Ever Lasting

by Odessa Gillespie Black

  “I’ll see you in the morning.” Cole scaled the stairs.

  I wished he didn’t have to hear every thought I had.

  He turned back to me on that one. “It’s okay. Really. I need them, the thoughts. They keep me going. If you stopped thinking, I don’t I could make it through this. They’re all I have right now.” The tortured soul turned with a sad smile and went the rest of the way up the stairs to the floor on which he was staying, which was probably as far away from me as possible.

  My mom came from behind me and looped her arm through mine.

  “You are doing very well. I’m proud.” She patted my hand. “It won’t be long now.”

  “Ten months is very long for us mortals.” I stared up the stairs, though Cole was already out of sight.

  “I understand but when it is all over, it will seem like a minute bit of your past. Time starts meaning something different for an immortal. You’ll get to be with him soon enough.” Mama pulled me to the living room.

  “So how has it been?” she said.

  I gave her a rundown of Cole’s strange behavior and how hard it was for me to be around him. I never knew if I was approaching the one who was going to allow me to spiral down into the state that I couldn’t say no to him or the one who seemed distracted and not as affected by me as I was by him. I’d never heard of such bipolar extreme emotions.

  Her excuse for his behavior was that he was probably just coping the only way he knew and for me to stay cautious and in control no matter how he acted.

  * * * *

  Thanksgiving went off without a hitch.

  Sleep seemed to help Cole more than it helped me. He slept through most of the day and the rest of our stay at home. He still seemed, on different occasions, to go from one extreme to the other, but I had gotten used to it, having had to spent so much time around him.

  When the evening meal came and we all sat down as a family, Cole would hardly look at me.

  Mama stared at Cole more than once, giving him a thoughtful look.

  She smiled at me and picked up her wine glass.

  “Cheers,” she said, but her eyes rarely left Cole.

  If there was something I needed to know, I was sure she’d find me and tell me.

  * * * *

  The holiday passed and was mostly uneventful. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas break, Cole and I had done well where self-control was concerned. For Christmas, Cole and I agreed not to exchange personal gifts.

  Everyone did the normal potluck gift routine. We’d pulled names out of hats, bought the gift for the person we’d chosen and all seemed well.

  Cole had worked with Trevor to try to shift, but to no avail, so he’d eaten all of the leftovers in the kitchen to keep his appetite quenched.

  When I slipped into his room to check on him, he was out like a sleeping baby.

  At least he didn’t look as sickly as he had at school.

  The next few months would be rough, but if he could practice the control he’d shown at home, I was sure it would fly by.

  * * * *

  Valentine’s Day came and went, but I can’t say that it was normal.

  I slept most of the day.

  Everyone in the dorm seemed jacked up on chocolate found in red ribbon–tied boxes that came from either a significant other or someone they really weren’t interested in but had taken advantage of to get the euphoric drug. At one point, I found myself hoping all of them choked on the candy.

  I pulled my pillow over my head when Nicki knocked on my door.

  “Come on. Get out of this wretched mood. I know it’s a depressing day, but I have enough chocolate out here to hype up a small village.” She held up three boxes as she approached my bed.

  I tossed a pillow at her. “If you come any closer with that vile mess, I’ll hold you down and stuff you with it.”

  “Oh, you can’t tell me you hate chocolate. I’ve seen you eat it in bounds.” Nicki took a lid off one of the boxes.

  “Not packaged that way. I hate Valentine’s Day. Always have.” I buried my face in my pillow imagining Cole in the exact same “wretched mood,” as Nicki so fittingly put it.

  A knock came at our door. I sat up. Please be Cole.

  Nicki’s eyebrow arched as she turned to answer it.

  The voice outside our door held a thick British accent. “I hate to call unannounced, but what are the chances that Allie might be in?”

  “Pretty good,” Nicki said flirtatiously. “Come in and make yourself comfortable while I get her.”

  I crawled out of bed. I could have cared less how I looked, so my frumpy sweat pants and tank top were going to have to do to greet my so-called company. I wasn’t prepared for how handsome the owner of the British accent was.

  His hair was sandy brown and his eyes were a tad darker. He smiled at me, friendly enough.

  “Hello. I’m Allie. What can I do for you?”

  The stranger’s eyes widened as he stood. “Astounding.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at how easy it was to impress foreigners.

  “I’m Grant. You might not remember me. I am one of the Kappa Phi boys, better known as the Band of Brothers.” He took my hand and shook it lightly. He let it fall and looked me over. “I see you have been out of your room about as much as our friend, but lovely all the same.”

  “Our friend?”

  “Cole’s been absolutely despondent today. It’s insane. He sees no women and the only thing that convinces me he isn’t running on a sugary tank is that I’ve seen him chatting you up more than once.” Grant smiled. “Would you please come over and see if there is anything you can do to retrieve him from that smelly room?”

  I was completely out of my head to consider going to Cole’s bedroom and being alone with him, but maybe it would do us both some good if we saw each other for a minute.

  “Let me change.” I started toward my room.

  “If you prefer, but you look absolutely lovely the way you are.” Grant’s British accent was not in the least sarcastic. There was something about a girl in pajamas that did something for guys, even if it was a T-shirt, according what I’d read in magazines.

  “I’d prefer.” I tugged my frumpy T-shirt down a little.

  “I’ll wait for you and walk you over.” He looked back to Nicki. “I don’t think I properly introduced myself…”

  * * * *

  Jeans, a T-shirt and my Adidas with three stripes down the side. Casual was best. I only wanted to check on Cole, so attractive was not my goal. With my long hair up in a messy bun, I topped off my semi-frumpy look with some lip gloss. I didn’t want to appear as forlorn as I felt.

  “I’m glad you agreed to come. Andrew was out and asked me to run this errand for him. Cole has to get up and get back to the real world. It’s been absolutely dreadful to have to watch him wallowing in self-pity or whatever the source of the smell coming from his room. I might be digging my own grave by asking him to open the door when we get up there.” Grant pinched up his nose.

  We went up to the second level of the fraternity house.

  The closer we got to Cole’s room, the more the smell was evident. Feeling bolder than ever, I marched straight past Grant. I stormed through Cole’s door with Grant following.

  Cole was lying on the bed, his arm over his face, sprawled dejectedly over an unmade bed.

  “Would you please shut the door?” He didn’t bother to look up.

  Through pinched nostrils due to the overwhelming odor, I said, “No, I won’t and you had better get up from there right now.”

  I went to his drawers and yanked out what I hoped to be clean underwear, socks, a white printed T-shirt. From his closet, I jerked jeans and a button-up shirt. Holding my breath, I tossed them to Cole, who was now sitting up on the bed.

  He stared at me as if marooned in the desert, and I was the glass of cold water he needed so badly. It was a crazed look. “What are you doin
g here?”

  Grant waved. “I’ll leave you two to talk privately.”

  “Up. Shower, shave, and put on deodorant for God’s sake! When you get back, maybe you will be able to walk in here without impaling your foot on some unknown object.” I used the most authoritative voice I could muster in the wake of the gorgeous, questioning look he chanced giving me as he stood.

  “You don’t have to—”

  “I know, I know. I don’t have to clean your room, and you’re perfectly fine, but I am already here.”

  “You’re in trouble,” Cole called to Grant, who’d just shut the door.

  While Cole showered, I lifted the window to let in the fresh wintry air. I gathered trash bags, a broom, a dust pan, and lots of disinfectant. Cole’s room was littered with bits of pizza crusts and other unknown parts of food mixed in with dirty clothes and magazines about boring stuff I’d never study, such as chemistry and aeronautics. Ugh.

  Sports equipment went in the closet against the wall. I put all the dirty clothes in the chute that lead down to the basement and cleared the bottom of the closet for Cole’s shoes.

  Within thirty minutes, I had the place tidied up and the sheets on the bed changed and remade. The room looked brand-new, but all the disinfectant in the world wouldn’t have cleared out the rank smell of various chemical reactions that had taken place between the sweaty socks and leftover food I found mixed on the floor.

  I was appalled that Cole had gotten this bad and not let on to me once during his I’m-gonna-stare-at-you-with-this-sexy-grin-till-you-fall-over sessions that there was a problem.

  I propped on the broom and pushed away strands of hair that had fallen to my face. Giving an appreciative inventory of my work, I no longer regretted crawling out of bed.

  Someone scooped the broom from my hand and spun me around.

  Cole crushed me to his chest, where my face was buried in the musky soap–freshened skin of his neck. It was the first embrace that I voluntarily embarked upon in almost half a year, and it still amazed me how our bodies fit together perfectly.

  Through my hair, he whispered, “Thank you.”

  I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and grasped him tighter.

  He needed my friendship and strength too much to pull away.

  If I detected a shift in his intent, I could be strong enough for the both of us.

  With his face nestled in my hair, Cole held me for at least a minute. His fingers moved across my back, caressing me softly, but I had to retain some level of caution.

  I backed away.

  Cole’s tight grip loosened barely as our gazes locked.

  I slinked out of his arms. “Why didn’t you call me?”

  “This isn’t the first time that I’ve been through a spell similar to this.” He looked around his room as if it were an alternate universe. Cole smiled weakly and inhaled deeply. “But this is the first time I’ve been able to breathe in here without having to stifle back vomit.”

  “If you can’t muster up the motivation to clean it, call me.” I scooped up a bag of trash standing next to the door, as if it would serve as enough obstacle to keep an immortal being from gaining access to me.

  “I shouldn’t have let it get this bad.” Cole went to the window and peered out.

  I was sure he wasn’t just speaking of the condition of his room.

  “All you had to do was come find me.” Laying the bag aside, I stroked a strand of hair from his forehead.

  He stood statue-still. His damp hair was smooth on my skin. He took a deep breath, though he no longer needed air to survive. His eyes darkened and his voice sank into me. “I miss your touch so badly.”

  “I’m…I’m sorry.” I backed away from him and turned to cover my face with my hands in exasperation. I could only imagine how it would be when we were able to be together. In a room. A bedroom. In the dark.

  “For God’s sake, please don’t.”

  “Oh,” I said surprised. “Sorry. I forget you can hear my stupid little whims.”

  “I’ve showered, shaved, and I don’t appear insane anymore. You should leave now.” Cole’s hands jerked and he trembled. He had a frantic look in his eyes. “I’m not upset! I just don’t know how to be around you. I don’t have control like you do.”

  I turned to rush from the room, but Cole took my arm and turned me around brusquely.

  His nose almost touched mine. “See, I’m not good company at all.”

  I swayed toward him.

  He used my arm to guide me to the door. “Now, go. I’ll check in with you. I promise.”

  I really didn’t want to leave.

  Cole gently shoved me out the door.

  Chapter 14

  March and April droned by.

  Summer seemed so far away.

  I made it a point to torture Cole with a call or a checkup visit at least once a week to ensure that his level of insanity wasn’t ever increasing, but with each visit I wondered if I had done more harm than good.

  He normally spoke only a few sentences. “Still not suicidal, though that would be a pointless emotion, considering. Now, go. And could you please try to keep the thoughts to a minimum? Concrete walls do not act as a filter.”

  Would him knowing all those personal longings ever not embarrass me to no end?

  I would walk across the sidewalk back to my dorm or drive to the nearest restaurant where I would order the most calorie-filled desert and devour it for comfort. The pounds were sure to start loading on my hips at any given moment.

  One evening, a week from summer break, I had a chance meeting with Cole in a local dimly lit Italian restaurant.

  From the dark corner table, Cole’s lazy gaze met mine. Behind his eyes, an air of strength and sexiness filled my extremities with lead.

  “I’m glad you chose to come here with your friends tonight. You are getting increasingly difficult to stalk.”

  “You weren’t stalking me. You were here first.” I stepped back and gave him a guarded look.

  “Don’t be angry. I overheard you making plans to come here. I wasn’t going to speak. I just like to watch you.”

  “You are so strange sometimes. Wouldn’t staring at me all night be counterproductive?”

  Cole’s sarcastic innuendo filled smile was so devastatingly sexy. “Very much so. But look at you. I could take you right here right now, and I wouldn’t care if we had an audience.”

  “Colby Kinsley. You have no shame.” Molten lava rose up my legs and stopped deep in my stomach.

  “I hear your thoughts. You like the bad boy in me more than you’d ever admit aloud.” That was an odd thing for him to say considering he always spoke of that side of him as the curse. “I won’t pull you from your friends, but when you are done this evening, I was wondering if you would like to go somewhere with me? I have something to show you. A little project, if you will.”

  As if he needed a mystery to entice me. A glance in my direction, and I was immediately drawn into his world.

  “I don’t know. You seem a little weaker this evening.” I didn’t want to dash his good mood, but it seemed that whenever he was like this he had a tendency to be weaker than usual. In fact, his defenses were slim to none.

  “I’m fine,” he said sounding confident.

  Yes, you are, I thought. “I’ll eat with the girls and then I’ll meet you back here if you are sure you are feeling up to it.”

  “I’ll be a good boy.” He squeezed my hand, but I pulled away.

  I stepped away from his table. “I’ll be over here in about thirty minutes.”

  Cole nodded, but his seductive gaze sent the molten lava in my stomach into a rolling boil. “I’m looking forward to it.”

  * * * *

  Cole

  Each time my phone rang, I jumped to search my pocket.

  A nervous convulsion started in my limbs at the thought of hearing Allie’s voice.

  Hmm. A number I didn’t
recognize. Probably a telemarketer. In this new age of technology, they had a cell phone directory passed by law so that the government could reach everyone. It was crap as far as I was concerned. There was no privacy anymore.

  Not like back in the nineteenth century.

  “Hello,” I said.

  “Mr. Kinsley. I’m calling to inform you that the heating and air people are going to be coming around to check your apartment building. They will need access to your apartment. Ah, you are apartment 2B. Yes, apartment 2B,” a man said.

  “You must be mistaken. I don’t have an apartment with you or anyone else,” I said. “This is Cole Kinsley. You have the wrong number.”

  “I looked you up in the wireless directory because you forgot to fill that part in, and if this is Colby Kindall Kinsley, then you just rented an apartment on the east side of town two days ago. 2378 Briarwood Lane, a studio apartment.” The man sounded confident of his claim.

  “How did the person renting the apartment pay for the deposit and final month’s rent?” I hoped they’d used my credit card. This would give me something out of the ordinary to pursue. Something to keep my mind off Allie. If that was possible.

  “Credit card. Master Visa.” He cleared his throat.

  “Last four digits 8989?” I said.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Are you sure that it wasn’t an Allie Kinsley. That’s my…wife.” I choked on the last word.

  “No. I met the person saying they were you and credit cards weren’t all they had as proof. The man had a seemingly valid ID. You might want to report it.” He sounded regretful, as if he was going to lose a renter. “You don’t happen to be in the market for an apartment do you?”

  This would be amusing if I hadn’t been so irritated at the world. I normally dealt with things in the most diplomatic way, but today, the combative animal inside wanted out. I should have filed a stolen identity report right away, but I decided that I wanted to get face-to-face with the thief. “I could stop in and take a look at the property. The address again?”

  I scribbled the address on the closest piece of paper I could find and cleared all my appointments for the rest of the day.

  * * * *