Ever Lasting

by Odessa Gillespie Black

  I still couldn’t speak.

  Loud banging on the door jarred his blank gaze from my face. He was too far-gone as well.

  “Open the door, Cole!” Shelby yelled from the other side and suddenly Cole’s arms were pried from me as he fought against the invisible force of Shelby’s mind. “Cole!”

  Cole was pressed backward from me and his arms were forced to drop to his sides.

  “Could you just go away?” Cole’s glare landed on the door.

  “Don’t you take that tone with me.” Shelby opened the door without using the key. It was locked from the outside.

  I backed away from Cole as soon as I could feel my legs.

  Cole glared at his mother as she stepped toward him, looking closely at his eyes. He was too still. Shelby had to have gained control of his every movement.

  Cole looked to me with a mischievous glint in his grass-green eyes.

  “I can only hold you there for a few more seconds, but when I let you go, you had better’ve cooled off. What has happened to make you act like this?” Shelby surveyed Cole’s eyes as Kaitlyn moved toward them.

  “Something weird is going on. He has no aura and no heartbeat. I should have been able to detect his life-force. There’s nothing. Absolutely nothing.” Kaitlyn looked to me. “What’s going on?”

  “He swiped your thoughts and replaced them with new ones in case he didn’t live through the blood promise,” I said.

  “The blood promise. You two haven’t performed the ceremony yet. In fact, we had no idea that you’d even discussed it.” Shelby frowned. “Are you sure you’re feeling well, yourself?”

  “I swear. We did the ceremony.” I walked to the stools near the kitchen bar and sat down facing them all.

  Cole was finally free of his mother’s mental grip. He still stayed on the other side of the room. His eerie gaze still didn’t leave me.

  “Cole was afraid that if he died that you two would feel so guilty you wouldn’t be able to live with yourselves, so he swiped your memories of the whole wreck that killed him, his funeral, and the blood promise ceremony.” I sighed, exhausted though it was only nine o’clock in the morning. “I swear I’m not delusional. He’s just good at what he does.”

  “So why doesn’t he have a pulse? He’s supposed to live forever. That should include a pulse. We all have one back home.”

  “Your guess is as good as mine.” I didn’t tell them that since Cole hadn’t had a pulse, he’d seemed more neurotic than usual. “He’s had trouble with the shift, and he’s asked me not to be around him until he gets it under control, but we don’t know how or why he has no heartbeat. He still seems as human as you and me.”

  Cole worked his hands in and out of a fist as if he were exercising the new usage of his muscles.

  “Do we need to take you two home?” Mama approached me. She took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’ll understand if this is too much for you to tackle on your own. You should have called us.”

  “I know that. Now. I thought I could handle him, and now that I see what he’s going through, I think I can. I need to stay here with him where he’s most comfortable. I think it will help him. We can stay in touch. I’ll keep you updated, daily.”

  “You owe Allie an apology. No matter how you feel for her or how she feels for you, you should never put yourself in a position that might affect her life. If you so much as kiss, you both die after this life.”

  “You’re right.” Cole’s gaze turned from his mother’s to me. “I apologize.”

  Oddly, he didn’t look sorry. He walked around his mother and out my door.

  As soon as he was out of the room, I started shaking. The shock wore off, and I thought I was going to lose my bearings, feeling my knees wobble. I landed in a seated position on the sofa and looked up at Shelby.

  “This is the worst it’s been. He’s always backed off. Not to say that I didn’t want him to kiss me. That’s what’s changed since you last talked to me before he screwed with your memories. I’m in love with him. I always want him to kiss me, but with this blood promise thing looming over us, I have to remain strong. I’ve always relied on him for that. If you hadn’t come—”

  “He loves you,” Shelby said softly. “I don’t mean to compare your separate experiences, but this has been traumatizing to him, no matter how he puts on a show. Today, I saw a new side of him, one that could only have come from pain. This is nothing less than torture to him, so please don’t be angry with him.”

  “I’m not mad. In fact, not at all. You guys used to be my best friends so I hope you’ll understand that I really need you to be those right now instead of my family. The more he lets the bad boy in him out the worse it is on me. I think that’s why, back at home, I was always so un-attracted. He reminded me of a brother. Now that there’s a bad boy just under the surface and finding his way out from time to time, it’s a challenge to keep myself away from him. From doing something stupid.”

  “Oh. I see.” Shelby gave a nervous laugh. “Well, I’m sure when it’s all said and done, he’ll be able to retain some of that bad boy.”

  Kaitlyn squeezed my hand and kissed my cheek. “After carrying you for nine months, it’s hard to consider you more than my baby. We’ll try to remain in the backdrop, but we are here for you no matter what. I know you’re not a baby anymore. In fact, I’ve missed those times when we were all close and could have talks like this. Don’t ever feel like you’ve lost that.”

  “Don’t tell me: I haven’t lost a friend; I’ve gained a mother.” I straightened a sofa cushion.

  “And an aunt.” Shelby wagged her finger at me.

  My twin best friends hugged me and left me at the door. Before they got to the elevator, Shelby turned back. “For future reference, don’t allow him in your room.”

  “I wish you could stay and be my bodyguard.” I rested on the doorframe.

  “Then it would no longer be a test. This is between you and Cole. The both of you are going to have to pass it together. I shouldn’t have stepped in, but it was partially my fault you were left alone together.”

  The elevator door opened, but I ran out to stop the twins. “What did you hear in Cole’s thoughts that was so alarming that you almost broke the door down?”

  Shelby looked thoughtful. “Though I’ve tried out of respect for his privacy, I have never been able to completely block his thoughts. They’ve always been there, even when I really didn’t want to hear. Today, I thought to check on you two before I got out of the elevator. It’s what I didn’t hear, that bothered me. I heard nothing.”

  * * * *

  I held onto the windowsill with a death grip.

  Shelby was already at the bottom of the steps and heading down the sidewalk toward Mama. She had stopped to talk to an instructor near one of the lampposts. They seemed to be in a deep conversation.

  On the porch of the frat house, Cole watched the twins. He had the oddest look on his face. Cole cocked his head and looked up at me. He waved hesitantly. His face held a happiness that I hadn’t seen in a while, or I that might have missed during one of his shameless assaults on my sanity.

  I quickly waved and pulled the sheers shut.

  Through the thin material, he could no longer see me. His eyes remained on my window as his mother gave him a hug and said something more to him. After she walked away shaking her head, he continued to stare at my window with a baffled look on his face.

  “Sorry. Just a precaution. I have to try to make this easier for you. Not seeing me will probably be the best way. You’re having a rough time today. I’m not sure if you even remember what you just did, but it was too close for my comfort. I…I care too much about you to let you sabotage yourself—us,” I thought to Cole.

  When he looked so forlorn, I wanted nothing more in the world than to go to him and cuddle all his worries away.

  * * * *

  I texted Cole the next morning: You okay? Truth was, I missed hi
m.

  The feeling of his arms around me had stayed with me all day the day before and into the night. I’d dreamed about him all night long. About how things would be when we finally were able to talk about feelings, show our true emotions, and finally be together.

  After a few minutes, Cole responded:

  As good as I can be, all things considered. I miss you.

  My heart swelled and sank to my toes.

  I miss you. I’d tell you how I really feel, but you’d probably stop me.

  Lol. You know me so well.

  Before I could reply, I got another text.

  Why was my mother so mad at me yesterday?

  It’s okay. She was just worried about us. It’s going to be fine.

  Haven’t been able to shift.

  Is that a good thing?

  Not when I feel this hungry.

  When did that start?

  Not sure. My days are running together.

  That was the perfect excuse to see him. I responded: Do I need to come over to check on you? Do you have a fever?

  I don’t have a heartbeat. I’m pretty sure I can’t have a fever. But I have checked my temperature. It adjusts to the surrounding climate.

  Hmm. Weird.

  His arms used to be so warm. Now I would miss ever feeling them enclose me into a perfect, safe cocoon. Gotta run. I have a class in fifteen minutes.

  Cole texted: Think of me. ;)

  I always do. I stuffed my phone in my bag and headed out the door.

  * * * *

  Common Grounds became my new favorite place to catch a late breakfast, which consisted of nothing with cream or chocolate, but definitely strong coffee. I couldn’t sleep and my defenses were low.

  I missed Cole hounding the hell out of me and giving me that longing gaze after I rejected him.

  At first I thought our meeting was coincidence. I had just started going there, and he was the one with the love for all things coffee. I had a craving for a double shot of caffeine when I looked up and found him in front of me in line.

  He simply nodded to me. He didn’t seem bothered much to find me there. In fact, he seemed quite the opposite. Cole, with his coffee in hand, smiled and moved around me in the line. The stout aroma mixed with his woodsy scent filled my nostrils as he went by. Out the door he went without so much as a word.

  That day, he’d exercised his utmost good gentlemanly behavior. And the nod and little amused glance he’d given me in passing told me he still loved me.

  Maybe his soul was settling and his suffering would soon be over.

  I was okay with him being standoffish, but it helped with my sanity for us to see each other occasionally so we could reconnect.

  The next day, I wrestled my book bag so I could keep an eye on my phone as I entered Common Grounds. Cole hadn’t texted back that morning. It freaked me out when he didn’t answer within fifteen minutes.

  In the corner booth staring at me, Cole clasped his hands around a cup of steaming coffee. I thought his eyes would dry up from not blinking, but they were just as beautifully green and sparkly as they always were, only there was a look behind them that resembled a ticking time bomb.

  Anxiety quaked inside me, such a different feeling than the morning before. After he watched every single move I made with calculated awareness, I rushed out of the coffee shop, almost dropping my coffee on the way out the door. Through the window, beside a coffee cup sign, Cole’s face broke into a grin.

  He seemed almost pleased with himself.

  My phone rang almost instantly as I hurried from the shop.

  I put the coffee cup down on a bench but knocked it to the ground trying to get to my phone. I felt so crazy when that side of Cole attacked me, though he was all the way across a crowded room. The looks he gave me must have been injected with some type of drug, because they drew me in and left me craving more of him the rest of the day.

  I looked at the face of the phone and my breath caught.

  Cole.

  He hadn’t called me for weeks, or even spoken to me for that matter.

  “Hello,” I croaked with a very dry throat.

  “It’s so good to hear your voice.” His tone didn’t match the face I had just seen.

  Maybe it was my turn to be the one with weakened senses and warped perception.

  I was the one who read something into his stares.

  Hadn’t he always been a little wishy-washy with me?

  I cleared my throat. “Yeah, you too.” That sounded so intelligent.

  “I just had the weirdest feeling that I needed to check on you…have you had anymore…bad feelings…or anything that’s happened that you think I should know about?” Cole’s caring tone and sensual low voice did the same thing to me his stares did, though I was sure that he didn’t intend for that to be the case with this phone conversation. He sounded too even, too sweet.

  “Other than the normal craziness I feel without you, no. None that I can think of,” I said.

  He paused and took a slow breath. “If you’re okay, I guess I’ll let you go.”

  I hated his choice of words.

  “Cole?” My heart stuttered. I didn’t want to end the call yet.

  He didn’t answer, but I could still hear his breath.

  “I’m glad I saw you at the coffee shop.” I closed my eyes listening to him breathe into the phone. “I miss you.”

  “Just be careful. Don’t hesitate to call me if anything more happens. I’m still having a crazy feeling that something is going on. Your mom said there was nothing here but—” Cole’s words trailed off.

  “Maybe you are just hoping there is. It gives us an excuse to talk.” I gripped the phone as if it was his hand.

  “Yeah. Maybe.” He didn’t sound convinced. “Bye, now.”

  “Bye.” I waited until he hung up. I held the phone to my ear wishing he hadn’t had to go, but when I felt people staring at me because I wasn’t talking, I put the phone back in my pocket.

  The next morning a caffeine fix wasn’t enough. When I found Cole at the same table he’d occupied the day before, I had to approach him.

  The coffee shop was crowded.

  Cole couldn’t very well seduce me in a crowded room—at least it wasn’t as likely.

  I sat my coffee down on his table.

  Cole sprawled deeper into the seat and draped his arm over the bench.

  He made every simple movement so sinuous and sexy that I could no longer remember what I’d planned to use as my opening line. His jawline clenched as a slow grin spread across his face.

  “Do you always have to stare?” I finally blurted sounding mad, when really I was just so crazy in love with him that I didn’t know how to not touch him.

  I plopped safely into the booth across from him.

  “Do you always have to be beautiful?” Cole leaned toward me. The closer his face got, the more I realized that the sense of security the table between us had given me was false. He plucked a napkin from the stainless steel holder and sank back.

  That little bit of closeness sent my body into hysterics, but I clamped my shaking hands onto my coffee cup.

  “What are you drinking?” I would have to make trite conversation, until I could recall what I had planned to speak to him about.

  “A latte with a double shot of butterscotch, as usual.” His velvet voice made simple statements sound sensual. And those eyes, they bore a hole straight through my soul.

  “It would really help matters if when you looked at me, you didn’t look as if you were…” I paused quieting my voice so that the neighboring table wouldn’t hear me, “…like you’re watching porn.”

  “Funny you should make that comparison.” His voice dipped lower into a vat of velvet chocolate, with cream. Yeah, probably cream. Dear God. I had to stop.

  “And it’s my business what I fantasize about.” His gaze drifted to my neckline.

  I covered it with m
y hand. Going to his table had been a huge mistake. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

  His hand slinked across the table and grabbed mine before I could slide out of the seat. “Do you have to go so soon?”

  “I have tried every way I know to be around you, but you make it impossible.” My voice quivered. Or was that my whole body and my voice had been affected by it?

  “I can be a good boy. If that’s what you really want.” Yep. Chocolate and cream drizzle all over his tongue.

  I couldn’t pull my gaze from his. His deep grass-green eyes, his hair falling at his cheekbone, and the way he clenched his jaw as he contemplated his next move. They all worked against every wall I put up against him.

  “I want, ugh, I don’t want you to change. Just tone it down a little.” I sat back down.

  “How do you propose I do that? It’s very hard to see the sexiest thing on this whole damned planet in the same room and not have a fantasy. Or two.” His voice was smooth, low. “You don’t ever fantasize?”

  “Ok, that’s it!” I pulled my hand away and jumped up. Coffee sloshed out of my cup and onto the table and my shirt.

  “I’ve gotten you all wet.” Cole leaned back, that sadistic grin spreading over his face.

  I gasped. Leaving the mess for Cole to deal with, I jerked his cup off the table and took it in place of mine. Outside, I wanted to scream and throw his coffee at the dark brown brick wall of the building near where I parked my car, but I didn’t want to waste the caffeine that I would need to finish off this dreadful day.

  Cole seemed further and further from his soul settling, or whatever the hell it had to do for me to attack him. And that’s exactly what I wanted to do. And he knew it.

  It pissed me off how he hit the nail right on the head. I had been fantasizing about him in my dreams every night, but with every dream, the ending was more bizarre. A nice, sweet, considerate Cole would always pull me from the erotic dream into wakefulness, but he was always gone when I opened my eyes. It was as if he was rescuing me from the bad boy he couldn’t hold back with me in the dream.

  I opted for different coffee shop the next morning, about two miles from the campus. It was worth the peace of mind not having to go into the other place and know that a porn flick was playing in my boyfriend’s head as soon as I walked in the door.