore, and interrupted thecarpenter's grumblings. A slight breeze came off the land and shook theshrouds. "Make all taught," cried old Dogvane, "and pipe the pinnaceaway. I see the cox'sn has put in an appearance after all. I wonder whatthe devil he wants. I begin to think he is an office-seeker and aplace-hunter like the rest of the world." Having said this, Dogvanedisappeared below.

  Presently the old Buccaneer appeared on board. Not a soul was to beseen. "What!" he cried; "no one on deck. What ho! below there!"

  No answer came. He passed by the cook's galley as he went to take a lookforward. The cook could be heard reading out the following receipt:"Take one reputation of good social position and pull well to pieces,add one pound of garbage, two ounces of gall and one quart of vinegar,season well with salt and pepper, stew, stir and skim, and serve up whenready."

&n
bsp; "A savoury dish that, Master Jack," said the Buccaneer to his coxswain,who replied that at such things the cook of the Starboard Watch had notan equal, and at a dish of scandal he could scarcely be beaten. TheBuccaneer, having taken a turn round, came to the after part of theship, and there he saw old Dogvane with his head just above the aftercompanionway. "Who calls?" he asked in the most innocent mannerpossible.

  "Who calls!" cried the Buccaneer, "and is this the way you look after myaffairs? not a soul on deck!"

  "Not a soul on deck, sir!" exclaimed Dogvane, in surprise; "theneveryone must of a certainty be below." By this time many of the crewhad put in an appearance and were busy working away at their respectiveduties. Chips, having got the better of his fit of ill temper, sang ashe worked the following song:

  "My mate is ashore in tow of a lass, Cock-a-doodle, A right clever fellow turned into an ass, Cock-a-doodle, He's tied by the leg with a petticoat string, Cock-a-doodle, And never again will his cheery voice sing, Cock-a-doodle."

  The look-out man aloft being awakened, no doubt, by the voice of thecarpenter, sang out: "All's well." This was official, and Dogvane lookedupon it as a good sign. "Your ever watchful man aloft, sir, tells youthat all is well; we must perforce believe him, for he is a creditablewitness."

  "All's well, indeed!" exclaimed the Buccaneer. "What do you mean bytelling me that all is well? Are you, Master Dogvane, a knave or a fool;or do you take me to be either the one or the other?"

  "God forbid, sir, that I should make so grievous a mistake," repliedDogvane, with humility.

  "What did you mean by telling me that my foreign relations were allgood, and that my people at home were prosperous and contented?"

  "Did I say so much, master? It is on my memory that I did not go so far;I may have said that they ought to be contented. There lies thedifference."

  "Why, there is not a profession or trade, or even class that is notcrying out. My very women are rising in open rebellion. What say you tothis?"

  "It is passing strange, sir, and only adds one more proof, if it werenecessary, of the extreme ingratitude of human nature. There is scarce athing that we do not take into consideration, and so great is ourconcern for your welfare that we try to legislate for all your simplestneeds, and in time we hope that everything will work with clock-likeregularity, and if a man gets drunk even, it shall be by Act ofParliament."

  "Pray, sir," asked the Buccaneer, "what business had you below on suchan occasion as this?"

  "Sir," Dogvane replied, "I was occupied with matters of the gravestimportance; something that touches closely upon my master's honour.Master, master," he suddenly cried in an ecstasy of delight, "what thinkyou? I have glorious news; glorious news for you."

  "Glorious news! then out with it, man, for I need something to raise myspirits."

  "Sir," cried Dogvane, rubbing his hands with glee. "What think you; Ihave a concession."

  "A concession, man! A concession! that is news indeed. Do you hear,Jack, our honest Dogvane has a concession." The old cox'sn kept hissilence; but the Buccaneer was highly pleased for it was now more hiscustom to grant concessions than to receive them. There was scarcely aneighbour, or foreign relation, no matter however small, who had not gotsomething out of the old man in recent years. At one time he used tothrash his enemy first, and then grant him a concession perhaps,afterwards, and this line of action had its advantages, and in thelong-run saved very much time, trouble, bloodshed, and money. The newsof the concession brought back the blood to the old Buccaneer's jollyround face, which regularly beamed with enthusiasm.

  "Ah! Dogvane," he said, "after all you have served me well, and nomatter how you may be reviled you have proved yourself a faithfulservant. And so you have a concession!" Then an idea seemed suddenly tostrike him, for turning an anxious look upon old Dogvane, he exclaimed,"Stay! Is it a good concession; one worthy of a Sea King? It is not fromthe Calf of Man is it?" Dogvane shook his head. "Nor from either Jersey,Guernsey, Alderney, or Sark?" Dogvane again shook his head. "Has theEgyptian gipsy sent an apology and withdrawn her curse?"

  "My master is wide of the mark," said Dogvane with a smile ofsatisfaction.

  "Well, if the concession comes from neither of these quarters, MasterDogvane, I know not where to look. Stay though. Have the Ojabberawayssent an apology for all their abusive language and unseemly conduct?"

  "Not within striking distance yet, sir. Some time since, my master, youwere anxious to show our trusty friend here, Jack Commonsense, some markof your great favour. The matter is not without its difficulties; butstill it may be accomplished. Now, if your trusty cox'sn, who is anexcellent sailor, no doubt, though deemed for some unknown reasoncommon, has any royal blood in his veins, we can with the stroke of apen make either an Admiral of him, or a Field-Marshal, or even a Bishop.Then again, if he were only a rich brewer, or a successful trader of anydescription, or a supporter through thick and thin of our StarboardWatch, we could at once make him a lord of high degree."

  "What has this to do, Master Dogvane, with the concession? Why, in thedevil's name, do you torment me? Have concessions been of such frequentoccurrence in recent years that I can thus afford to dally with them?Speak out, or I will drag that unruly tongue of yours from its roots."

  Dogvane, seeing that further trifling would be dangerous, said, "Do youremember, sir, that little dispute we had with the great Bandit of theEast upon a small matter of a boundary?"

  "Yes, yes, I remember, go on."

  "And no doubt you also remember my extreme regret that we had not withus that energetic young wasp, Random Jack, so that we might have eitherbumped him on the boundary, or whipped him on the breech."

  "What has all this to do with it? Your enemies say that you are littlebetter than a wind-bag, and I verily believe they are not far wrong. Hasthe Eastern Bandit made a concession? Come, yea or nay."

  "No other."

  "Honest Dogvane, your hand. This is indeed glorious news. So you havebrought the mighty Bruin to his senses, and he has knuckled down to theLion. But go on, Dogvane, the concession."

  "If you remember, sir, we placed the matter in the hands of our faithfulfriend and ally, King Hokeepokeewonkeefum, his august majesty of theCannibal Islands."

  "I remember, man; but that part of the transaction does not give me thesatisfaction that perhaps it ought. The concession."

  "Still the same old prejudice against colour? but no matter. As--"

  "What the devil is in the man! Are we never coming to the concession?Where is this concession? Out with it, or, by my soul, I will lay mystick across your back."

  Dogvane was between two stools; he feared to trifle with his master anylonger, and he feared to make known the concession. Though no one couldhumbug the old Buccaneer like Dogvane, even he could not go too far, andhe had now come to the length of his tether.

  "Sir," said Dogvane, "we have gained a great diplomatic victory."Directly the Buccaneer heard the nature of the triumph his face fell.

  Dogvane came cautiously to the subject again. "With the aid of KingHokee I have settled your dispute without spilling one drop of Christianblood."

  "Tell me, man, at once!" cried the Buccaneer, as he raised his stickabove his head, "has the Eastern Bandit made honourable amends?"

  "He has, sir," replied Dogvane. "He has indeed done all we can in reasonexpect. The Bandit, though a Christian, is a proud man; and it is notacting generously to humble any man too much."

  "Master Dogvane, I too am a Christian, and I have my pride as well asthe Eastern Bandit."

  "You, sir, are the leader of the Christian world, and as such should seta good example. I did not say, my master, that pride was a Christianvirtue, though far too many Christians wear it as their everyday dress.Pride, indeed, is the worst of sins, and through it Satan himself fell.My master is great and noble, and all powerful; he can therefore affordto be magnanimous
. Bearing this in mind I made peace when you had beenbeaten three times in the open. Few other nations, and few other men,would have done this; certainly not the great Bandit of the East. Wouldyour other watch have had the courage to do it?"

  Thus did the cunning Dogvane run on, still evading the point of allinterest. But his master's patience was now completely exhausted, and hebrought his stick across the captain's back.

  "Softly, master," cried Dogvane, as he winced under the blow, "my coatneeds no dusting. The point is at hand. I have agreed, or arranged, orit may be that I have entered into a sacred covenant with the greatBandit of the East, that for certain considerations, hereafter to besettled and defined, you shall black his boots."

  "Black his boots!" cried the Buccaneer in amazement, "and is this yourconcession, fellow?"

  "Stay, stay, sir, not so fast," replied Dogvane. "Make haste is no doubta very good horse, but hold hard is a better. We have not come to theconcession yet. That stick is mighty hard. Stay, sir! I am coming to it.It is this. In consideration for past favours, and to promote a goodunderstanding between you both, the Eastern Bandit graciouslycondescends to find his own blacking."

  "The devil he does," exclaimed the Buccaneer, as his eyes opened widewith astonishment. "What concession is there in that, pray?"

  "A very great one, sir, considering the size of the Bandit's boots, itis little less than enormous. You might, sir, had it not been fordiplomacy, have been obliged to provide your own blacking. To get theBandit to concede this cost no end of trouble. One ambassador was quitebroken down, and several minor diplomatic officials have been renderedquite useless for the remainder of their lives. Their minds having quitegiven way, and they are left little better than babbling idiots, andevery boot they see they persist in blacking."

  The bold Buccaneer that once was, the great Sea King, the mighty trader,was struck for a few moments completely dumb. Indeed Dogvane'sconcession seemed to have benumbed his brain. His old coxswain, who hadkept a respectful silence during this long-winded palaver, now spoke,having first of all cleared his decks, as he called it. "MasterDogvane!" he cried, "the man who stoops to black a boot, will in allprobability be kicked by it before the job is finished."

  "Who asked you to put your spoke into the wheel?" Dogvane said in anunder tone, and then added aloud: "I've been thinking, sir, that wemight promote our honest friend here to some sinecure, where he will forthe rest of his days have little work and plenty of pay. We have manysuch posts at our command, but strange to say, they are all full atpresent. The keeper of the Imperial Hat is a duke; the emolument isbarely a thousand a year, but the honour is great and is much coveted.Then there is the custodian of our master's night cap, that is held byone who has royal blood in his veins, and he cannot be sent home, orabout his business."

  Dogvane's list of high offices was brought to an abrupt conclusion bythe sudden awakening of the Buccaneer, who seemed to be possessed with aspark of his old fire. His wrath burst upon Dogvane like an angry gustof wind. "Out of my sight," he cried, as he again raised his stick. Nowthe keeper of the Buccaneer's stick was another high official, who drewa goodly income for doing so. Dogvane, in his mind, determined that thisofficer should be at once replaced by one who took better care of hisbusiness. He thought, and perhaps rightly, that on such an occasion asthe present, the stick should either have been mislaid or sent to bepolished, or otherwise repaired. "Out of my sight!" cried the Buccaneer,as he brought his stick down heavily upon old Dogvane's back. "Begonethou veritable wind bag. Do you wish to thrust me down on my kneesbefore all the world? It was not by eating humble pie, fellow, that Ihave grown to what I am. Get thee hence ere I break every bone in thybody; thou weigher of scruples, thou splitter of straws. Where now isall that money I gave thee over this affair with the Bandit?"

  "Master! master!" cried Dogvane as he cowered beneath the anger of theold Sea King, and fell down on his knees before him. "Be not hard uponyour servant. Have I not served you faithfully these many long years?When I had charge of your till did you not make more money than ever youhave since? Did not your pence grow into shillings, and your shillingsinto pounds? Have not my eyes grown dim, and my hair sparse and grey, inyour service? Then bear with me a little while."

  The Buccaneer was slightly mollified. "Ah!" he said, "like many anotherold servant, you trade, Master Dogvane, upon the past, and think thatyour master will bear any amount of carelessness and bungling now forthe sake of what has been done before. If in days gone by you made moneyfor me, you have taken very good care to squander it since. But theremust be a limit to the endurance even of the best of masters. Have younot dishonoured me in the eyes of my neighbours? Is your memory so shortthat you have forgotten their reception of me? Have you forgotten thescorn of some? the indifference of others? Have you forgotten therevilings of the Egyptian gipsy? Have you not estranged my friends fromme and made me a must elephant of the herd, to wander out into thewilderness? Through you is not the charge laid against me that I haveturned my back upon my enemies, and have you not so lowered me in theestimation of my neighbours, that the smallest dog amongst them barks atme?"

  "Master--"

  "Stay, fellow! I have not finished with you yet. While you prated abouteconomy and peace you have run me deep into debt; while the wake of theold Ship of State, during the time you have been at the helm, has beenconstantly smeared with blood."

  "Good master, the blood rests not upon my head, but upon that of theother watch. All the trouble that I have got into has been owing to thedreadful inheritance they left me."

  "That, Master Dogvane, is too stale a cry to be readily believed. It isan old trick, and not altogether a reputable one, for one servant to tryand saddle another with the fruits of his own stupidity, orcarelessness. But where is that eleven millions I gave you for a certainpurpose?"

  "Good master, it is true that I have a little outrun the constable; butI have had to recompense Abdur for the damage done, and I have had tobuy his friendship. Then the stupendous preparations I made were costly,and though there may not be very much to show for the money, yet nodoubt a bloody war was averted, many lives saved, and in the long run,much money."

  "A war averted, Master Dogvane, I have been told, is only a warpostponed, and that when once put off it generally comes at a mostinconvenient time, and is likely to prove most costly. To strikepromptly and hard, experience has proved to be the better plan, and thecheapest both in men and money. Begone from my sight, fellow, for Ibegin to know thee. I may be slow to anger, but when once roused, thosewho displease me had better beware of me."

  Thus it was that old Dogvane, the captain of the Starboard Watch, fellunder his master's displeasure. As is always the case directly fortunebegins to frown on a man, his enemies crop up by the scores in everydirection, and all add a little to the victim's shortcomings, memoriesfor which are long. It is a noble idea that of not kicking a man when heis down; but it seems to be honoured well in the breach. Once let a mantrip and he is spared by few. It seems to be a law of nature to attackthe wounded. The birds of the air do it and the beasts of the field, andthe savage drives his spear into his wounded enemy. Civilisation usesother weapons than the steel-tipped ones; but they are none the lesskeen and effectual, for a wounded spirit often gets the sharp shaft ofscorn sent clean through it. There is no mark of violence on the body,but there is a wound within that never heals.

  Things went from bad to worse with old Dogvane until one day he and hiswatch were kicked, without ceremony, over the ship's side. What broughtthe final catastrophe about was that Dogvane very unwisely, or some ofhis hands, tried to tamper with the old Buccaneer's drink. Touch him onhis stomach and you made an enemy of him at once. Chips no longer sang,and Billy Cheeks, the burly butcher, was more gloomy than ever. He wasnot a man of mirth. Even his jokes were heavy, but perhaps his tradeaffected his disposition; it often does. The cheery little cook neverlost heart, and as they rowed ashore he gave them a tune on his barrelorgan, and gave them a song in which he ridiculed the prom
inent men ofthe other watch, and, as a matter of course, the members of theBuccaneer's Upper Chamber came in for their fair share of good-naturedcriticism or abuse. As has been said, no one saw a blemish in aneighbour sooner than the cook, and if that neighbour happened to be oneof the lords temporal, Pepper prodded him well with jeer, jest, andsneer.

  As Dogvane and his mess-mates rowed ashore in disgrace, several headsappeared looking over the bulwarks of the after part of the old ship.These were the occupants of the Upper Chamber, who crawled from theirstate room like rats from their holes, when the cat is away. The oldChurch Hulk seemed to awake as from a deep slumber, and presently a hymnof praise and of thanksgiving rose up and was borne upon the breeze allover the Buccaneer's island, and the hearts of all the great Churchdignitaries and their many followers rejoiced that the Lord had for thetime being saved them from the hands of the Philistines; or in otherwords from Pepper, and Billy Cheeks. All on board the old Church Hulk,and very many others amongst the Buccaneer's people, fully believed thatif once the moorings of the old Hulk were slipped and she was allowed todrift away from the Ship of State, the days of the Buccaneer would besurely numbered. Respectability declared that she could never then go tochurch, for that she certainly could not listen to a priest, who, nomatter however good a Christian he might be, was not a gentleman, for itmust be known that all Christians of the various other denominationsoutside the old Church Hulk, were scarcely deemed to belong to thatextremely rare and privileged class.