Don't Ask, Don't Tell

by M. T. Pope

  “I’m on my way,” she said.

  I walked to the nearest gas station, then waited until Kate showed up. I felt so bad that she had to get the kids out of bed to come with her. She grilled me as soon as I got in the car. The kids were in the back, sleeping, so we whispered back and forth.

  “Aaron used me, Kate. He used me as a prop for his campaign and now that it’s over, he doesn’t need me.”

  Kate’s mouth hung wide open. “What?” she shouted as loudly as she could, trying not to wake the kids.

  “Those were his words, not mine. I never saw this coming, and to be used like this really hurts.”

  Kate squeezed my hand and reached in her purse to get me more tissue. “It’ll be okay. I’m really surprised, too, and Aaron didn’t seem like the kind of man who would do that kind of mess to anyone. Maybe he was hurt by the outcome of the election and his words came out the wrong way?”

  “No, they came out right. He looked me dead in my eyes and told me that he was done with me. Blamed me for all of this and threw me out of his house.”

  Kate kept trying to look over at me and could barely keep her eyes on the road. “Blame you? How could he blame you?”

  I didn’t want to tell Kate about Lela, but I had a desire to get all of this off my chest. Who better to tell about this than my sister, who I was sure would understand?

  “Kate, Aaron is blaming me for all of this because he knows that I’ve been seeing someone else. I’ve been unfaithful to him for months, and when we ended our relationship a while back, it was because he caught me cheating. We were able to patch up things, but now I know why it was so easy for him to forgive me. I cheated, while still making plans to marry him.”

  Kate shook her head. “I had no idea all of that had been going on. And if you were unhappy with him, Sky, why waste his time? Using you was wrong, dead wrong, but cheating is the ultimate betrayal. I know how hurt I was to find out Ray was cheating on me. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on my worst enemy, and I could never see myself being with another man behind his back. I can’t believe Aaron would waste over four years of your time, just to turn around to say he’s used you. That doesn’t add up, I’m sorry.”

  I was getting so upset with Kate for defending him. I knew what he’d said and I’d seen that cold look in his eyes. Maybe what I’d done had contributed to his behavior, but the more I thought about it, Aaron had this mess planned out all along. He was going to marry me if he’d won the election, and had plans to dump me if he didn’t. That was pretty obvious. “Don’t you dare defend him, Kate. That’s your take on what you would have done and I’m not you. Whether I had sex with Lela or not, the result would have been the same.”

  Kate snapped her head to the side. “Lela? You’ve been having sex with Lela? The one you brought to Momma’s house? Oh, my God, Sky! You’re gay?”

  She shouted it as if I told her I was dying or something. And it puzzled me as to why people always reacted this way. I was sure Kate’s loud voice woke up the kids, so I waited before responding. She didn’t and kept at it.

  “Are you telling me you have sex with women? And men too? That’s just nasty, Sky, and I don’t know what else to say. No wonder Momma feels the way she does about you, and after hearing something like this, I don’t blame her. I don’t blame Aaron, either, and I would have dumped you too.”

  I swear, I could have punched Kate in her face for reacting like she did. After all of the support I’d given her, her words were a slap in my face. I was so darn tired of defending who I was that I shouted to her at the top of my lungs.

  “So what, Kate! I am gay, and I may even be bisexual! Either way, take me or leave me! I am so sick and tired of people like you judging me. What gives you the right? Nothing! Not one damn single thing!”

  Kate put her finger on her lips, spraying, “Shhhhh,” from her mouth. She turned her head to quickly look back at the kids, who were moving around. “I don’t want them to hear that mess! Watch what you say around them, please! I don’t care what you do, but don’t talk that funny crap around my kids!”

  I folded my arms. “You sound just like your mother. I guess she has really rubbed off on you, and the two of you sure do have a lot in common. Failed marriages, judgmental, selfish as hell, and clueless!”

  Kate and I continued to go back and forth in the car, spewing attacks at each other. When we got back to my penthouse, she packed her and the kids’ clothes, stopping on her way out.

  “I don’t trust you around my kids, especially around my daughter. Don’t call me anymore, Sky, and good luck on being a lesbian.”

  I was done arguing about my preferences and all I did was lock the door behind Kate on her way out. No one had to worry about me, and as far as where Aaron, my mother, and Kate were concerned, I was done!

  Chapter 8

  My life was in shambles and I was lonelier than I had ever been. Basically, I had shut everyone out and tried to convince myself that that would suit me just fine. After all, they were the ones who treated me as if I had some kind of contagious disease. I knew that I was a perfectly sane woman, who simply had certain sexual preferences. What was so wrong with that? I wasn’t sure. Still, I needed someone to fill the many voids in my life. Throwing myself into work wasn’t cutting it, and to be honest, I hadn’t done much work at all. I missed the hell out of Lela, but there were no letters, as I had expected, and I had no way of getting in touch with her. I’d even called her cell phone a few times, but it went straight to voice mail for me to leave a message. None of my texts were returned, and after trying to reach her for one whole month, I finally gave up. If she wanted to get in touch with me, I was sure she would. Obviously, she didn’t, so that was yet another letdown that I was forced to deal with.

  So, on January 25, which was supposed to be my wedding day, I sat at the kitchen table with a cream short silk dress on and my hair pulled back into a neat bun. A veil covered my face and my flower-print cream shoes were on my feet. A pretty pink flower was around my wrist and diamond earrings hung from my earlobes. The tiny wedding cake that I had paid for couldn’t be refunded, so that was in front of me. I crossed my legs, forking up piece after piece. While having my own celebration, I laughed at where I was, instead of crying. I picked up the flute glass of wine to toast to myself.

  “To you, Sky Love! For always loving you!”

  I sipped from the glass and even turned on some music to dance with myself. I hated to wonder what Aaron was doing on this very day, but the thought did cross my mind.

  “Screw him,” I said, taking a few more sips from my glass. And as the night went on, I had myself a ball. By ten o’clock, I changed clothes and headed down Washington Avenue to a cozy nightclub on the corner. I could hear the R&B music thumping from outside and when I walked through the door, the place was jumping. There were a mixture of different people inside, but everyone seemed to be having a good time, bouncing up and down off of Kris Kross’s song “Jump.” They were shouting the lyrics and the dance floor was crammed. I barely made it through the door in my tight blue jeans and short black leather jacket before one man snatched my hand. My ankle boots gave me height, and the only thing underneath my jacket was a black lace bra. Needless to say, I was prepared to have myself a good time, and do so with the person of my choice.

  As I jumped to the music, so did my partner. He was all over me, but unfortunately, my eyes were not on him. I had already scanned the room, checking out as many women as I could. Some just okay, but many gorgeous as hell. None of them made me feel like Lela did when I’d first saw her, so I shook the thoughts of being with them from my head. I continued to dance, and when the DJ kicked up some Nicki Minaj, people in the club went crazy. Smoke shot down from above, white lights started spinning, and the music seemed to get louder. I was already a bit tipsy from drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when I gulped down two amaretto sours at the bar, I was starting to feel the heat. From the tips of my toes to the top of my head, I was feeling hot all over. I
was now grinding on the floor with a new dance partner, and yes, indeed, the man was sexy. Looked like a tall black stallion. Muscles were bulging from his chest that was busting through his ribbed V-neck sweater. His jeans had a relaxed fit and were held up by a polo belt buckle. His dreads were pulled back away from his face and his smile was melting my panties. Maybe because I wanted so badly to like this man, as being attracted to men, instead of women, could easy resolve my problems. We eye fucked each other for a while, then he finally leaned forward to say something.

  “What’s your name?” he asked.

  “Sky Love,” I replied.

  “Beautiful name. I’m Tony. I’m having so much fun tonight, and I am dying to get to know you better.”

  Getting to know him better was not something I was interested in. Tonight, I was here for one reason, and one reason only. “Hmmm,” I said. “I’m dying for something too, but it’s not all about getting to know you better.”

  He smiled, obviously appreciating my comment. I quickly spun around, and he held my waist, moving even closer. “Well, Sky. What exactly did you have in mind?”

  “You know, or would you prefer that I say it out loud?”

  “Nah, you don’t have to do that, but I think, or at least hope, we’re on the same page. I guess the next question I may need to ask is, my place or yours?”

  “Not quite. Let me ask the question, then you tell me. My car or yours?”

  “Okay. So you’re spontaneous. The quicker, the better.”

  “You said it, I didn’t.”

  “Mine. Because we can let the back seat down in my SUV and have at it.”

  “You’re still talking and I’m trying to get there.” My advancement was like music to Tony’s ears. I didn’t know what I was about to get myself into tonight, but I sure as hell didn’t care. I was supposed to be on my honeymoon in Jamaica right now, but instead I was in the back seat of Tony’s SUV with my legs wide open and waiting for him to put on a condom. His dick stretched at least ten inches, but even the length of it didn’t excite me. The feel of it didn’t either, and as he grunted and fucked me hard, I wanted to scream. Eventually, I did, trying to release my frustrations. He didn’t care how loud I was, and all he kept doing was strive for a nut. My voice strained as I ground on him and yelled for him to fuck me harder.

  “How hard do you want me to get?” he asked.

  “Harder, goddamn it! Don’t you know how to follow directions?”

  Pretty boy couldn’t be called out, especially not by me. He became like a beast, throwing my legs over his shoulders and rotating his hips at a fast pace. Roaring like a tiger, he started slamming into me so hard that my head was hitting against the driver’s seat.

  “This shit feels guuuuuuuuuuuud! I’m coming, girl. I’m about to let this shit gooo!”

  For the first time, I faked an orgasm right along with him. Tony’s whole body collapsed on top of me and I could barely breathe. I pushed his shoulder back, and that’s when he moved beside me. Our bodies were sticky from his sweat, which had dripped all over me. He could barely catch his breath, and when he did, my jeans were already zipped and my jacket was back on. We stood outside of his car, which was parked in an alley. He pulled me to him, securing his arms around my waist.

  “Now, that was awesome. When am I going to see you again?” he asked.

  I shrugged, being very careful about hurting his feelings. “I’m not sure, Tony. I’m kind of seeing someone else right now, and since he was out of town, I came out tonight to have a little fun.”

  “So, it’s like that? Get me all hyped about you and then break me down gently. I feel you, baby, but if you change your mind, and you ever want to go a few more rounds like that, call me.”

  Tony stuck his number in my back pocket, then patted my ass. He asked if he could drive me home, but I declined. I gave him a quick kiss, and told him good night. I walked back down Washington Avenue to my penthouse, turning my face away from the gusty wind. It had gotten colder, so I hurried to get home. But just as I was crossing over another alley, I spotted a car that looked very familiar. I squinted to get a closer look, and sure enough, the car belonged to Aaron. I recognized his license plates from Illinois, as well as a hanging air freshener that hung from his rearview mirror. From a distance, I could see someone sitting on the driver’s side, but no one was on the passenger’s side. I wasn’t sure if Aaron was behind the wheel, but as I got closer, it looked to be him. His head was dropped back on the headrest, but it didn’t seem as if he was moving. My heart picked up speed, because I was afraid that something had happened to him. I cautiously approached the car, frowning from the stench of the dirty alley that was pretty dark. A trashcan to my left was pouring over with smelly trash, causing me to cover my mouth and nose with my jacket. I inched closer, and as soon as I reached the driver’s side window, my heart dropped somewhere below my stomach. Aaron’s eyes were closed, but a longhaired blonde was bent over, giving him head. She had a tight grip on his muscle and was about to break her neck, she was working it so hard. Her saliva was dripping down it and all I could see was Aaron taking long, deep breaths. His hands were tightened in the woman’s hair, while holding her head steady. Lord knows I wanted to run from what my eyes were witnessing, but I couldn’t. I tapped hard on the window, causing his eyes to shoot open and her head to jerk up. His brows went up and I had never seen him move so fast. Nearly threw the woman to the other side, and hurried to get out of the car.

  “Wha ... Are you following me or something?” he said, standing outside of his car and quickly zipping his pants.

  I folded my arms with a mean mug on my face. No, he wasn’t my man anymore, but to see him in action like this had my mind running a mile a minute. I had to somehow or someway put the blame back on him; after all, there was a chance that he hadn’t been as faithful to me as I’d thought. “Now, why would I want to follow you, Aaron? But at least I now know that I wasn’t the one at fault for damaging our relationship. I have a feeling you’ve been creeping in alleys for a long, long time.”

  He seemed awfully nervous for a man who was always so confident. “Yeah, well, now you know. Go on about your business, because your business is no long with me.”

  “I’m so glad it’s not. And to think I was supposed to be married to you today. What a big mistake that would have been. I hope you and your blond bitch have a happy, fucked-up life together.”

  Aaron was very fidgety, and when the woman jumped out of the car, I definitely knew why. She was one ugly-ass black woman, and I’m sure he was embarrassed. “Who are you calling a bitch?” she said, rolling her neck around. “You don’t know me, boo, and I will come over there and kick your ass!”

  “Jacenthia, get back in the car,” Aaron shouted. “She’s not worth my time, or yours.”

  I could have slapped the mess out of Aaron, but since his bitch couldn’t keep her mouth shut, she and I continued to go at it. She had the nerve to rush her way over to my side of the car, trying to pull down her short mini-dress that barely covered her coochie. She pointed her long fingernail in my face and twisted her lips, which were glossed with Aaron’s cum. I twitched my nose at how trifling, ghetto, and manly-looking this trick was, and then it hit me. My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. But just to be sure, I reached out and yanked at the woman’s hair, pulling off the blond wig. Yes, it was a man! I paid no attention to “it” as he threw a fit and continued to bark. My attention was now back on Aaron, who looked embarrassed as hell.

  “Seriously!” I yelled. “You’re out here letting a man suck your dick!”

  Aaron sighed, blinked several times, and eased his hands in his pocket. “She ... we—”

  “Don’t speak for me!” it yelled, putting the wig back on. “Man, woman, whatever! If you touch my damn wig again, I will beat your ass, bitch!”

  I quickly turned to it to silence it. “I have no beef with you, okay? Now, back away from me, please.”

  It rolled its eyes, as Aaron stood s
peechless.

  I chuckled and shook my head. To me, this was so funny, as the one who always screamed the loudest about gays was always the one who had something to hide. Aaron had big skeletons, and they were running out of his closet in every direction. “You know I require no explanation,” I said, letting him off the hook. “And good luck to you, Aaron. You know I wish you well.”

  I turned, walking down the alley and still shaking my head. I looked up to even thank God for not allowing me not to go there with him. Aaron repeatedly yelled my name, but I kept it moving. I laughed when I heard him say, “Please don’t tell anyone.” He didn’t have to worry about that because he had embarrassed himself enough. And in my case, I wasn’t one to judge. If that’s what Aaron wanted, so be it.

  When I got home, I removed my clothes and took a long, hot shower. My coochie was very sore and felt as if it had taken a severe beating from Tony. I was somewhat disappointed in myself for going there like I did tonight, but at least I now knew the answer to a question that had boggled my mind for quite some time. It wasn’t Aaron, Tony, or any of the other men I’d dated before ... I just didn’t enjoy any man being inside of me, and at that very moment, I realized that I couldn’t be considered bisexual.

  The next day, I left my penthouse, being tired of hiding behind closed doors because some people had a problem accepting who I was. My first stop was at Momma’s house and it was time for her to hear me out. I’d had enough of being the little girl she could intimidate with her words, which often left me in tears and wondering why she didn’t love me. I had to get some shit off my chest, and as I stood on her porch ringing the doorbell, I was there to do just that.

  Momma opened the door, said hello, but then walked away from it. When I got inside, I turned to the right where she was sitting on the couch, looking at TV and flipping through several photo albums. Her hair was rolled in pink foam rollers and she had on a muumuu with a sweater on top of it. Several pairs of socks were on her feet, only because her house was freezing. It angered me that she chose to live like this, but I guessed she had her reasons.