Don't Ask, Don't Tell

by M. T. Pope

  Momma hung up on me, and I couldn’t help but shed a few tears and wipe them. Her words hurt me so badly, and why was it so hard for her to accept who I was? If she had known, why hadn’t she ever said anything to me about it? I guessed that’s why she seemed to hate me so much, but I couldn’t help who I was or who I was becoming.

  I got to Aaron’s headquarters on State Street almost an hour early. I had hoped we’d have time to talk, not about my issues, as I didn’t want to upset him before going into one of his group discussions. Truthfully, I just wanted to see him. I needed a hug right now, and since Lela worked so many hours too, and she was busy on the base, I had to settle for Aaron. Only a few cars were on the parking lot, and when I got inside, an older lady, Beverly, who did some part-time secretarial work for him, was at her desk. Another man was by the water fountain and two more people were sitting at tables to the left, making cold calls. Beverly told me that Aaron was in his office. When I got there, I stood in the doorway, looking at him on the phone. His finger went up and he smiled, appearing to be happy to see me.

  “Yes, yes, I know,” he said to the caller. “I’m excited too, and I knew that sucker was up to no good. See what else you can find out, and let’s get this information out there. He needs to be exposed.”

  Aaron paused while listening to the caller. A few minutes later, he ended the call. He stood, plucking his suspenders and smiling with a wide grin. While heading my way, he rubbed his hands together. “Brown Sugar, it looks as if this election is going to be a done deal. Jefferies has been doing all kinds of crooked things behind these people’s backs and it looks as if he’s going to be out of there. He was the only one who was leading me in the polls, but that’s about to change.”

  I walked farther into the room, but Aaron walked by me to close the door. Before he said anything else, he squeezed me tightly in his arms and kissed my forehead.

  “It’s like a breath of fresh air seeing you,” he said, rocking my body with his. “I missed you so much and I apologize for not being able to hook up sooner. But when I got back from out of town, I had so many things that needed to be dealt with.”

  I touched the side of his face, feeling awful about what I had to say to him. Now wasn’t the time, but tonight would be. I couldn’t put this off any longer, and in no way was any of this fair to him.

  “I’m so glad things are working out for you, and no worries about not being able to hook up with me. I know how important this is to you. I’m just here to offer you my support.”

  We kissed, but not for long, since his phone rang. He answered, but the caller didn’t say a word. “Hello,” he repeated, then slammed down the phone. “That shit has been working my nerves. I’m sure it’s been some of Jefferies’s supporters, trying to annoy me.”

  I didn’t even know Aaron had been getting hang-up calls. “How long has that been going on?”

  “For about two weeks,” he said, throwing his hand back. “But I don’t have time to worry about that. We need to get to the community center, and you know I don’t want to be late.”

  Aaron grabbed his suit jacket from the chair and reached for my hand. We left his office, and drove to the community center together. My mind was all over the place. I was worried about the phone calls, but not as much as I was worried about spilling my guts to him tonight. Surely, he’d understand and be thankful that I wasn’t foolish enough to let us go through with this marriage. I guess he was what I considered a reasonable man; then again, not so much.

  Either way, when we arrived at the community center, there was no place to park. We had to park on the street and walk a short distance. I wore a sheer, breezy chiffon dress that had a scarf around the neck. My Jessica Simpson pumps were pretty high, and by the time we got inside, my feet were already aching. I couldn’t wait to get a seat, just so I could step out of my shoes and relax my feet. But before I could do that, many people kept stopping Aaron to talk and shake his hand. I didn’t want to be rude, so I kept my place right next to him, continuing to smile.

  “You’re such a wonderful man,” one scantily dressed lady said to Aaron while throwing her arms around him. “You smell good, too.”

  She laughed, then looked over at me. I paid her no attention, as I was so used to women throwing themselves at Aaron, because he had a commanding presence that women admired. It was so hilarious seeing some of them dressed up at these meetings, as if they were going to a nightclub or something. None of it fazed Aaron, and his commitment to me make me feel a bit guilty for cheating.

  “Go and take your seats,” Aaron said to the crowd of people around him. “We need to go ahead and get started.”

  Everyone crowded into the meeting room that was filled with several rows of folding chairs. I took a seat in the front row, crossing my legs and watching as Aaron and the other board of directors members took their seats up front. We stood to say the Pledge of Allegiance, then the meeting was called into order. One by one the people stood, addressing their concerns and inquiring about how so many things that were wrong with the city were going to be fixed.

  An irate black man with a potbelly and sweat rolling from his forehead stood up, using his hands to talk. “I have a pothole in the middle of my street, this damn big. I’ve been calling city hall to come out and fix it, but have had no luck. When it was raining the other day, the hole filled with water, and I watched this lady and her kids in a car go right into that hole. The hole flattened her tires, and the bottom of her car slammed against the pavement, shaking up her and them kids. I had to go outside in the rain, just to see if I could get them out of that hole. So somebody tell me: what do I need to do to get somebody off their ass so we can get stuff like that done!”

  The people applauded, but one of the board members had the nerve to ask if the lady was speeding. He knew the streets around here were fucked up, but was trying to come up with excuses. The people in the room started to get louder, and that’s when Aaron spoke up.

  “Before you leave, sir, please provide me with your address so I can come out and take a look at the hole you’re referring to. I don’t know why that isn’t something we can’t fix right away, and I assure you that it will get done. It’s time to rebuild our city. We’ve got to get serious around here and the time to do it is now!”

  Nearly everyone clapped, and as they continued to bring up issues, Aaron seemed like the only one who gave good answers. His answers pleased many of the people in the room and they seemed to have a lot of faith in his mission to clean up the city and make it a better place to live. I felt as if he was capable of doing so, too, and had no problem with putting my hands together to clap.

  The crowd calmed down, and the ones who were standing took their seats. A few minutes later, a man walked in, shouting from the back of the room.

  “I got faith in you too, my brotha! A whole lot of faith. But I hear that you have a thing against gay people.” The flamboyant man stepped forward, and stood up front so that everyone could see him. “I’m gay, and I cannot and will not vote for anyone who does not respect me as a person. One who does not understand what it means for me to have the support of others, and one who often goes around downing people because of who they are. I hear that’s you, but I came here to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth. Bottom line is, I’m tired of electing politicians who make decisions about my life that do more harm than good. My partner and I have been together for nineteen years, and we deserve to have the same rights as any married couple does. Are you prepared to take your case to Washington and support Americans like me? If not, I have a whole lot of people in and around this town who will not vote for you. We’ve been discriminated against enough, and it’s time for you, and many others, to come on board.”

  The room was quiet and Aaron just gazed at the man, speechless. Normally, he’d have a whole lot to say, but this subject was obviously one that he didn’t want to touch. He was spared a few minutes, when one man stood up darting his finger. “Get your faggot ass out of here, f
ool! People like you don’t deserve to have any rights! Mr. Anderson should not be required to go to Washington to defend a small group of confused-ass people! We need jobs, our bridges and roads are crumbling, education is failing, and you up in here talking about your rights as a faggot! Who cares, man? Who in the hell really cares when we have bigger fish to fry in this country?”

  “I know that’s right,” one lady shouted.

  “Just listen to the man,” another said. “He’s got a point! All people should be treated fairly!”

  Aaron still hadn’t said one single word, and as the man walked toward him, he reached out and gave Aaron an envelope. He reached out his hand to shake Aaron’s, but he hesitated.

  The man shrugged. “What? You worried about me having a disease or something?”

  “No,” Aaron said, shaking the man’s hand. “Good day, sir. You’ve made your point.”

  “I hope so,” he said, then walked away.

  Everyone was asked to calm down, but since they didn’t, a fifteen-minute break was ordered. I noticed Aaron getting ready to open the envelope, but I got his attention before he did.

  “I’m going to go get some water. Would you like some?”

  He sighed, but smiled. “Yes, thank you.”

  I couldn’t help but lean in to give him a quick kiss, just to calm his nerves. He thanked me again, then proceeded to open the envelope. I went into the lobby and got our bottled waters from a soda machine. As soon as I got back to the meeting room, I stalled at the doorway, watching as Aaron inquisitively studied the papers in his hands. His face was twisted and a big frown was on display. Wrinkles on his forehead could be seen a mile away, and as I moved closer, the papers appeared to be photos. His head snapped up and the look in his eyes was one that I had never seen before. He turned the papers over and reached his hand out for the bottled water.

  “Thank you,” was all he said.

  I didn’t respond, but looked down again, only to see blank pages. I smiled, then walked back to my seat. I couldn’t keep my eyes off Aaron, only because he had turned the photos over again, and kept looking through them. When the meeting resumed, everyone was talking but him. His eyes kept shifting in my direction, but he never held his stare. My stomach felt queasy as I wondered what in the hell was going on. Even when I smiled at him, he placed his finger on the side of his temple and finally stared at me. A blank expression covered his face, and when I smiled, that still got no reaction from him. Finally, he stood up to address the crowd.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, I received an important call during our break. I need to go. Please direct your questions to the other board members.”

  He grabbed his briefcase and walked toward me, motioning his hand for me to walk in front of him. I stood, and with a racing heart and sweating palms, I proceeded down the middle aisle. The man who spoke earlier shouted, “What about that pothole? I thought you wanted me to give you my address so you can stop by to see it!”

  Aaron didn’t even respond. The man called him a sly motherfucker, but whatever was on Aaron’s mind must have consumed it.

  I was so nervous that he hadn’t said anything to me. When we got to his car, he unlocked the doors for us to get in.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked in a soft tone. “Are you okay?”

  Aaron didn’t answer. He opened his trunk, threw his briefcase inside, and slammed the trunk down. It shook the whole car, and when he got in on the driver’s side, all he did was turn on the radio and stare straight ahead of him as he drove.

  Whatever upset him, I knew it was about me. Maybe the man gave him pictures of me and Lela, but I was so sure that the pictures could be easily defended, if I wanted to defend them. I could easily say we’d been hanging out since I met her at the community center that night, and suggest what the big deal was. Again, defending myself would be easy. And even though I had planned on telling him the truth about where I stood in the relationship, now didn’t seem like the appropriate time to do it. His eyes showed trouble, and I was more interested in calming this situation than I was in escalating it.

  Aaron parked at his office and I followed him as he unlocked the door so we could go inside. I followed him into his office, where he laid his folder on his desk and dropped back in his chair. He wiped sweat from his bald head and then lowered his head in his hand, squeezing his temples.

  “Clo ... Please close my door,” he said. I closed the door, feeling the tightness of my stomach and a knot that was trying to form. When I turned around, Aaron was staring at me.

  “Why, Sky?” he said. I’d gotten so accustomed to him calling me Brown Sugar that him calling me Sky kind of threw me off. “How could you do this to me?”

  I played dumb. I had to, until I found out how much he knew. “Do what to you, Aaron? What are you talking about?”

  “You know damn well what I’m talking about. But I guess you want me to sit here and spell it out for you, huh?”

  “You’re going to have to, because I have no idea what you’re trying to say.”

  He stood and walked around his desk. His eyes stayed connected with mine until he reached down and opened the folder. He looked at the picture, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you had me fooled. All this time, you toyed with my fucking feelings, accepted my proposal, and told me you loved me. I believed you, Sky, but please tell me at what point did you decide that my dick wasn’t good enough for you?”

  He still hadn’t handed over the picture, and the devilish look in his eyes told me to keep with my defense.

  “Your dick has always been good enough for me. I don’t know what would make you think otherwise.”

  He shook the photo in his hand, then tossed it at my face. The photo floated before hitting the floor, and when it landed, I could have died. There was a picture of me and Lela, in a doggie-style position. She was kneeled behind me, positioning the dildo on the strap-on to enter me. My eyes were closed and mouth was wide open. I could only imagine the other pictures Aaron had, but the only words that left my mouth were, “Who in the hell took those pictures?”

  “Well, whoever it was, thank God they did!”

  I continued to look at the picture, and by now, my eyes were starting to fill with tears. I knew Aaron was about to let me have it, and that he surely did.

  “How long have you been a fucking lesbian, Sky? Why didn’t you tell me, and why in the hell would you accept my proposal, knowing damn well that you love sucking pussy more than you do dick!”

  I wiped my tears and spoke softly. “I ... I was going to tell you tonight. I’ve been planning to tell—”

  “Really?” he shouted. “You expect for me to believe that shit! You made a damn fool out of me, woman, and if you wanted to be with a bitch, why didn’t you just say so? Why allow me to waste my damn time with you? I could have found me a decent woman who appreciates a man like me! Instead, you have wasted four years of my life, Sky! Four damn years you’ve kept this secret from me! Here I am, working my ass off for the betterment of our future! And what are you doing? Around here destroying my reputation and eating pussy! I can’t believe this shit!” He swiped his hand across his desk, causing all of the pictures to fly out from the folder. I looked at some of them, closing my eyes and shamefully dropping my head.

  “I’m sorry,” was the only thing left to be said. I knew he wouldn’t believe that I had planned to come forth with the truth, so I left it there.

  “Sorry!” he said, moving closer to me. I slightly backed up, fearing that he would hit me. “Your nasty, freaky ass is sorry? Is that all you can say to me?”

  Aaron’s words stung and he had never spoken to me in such a way. I was angry and scared at the same time. Still, I wanted to get my point across so I pounded my fist on my leg and started to yell over him. “I am sorry, and I wanted to tell you so many times, but I was so afraid by the way you view gay people! I didn’t want you to criticize me, but I ... I haven’t been feeling us for quite some time. I tried, Aaron, I really tried to make th
is—”

  I couldn’t even finish before he shoved me backward, pinning me against the wall by my throat. His breathing had increased and the grip on my neck had tightened. “Get the fuck out of here, Sky,” he said through gritted teeth. “I never want to see your trifling ass again and I hope that sucking pussy will eventually bring you a lifetime of happiness.”

  He pushed me away from him, and all I could do was cry. My defense had been shut down, as he damn sure didn’t want to listen. As I turned to leave, I saw him pick up the photos. He tossed them to me, then slammed the door as I walked out.

  Feeling terrible, I wiped the flowing snot from my nose and squatted to pick up the photos. I was so mad that he had seen them, and my anger quickly turned to Lela. Did she set me up? She had to. No one else was in her house that day but me and her. I was getting madder by the minute, and as I walked to my car, I reached for my cell phone to call her. She didn’t answer, so I sent her a text message, telling her that it was urgent for her to call me. I put my cell phone back into my purse, and no sooner had I unlocked my car to get in than someone grabbed my neck, holding me in a chokehold. The smell of alcohol was strong and I could tell it was a man by the smell of his cologne. My arm was twisted behind my back, so tight that I thought he would break it.

  “I tried to warn you, didn’t I?” he said. “You’re crossing over in my territory and I won’t stand for it. Next time, it’s going to sting worse. So, move on, freak, or else Lela will be attending your funeral.”

  He let go of his grip, but pushed me so hard that I skidded to the ground. I scraped my knees and twisted my ankle, taking a very hard fall. By the time I got up, I could see Lela’s husband speeding recklessly off the parking lot and moving like a bat out of hell down State Street. Of course I was wondering what I had gotten myself into, and when I limped back inside to tell Aaron I had been attacked, he just looked at me and shrugged, having no sympathy. “What in the hell do you want me to do? I’ve been sitting here thinking about how you lied to me, Sky. When that soldier approached us on the base, you knew damn well what he was talking about. You deliberately deceived me and I ... I don’t have nothing else to say. I’m hurting right now and I want you out of here.”