Kate Concealed

by Cindy M. Hogan

  “No worries there, Dad. I wouldn’t want to.”

  “Good. And if you discover anything you don’t understand while there, know you can always talk to us about it.”

  “Okay. What might I find?” Her heart pounded.

  “I don’t know,” he said, shrugging his shoulders acting like it was nothing. “Italy is not anything like the U.S. and if you discover you have questions, know we are here for you.” He smiled.

  If she nudged him a bit, maybe he would tell her what he really thought she might find. She might learn about the secret. She opened her mouth to speak, but then he said, “Are you still going to the beach with the Lamberts tomorrow or does Colby need that time to get ready?”

  The trip to the beach had been planned a good month ago. The Lamberts last family outing before Colby left for school. “Yep. Colby said he’ll have plenty of time to do what he needs to today to be ready for his early flight on Sunday.”

  Her dad snickered and leaned on the door casing.

  “What?”

  “Okay.” He grinned from ear to ear.

  “What?”

  “He’s a guy, but I guess he could be ready.” He shrugged.

  “It is Colby, though.” She laughed. “And, I’m sure Ellie will help him.”

  He raised one eyebrow and left.

  She squealed and grabbed her phone to tell Ellie Italy was a go, ignoring the little twinge of question she felt rush up her spine.

  ***

  Kate woke drenched in sweat, her throat dry and scratchy. It had been weeks since she’d had any nightmares about the mafia, Jersey, or her birth family. Tonight, the dreams had returned. It had to be because of all the talk about her birth mother, the mafia, traveling, and Ellie’s painting. That haunting painting. The painting that made her ache to be in her birth mother’s arms. She shook her head, trying to get the images of Carmela being shot in the head out of her mind. While her subconscious had superimposed Carmela’s face on the woman, it didn’t mean it was in fact her.

  Her dad’s words played in her mind. Life is for the living. Live, Kate.

  She pushed the memories and dreams to the side and got up. She needed to shower and then she’d feel better. She was going to Galveston with the Lamberts and she was intent on having a good time. She wouldn’t let a silly dream change that. Life was meant to be enjoyed, and she had spent the last two years living in the past, in pain, and it had to stop. It stopped now.

  Even though it was early on a Saturday, Kate’s mom stood at the stove and her dad sat at the table waiting for her, like every morning. The one thing that was different was that her sisters and twin brothers wouldn’t be joining them before she left. During the week there was school and on Sundays was church, so Saturday was the only day they were allowed to sleep in. But her parents never slept in if someone was going to be awake.

  “Morning, sweetie.”

  “Morning.” Kate sat at the table and her mom brought her two pieces of egg in the basket. They were crunchy and buttery, just how Kate liked them. “Thanks, Mom. This is delicious.” She drank her orange juice and swallowed her vitamins.

  “I’m glad you like it. You better hurry, though. Don’t you need to be at the Lamberts’ at six-thirty?”

  Kate glanced at the clock. She had two minutes. “Yep. She ran her plate to the sink and then brushed her teeth in the bathroom before grabbing her beach bag and heading for the door. Her mom and dad met her there, her mom holding out a large paper sack. “I made peanut butter cookies and put some apples and bananas in here for everyone. Make sure you say thank you to the Lamberts.”

  “I will. Love you, Mom and Dad. And thanks for the goodies. Later.” She took the bag, rushed out the door and hurried two doors down to meet up with the Lamberts.

  4

  Kate and Ellie sat in the very back of the SUV and Colby sat on one of the middle captain chairs while their parents drove and sat shotgun. There was plenty of room to spread out in the large truck. Pop rock played through the speakers and Ellie’s mom was singing along.

  Colby turned in his seat and faced the girls. He looked tired. So did Ellie for that matter and Kate felt a little run over too. She had woken three times with nightmares, only two that she could remember clearly. “So, I know why I’m beat,” Colby said. “And I know why Ellie has bags the size of Kansas under her eyes, but you, Kate, why do look like you didn’t get any sleep?”

  “You don’t want to know.” Ellie had already told Kate she’d been up all night helping Colby pack. Kate’s dad had been right.

  Ellie grabbed Kate’s arm. “Are you having nightmares again?” Kate looked at her hands. Flashes of being chased by the mafia and having her house burned down flickered across her mind. She couldn’t hide it.

  “Why?” Ellie’s mouth fell open, and her incredulous stare bored into Kate.

  Kate knew she wouldn’t be able to keep it from them even though she wanted to. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s all the talk about Jersey and traveling and stuff.” She was sure that pulling the box with the two search journals down this morning and going through each page of both hadn’t helped the situation. In her defense, she had put them back and at that very moment they were sitting hidden in the box at the top of her closet.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. The painting, too?” Ellie covered her mouth.

  “No. No. I love that.” She did love it, but at the same time it made her feel terrible too. It had definitely contributed, but no way would she let Ellie know that.

  “But, it’s making you upset, obviously.” Ellie shoved herself deeper into the bench.

  “No. It’s not. Really.” Maybe if she said it enough, it would be true.

  “That sucks, Kate.” Colby said. “I wish I could climb into your brain and get rid of all that terror.”

  A blush rushed into her cheeks. It was when Colby said stuff like that and looked so freaking sincere, that Kate’s heart swelled with admiration and love for him. “Thanks. I wish you could too.”

  “Agent Johansen is still monitoring the flights into DFW, right?” Colby put his hand on Kate’s knee.

  “As far as I know. It’s been almost a month since I’ve talked to him.” She realized he would probably want to know that she was leaving town for a few days. She’d call him later.

  “I think no news is good news.” Ellie opened her eyes wide and nodded.

  “I agree.” Colby leaned back in his chair and grinned at his sister. “I won’t mention why Ellie was up all night.” He huffed.

  Kate nudged Ellie. “Wait! I thought you were up helping Colby.”

  “Only until two,” Colby said. “At three I found her with a paintbrush in her hand.”

  “Ellie. Moderation. Remember?”

  “I had to finish it. I knew I wouldn’t be able to work on it today.”

  “Did you finish it?” Kate hoped her face only showed excitement.

  Ellie lifted her chin and exposed her neck before giving a crisp nod. “I did.”

  “It’s really amazing,” Colby said. “Life-like.”

  Kate gulped.

  Ellie’s satisfaction turned on a dime when she looked at Kate’s expression. “I thought I was doing something nice for you, but it turned out to be something bad.”

  Kate obviously hadn’t been able to hide her unease. “No. Please. Who knows why I’m having those dreams again. It’s not your fault. I really do love it.”

  “Well, you’re not going to get to see it until your birthday. Don’t even ask.”

  “I guess Italy wasn’t super great timing.” Colby frowned. “Combined with that painting, it probably sent your subconscious reeling.”

  “Why would it do that?” Kate pushed into the seat and huffed. “I wear this locket every day. The same picture is inside.”

  “Hello, you’re Italian.” He said it like that answered every question.

  Kate held back what she was going to say, suddenly realizing that she was Italian, or at least her ancestors were. “But wha
t does that have to do with anything?”

  “You’re going to Italy. Your whole soul is excited about it. Think about it. Somehow your body and mind know they’re about to be with the very people who are your people. You’ll be able to see what it is that makes an Italian—you—tick.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Kate peered out the window, watching the barren landscape go by.

  He sighed. “By going to Italy, you are getting the chance to uncover and explore your Italian-ness.”

  “I’m American,” Kate said. “Just like you and Ellie.”

  “You’ve learned to be American, but in truth you are Italian at your core. Your parents and their parents and their parents’ parents are all Italian. That makes you Italian too.” He gave a short, curt nod.

  “That’s crazy talk.” She kept her eyes fixed on the landscape out the window.

  “No, it isn’t. It’s the truth. Studies have been made that prove that who you are is determined almost solely on genetic make-up.” Colby’s voice was completely level as he spoke. He totally believed what he was saying. “You simply aren’t aware of it. It’s going to be cool in Italy because I’ll be able to see and help with some of the continuing research on this very thing while in Italy.”

  “Careful, Kate,” Ellie said. “You’re stepping into his scientific world.”

  “Shut up, Ellie.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “This is cutting edge stuff.”

  Ellie only laughed and set her head on the pillow that was wedged up against the car window.

  “My parents were American.” Kate wasn’t about to buy what he was saying. “And we don’t know anything about my birth mothers’ ancestry, let alone her parents’. Not even really about Vinny. He was most likely born in America too.”

  “Where you are born does not make you a native. They are Italians living in America.”

  “So you’re trying to tell me that my adoptive parents have had no effect on me?” Kate scoffed. What he was saying seemed ridiculous.

  “It may appear that they do on the surface, but deep down, you will end up behaving as your genes dictate. It’s science.” His determined stare seemed to look right into Kate, straight into her genes.

  Kate thought about her birth father, her uncles, her grandfather—all in the mafia, all doing terrible things—and her head throbbed. The thought of having her actions dictated by their choices sent heat to her face. “Hold on, Colby. I don’t care what your studies say. I’m not going to end up like my grandfather Salvatorio or Vinny. I would never choose to be a part of the mafia.”

  “I’m not saying you’d make that exact choice, but I am saying that you are Italian. You are a part of the Italian consciousness whether you like it or not. You may make a few choices that don’t fit. They are outliers. If you were to study the Italian people and how the majority react to the same situations it would be very similar. It’s a fact of life. Like I said, science. Just like Ellie and I make a lot of decisions based on our Englishness. It’s not good or bad. It just is.”

  “I think your science is a bunch of gunk.” Ellie stuck out her tongue, but her eyes remained closed.

  “Kate, you’re going to Italy. You may not be there long enough to see just how affected your decisions are by your Italian-ness, but hopefully, you will be able to see how similar you are in thinking and basic beliefs. It will be interesting for you.”

  “I don’t know that I want to acknowledge it even if it is true.” This was a strange concept to Kate. She had always felt her choices were her own. A few of her not-so-nice choices flitted through her mind.

  “Come on. Get in touch with your heritage. Get to know who you really are. I think you might like what you find.” He winked, hands clutched together. His sincerity was charming, but she wasn’t buying it. Not yet.

  “Maybe I don’t want to be Italian. Maybe I just want to be what I am. An American.”

  “Scientific studies do not lie. Just sayin’.” He leaned forward in his seat.

  “Well, stop saying,” Ellie spat, eyes still closed.

  Colby spun his chair around and said, “It’s okay to explore your Italian roots. Don’t be ashamed of who you are.”

  His words tumbled around Kate’s mind. Scientific studies, seriously. It couldn’t be true. It was really just the age-old question of nature vs. nurture. That would always be under debate. There would never be a true resolution of the question because it involved people and people were unpredictable. She wasn’t ashamed of who she was. She was an American. She glared at the back of the seat Colby was sitting in and turned on her headphones to finish listening to an audiobook for the rest of the four hour drive. A light snore sounded from Ellie’s direction. She was full-out. Kate wanted to tell her about the conversation between her parents that she’d overheard, but it would have to wait.

  ***

  A light breeze wrapped around Kate as she climbed out of the car and stretched. She’d fallen asleep at some point on the drive and finally felt rested. The full extent of the heat and mugginess that would claim the day hit her as they carried bags and equipment through the sand. She was glad she’d put her swimsuit on under her clothes and wouldn’t have to seek out a bathroom.

  As soon as they found their spot, equidistant from the two nearest groups, they all disrobed before setting up the umbrellas and chairs and laying out their towels. They raided the cooler and took long drags of their drinks when done. It was just after eleven and already sweltering.

  “Last one in is a beached hippo,” Colby called as he took off for the water. Everyone set their drinks down and charged after him. The water was warm. Almost too warm to be refreshing, but still felt better than the moist, hot air.

  A couple hours in, they retreated to the shade of their large umbrellas for lunch. Kate eyed her towel, thinking she could get in a quick nap. Fighting waves was tiring. Then Ellie squealed, “Oh, my goodness. The boys here are so tantalicious. Let’s go talk to those ones over there. The one with blond hair can’t keep his eyes off you.”

  Kate chuckled at Ellie’s new word, tantalicious. “Nice try. All the guys’ eyes are only on one person—you. But, if you want to go talk to them, I’ll come with you.” With Ellie’s long, tan legs, full blond hair, and blue eyes, guys couldn’t help but fall for her immediately.

  “You’ve got to at least give one of them a chance.” Ellie’s eyes were fixed on a group of six guys playing beach volleyball.

  “I don’t know.” Kate bit her lip.

  “Look. You need to forget about Duran.”

  Kate gave her friend a deadly look. They hadn’t talked about Duran for several weeks. Every time they did, contention sparked between them.

  “I don’t mean forget, forget,” Ellie backpedaled. “He’s always going to be the boy who risked everything and saved you from the mafia, but you have to move on. You can’t be with him. Ever.”

  “Why, Ellie? Why? Why can’t we be together?” Memories of the pin Duran had given her to identify her to the FBI filled her mind. The FBI had secretly removed her from their office after a raid on the Marconi’s club and reunited her with the Lamberts at the airport. Without that pin and Duran getting the FBI to save her, she’d still be in New Jersey, hidden away by the mafia doing who knows what dirty work for them.

  “He’s in New Jersey, for one. Two, he’s neck deep in the mafia: your father’s family, I might add.” Kate sighed. They’d been over this a thousand times, but it never got easier to understand.

  “But, he helped me get out. Why can’t he get out? Maybe we can do something.”

  “Kate. Come on. You know nothing can be done. We can’t do a thing to help him. And I’m going to help you forget about him and those boys over there are going to help too. Get up. We are going to do some forgetting together.” She stood up, held out her hand to Kate and smiled. Colby frowned at her. Kate huffed, but took the proffered hand and went.

  The closer they got the more obvious it was that these were college
boys. Ellie had a gift for finding and seducing all guys, but older guys were her specialty. Ellie could easily pass for college age, but Kate never felt she could. It made her feel uncomfortable, like the little sister that tagged along with her hot older sister because her mom made her. However, it made Ellie happy, so she did her best to exude college-age-ness as they sat in the sand near the court and watched. Ellie picked out a couple guys and instructed Kate to cheer for them. Exactly what she wanted to do.

  It didn’t take long for the guys to notice them and give them appreciative nods for the cheers and encouragement, but that was as far as it got. After the third game, it was obvious the guys were there for some serious play and getting with a couple of girls, to Kate’s relief, was not on the agenda. At least not today. The girls found themselves in the water again, floating and swimming and splashing while the sun continued its relentless assault on them, making it hard to find any relief from the heat.

  Ellie and Kate sat and watched Colby and his dad toss a football back and forth, occasionally throwing themselves into the waves to snag a diving catch. Ellie’s mom sat on a floaty in the water. “So, are you going to embrace your Italian-ness?” Ellie waggled her eyebrows at Kate, obviously mocking Colby and his science.

  Kate gave her a dirty look. It’d become a sore spot, something that nagged at her.

  “Whoa, that was one terrible look. I’m not saying I agree with Colby. I fell asleep somewhere during your very interesting and provocative conversation, but I do think you should explore your heritage and see what your life could have been like had you been born and raised in Italy. You may never get that chance again. What if you go with the attitude of learning about the Italian people and the what if of your life? Instead of being tourists, we could immerse ourselves as Italians. It would be fun.”

  “I don’t know if I could do that. I’ve never thought of myself as an Italian.”

  Ellie’s forehead wrinkled. “Really? But your birth parents…”

  “What I mean is, I’ve always just considered myself an American, born and raised. I’ve never entertained the thought that I was anything else and I’m not sure I want to claim that possible part of me. Seriously. That part of my history is messed up. I don’t want to identify with my mafia uncles and grandparents.”